


52 Days

by Imaginative_Spirit



Series: 52 Days-verse [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Romance, Communication Failure, Dysfunctional Relationships, M/M, Misunderstandings, Started off as crack but then rapidly spiralled out of control, Time Loop, Time Travel Fix-It, We'll get there eventually don't worry about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2020-03-07 00:10:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 92,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18861772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaginative_Spirit/pseuds/Imaginative_Spirit
Summary: Cloud wakes up on August 11th. It’s his 16th birthday. In 52 days, Nibelheim will burn. This has happened many times before, and he’s getting angry and tired of this time loop thing. It’s time for a different approach.Sephiroth doesn't understand where this strange infantryman suddenly came from, or why he seems so determined to spend time together.(Cloud wants to get laid. Sephiroth just needs a hug. Neither of them know how to talk things out. Also, there's a time loop.)





	1. Day 1 - August 11th

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I know everyone and their mother already wrote a FFVII fic involving Cloud and time travel but I'm late to the fandom and late to the trends, and this idea wouldn't leave my head soooo here it is! I wrote this between November and March while struggling with my bachelor's degree as a semi-coping mechanism, and even though it's been literal years since I actually posted anything I wrote (especially something this long) I decided to go for it now and post this dumb thing to celebrate the remake hype!
> 
> Some things I need to note before we start:  
> 1\. There will be some smut later. Cloud, who's from a time post-AC and DoC, is mentally 24 but physically in his 16-year-old body for this fic. I also treat 16 as the age of consent in this fic anyway, because that's what I feel fits the FFVII universe best. Since it's not portrayed as such in-fic, I didn't want to tag it as underage, but since it's a bit of a grey area I thought I'd warn for it here to make sure nobody has to read anything they're uncomfortable with!  
> 2\. Since this fic is already finished there'll be regular updates, I'm thinking twice a week!  
> 3\. Some of my characterizations might be a bit different compared to their typical fandom portrayals, but this is my fic so I do what I want and that's that on that  
> ...I've already rambled way too much so I'm going to stop now

Well, fuck, here we go again, was Cloud's first thought after hearing the familiar tune of his Shinra issued alarm clock. The phantom pain of being run through with Masamune mere seconds ago throbbed in his chest but was already beginning to fade away. Yeah, trying to use physical force to stop Sephiroth from burning Nibelheim down had been a bad idea, but Cloud knew by now that any loop that reached Nibelheim was a lost cause. Even so, no matter how many times everything reset, he never felt any better about waking up here… and not just because of the annoying alarm that woke him every single time.

“Strife, turn your alarm off”, one of his squad mates groaned. Cloud sighed and crawled out of bed to turn off the annoying Shinra marching tune, and then crawled right back under the sheets. He wasn’t ready to deal with any of this. Maybe he should pull a Vincent and just sleep for a few decades to avoid all his problems… It felt far too tempting at the moment.

“Don't you have a mission today?” another squad mate asked, clearly still half-asleep.

“It's my birthday, cut me some slack”, Cloud said wearily in response and pulled the blanket over his head, desperately telling himself not to pull a Vincent. He had way more immediate concerns than everyday missions, and sleeping wasn’t going to solve them.

He gathered his thoughts and took a deep breath. Okay. New loop, new opportunities, but still the same old song. Trying to fight Sephiroth to the death didn't ever seem to work out, being trapped in a 16-year-old's unenhanced body. Not for lack of trying, of course. It was all too damn frustrating; reliving these carefree days in the infantry, far too aware that it would all culminate in the shittiest fucking day of his shitty fucking life. No matter what he did, Cloud didn't seem able to keep Sephiroth away from Nibelheim. It all ended in fire, death and misery for everyone involved, every single damn time.

Maybe he needed a different approach. A new plan. He tried to think of something, but at the moment the only thing his pissed off adult mind and hormone-addled teenage body agreed on was that they wanted to kick Sephiroth’s ass or get laid. Or... maybe even both at the same time...

...Wait. Maybe that was it. Maybe this was the different approach he needed. Either that or the last reset had scrambled his brain and ruined his capacity for rational thought completely. Probably the latter; Cloud had to be beyond reason to seriously be considering that having intense hate sex with Sephiroth would solve anything. Except his own horniness, of course, which felt pretty damn urgent at the moment.

Hell, it wasn't like any of it actually mattered at this point; everything would reset anyway. If Cloud wanted to spend this loop messing around and trying to sleep with Sephiroth, nobody could stop him. That realisation made Cloud feel slightly less helpless, and even more determined. Why the fuck not? Sephiroth was really fucking hot, and it had been far too long since Cloud last got laid – damn, technically it hadn't even happened yet! This sudden thirst for Sephiroth was kind of overwhelming, honestly, and somehow his hatred for the man just made it even more intense. Yeah, he definitely needed to get laid. Big time.

“Hey, Strife!” Someone chucked a pillow at him. “Out of bed, now! Birthdays aren’t an excuse to sleep in!”

“All right, all right, I'm getting up...” Cloud finally relented and left the comfortable safety of his bed. He was in severe need of a cold shower, and if it was anything living in the Shinra infantry barracks could provide him with, it was that. Thank you, limited Shinra budget.

After the coldest and most horrible shower of his life, he made his way into the kitchen. He found a couple other sleepy infantrymen slowly eating their breakfasts, gazing at him with bleary eyes as he approached them. Cloud met their gazes, tried his best not to look like he wanted to murder everyone in sight, and failed rather miserably at it.

“Happy birthday, Strife”, one of them said in the awkward silence that ensued. “You’re… 16 now, right? Gonna celebrate?”

“Yeah”, Cloud muttered as he grabbed the coffee pot from the counter and downed its entire contents, much to the horror of his onlookers. “Fuck it, I’m gonna get laid”, he declared out loud, overcome by a need to make the Planet – or whatever higher power it was, putting him through this horrible experience – aware of his poor life choices.

Again, he was met with shocked stares and an awkward silence, as his squad mates presumably wondered where the shy and polite Cloud Strife they’d known yesterday had vanished off to. It wasn’t worth the effort to pretend, honestly. For all they knew, Cloud had simply gone through an overnight personality change as a normal part of growing up, no time travel or years of repressed traumatic experiences involved.

“Good luck…?” one of them finally piped up in a hesitant voice, clearly unsure how to react to such a bold statement from Cloud of all people.

“Remember… to stay safe…” another even more hesitant infantryman added. Whether he was referring to contraceptive measures during sex or just Cloud's general safety in his search for carnal pleasures, Cloud didn’t know, but he kind of found the concern amusing nonetheless.

He stomped out of the barracks without waiting for any other responses. He didn’t care much about what they thought. It really wasn’t important in the long run. His first priority now… was to get some nicer clothes. The standard Shinra infantryman uniform really didn’t flatter him enough; didn’t make him stand out from the crowd, like he needed to do if he was going to get Sephiroth’s attention… to sleep with him. To actually sleep with Sephiroth. Fucking hell, he really had gone off the deep end this time...


	2. Day 2 - August 12th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the next chapter! I'm honestly completely blown away by how much positive feedback I got from just one chapter, and it's made me incredibly excited to keep updating! <3

Cloud woke up to his alarm again, feeling much more confident today, surprising all his squad mates by practically leaping out of bed. He’d made his preparations yesterday. It was time to get to work. He grabbed the new clothes he’d spent all his meagre 16-year-old’s savings on yesterday and eagerly began to get dressed.

“What’s with the sunshine and rainbows, Strife?” one sleepyhead groaned, seeming to be pretty much in the same mood that Cloud had been yesterday morning.

“Told you. I’m gonna get laid”, Cloud replied as he pulled tight pants over his hips.

“Oh, you didn’t yet?” some cheeky guy asked. “Too hard for you to find someone who can put up with you, huh?”

“Nah.” Cloud didn’t particularly care for this banter, so he decided to put an end to it immediately. He finished putting his t-shirt on and turned to look at the infantryman who had spoken to him, another guy who hadn’t even finished getting out of bed yet. “I’ve already decided who it’s gonna be.”

“Oh, really?” that same guy retorted. “Who’s the lucky one?”

“Sephiroth”, Cloud said casually as he put on his leather jacket and admired himself in the mirror. Hell yeah, he looked good. As good as a scrawny little twink could look, at least. Hopefully, Sephiroth was into that. His bold statement earned him quite a few shocked gasps.

“You’re kidding, right? No way, the Great Sephiroth would never sleep with a mere infantryman! You’d have to be in SOLDIER…”

“That’s not true, haven’t you heard the rumours?” someone protested. “I know plenty of guys in the infantry who have slept with Sephiroth! Sephiroth doesn’t care about that stuff! SOLDIER, infantry… As long as you’re willing and good-looking, Sephiroth is up for it!”

“I dunno, that kinda sounds like bullshit to me...”

“He’s right! I know a lot of guys in the infantry who say they’ve slept with him too!”

“Yeah! I heard he even sleeps with Turks!” A collective gasp drifted through the room, while Cloud finished getting dressed by putting on his snazzy new boots. All of this sounded really promising… Getting into Sephiroth’s pants might not be as much of an ordeal as Cloud had expected.

“Awesome”, he stated, glad to have his dumbass plan validated. “I’m gonna get to work with that, then.” He flipped his hair out of his face, hoping he looked handsome and cool, and was about to make his dramatic exit from the barracks and debut his new sexy self to the rest of Shinra.

“Um, Strife…” someone stuttered. “You look really good, but… you know you’ve got to wear your uniform, right? It’s against protocol not to…”

“...Right.” Cloud hesitated for a moment. “Uh…” He quickly grabbed the scarf from his uniform and put it on. The green scarf looked pretty good with his black outfit, and it really brought out his eyes… Perfect. “There. Now I’m wearing the uniform.”

Nobody protested. Instead they all just stared. Cloud took that as a good sign and offered them a friendly grin that probably came out more like a grimace, before quickly escaping the room. It was time to execute the next step of his plan. He needed a way into Sephiroth’s social circle, and he only had one option coming to mind for that.

It wasn’t a long walk from the infantry barracks to the Shinra building. Cloud hurried inside and, with a quick glance around the room, found the man he was looking for, who was predictably flirting with the receptionist. He had a carefree smile on his face, and even though Cloud had been through this so many times before, it still made his heart ache.

“Zack!” he yelled, hoping to catch Zack’s attention from across the room. Zack instantly spun around upon hearing his name, his smile quickly shifting into an overexcited grin.

“Hey! Cloud!” He came bounding over with all the enthusiasm of an oversized puppy, only barely stopping in time to avoid colliding with Cloud. “What’s up? Ooh, I like your new look!”

“Thanks”, Cloud said, suddenly feeling a bit dumbfounded. For a moment, he stopped to think about what he was doing. He carried everyone’s fate in his hands, and yet he was about to completely waste an entire loop to this dumb plan that would only sate his own selfish desires.

…But then again, none of his other attempts had worked either. Even though he messed up, he still kept ending up here, over and over again, so it wasn’t like him fucking up yet again would have any lasting consequences. Fuck it, he was rolling with this.

“Everything okay, man? You look kinda out of it…”

“I’m fine”, Cloud said quickly, putting his plan into motion. “Hey Zack, you’re friends with Sephiroth, right?” He didn’t really know much about Zack’s and Sephiroth’s relationship; he’d never taken the time to investigate it closer during the loops, due to being busy trying to keep the former alive and eliminate the latter, so all he had to go with were his own false memories of a friendly but not particularly close relationship.

“I mean… Yeah, I guess?” Zack gave him a confused look. “We’re both SOLDIER 1st Class, so we work together sometimes… How so?”

“I want to meet him!” Cloud said firmly. “Can you introduce me to him?”

“Oh no, not you too…” Zack groaned. “No amount of smooth-talking Sephiroth is going to get you into SOLDIER! That’s just a rumour! And he doesn’t do apprentices either, so don’t…”

“That’s not what this is about!” Cloud insisted, silently wondering how many hopeful infantrymen’s dreams had been ruined like this. “I just want to meet him! I’ve…” He paused, trying his best to look like a 16-year-old whose life had just been ruined, and gazed at Zack with wide eyes, his lip trembling. “…I’ve admired him for so long! I wanted to join SOLDIER so that I could meet him!”

“C’mon, Cloud, don’t look at me like that!” Zack was looking very conflicted. Cloud’s acting was working like a charm… Maybe he should try starring in one of those Gold Saucer plays again. Spending all his time playing pretend had honed his skills for sure.

“I… I just… really want to meet him, just once… Please, Zack, help me!” Cloud stuttered, grabbing Zack by the hands and dramatically falling to his knees. Okay, maybe he was taking this a bit overboard now. People were starting to look their way, and Zack was staring at him, clearly very shocked by this turn of events.

“Okay, fine! I’ll talk to him, Cloud! Don’t worry!” Zack said urgently, lifting Cloud back to his feet. “I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try!”

“Awesome. You’re the best, Zack!” Cloud said, beaming. Even though Cloud’s sudden shift in mood should’ve seemed strange, the praise seemed to relax Zack a bit; he laughed and leant in to ruffle Cloud’s hair.

“Yeah, yeah… Gotta go now, I have some missions today that desperately need the touch of a hero, but I’ll see you later!”

And with that, he was off. Cloud watched as he disappeared out through the entrance with a dash. With this, he was one step closer to Sephiroth’s bed, and hopefully one step further away from everything falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The outfit Cloud is wearing is based on the artwork Tetsuya Nomura made for Final Fantasy VII G-Bike, because I just really like it...
> 
> Also, I forgot to mention it last time, but I made a cover art for this fic! It can be found on my Tumblr [here!](https://imaginative-spirit.tumblr.com/post/185546441299/) (I hope the link works, my struggle with it was a battle for the ages)


	3. Day 3 - August 13th

First thing next morning, Cloud went to find Zack again. Once again, he found him on the ground floor of the Shinra building, this time in the middle of relaying what sounded like a tale of epic proportions about one of his missions to two SOLDIER 3rd Classes.

“…and then we killed the Behemoth and cooked the meat with a Fire Materia! Sephiroth is a surprisingly good cook even with limited resources, did you know that?”

“You can eat Behemoth?” one of Zack’s listeners asked, sounding horrified.

“You can cook with a Fire Materia?” the other added suspiciously.

“Hey, we were out in the wilderness for a week before they finally sent a helicopter for us! A mushroom-based diet gets old after a while!” Zack exclaimed, before finally noticing Cloud approaching. “Oh, Cloud! Hey!”

“Hey. Did you…” Cloud hesitated as the two 3rd Classes watched him curiously. “…do that thing I asked about yet?”

“Talk to you guys later, I have to deal with this!” Zack said and smiled at the two 3rd Classes, before grabbing Cloud by the hand and hurriedly pulling him along into a quieter corner of the room. “You know Sephiroth isn’t an easy guy to get in touch with, right?”

“So, you haven’t talked to him yet?” Cloud asked, disappointed but not really surprised. Normally, he wouldn’t be so impatient, but his constant hyperawareness of the clock ticking closer to Nibelheim was the culprit here.

“Don’t worry about it! I’ll call him right now!” Zack said hurriedly and scooped his phone out of his pocket, clearly determined not to have Cloud kneeling before him and pleading with him again. “Let’s see…” He pressed a few buttons, then lifted the phone to his ear. Cloud nestled closer, hoping to hear what was going to be said.

For ten long seconds, it didn’t seem like anyone was picking up. Cloud prepared himself for even more disappointment, until he finally heard a dreadfully familiar voice speak up on the other end.

 _“Zack… Did you need something?”_ Maybe it was just over the phone, but Sephiroth didn’t sound like he was in a good mood. Not that Cloud had ever really experienced Sephiroth in a good mood, if planet-destroying glee didn’t count.

“Hey!” Zack said cheerfully, paying it no mind. “Dude, are you doing anything later today? We should hang out!” There was no response for a moment. Zack’s expression quickly shifted into uncertainty. “Hey, Sephiroth… You still there?”

 _“What are you planning?”_ Sephiroth asked, his voice ever so slightly harsher.

“Planning? Uh, I haven’t really planned anything, we can just do whatever you want! I guess you don’t really want to go out in public, so… we can just hang out at my place! I’ll cook and everything, and we can watch a movie! It’ll be fun!” Zack was starting to ramble, and Cloud suddenly felt like he’d been caught up in something really complicated.

 _“I suppose… that sounds acceptable. Spending time, just the two of us.”_ Was Sephiroth… hesitating? It was hard to tell.

“Awesome!” Zack raised his hand and fist-bumped the air. “This friend of mine from the infantry is gonna be around too, but don’t worry! He’s really cool, you’re gonna like him, I promise…” There was another strange silence on the other end before Sephiroth spoke again.

 _“...I just realised that I’m busy today. I have missions that I need to complete. I can’t make it.”_ There was a barely noticeable shift in his tone, and Cloud couldn’t quite figure out what it meant. _“Spend time with that friend of yours instead.”_

“No, hey, wait-!” Zack started, before letting out a frustrated groan. “Oh man, he hung up! And it was going so well too! I really thought I had him!”

Well, that certainly put a big-ass dent in Cloud’s carefully crafted plan. Cloud once again put on his best puppy-eyed expression and turned to face Zack.

“So… I won’t get to meet him now?”

“Don’t worry”, Zack said, an oddly serious and determined expression on his face. “I’m going to get him to hang out with me no matter what.” And then he stomped off, leaving Cloud behind.

Cloud sighed and wandered over to sit down on the stairs, watching closely as SOLDIERs, infantrymen and various other Shinra employees rushed past him, completing their everyday duties. He really had counted on Zack for this, and now that he wasn’t sure this plan was going to work anymore, he was starting to worry.

He sat there for a while deep in thought, so deep that he began to pay less attention to his surroundings. It was only when he happened to glance up the stairs and caught a glimpse of something silver and black that his awareness snapped back into high gear.

Sephiroth looked ethereally beautiful and flawless like always as he descended down the stairs. The mere sight of him made Cloud’s heart race, but that could just be the fight-or-flight instinct kicking in. He was also filled with the unbridled, petty rage of someone who had been dealing with time loop bullshit for way too long.

And so, Cloud was compelled to do something really dumb. As Sephiroth passed Cloud by on his way down the stairs, Cloud quickly stuck out his leg. Rather than successfully tripping him, however, it simply made Sephiroth stop and turn his head towards Cloud.

Cloud froze like a deer caught in the headlights. Their eyes met and they both stared at each other. It felt like time had stopped, just like a fucking shitty romance movie. Cloud found himself waiting for Sephiroth’s cold gaze to light up with recognition, or at least with the hatred he found so familiar, but it never did. Instead, Sephiroth watched him with a complete lack of emotion, before decidedly stepping over Cloud’s raised leg and continuing on his way out of the building. Cloud watched him, barely able to breathe until he disappeared from sight.

Holy shit. Killing Sephiroth would be way easier than this, what the fuck was he even doing?

After that, any attempt at staying there to observe people felt pointless, and Cloud was still reeling from that encounter anyway. Finally, he gave up and headed for the barracks, where another cold shower was awaiting him.


	4. Day 4 - August 14th

“Hey there, Zack… Fancy seeing you here”, Cloud said, surprising Zack in the middle of his conversation with the receptionist. Zack jolted at Cloud’s sudden appearance, and so did the receptionist, probably because she hadn’t expected a guy to suddenly drape himself across her desk and knock all her papers to the floor.

“Jeez, Cloud! Be patient! You just asked me yesterday!” Zack sighed. “It’s hard to get in touch with him, okay? And it’s even harder to get him to agree to hang out! You know, I’ve never hung out with him outside of work! He’s _Sephiroth_ , not just any random guy!”

“Yeah, I get it… but I just can’t wait!” Cloud said and gave Zack the saddest look he could muster while putting his newest plan into motion. While Zack was distracted, he reached out with his hand towards the pocket of Zack’s pants, where his wallet was clearly visible. Cloud Strife, once-saviour of the world, resorting to petty theft. Everyone in AVALANCHE would’ve found this hilarious for sure… Fuck, he missed them.

“I get you, kiddo”, Zack said sympathetically and patted Cloud’s head. “Not every day you get to meet your hero, after all…”

“You’re still gonna try though, right?” Cloud asked as he swiftly snatched the wallet from Zack’s pocket and proceeded to slide off the desk. He heard the receptionist let out a frustrated sigh as she began to pick up her fallen papers.

“Well, yeah, of course!” Zack said, smiling confidently. “I’m sure he’ll be up for it eventually… when he isn’t busy!”

“Yeah… Got any missions today?”

“Oh, yeah! I really need to get to work already… I’ll see you later, man!” Zack patted Cloud on the shoulder, and then he was off.

“Good luck!” Cloud yelled cheerfully and waved after him until he was out of sight. And then he waited for about half a minute. As soon as he was sure Zack wasn’t coming back in pursuit of his lost wallet, he quickly took what he needed, before inconspicuously dropping the wallet on the floor. Hopefully, some noble soul would find it and return it to its rightful owner, and it could be the start of a beautiful friendship… Zack would probably be into that.

Trying to look as natural and casual as possible, Cloud wandered over to the elevator and stepped inside. He pressed Zack’s SOLDIER key-card against the card reader and grinned when the machine beeped affirmatively. Access to special clearance Shinra floors, granted.

He exited the elevator and found himself surrounded by members of SOLDIER. Damn, he really stood out here… At this point, he couldn’t really do much else, so he stepped out of the elevator, trying his best to look certain of the fact that he belonged there. Shinra was very confident in their security, after all. They never seemed to expect the possibility that key-cards could be stolen.

“Hey dude, you new?” a SOLDIER 2nd Class he passed by asked.

“Um, yeah”, Cloud said, deciding to just roll with it. “I was told to go find Sephiroth, you have any idea where he is?”

“Sephiroth, huh?” For a moment, Cloud expected the SOLDIER to get suspicious, but instead, he just laughed. “Oh, good luck with that, newbie. He’s in the Training Room, right around the corner.”

“Awesome. Thanks!” Cloud instantly hurried off in that general direction, more determined than ever.

“See you around, newbie! If you ever need anything, I’ll be here!”

Cloud used Zack’s key-card to open the door to the Training Room and stepped inside. There, he found Sephiroth, Masamune in hand, slicing down monster after monster, making it look completely effortless. Sephiroth seemed completely focused on what he was doing, and at first Cloud thought he hadn’t been noticed.

“What do you want?” Sephiroth suddenly asked completely casually in the middle of dodging out of the way from a monster’s attack.

“Um”, Cloud said, suddenly completely unable to recall how to act like a normal human being. Shit, how the hell was he even supposed to talk to Sephiroth? Of course, his brain defaulted to the only setting it had regarding Sephiroth that wasn’t unbridled rage… which was, naturally, excited fanboy. “Hey, Sephiroth, I mean sir, I, uh… I’ve admired you since I was a kid!”

“Is that so”, Sephiroth said. He finished off the remaining monsters with a Firaga and approached Cloud, staring him down with a cold expression on his face. “I don’t recognise you from SOLDIER, and you’re not in uniform. Are you even supposed to be here?”

“Of course I am!” Cloud said, entirely aware of how unconvincing he sounded. “I, uh…” He fumbled, trying to come up with an excuse, but Sephiroth simply shook his head.

“You should leave before someone notices that you’re wandering around in places you don’t belong.”

“But I only just got to meet you! Please don’t make me leave!” Cloud said desperately and prepared himself to dramatically grab Sephiroth’s arm and sink to his knees, but as soon as he reached out, he was violently swatted away so hard that he fell on his ass. “Ow! What’s with that?” he yelped before he could help himself.

“I told you to leave”, Sephiroth said firmly. “I have no desire to associate with fans.”

“Okay, fine then, I won’t be a fan anymore, I’ll unsubscribe from the Silver Elite newsletters and everything, I promise! I just wanna talk…!” Cloud tried to get to his feet while rambling desperately in an attempt to preserve his dignity, but Sephiroth simply huffed and began to walk away. “No! Wait!” Sephiroth stopped in the doorway and glanced at Cloud over his shoulder.

“Don’t come here again.” And with that, he was gone, and Cloud had screwed up yet another opportunity. Great, one single interaction and Sephiroth already couldn’t stand him. That was a new record for sure.

But then again, maybe this could be the perfect foundation for intense hate sex. Maybe he just had to keep pissing Sephiroth off as much as possible. He was definitely ditching the annoying fanboy act, though. It probably annoyed Cloud himself even more than it did Sephiroth, which said a lot.


	5. Day 5 - August 15th

Cloud, of course, ignored Sephiroth’s warning completely, and went back to the SOLDIER floor the next day. Again, nobody seemed to react negatively to his presence, which kind of made him wonder why Sephiroth had been so adamant to get him to leave. In fact, he actually got a really positive welcome.

“Hey! Newbie!” The same SOLDIER 2nd Class from yesterday, recognisable to Cloud only by his voice, instantly appeared before him the moment he exited the elevator. “Sephiroth didn’t murder you after all!”

“Oh, hey, um…” Cloud paused, realising he didn’t know the SOLDIER’s name.

“Name’s Kunsel!” was the enthusiastic response. “What about you? Can’t keep calling you newbie, right?”

“Cloud…” Cloud replied hesitantly, deciding that it was probably better not to reveal his full name in case Kunsel decided to investigate him. “So, uh… I met Sephiroth yesterday. I kinda thought I wanted to get to know him more, but he was being a bit reluctant and…”

“Oh, looking for a challenge, are you?” Kunsel let out a laugh. “You should probably give up on that. Sephiroth isn’t really the type to make friends, especially with new recruits.”

“That’s… not what I was going for, really”, Cloud said, rolling with the new recruit thing.

“Oh?” Even with the helmet covering his face, that smug smirk told Cloud that Kunsel definitely had this figured out. “Wanna get to _know_ him, do you? Aren’t you a bit too young for that?”

“I’m 16, that’s old enough”, Cloud replied, endlessly frustrated by this fact. He felt like this was an exchange he was going to end up going through many times. He must’ve sounded spiteful as all hell, because Kunsel quickly responded by laughing and ruffling his hair – why did everyone seem to have a compulsion to do that?

“All right, all right… I’m rooting for you then! I’m sure you can pull it off! I’m the eyes and ears of this place, and there are new stories of Sephiroth’s exploits every week! Just make sure to let him know you’re out there and you might get lucky!”

“He didn’t seem very happy about it yesterday…” Cloud admitted, wondering if the fanboy behaviour had really been _such_ a big turnoff, if Sephiroth was usually so willing to sleep with people. Everyone seemed to be saying the same thing too… What the hell was he doing wrong? “You sure it’s going to be that easy?”

“Sure!” Kunsel said, as he had no doubt in the world about it. “But you’ve got to realise something, Cloud…” He leant in closer as he spoke, his tone suddenly much more serious. “I’ve heard countless people tell stories about how they’ve slept with Sephiroth _once_. Only once. From what I’ve gathered, no one gets into Sephiroth’s pants more than once. So basically, don’t expect that he’s gonna be coming back for more.”

“Okay, sure”, Cloud said amicably, while internally deciding that he was definitely going to have to prove Kunsel wrong and break this record. He wasn’t just going to have Sephiroth come back for more – no, he was going to have Sephiroth _begging_ him for it. He was going to be the best damn lover Sephiroth had ever had. Fuck yes. Even now, he could practically imagine it, their sweaty bodies tangled together, the sound of Sephiroth’s voice-

“I thought I told you yesterday to stay away.”

…Oh. Oh, _fuck_ no. Cloud turned around. It was honestly kind of fascinating how different of a reaction the Sephiroth in his fantasies and the actual man standing behind him caused. Especially with how Sephiroth was looking at him with a decidedly unimpressed expression on his face.

“Oh! Sephiroth, sir!” Kunsel said, going from relaxed to star-struck within an instance. “Cloud seems like a promising new recruit, doesn’t he? SOLDIER will be glad to have him!”

“Cloud”, Sephiroth said and frowned irritably as he stared Cloud down. It wasn’t quite the pure hatred Cloud was used to, but at least he was getting some sort of reaction now. He, of course, glared right back, not about to be intimidated by a man he’d successfully killed three times – and been killed by even more times, but that was hardly the point. “There is no person named Cloud in SOLDIER. I oversee all the new recruits. I would know.”

He really needed a good way to get out of this situation. Something witty, something clever… Cloud looked at Sephiroth in all his glory as a thousand different options crossed his mind, but in the end, only one of them left his lips.

“Did it hurt?” _Oh no, Cloud. No, don’t do it, Cloud._

“Did… what hurt?” Sephiroth asked, his eyes narrowing. Cloud suddenly became acutely aware that Sephiroth was carrying Masamune on his person.

“You know… when you fell from heaven.” _Cloud, for FUCK’S SAKE._

The ensuing silence was probably the most awkward moment Cloud had ever experienced, and that was really something, considering he’d once been chosen as Don Corneo’s bride. Sephiroth was awfully silent, looking at Cloud like he’d grown an extra limb, which was very hypocritical of him, considering future events. Then, finally, after way too long, Sephiroth finally responded.

“Yes… but it was nowhere near the pain you’ll feel when I throw you through the window to finally get you off this off-limits floor.” Fuck, Sephiroth sounded _pissed_. For a moment, Cloud actually expected to be hurled into the air only to fall down 60 floors to his certain death, ending this disaster of a loop once and for all, but he refused to show this, and kept meeting Sephiroth’s gaze confidently. In the end, Sephiroth only huffed, before turning around and leaving, his coat and hair billowing dramatically behind him. The moment he was gone, Kunsel burst into wild, uncontrolled laughter.

“Holy _shit_ , Cloud! I can’t believe you just did that!”

“Neither can I”, Cloud replied, slightly stunned as the reality of what he had just done began to hit him. Sephiroth, the Calamity’s Son… defeated by a mere shitty pickup line.

That evening when Cloud returned to the barracks, he was fully intent on coming up with further plots on how to proceed after the most recent disaster. However, his phone suddenly buzzed, and when he checked it, he realised that Zack had sent him a message.

_hey cloud! guess who finally agreed to hang out tomorrow? ;) be at my place at 6, i’m making dinner! :D_

Cloud stared at the message for a while. He really hadn’t expected this version of the plan to work after that phone call the other day, but clearly Sephiroth was full of surprises… He quickly typed up a message to send back to Zack.

_awesome, i’ll be there :)_

As soon as he laid his head down on his pillow, he knew he wasn’t going to be sleeping at all that night. Stupid teenager nerves.


	6. Day 6 - August 16th

Cloud spent the entire day in a state of complete panic. He was going over to Zack’s place in the evening and knowing that Sephiroth was going to be there after their disastrous interactions was anxiety-inducing to say the least. It had been so many years since he had actually felt like a giddy teenager, and he honestly hadn’t missed it one bit.

He stood in front of the bathroom mirror in the barracks, desperately applying hair gel in an attempt to get his hair under control. He had already spent way too much time perfecting his eyeliner and mascara, and his squad mates were getting curious.

“What are you doing, Strife? Still trying to get laid?”

“Sure am”, Cloud said and stared at his hair before quickly ruffling it up a bit more. _It’s okay, Cloud, you look good enough, no amount of hair gel is gonna save you_ , he tried to tell himself, but the only thing that did for him was to give him a sudden desire to lay down on the bathroom floor and astral project himself into another dimension where Sephiroth didn’t exist.

“You know, maybe you could try to find someone who isn’t Sephiroth, that might be easier…”

“But then it wouldn’t be Sephiroth”, Cloud retorted, and nobody had a good response to that. Of course, he knew they were right; finding someone else would probably be better. However, there wasn’t really any other way for Cloud to get exactly what he wanted. He couldn’t have hate sex if he didn’t hate the person, after all. And out of the people Cloud hated, Sephiroth was by far the most attractive one. Cloud was desperate to get laid, yes, but he wasn’t _that_ desperate.

Finally, Cloud decided to give up and just head over to Zack’s place already. He knew that Zack, being a SOLDIER, didn’t live in the barracks like the infantrymen did, but instead got his own apartment on one of the higher floors of the Shinra building. He’d been invited there in previous loops several times… maybe even the first time around, when he had actually been 16, but he couldn’t remember for sure.

Having a key-card easily got him to the right floor, and he was about to use the key-card to open Zack’s door as well until he realised that doing that was an awful idea. So instead, he simply knocked on the door and waited.

“Oh! That must be him!” he heard Zack yell on the other side of the door, followed by footsteps approaching fast. And then the door was flung open by Zack, who was wearing an apron and had white stains of something mysterious all over his face. “Hey, you’re here!” Zack grinned eagerly.

“What’s that on your face?” Cloud asked suspiciously.

“Oh, it’s just cream. I tried to make a cake… but things kinda went a bit wrong…” Zack let out a laugh. “Wait… how did you even get here? This place is off-limits, and I just realised I never told you where I live!”

“Oh. Well…” Cloud had forgotten that this Zack hadn’t told him where he lived. Damn. “…I asked around! Some guys from SOLDIER helped me get onto this floor and showed me the way!”

“Ah, makes sense! Those guys are great!” Zack said, accepting his excuse without further questioning. “Come on in, then!” He disappeared back into the apartment, and Cloud trailed after him.

“I thought you were making dinner, not cake.”

“Who says cake can’t be dinner?” Zack grinned.

Zack’s apartment looked just like it had during other loops when Cloud had been in there. Cosy, somewhat chaotic, pictures of him and Aerith everywhere… The only thing that stood out was Sephiroth, sitting on Zack’s couch and picking chocolate candies out of a bowl on the living room table. The weirdest thing was that he wasn’t in uniform. He was still wearing leather pants and boots, but instead of his coat, he was wearing a simple grey button-up shirt. Cloud couldn’t help staring.

“All right! Now I can introduce you two!” Zack yelled excitedly. “Cloud, meet Sephiroth! I’ve got to get back into the kitchen, you two get to know each other!” He dashed into the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone.

Sephiroth looked up, his neutral expression quickly shifting into one of alarmed recognition. Cloud approached him and sat down next to him, trying to act as casual as possible.

“Hi”, he said cautiously. “Look, I’m sorry about last time. Can we start over?” He offered Sephiroth what he hoped was a charming enough smile.

“It’s you again”, Sephiroth said, sounding unimpressed. “You managed to get Zack in on this conspiracy too? Or maybe it was his idea to begin with…”

“I wouldn’t say it’s a conspiracy…” Cloud said and leant in closer. “I just really want to get to know you.” He wasn’t sure if he’d ever been this close to Sephiroth in any situation that didn’t involve fighting to the death. It was so strange; Sephiroth was sitting here, right next to him, and he… smelled really good. Was that vanilla?

“Getting to know me isn’t going to get you into SOLDIER”, Sephiroth replied, frowning. Damn, why was that the first assumption everyone made?

“That’s not what I meant”, Cloud said, deciding to be bold and reaching forward to place his hand on Sephiroth’s thigh. “I was thinking something more… personal.” His hand was swiftly pushed away by Sephiroth, who strangely enough seemed alarmed by the touch.

“I…” Sephiroth didn’t meet Cloud’s gaze as something that looked a lot like uncertainty drifted briefly across his face. “…I don’t know…” When he finally turned back to look at Cloud again, his gaze had grown cold and stern again. “I’m not interested in insignificant infantrymen offering me company. You should stop this, whatever it is you’re doing.”

“Insignificant?!” Cloud almost wanted to burst into laughter. Sephiroth, calling the one person who would become his equal, the only one who would ever defeat him… insignificant. It was so horribly ironic. “You can’t just say shit like that, you don’t even know me!”

“I meant…”

“I don’t care what you meant!” Cloud cut him off. “Just because I’m an infantryman you don’t get to underestimate me!” He had taken enough shit from Sephiroth in his life. Once upon a time, he would never have dared to speak to him like this. Sephiroth seemed surprised too, raising his eyebrows at Cloud.

“You certainly are awfully mouthy for an infantryman.”

“Oh, I can do a lot of things with my mouth…” Cloud grinned. “Let’s get to know each other. We could go out for coffee.” Better to start slowly. Sephiroth didn’t seem like he was inclined to rush things. Weird, not what he expected at all after all the stories he’d heard about Sephiroth…

“I don’t drink coffee”, Sephiroth deadpanned.

“Okay, um… Maybe a bar then?” Cloud suggested. He wasn’t about to give up now. A bar could work too. Getting drunk was the thing he wanted second most after getting laid, after all.

“No. Are you even old enough to drink?”

“Oh, c’mon…” Cloud sighed. “Let’s go see a movie, then.” Making out in the movie theatre… yum.

“I prefer books.”

“The library, then!” Cloud said, gritting his teeth.

“The most comprehensive library in this city is in the Shinra building, and you’re not allowed in there.” Sephiroth smirked. “Not that it seems to concern you much.”

“…Star-gazing?” Cloud asked pleadingly.

“You can’t even see the stars in Midgar.”

“Hey guys! The cake is ready!” Zack came storming back into the living room with incredible speed, cake in his hands, clearly completely oblivious to the drama he just interrupted.

“Zack, don’t run with-”, Sephiroth started. And then, of course, Zack stumbled on the carpet and the entire cake flew off the plate, splattering all over the floor. All three of them stared at the remains of the cake in stunned silence for a moment.

“Aww, shit”, Zack said. Then he sat down and began to scoop the mess back onto the plate with his hands. “Hey, it’s fine, it’s still totally edible!”

“I should leave”, Sephiroth said and stood up abruptly.

“No, wait!” Zack yelled and began scooping up the cake with even more fervency. “I can fix this, I can-”

“It’s not your fault, Zack. I got a message from the President. He needs me to sort something out”, Sephiroth said, grabbing a pencil and a piece of paper from the table, quickly writing something down on it before handing it to Cloud. “Maybe now you can stop going to restricted areas to talk to me”, he said and gave Cloud a smug look before disappearing past Zack and out the door. Cloud stared at the string of numbers for a moment before it finally hit him.

“Aww, man!” Zack groaned as the door shut. “I spent so much time making this cake for us! He clearly likes sweet things too…” He eyed the empty chocolate bowl and sighed. “Cloud, are you gonna help me eat this cake?”

“…Yeah”, Cloud said and pocketed the phone number. “Yeah, of course.”


	7. Day 7 - August 17th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's that? You want to know Sephiroth's thoughts about all of this? Well, you're in luck, because not all chapters are from Cloud's POV... ;)

While he hadn’t _actually_ needed to see the President urgently – simply using it as an excuse to, well, excuse himself – Sephiroth had gone to see him anyway. Unfortunately, the President, as always, had a lot to say; the meeting had lasted well into the night and Sephiroth quickly found himself regretting his decision immensely. It had given him nothing but a bunch of more paperwork that urgently needed to be filled in. He had stayed up until an ungodly hour to get it all done in time and had promptly fallen asleep on his couch still half-dressed.

What eventually woke him up was the buzzing of his phone. Drowsily, he pulled it out of his pocket and checked it, noticing he had a bunch of new messages from an unfamiliar number, sent evenly throughout the last hour.

_hey…_

_hey!!_

_sup?_

_u alive?_

Sephiroth squinted, still barely half-awake, and wondered if he needed to block the number, before deciding against it for now and sleepily typing up a reply. Hopefully it was just someone texting the wrong number and not a rabid fan who had somehow managed to get a hold of his number. He considered immediately informing this mysterious someone that he was, in fact, not interested at all, no matter what the widespread – and wildly inaccurate – rumours said about his promiscuous nature, but decided to give it the benefit of the doubt, just in case.

_Who is this?_

He sent the text and considered just going back to sleep, until he remembered that he had a lab appointment with Hojo today. Of course, this only made him want to go back to sleep even more, but he was already late and Hojo tended to get cranky when left waiting for too long, so he reluctantly got up just in time for the reply text.

_it’s cloud…_

Oh. Of course. Cloud the unruly infantryman. Sephiroth had almost forgotten his impulsive decision to give Cloud his number yesterday. He wasn’t sure why exactly he’d done it; perhaps there was just something intriguing about an infantryman who dared stand up to the hero of SOLDIER…

_I see. I just woke up._

He put his coat on and made a quick detour to the bathroom to brush the worst tangles out of his hair. Cloud texted back just as he finished with that.

_kay. wanna hang out today? ;)_

Cloud really didn’t know when to quit, did he? Sephiroth had never had to deal with someone this persuasive who was so completely unintimidated by him before… What was the motive behind it anyway? There was no way Cloud was just another mindless drone in an endless row of fans. A fan would never talk to him like this. Sephiroth knew he should probably find it more annoying than he did, but there was something amusing about the whole thing. It was so odd, yet strangely endearing.

_I’m busy._

With that, he grabbed Masamune and prepared to head out. He opened the door and stepped outside, wondering exactly how much pain he would be in upon his return and if he should be bringing painkillers, when there was suddenly a weight clinging to his right arm.

“Busy, huh?” Cloud asked smugly. “You sure you’re not just playing hard to get?”

“How did you get here?” Sephiroth asked and shook his arm to make Cloud let go. If Cloud kept wandering around on restricted floors, he was bound to get hurt. Hojo in particular was eager to use unfortunate lost infantrymen for experiments, and if Sephiroth could help it, he wasn’t going to let that happen.

“Zack told me where your apartment was”, Cloud said and opened a small plastic box, stuck his finger into it, and brought it out again. It was now covered in cream. He slowly licked it off, not taking his eyes off Sephiroth from even a moment, a peculiar smile on his face. “He thought you might want some of the cake leftovers.” He dipped his finger in cream again, this time reaching up and placing it against Sephiroth’s lips. Sephiroth distinctly felt like he was missing at least three social cues, but he stuck his tongue out and licked the cream off anyway. Cloud’s smile grew wider.

“I really am busy”, Sephiroth said firmly and began to walk towards the elevator.

“Okay, I don’t care!” Cloud replied brightly and followed him. “I’ll come with you! Maybe I can help you with killing monsters or whatever you’re doing!”

“No!” Sephiroth snapped. The thought of someone else being there with him to see what happened during his lab appointments made him feel sick. He couldn’t let anyone see him in such a state, especially not an infantryman. What if Cloud found out and told everyone that the Great Sephiroth was actually just a pathetic lab rat…? That would be even worse than all the current rumours going around about him, because this one would actually be true…

“Oh c’mon, I might be more useful than you think!” Cloud said as they reached the elevator. “Where are we going?”

“You’re not coming with me”, Sephiroth said. “This is an order. You’re leaving, now.”

“Make me”, Cloud retorted, and suddenly he was back in Sephiroth’s personal space, too close for comfort. “What are you gonna do? Throw me out a window? I don’t care. I don’t fear death.”

Sephiroth wasn’t actually sure what he was supposed to do in this situation. Usually when he gave people orders, they obeyed, out of some combination of respect and fear. But Cloud seemed to have a distinct lack of both of those… How had he even been accepted into the infantry with this attitude?

The elevator door opened. All at once, the situation went from uncomfortable to so much worse.

“Oh, there you are!” Hojo stepped out of the elevator, eyeing Sephiroth with distaste. “What has been taking you so long? I have told you many times not to make me wait!”

“My apologies”, Sephiroth said, keeping his voice cold while trying his best to ignore his suddenly rapid heartbeat. “But I have other responsibilities.”

“None as important as my experiments”, Hojo huffed. “Let’s get going. You’ve wasted enough of my time as it is.” He was about to turn around and head back into the elevator, but then his eyes fell on Cloud. “Oh? And who might you be?”

“I’m just… a deliveryman”, Cloud said and put the box of cake in Sephiroth’s hands. Sephiroth couldn’t help noticing how Cloud’s entire body had grown tense and how warily he was eyeing Hojo. And with that, Cloud pushed past Hojo into the elevator. Sephiroth felt a wave of relief hit him as the elevator doors slide shut.

“Hmph. What deliveries have you been getting?” Hojo stepped closer, adjusting his glasses as he peered down at the box in Sephiroth’s hands. “What _is_ that?”

“A cake”, Sephiroth stated.

“A cake”, Hojo repeated and tugged the box from Sephiroth’s hands. “How many times do I have to tell you this? You know that sugar isn’t part of your permitted diet.” He tucked the box into his lab coat and pushed the elevator button, giving Sephiroth a disappointed look.

“I… forgot”, Sephiroth said. They both knew Sephiroth never forgot instructions he had been given.

“You’re a bad liar, boy”, Hojo grumbled as the elevator doors opened. “Hurry along, now. We have plenty of work to do.”

“Of course, Professor.” Sephiroth followed along, consoling himself with the knowledge that at least his secret chocolate stash in the apartment was still safe. He was definitely going to need it after this.


	8. Day 8 - August 18th

No matter how many of these loops Cloud went through, he could never seem to get used to seeing Hojo again. Sephiroth was easy; he hadn’t truly feared Sephiroth since fighting him above the ruins of the Shinra building during the Geostigma crisis, way before the time loop nonsense started. No matter how many times a loop ended with Cloud’s insides getting intimately acquainted with Masamune, that wasn’t going to change.

Hojo, though? Hojo was a lurking threat that always ended up ruining things for Cloud. Cloud had tried many times to get rid of Jenova in various ways, but it just never seemed to work out. If he waited until the actual mission to Nibelheim, Sephiroth inevitably ended up getting in the way somehow, and if he tried to go back earlier, Hojo would grow suspicious of the infantryman from Nibelheim suddenly leaving and come chasing after him with hordes of infantrymen, or worse, sic Sephiroth on him.

Oh yeah. Sephiroth… He hadn’t looked pleased to see Hojo yesterday. Cloud knew that Sephiroth didn’t like Hojo much – not that anyone did – but Hojo had mentioned something about experiments… It really rubbed Cloud the wrong way, as someone who had gone through the experience of being Hojo’s test subject. He decided to try texting Sephiroth.

_so what happened with hojo yesterday?_

Several hours passed. Cloud got no reply. He stalked around the lower floors of the Shinra building, avoiding the higher ones to stay clear of Hojo, but there was no sign of Sephiroth anywhere. Frustrated, Cloud sent him another text.

_hey, u alive?_

Again, a few hours went by, and he got no reply. He decided to use this opportunity to dramatically drape himself across the staircase, inconveniencing everyone passing by. He tried to remind himself that Sephiroth had no obligation to respond to his texts, that he was a busy man, and that Cloud wasn’t going to be that annoying, desperate, overly clingy guy who didn’t know when to quit…

…oh no, to hell with that. Sephiroth had killed him and ruined his life so many fucking times that he definitely owed Cloud a good fuck. Even though he technically hadn’t done any of it yet. Cloud being a little annoying over text was nowhere near that.

_seriously, dude. are u just ignoring me??_

“Hey, what’s up, Cloud?”

“Huh?” Cloud looked up to find Zack staring down at him, along with a SOLDIER 2nd Class… Kunsel? Cloud really couldn’t tell members of SOLDIER apart when they were wearing those helmets. “Oh, have either of you guys seen Sephiroth?”

“He went to see Hojo yesterday, and he tends to take a few days off whenever he does that”, Kunsel, because of course it was Kunsel, said.

“What does he do when he goes to see Hojo anyway?” Cloud asked.

“We all have to see Hojo for our Mako injections”, Zack said. “But that doesn’t exactly put us out of business for several days… I don’t know, maybe he gets special, stronger injections or something.”

“Nah, it’s probably just because Shinra spoils Sephiroth!” Kunsel laughed. “The poster child needs special treatment… We all know they pamper him a lot, I hear he even gets away with refusing missions!” Zack looked like he was about to say something in response to that, but he ended up closing his mouth and staying silent.

Cloud wondered what to believe. It couldn’t be that bad, could it? Shinra needed Sephiroth in excellent condition as much as possible, after all… His phone finally buzzed, and he quickly pulled it out of his pocket, eager to see what Sephiroth had responded with.

_Not feeling well. Stop._

Seriously? So blunt. So rude. Couldn’t he at least apologise for not responding earlier? Cloud rolled his eyes and typed up a response.

_what do u mean? how bad can it be?_

“I don’t think they spoil Sephiroth, really…” Zack said, finally seeming to have decided to continue this conversation. “Now that he’s Shinra’s only poster child, he’s got a lot more responsibilities…”

“That just means he gets even more special treatment, Zack! Now that there’s nobody else who can do his job even near as well as he can, they have to depend completely on him to be the one-man army!” Kunsel said.

Cloud didn’t really care about these conflicting details anymore, but even still, Zack and Kunsel continued squabbling about Sephiroth’s privileges. Getting replies from Sephiroth was way more interesting right now, so Cloud stopped listening. The next reply he got, however, wasn’t as satisfying as he had hoped.

_VERY bad. Trust me._

Okay, clearly Sephiroth wasn’t going to elaborate. Damn, Cloud would really have liked to get more details. Why did Sephiroth have to play so hard to get? Frustrated, Cloud quickly typed up a reply.

_ok, fine. don’t tell me. asshole…_

Maybe he should go over there and see for himself how Sephiroth was doing. In that case, he would be able to tell if Sephiroth was just exaggerating. And if he wasn’t, Cloud would get to see Sephiroth being sick, which was definitely something that he wanted to experience. It would give him the strength to keep going for many loops to come.

That settled it. He was definitely going to go over to Sephiroth’s place tomorrow. He had never been in there before… Maybe it could lead to something steamy… Yeah, this could be exciting. He should bring sweets.

“Hey Zack, Sephiroth likes sweets, right?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah”, Zack said, shaken out of his intense discussion with Kunsel. “He raids my cupboards for chocolate on the rare occasions he comes over… That’s why I was so excited about baking that cake too…” He groaned, shaking his head. “Oh, my beautiful cake…! The good sure do die young…”

“What, dude? You’ve managed to get Sephiroth to come over to your place?” And so, Zack and Kunsel were engaged in yet another heated discussion about Sephiroth. Cloud took that moment to get out of there. He had an important mission now: he was going to buy the best chocolate he could find in all of Midgar, and it was going to help him get into Sephiroth’s pants.


	9. Day 9 - August 19th

To say that death would be a mercy right now would be an understatement. _Everything_ hurt, and no matter how many painkillers he took, he didn’t feel any better. He’d lain awake in pain in his bed, only barely managing to type out a few half-hearted responses to Cloud’s texts. In the end, Sephiroth had eaten all the chocolate in his secret stash and taken the sleeping pills he’d been given in case of emergency, and by the time he woke up, he was too disoriented to even know what day it was.

The first thing he concluded was that he was in less pain than before, but that might just be because his brain was still foggy from the unholy combination of all the painkillers and sleeping pills. Clearly it had been a bit much even for his enhanced body. He still felt very nauseous, too. Sephiroth sighed and dragged himself out of bed, hoping a shower would make him feel less like someone had dropped a building on him.

He was too tired to stay on his feet for long, so he ended up crouched down on the floor in the shower. Even the water streaming from the shower felt painful on his skin, like a rain of bullets. Just like always after a lab appointment, Sephiroth found himself desperately wishing that things were different. That he could be somewhere, or, perhaps, _someone_ else. But of course, that wasn’t possible… He shouldn’t be thinking of these things. Giving himself false hope with foolish desires wouldn’t change a thing.

By the time he managed to drag himself out of the shower, too tired to even dry his hair, he heard someone repeatedly ringing his doorbell. Wonderful. Which one of the Shinra higher-ups could it be this time, wanting him to do something for them? Sephiroth quickly wrapped a towel around his waist and reluctantly went to answer the door.

“I’m taking a few days off, leave me alone”, he said before the door was even open enough for him to see who it was.

“Well, you’re way more naked than I thought you would be.” Cloud stepped inside without waiting for an invitation, peering up at Sephiroth curiously, eyes widening in surprise. “Shit, you look like someone ran you over.”

“I told you I wasn’t feeling well”, Sephiroth remarked dryly.

“I kinda didn’t believe you until now”, Cloud admitted, looking a bit sheepish. “I thought you were just saying that to get me to leave you alone.”

Sephiroth was too exhausted to properly respond to that. He stumbled back into the living room, not particularly caring if Cloud followed or not, and collapsed onto his living room couch, head spinning.

“Hey! Seriously, are you okay?” Cloud was suddenly straddling him, however that had happened. Sephiroth thought Cloud might be looking alarmed, but it was hard to tell when he could barely keep his eyes open and when every brush of skin against skin felt like a burn wound.

“This is fine”, he said. “This is normal…”

“It really isn’t!” Cloud insisted. “Your, uh… your hair is soaking wet. Want me to help you dry it? That can’t be comfortable…”

“All right”, Sephiroth said, hoping that being compliant would make Cloud just a bit quieter. “There’s a Fire Materia on the table over there…” Cloud raised a questioning eyebrow at him. Sephiroth sighed and explained. “My hair takes too long to dry otherwise, and it’s… somewhat flameproof.”

“…Oh.” Cloud looked like all of life’s mysteries had suddenly been answered. “That… explains a lot, actually.” He went to fetch the Fire Materia, and quickly planted himself in Sephiroth’s lap again, sending an intense jolt of pain through Sephiroth’s body. Sephiroth gritted his teeth but made no noise, yet Cloud seemed to notice anyway. “Wait. Shit, does that hurt?”

“ _Everything_ hurts”, Sephiroth hissed.

“Okay, I won’t be doing that, then…” Cloud climbed off Sephiroth’s lap and sat down next to him instead, reaching out and drawing in parts of Sephiroth’s hair before getting to work with the Fire Materia. They sat in silence for a while, Cloud skilfully wielding the small flames to dry Sephiroth’s hair. It was so peaceful; Cloud touching his hair actually felt surprisingly pleasant… Sephiroth thought he might fall asleep to this unfamiliar but relaxing sensation, until something began to bother him.

“Why do you know how to use Materia? They don’t teach infantrymen that, do they…?”

“Secret…” Cloud whispered, leaning in close to Sephiroth’s ear. “Maybe I’ll tell you, if you do something in return…” He shifted closer, bumping against Sephiroth hard enough to hurt.

“…Ow.”

“Shit. Sorry.” Cloud withdrew and went back to drying Sephiroth’s hair quietly for a while. “So, um… Hojo did this to you? Is it always this bad?”

“Sometimes better, sometimes worse”, Sephiroth admitted. Cloud muttered something under his breath, probably a bunch of profanities. “It’s a necessity. My Mako levels need to be monitored, they need to keep track of my strength…”

“I bet Hojo is just saying that”, Cloud said. He sounded angry… Was he getting so upset on Sephiroth’s behalf? “He’s such a creep. You shouldn’t listen to him.”

“What do you know about Hojo anyway?” Sephiroth asked. Not that he disagreed, but still… As an infantryman, Cloud shouldn’t be familiar with Hojo.

“Oh, c’mon! People talk shit about him all the time! Has anyone ever had anything good to say about him?” Cloud tugged at Sephiroth’s hair, trying to haul more of it into his grip. “And I saw him with you too, remember? He really gives me the creeps.”

“Can you let me go without thinking about Hojo for a while?” Sephiroth mumbled. Cloud let out a laugh.

“Sure. Can’t say I blame you.” He finished drying the last of Sephiroth’s hair, tossing the Fire Materia aside, but his fingers still remained in Sephiroth’s hair, brushing out any lingering tangles. Sephiroth leant into the soft touch, wondering why he was letting some random infantryman do this to him. Why did he feel so… comfortable?

“I’m going to fall asleep on you if you keep doing that…”

“Wait, don’t do that just yet! I forgot, but I brought you something…” And then Cloud’s hands weren’t in his hair anymore, and for three seconds, Sephiroth’s life was back to being completely miserable and painful, until a box of fancy chocolate was dropped into his lap.

“You… brought me chocolate too?” Hadn’t Cloud already done enough? What was he trying to achieve?

“Zack told me you like it”, Cloud said and opened the box, picking up a piece of chocolate and popping it into Sephiroth’s mouth. Sephiroth chewed slowly, enjoying the absolutely heavenly taste.

“…Thank you”, he whispered, still unable to comprehend why Cloud was doing this. Cloud grinned and ate a piece for himself before feeding Sephiroth another.

It was a strange realisation to have in that moment, but it hit Sephiroth hard. It had been so long since he had been able to relax in another person’s company. He wasn’t even this comfortable with Zack; he hadn’t felt this way since before – no, he couldn’t think about them. Not now.

He wasn’t comfortable around his own men, his fellow members of SOLDIER… but he let his guard down around a strange infantryman he’d only known for a few days, an infantryman who couldn’t even follow orders. It was so peculiar that it definitely had Sephiroth wanting more.


	10. Day 10 - August 20th

Cloud slowly woke up, feeling incredibly comfortable. It was so quiet! No annoying alarm, no loud squad mates making noise… Wait, where the fuck was he? His eyes flew open, and at once, he remembered. Right. Sephiroth’s place. He’d helped Sephiroth dry his hair, eaten chocolate with him and apparently fallen asleep on his couch at some point.

It was unfair. Sephiroth’s couch was more comfortable than Cloud’s bed in the barracks. One could wonder how amazing Sephiroth’s actual bed must be, then… Cloud rubbed his eyes and took a moment to look around Sephiroth’s apartment properly, having been too distracted by Sephiroth himself the night before. It looked a lot like Zack’s apartment, but it was more barren, somehow. It almost didn’t look lived in. Everything was a bit too clean, there was almost no stuff left lying around, and there weren’t even any photos anywhere…

“Good morning.” Sephiroth emerged from his bedroom, startling Cloud with his sudden shirtless appearance. He was actually wearing his pants and boots now, though. That was even better, honestly.

“Morning”, Cloud said offhandedly, taking the moment to ogle Sephiroth as much as he possibly could. Yeah, he definitely needed a piece of that… Actually, now that he thought about it, Sephiroth didn’t look like he was about to drop dead anymore. Definite improvement there; seeing Sephiroth like that had just been too fucking surreal. Not nearly as exciting as he’d hoped, unfortunately. “You’re alive”, he ended up commenting dryly.

“I am”, Sephiroth said, sounding a bit amused. “I told you, this is normal.”

“Okay, sure, let’s just go with that…” He wasn’t really in the mood for arguing with Sephiroth about what could be considered normal. “So, what’s on the agenda today?”

“I was thinking…” Sephiroth looked away suddenly, his face hidden from Cloud’s sight by his hair. “…maybe you would like to join me for brunch?”

“Brunch?” Cloud repeated incredulously. “What’s the occasion?”

“You don’t have to join me if you don’t want to…” Sephiroth said. He still wasn’t looking at Cloud. “You probably have lots of duties in the infantry…” Well yeah, he probably did, but Cloud hadn’t kept track of those for a very long time.

“I didn’t say I don’t want to!” Cloud said and quickly leapt to his feet. “I’ll join you!”

“…I’m glad”, Sephiroth said and vanished back into his bedroom. For a moment, Cloud wondered if he was supposed to follow, but Sephiroth quickly emerged again, now dressed in a hoodie and pulling his hair back into a ponytail. Okay, whoa. Casual. Unexpected, but not in a bad way. “Contrary to popular belief, I prefer not to be assaulted by fans every time I go outside”, Sephiroth stated as he pulled the hood up to hide his hair. Cloud shut his mouth. He hadn’t even realised it had fallen open. “Is there a problem?” Sephiroth asked him.

“Nah. Just weird to see you out of uniform… Not that I’m complaining though.” Cloud stepped close enough to be able to reach out and let his hand linger on Sephiroth’s arm. “You look good in everything.” He winked at Sephiroth, hoping he looked at least somewhat appealing and not just completely desperate.

“Don’t flatter me”, Sephiroth said, but he didn’t look too displeased. In fact, he looked rather satisfied. “Now, let’s get going.”

Cloud followed Sephiroth out of the Shinra building into Midgar. They blended into the crowd surprisingly easily; clearly, not everyone shared Cloud’s ability to – most of the time – immediately notice when Sephiroth was in the immediate vicinity. The walk went by mostly in silence. Cloud decided to be a bit forward and grabbed Sephiroth by the arm to cling to him, and Sephiroth didn’t try to push him away, literally or figuratively. Progress…?

And now, here they were, in a small restaurant not far from the Shinra building, having brunch. Cloud was having brunch with Sephiroth. It was unbelievable in so many fucking ways. His 16-year-old self would die from jealousy, and his adult self from before the time loops started would kick his ass for ever considering this a good idea. But the place was really cosy, and the pancakes were almost as good as the ones Tifa used to make, so Cloud wasn’t going to complain.

“Where are you from?” Sephiroth asked suddenly. It came so completely out of the blue that Cloud was caught off guard; the combination of thinking about Sephiroth and Nibelheim at the same time was never a good one. He must’ve looked shocked, because Sephiroth gave him a sheepish look. “Sorry. I’m not very good at small talk.”

“I’m from Nibelheim”, Cloud said, trying to ignore just how awkward and weird this entire situation was. “Small shitty town, I don’t recommend it.”

“Is it that bad?” Sephiroth asked, raising an eyebrow. “I always thought living in a small town must be really nice… So far away from everything else…” There was something distant in his gaze. Cloud didn’t like that one bit, because in his experience, Sephiroth being distant meant bad things and bad things only.

“Not really… unless you like cold weather and fighting dragons in the backyard.” He reached his hand across the table and haphazardly placed it on top of Sephiroth’s. Sephiroth seemed to jerk back into reality at the sudden touch, stared at Cloud’s hand for a moment as if not knowing what to do, before shifting his hand around a bit so that he could hold Cloud’s hand properly.

“I think I could handle dragons in the backyard…” Sephiroth murmured, watching their intertwined hands with an almost-smile. Okay, Cloud wasn’t sure how this was happening, but Sephiroth wasn’t mad at him anymore, so clearly, he was doing _something_ right. He wasn’t exactly sure what that something was, but hopefully, he could figure it out.

“You know, you look really good in a ponytail”, he said, deciding to be a bit more forward, but not as aggressively as before. It seemed to do wonders too; Sephiroth’s lips briefly twitched into an actual smile before he lowered his head, hiding his face from Cloud behind his hair.

“I told you not to flatter me…” He was quiet for a bit, before looking up at Cloud again, tilting his head a bit and… yeah, that was definitely a smile. Cloud was struck by the realisation that he’d never seen Sephiroth smile before. “The scarf goes really well with the rest of your outfit.”

“Oh… Thanks”, Cloud said while wondering how the hell he’d gone from aggressive flirting to these little compliments within a few days. He definitely needed to up his game… For a brief moment, he’d nearly forgotten that he was supposed to be really fucking angry at Sephiroth and had actually almost begun to enjoy himself. Yeah, that had to stop.


	11. Day 11 - August 21st

Cloud was peacefully eating breakfast in the barracks, trying to decide how to make further moves on Sephiroth, when the door was suddenly flung open, startling everyone in the room.

“Cloud! Cloud, I need to talk to you!” Zack came running in so fast that he almost crashed into a few unfortunate infantrymen who didn’t have time to get out of the way. “It’s really important!”

“…Okay?” Cloud was forced to abandon his half-eaten toast as Zack hauled him to his feet and pulled him along into the sleeping quarters, where a lot of his squad mates were still waking up.

“All right everyone, move out!” Zack declared and clapped his hands once. “I need to talk to Cloud here!” The other infantrymen groaned and slowly began to shuffle out of the room. When they had all left, Zack went to close the door before sitting down on the closest bed and giving Cloud a serious look. “Okay, like I said, this is really important, so you better sit down.”

“What is it?” Cloud asked, sitting down next to him. He wasn’t sure what to expect at all; Zack was looking so unusually serious… Had something terrible happened? He found himself desperately trying to remember what events usually happened around now and what could possibly have Zack so worked up.

“You know Kunsel, and how he keeps track of all the rumours around Shinra? He told me… he heard that you and Sephiroth were eating at a restaurant together yesterday. Just the two of you. I’d be glad you’re making friends, but…” Zack leant in closer, staring Cloud down. “Kunsel also told me something else… Did you talk to him about Sephiroth?”

“Um, yeah”, Cloud said, still not entirely sure where this was going. “How so?”

“Kunsel said that you’re…” Zack paused, grimacing a bit. “…ah, it feels weird to talk to you about this, but… are you really sleeping with Sephiroth?”

“Nah”, Cloud said and watched Zack begin to relax. “I’m _trying_ and _failing_ to sleep with Sephiroth!” he exclaimed, instantly ready to vent all his frustration. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!”

“Seriously?” Zack groaned. “No way, dude! I introduced you to Sephiroth to let you fulfil your innocent childhood dream of meeting your hero, not for you to do _this_!” He placed his hand on Cloud’s shoulder. “C’mon, Cloud! This is a bad idea! He’s… well, _Sephiroth_ , and you’re way too young to run around trying to get laid!”

“I’m not! I’m 16! It’s fine!” Cloud snapped, quickly realising that him saying that only made him sound more like a little kid trying to be an adult than anything else he could’ve said.

“I’m not gonna be able to convince you to stop, am I?” Zack asked with a sigh.

“Nope!” Cloud grinned.

“Thought so… All right…” Zack rolled his eyes, before letting out a laugh. “Well, guess it’s up to me to give you some advice then! You’re from a small town, so I bet there’s a lot you don’t know about this stuff!” Well, that was one sudden switch of attitude…

“I’ve done my research”, Cloud said quickly. No way he was going to deal with Zack giving him the talk… He’d already been an adult, hell, he’d actually been older than Zack before this mess started!

“Hey, I’ve got to make sure!” Zack said and dropped a bunch of condoms in Cloud’s lap. Holy shit, he really had come here prepared for this. “Stay safe, Cloud!”

“Zack, stop it!” Cloud groaned.

“And don’t forget to use lots of lube!” Zack went on and, sure enough, dropped a bottle of lube in Cloud’s lap too. “You’ve got to be careful with these things, trust me! Take it slow and don’t go too wild, okay?”

“Are you telling me this from experience?” Cloud asked before he could help himself. “I thought you had a girlfriend.” It felt so weird to talk about this with Zack. He was pretty sure they’d never talked about it in any other loop, or even the first time around… but then again, he’d never tried to sleep with Sephiroth before, so clearly this loop would continue to be full of surprises.

“Doesn’t mean I haven’t had time to experiment!” Zack said with a laugh. “I’ve had a lot of fun, but I’ve also done a lot of stupid things since I first got to Midgar. I’ve got to warn my fellow country kid, so you don’t make the same mistakes!”

“Have you… slept with Sephiroth, Zack?” Cloud asked, wondering if that classified as one of Zack’s mistakes.

“Me, with Sephiroth?” Zack snorted. “I mean sure, don’t get me wrong, he’s really hot, but… no way, man! What gave you that idea?”

“Uh, I don’t know…” Cloud said, not so sure he believed Zack. Maybe it was the fact that Sephiroth was apparently supposed to be willing to sleep with anyone who wasn’t Cloud, or that Zack was an attractive and generally awesome guy, or just that there seemed to be this weird tension between them that he’d assumed was the result of either a one-night stand gone wrong or an awkward break-up.

“I’ll leave that to you. But don’t forget, big bro Zack will be here for you if you need advice!” Zack said and patted Cloud’s back. “Good luck! You’ll need it!” And then he stood up and walked out the door before Cloud could even process what he’d just said.

“…Good luck?” Cloud repeated, staring at the door. What did Zack mean when he said he’d need it…? Did he just know that Cloud was just that unappealing to Sephiroth? Was Cloud just the complete opposite of Sephiroth’s type? Hell, what kind of guys _did_ Sephiroth like, then?! Did he need another makeover? Should he cut his hair? Hell, maybe even dye it? Did he need to be more of a tough guy or maybe he should be flirtier? Maybe it was time to bring out the dresses and wigs again…

Cloud groaned and collapsed onto his pile of condoms on the bed, burying his face in his pillow. He had signed up for getting laid, not for all this complicated shit… and there was only a month left until they’d set out for Nibelheim now. Fuck.


	12. Day 12 - August 22nd

Sephiroth hated missions like these. He wiped the blood off Masamune while giving the dead monster a distasteful look. There was no way all these monsters were coincidentally escaping Hojo’s lab. Whether it was to test Sephiroth’s abilities in the field or to simply create general carnage in the Slums, Sephiroth didn’t know, but Hojo was definitely doing this on purpose.

There was one more monster left to go. He followed its footprints through the roads of Sector 5 at a brisk pace, feeling frustrated with himself. He was distracted, and that meant something was very wrong because he was Sephiroth, and he didn’t get distracted.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Cloud. It was such a strange, sudden obsession, but he kept remembering how Cloud had brought him chocolate when he wasn’t feeling well, how nice Cloud’s hands had felt in his hair, how Cloud had held his hand at the restaurant… He didn’t understand this feeling at all. He had never felt anything even remotely like it before.

A sudden scream forced Sephiroth back into focusing on reality. A man was running from the monster, desperately trying to get away from it. As Sephiroth picked up his pace and speeded towards them, the man stumbled and fell, leaving him completely vulnerable. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to make it there on time, Sephiroth quickly cast Thundaga to stun the monster, so that he could reach it and easily finish it off with Masamune. He turned around to check if the man was unharmed but was immediately disrupted by a woman running past him.

“Darling! Are you okay?” She reached down and helped the man, who looked shaken but not hurt, to his feet.

“I’m fine, honey, it’s all right now…” The man threw his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace, before leaning down to kiss her. Sephiroth had never cared much about couples being affectionate one way or another, but suddenly, seeing two people kissing made him feel a strange twinge of _something_ in his chest.

He slipped away while the two of them were still busy with one another. The attention he got when he saved civilians was always something that made him feel out of place, and whatever he was currently experiencing only made it worse. He had never adapted to interacting with civilians; all his social interactions consisted of Shinra staff, after all.

Sephiroth tried to sort out the mess that was his thoughts and concluded that this was also Cloud’s fault. But why? What those two people had been doing… did he want this from Cloud? He tried to imagine it for a moment, Cloud holding him, calling him sweet pet names, maybe even kissing him…

…Yes. Yes, by the gods, he definitely did want that, and it absolutely terrified him because he had no idea what it meant. He wasn’t supposed to want this; why now, when never before? Maybe it was because of the mystery Cloud was shrouded in. Sephiroth could never resist a good mystery. No, now that he thought about it, that wasn’t it. It couldn’t be! His sudden desire for Cloud’s affection had absolutely nothing to do with that…

Sephiroth stopped, noticing that he was now outside of the Sector 5 church. Hadn’t Zack mentioned something about having a girlfriend who grew flowers in a church…? He was struck by a sudden thought, and it plagued him so much that he couldn’t help himself. 

He strode over to the church doors and opened them, stepping inside while trying desperately to ignore the feeling that he really shouldn’t be doing this. Inside, it was eerily quiet, his footsteps echoing against the wooden floor. And then, he spotted her, a brown-haired figure in a light blue dress, kneeling, tending to her patch of flowers. She didn’t seem to notice him even as he moved ever closer. Somehow, this gave him a bad feeling.

“Hello”, Sephiroth called, desperately needing to break the silence somehow.

“Oh?” She looked up at him with the greenest eyes he’d ever seen beside his own, gasping in alarm as she saw him and quickly standing up. “You’re…!”

“I’m not going to hurt you”, Sephiroth said quickly, realising that standing there with an enormous sword covered in blood probably didn’t give the best first impression. “I’m a friend of Zack’s, I just…”

“I know who you are”, she said stiffly. “I think… it would be better if you left.”

“You don’t like SOLDIER members”, Sephiroth recalled suddenly. He put Masamune down on the floor and slowly stepped closer, hoping not to startle her too much. For some reason, his heart was racing. She was just a flower girl, why was did _he_ feel like he needed to fear _her_?

“I think it’s more that I just don’t like _you_ , to be honest”, she said, sounding a bit bolder now that he was no longer visibly armed. “There’s something about you… Something…”

“I only want to buy some flowers”, Sephiroth said, unsure what she meant and even more unsure that he wanted to know.

“The Great Sephiroth himself, buying my flowers?” she asked, starting to relax a bit, but she still had a slightly uncomfortable expression on her face, as if she was in pain, somehow. “Did Zack put you up to this?”

“No”, Sephiroth said, suddenly feeling like a complete fool. “I want to… give them to someone. As a gift.”

“A gift?” She gave him a disbelieving look. It almost made him a bit self-conscious.

“Yes… Flowers for someone I like. Is that… strange?” Sephiroth asked. He actually had no idea, maybe it was. But people always mentioned giving flowers to people they liked, didn’t they? Flowers and chocolate… and Cloud had already given him chocolate.

“Considering who you are… yes”, she said, beginning to smile a bit. “But that’s all right with me. You’re paying me extra for the headache, though. 10 gil per flower.”

“That’s far too cheap”, Sephiroth said. “Above the plate, you could charge 50 gil per flower at the very least.” Especially for flowers grown in Midgar. He hadn’t even known that it was possible. Aerith stared at him with a surprised look for a moment, but then she let out a laugh.

“Funny… That’s what Zack always says too!” She knelt down and began to pick out flowers, a smile becoming evident on her face. “So, Sephiroth… Tell me about your sweetheart.” He wasn’t sure if he should object to her calling Cloud his sweetheart – even though it made his heart skip a beat – or to this questioning in general, but he still found himself beginning to talk.

“His name is Cloud…” What a strange girl. He wondered what Zack saw in her.


	13. Day 13 - August 23rd

_Cloud, will you come to the Training Room? I have something I want to give you._

Oh, really now? Cloud gave his phone a dubious glare that was more intended for the person who had sent him the message.

_i thought i wasn’t allowed on the upper floors_

That was strange, to be honest, especially after how hard Sephiroth had been trying to get Cloud to stay away from there at first. Cloud had to resist letting out a laugh; maybe Sephiroth was finally starting to get interested. Oh, maybe what Sephiroth wanted to give him was a good fuck! He hoped so. It had been nearly two weeks since this loop started and he was still waiting impatiently.

_Keeping you away doesn’t seem to work anyway. Will you come?_

This time, Cloud couldn’t help laughing a little bit as he sent his reply.

_oh, i’m coming all right ;)_

As always, getting up onto the upper floors was ridiculously easy. Nobody suspected a thing; a few of the SOLDIER guys even greeted him as he stepped out the elevator, having become used to seeing him around. Shinra security really was so ridiculously bad that it was almost funny…

Cloud wasn’t sure what kind of things he should expect when he got to the Training Room. However, he was pretty sure that Sephiroth just standing around waiting for him right by the door, not even killing monsters or anything, looking oddly restless, wasn’t one of them.

“Hey”, Cloud said, noticing that Sephiroth’s hands were behind his back. Yeah, there was definitely something going on. “What have you got there? You hiding something from me?”

“I got you a gift”, Sephiroth murmured. He was biting his lip and seemed reluctant to look Cloud in the eye. “I realise that I… might be misinterpreting your intentions, and this was a very impulsive decision, but…”

“Oh, c’mon, just give it to me already”, Cloud declared and held out his hands expectantly. He had no idea what he was supposed to expect now either, but the bouquet of yellow lilies that was shoved unceremoniously into his hands was still a bit of a shock. “…Flowers?” he questioned. These particular flowers looked really familiar too. When he realised why, his blood ran cold. No. There was no way. “Where… did you get these?”

“Zack’s girlfriend Aerith grows them in the Slums”, Sephiroth said. “I was on a mission in Sector 5 and happened to pass by the church where she grows them…”

“You bought… flowers from Aerith…” Cloud stared at the flowers, almost forgetting how to breathe. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Sephiroth wasn’t supposed to go anywhere near Aerith. Fuck. _Okay, Cloud_ , he told himself. _Don’t panic. Nothing bad has happened yet. He just bought flowers from her._

“Are you all right?” Sephiroth asked, sounding almost concerned. “Do you… not like flowers?”

“No, I do, I was just… surprised”, Cloud said, desperately trying to understand what had caused this. This didn’t usually happen, so there had to be something different about this loop…

…Oh. Wait. Of course… The difference was Cloud himself. Sephiroth had bought these flowers _for Cloud_. That definitely meant something; you didn’t just go around buying flowers for everyone you knew! Yeah, Cloud had been unsure before, but maybe he did have a chance with Sephiroth after all.

“You’re interested, then”, he decided to ask. Just to make sure.

“Interested?” Sephiroth frowned, seeming confused. “No, I wouldn’t say that… I’ve never had any interest in flowers before.” Oh, come on… Sephiroth just always had to be annoying like this… Cloud sighed.

“I meant in me.”

“Oh…” Sephiroth made a noise that could have been an awkward laugh or just a general dismayed sound. “Well, yes… I do find you… intriguing.” That would have to be good enough.

“Really? We should get to know each other better then…” Cloud stepped closer, or at least as close as he could get with the bouquet in his arms, peering up at Sephiroth with what he hoped was a seductive smile on his face. It was about time he found out what Sephiroth was into. “I wanna know about all the other things you find intriguing.”

“I don’t know…” Sephiroth tilted his head down, meeting Cloud’s gaze with an oddly soft expression on his face. “I’m not as interesting as most people seem to think. What do you want to know?”

“Hmm…” Cloud reached up and twined a few strands of Sephiroth’s hair around his fingers while pondering what he should ask. Maybe he should go with the obvious question first. He hadn’t expected Sephiroth to be so hard to figure out. “Top or bottom?” he asked. Sephiroth was quiet for a moment.

“I wouldn’t know”, he then replied, perfectly serious.

“No?” Cloud asked hesitantly, unsure how to respond to that.

“No… I’ve never owned a bunk bed”, Sephiroth replied without missing a beat. For fuck’s sake…! Cloud couldn’t help himself, no matter how frustrating this conversation was; he snorted and began to laugh.

“That’s not even funny, asshole!” he exclaimed.

“I’m not joking. I always get my own room when going on missions outside Midgar”, Sephiroth countered, somehow still managing to keep a perfectly serious expression, which only served to make Cloud laugh even more.

“Stop being funny. You’re not allowed to be funny!” It pissed Cloud off that he was laughing. He wasn’t supposed to laugh at Sephiroth’s jokes.

“Funny?” Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. “That’s new. No one’s ever called me funny before.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything…” Cloud decided to give up with the flirting for now; it clearly wasn’t going anywhere. “I’m just gonna… go put these flowers in some water.”

“Of course… I’ll see you around… right?” Weird. Sephiroth sounded almost hopeful, saying that.

“Right”, Cloud agreed before storming out of the Training Room. He tried to wrap his head around everything; why was Sephiroth sending him such mixed signals? Dodging the subject as soon as Cloud tried to bring it up, yet seeming interested in different ways… and the flowers, of course. He couldn’t forget the flowers. No matter how he thought about this, he could only come up with one solution, no matter how much he wanted to avoid it.

For the first time since the time loops started, he would have to visit one of the two people he tried his damnedest to stay away from. He needed to see Aerith.


	14. Day 14 - August 24th

Cloud felt incredibly anxious from the moment he got on the train down to the Slums. He hated this. He really, really did. There was a reason he never went to see her. He couldn’t take this, wasn’t strong enough to face her again.

The first time he’d woken up in his 16-year-old body again, when the time loop business had first started, he had immediately gone to her, desperately seeking answers and wanting more than anything to see her alive and breathing and _happy_. Maybe she had been the reason he’d been sent back? Hell, maybe they’d both gone back together? He’d been so full of hope, only to have it crushed in an instant.

She hadn’t recognised him. He had scared her with his rambles of Holy, Meteor and Jenova, and she’d yelled at him to leave her alone and get out of her church. The lack of recognition and the fear in her eyes… He never wanted her to look at him like that again.

But here he was now, standing in front of the church, trying to work up the courage to go inside. Why had he thought this was a good idea? It wasn’t like asking her about Sephiroth and the flowers was crucial or anything… Sephiroth and his desires were a mystery to him, sure, but he could as well figure this out by himself. Yeah, he was doing that. He was leaving. Not dealing with this anymore. Bye, church…

Someone tapped him on the shoulder. Cloud, startled, hadn’t heard anyone approach, and spun around so fast that he almost lost his balance.

“Hello”, Aerith said, her smile as radiant as it had always been. “Are you lost?”

“Yeah”, Cloud said, because honestly yes, he was more lost than she could possibly imagine. “I’m a friend of Zack’s, and I was… looking for you, actually.”

“Me?” She looked surprised, before giving him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, but… I don’t think I can help you. Your sadness… it weighs too heavy.”

“My sadness?” It had always unnerved him a bit, how well Aerith could read him back then, back when he knew they had each other’s backs for sure, but it had also felt comforting in a way. But now that she was practically a stranger… “I’m not sad. Angry and anxious, yeah, but not sad, really.” Or maybe it was just that he’d been sad for so long that he’d forgotten how it felt not to be sad. That was probably it, to be completely honest.

“You said you were Zack’s friend”, Aerith said, mercifully letting that subject go. “But you’re not a SOLDIER, are you…?”

“The name’s Cloud.” _Me…? I do a little bit of everything._ “I’m in the infantry.”

“Oh! You’re _that_ Cloud?” she asked, her eyes widening. He was surprised. He hadn’t expected her to know his name.

“Zack mentioned me?”

“Not by name, actually…” She gave him a thoughtful look; he felt like he was being thoroughly analysed. “That was all Sephiroth. He’s the reason you’re here, right?”

“Yeah”, Cloud said. “He told me he bought flowers from you.”

“He did!” She clapped her hands together and let out a laugh. “You should know how much he scared me when he came into the church holding that big sword of his! I thought he was going to kill me!”

Cloud took a deep breath. His legs felt unsteady. Aerith, of course, noticed immediately, and gently grabbed him by the arm.

“Let’s sit down.” She led him over to the steps outside the church, and they sat down together. “You and Sephiroth… What’s the story here?” she asked curiously. “He was very persistent about getting you flowers, even after I told him he should leave.”

“I was kinda hoping you’d shed some light on that”, Cloud admitted reluctantly. “I don’t know what he wants from me. He’s sending me really mixed signals.”

“Really?” Aerith seemed surprised by that. “When he talked to me, it seemed pretty clear.”

“Oh?” Cloud instantly felt more hopeful. He trusted Aerith’s supernatural people-reading skills. “You think he’s interested, then?”

“Definitely!” Aerith grinned at him. “I don’t know what you did to get Shinra’s most feared SOLDIER wrapped around your finger, but I’m impressed!” Her expression quickly grew more serious, however. “Oh, maybe… maybe it’s because you both…” She fell silent, sombrely staring at the ground.

“Go on”, Cloud said.

“You both have that same, lingering sadness…” She looked up at him again, and he was suddenly struck by just how green her eyes were. Like Sephiroth’s, they just seemed to be too bright, too colourful, but while his made him look more inhuman, hers were the complete opposite. She looked so vibrant, so alive… so human.

“Oh”, he said, not sure what to say about that. Aerith’s words were an eerie reflection of an exchange that seemed to have happened lifetimes ago.

_“What about my sadness? My family… friends… The sadness of having my hometown taken away from me?! It’s the same as your sadness!”_

_Cold laughter echoing through the reactor._

_“My sadness? What do I have to be sad about?”_

“Maybe this is good for both of you… to confront your sadness together”, Aerith said, gazing out into the distance, as if she was seeing something he couldn’t grasp.

“Maybe”, Cloud agreed. He definitely felt like hate sex with Sephiroth would solve a ton of his issues right now. And if it solved some of Sephiroth’s issues too, wasn’t that a good thing? Somehow, he felt like this wasn’t really what Aerith had meant… but hey, if she was going to be vague, he was going to interpret her words exactly like he wanted.

“I would ask you if you want a flower before you leave… but I guess you already have enough of those for now”, Aerith said.

“Probably, yeah…” Cloud laughed, thinking about the vase of flowers in the barracks that all his squad mates had asked about last night. “I’ll come back and buy more flowers another time, though”, he told her as he stood up, and realised he wasn’t lying about that. He could come back and see Aerith any time he wanted. Somehow, it made his heart feel lighter.

“I look forward to it!” she said eagerly. “I’ll even give you a discount, I promise!”

He had always had so many things he wanted to tell her, even now; things she wouldn’t understand. _Even though I might not be a part of it… I want to create a happy future for you, Aerith. For you and Zack both._ In the end, he didn’t say anything about any of that. He didn’t want to weird her out with his nonsense.

“I’ll see you around.” With a wave of his hand, without looking back, he left, knowing she would still be there when he next returned, waiting and tending to her flowers.


	15. Day 15 - August 25th

Cloud read the letter over, trying to comprehend what he was reading. He had found it on the kitchen table in the barracks this morning, and since it had been addressed to him, he had chosen to open it. It was some sort of official document. He’d always hated reading those. He tried to skim it to get the gist of it.

Basically, it was an official complaint for ignoring his duties completely for two weeks, which he supposed was justified. He hadn’t gone on a single mission during this loop, after all. As punishment, he had been demoted to cleaning duty until further notice.

“Awesome”, Cloud groaned sarcastically, until he realised that cleaning duty was actually way better than going on missions if he wanted to put his plans in motion. “Awesome”, he repeated in a more awestruck tone this time. He was going to be a cleaner now. Nobody would be concerned with a cleaner going into strange places.

He naturally immediately took it upon himself to use Zack’s key-card – which somehow still hadn’t been deactivated or anything – to go up to the higher floors, only stopping on the way to grab a bucket and a mop from a cleaning closet.

The best place to start cleaning was, naturally, right outside Sephiroth’s apartment. He cleaned the floor in that corridor so thoroughly that it looked spotless by the time the door to Sephiroth’s apartment opened and Sephiroth himself stepped out. The floor must’ve looked really different compared to before, because Cloud noticed that Sephiroth stopped to look at it, squinting suspiciously.

“Like my handiwork?” he asked, delighted by the sight of Sephiroth jerking his head towards him and finally spotting him.

“Cloud… What are you doing?”

“I’m on cleaning duty”, Cloud said confidently, leaning against the mop with a hopefully seductive pose.

“On an off-limits floor?” Sephiroth asked dubiously.

“Yup”, Cloud replied. “And you? Where are you going?” Sephiroth didn’t have Masamune with him, but was instead carrying a bunch of papers in his arms, so he guessed it wasn’t a mission.

“Meeting with the Shinra executives.” Sephiroth didn’t sound too enthusiastic about that as he walked past Cloud towards the elevator. Cloud couldn’t blame him.

“What a coincidence! That’s where I’m going to clean next! Let’s go together!” He grabbed his bucket and followed Sephiroth into the elevator. Sephiroth sighed and shook his head, but still pressed the button to take them to the right floor. Cloud was suddenly struck by the realisation that he was now alone in an elevator with Sephiroth. What an opportunity!

“Did you keep the flowers?” Sephiroth asked.

“Yeah”, Cloud replied. “They’re in a vase back at the barracks.” Okay, what should he do…? His brain was going too fast for him to keep up. He didn’t have much time until the elevator arrived at its destination and Sephiroth would leave. He was armed only with a mop and a bucket… a bucket full of water. Water. Wet Sephiroth. Yes. Perfect.

He didn’t even have time to consider what he was doing before he’d already thrown the water all over Sephiroth, but when it finally did catch up with him, it hit him with full force. _Cloud, holy fuck, WHY?_ Sephiroth, completely soaked, water dripping from his hair and coat, gave Cloud a look mingling so perfectly between murderous and miserable that Cloud wasn’t sure if he should be terrified or feel sorry for him.

“Why… did you do that?” Sephiroth looked down at his papers in dismay, clearly too taken aback to react properly. “Now my paperwork is ruined.”

“I, uh… I don’t know what got into me”, Cloud admitted. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, really.

“I can tell”, Sephiroth retorted coldly – oh, Cloud didn’t like that tone – and dumped the soaked papers in Cloud’s hands. “Here, hold these.” He raised his hand and cast a small Fire spell to light a tiny flame in his palm, while using his other hand to weave a miniature whirlwind around his fingers with an Aero spell. Then, with a snap of his fingers, the wind and fire mingled together and were suddenly a warm gust whipping around them.

“Wow”, Cloud said as the wind died down, leaving the papers a mess, but at least a dry mess. He had to admit that he was pretty impressed… but also rather disappointed, because Sephiroth’s clothes and hair were dry now too. Sephiroth hadn’t even taken any clothes off, meaning he’d pissed Sephiroth off to get absolutely nothing in return!

“Wow, indeed”, Sephiroth said dryly and took his papers back, still looking very unimpressed as the elevator came to a stop. “Why don’t you get back to work?” He was out of the elevator the moment the door opened, and Cloud was forced to run after him to keep up with his long-legged stride.

“Wait! I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know why I did that! Don’t be angry!”

“I’m not angry”, Sephiroth said, while sounding like he was actually not very far from anger at all. “I just don’t want to be late.” They reached the executives’ meeting room, and Sephiroth used a key-card to open the door, stepped inside and slammed the door in Cloud’s face.

Determined not to be beaten, Cloud tried to use Zack’s key-card to get inside, but access was denied. Zack’s key-card, letting him down for the first time… Cloud groaned in dismay and decided to mop the floors outside the meeting room while he waited. It was either that or crawling through the vents again to listen in on the meeting, and the vents smelled bad.

Finally, several hours and one super-clean floor later, Cloud began to hear the sounds of chatter and footsteps coming closer to the door. Okay, Cloud. Time to make another move. The door opened and the Shinra executives began to shuffle out of the room. Cloud carefully pretended not to pay them any mind while mopping the floors with fervour, waited until he spotted Sephiroth walking out with the messed-up paperwork in his hands, and then he struck.

He spun around with his mop in hand so fast that he smacked all the papers out of Sephiroth’s hands, scattering them all over the floor.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry!” he then declared dramatically and tossed his mop aside. “Let me pick those up for you, sir!” He turned away from Sephiroth and bent down slowly to grab the papers, making sure to wiggle his ass a bit. He grabbed a paper and peered over his shoulder, hoping to catch Sephiroth checking him out – he hadn’t bought these leather pants for nothing, after all. Instead, he found a bunch of Shinra executives staring at him. President Shinra, Heidegger, Palmer, Scarlet, Reeve – who had caught the mop Cloud had thrown… hell, even Hojo!

The only one who wasn’t staring at him, in fact, was Sephiroth, who was instead crouching down on the floor next to him, picking up his papers.

“It’s all right… I can handle it myself…” he murmured, quickly scooping all the papers up.

“Who are you, boy?” President Shinra asked, sounding very suspicious. Oh fuck, they weren’t catching on, were they? Cloud hurriedly stood up, grabbing his bucket from the floor and his mop from Reeve.

“Just a cleaner, sir! Sorry for the inconvenience”, he said quickly, his voice coming out like a nervous squeak. He turned on his heel and began to walk away at a fast but not too fast pace, trying not to feel too mortified by today’s complete and utter failures.

“Interesting outfits they give the cleaners nowadays”, he heard Scarlet laugh before he escaped into the safety of the elevator.


	16. Day 16 - August 26th

Sephiroth was on his way out when he happened to notice that Zack had left his apartment door ajar. Normally, he wouldn’t pay it any mind, but he heard Zack talking loudly inside, and curiosity got the better of him. He stepped closer to the door and peeked inside, and saw Zack pacing around inside, talking to someone on the phone.

“I don’t know, Aerith… I’m worried! What if he ends up hurting Cloud?”

His heart skipped a beat. Zack thought Cloud was in danger of getting hurt? Sephiroth remained quiet, trying to hear what Aerith was saying on the other end, but even with enhanced hearing, it was impossible.

“Cloud’s sad? No way! Cloud’s perfectly fine like he is! He doesn’t need to do reckless stuff like this!”

Cloud was sad too? Sad and in danger? Sephiroth stopped listening in and headed towards the elevator. He needed to make sure Cloud was all right. Maybe that was the reason Cloud had been acting in such strange and confusing ways yesterday; something was bothering him, and Sephiroth was going to find out what it was.

He searched for Cloud for quite a while until he found him downstairs by the shops. Cloud hadn’t noticed Sephiroth yet, and definitely didn’t look sad or afraid at all right now. In fact, he looked rather content, eating snacks he must have purchased from a nearby vending machine while talking to the woman behind the counter. What a relief… Sephiroth let out a breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding, before making his way over to Cloud.

“Cloud”, he said, immediately making Cloud turn his head in that direction.

“Oh! Hey…” Cloud laughed nervously. “Sorry about yesterday… I don’t know what was wrong with me.”

“It’s all right”, Sephiroth said, eyeing the woman behind the counter warily. She took it as a cue to scurry away from the counter, leaving them alone. “I wanted to ask… are you all right, Cloud?” He hesitated for a moment, before reaching out and placing his hand on Cloud’s shoulder.

“Okay?” Cloud looked up at him, his big blue eyes wide and confused. Completely out of the blue, Sephiroth was struck by just how adorable Cloud was. It took all of his self-control to resist the incredibly sudden desire to pull Cloud into his arms and hold him close to keep him out of harm’s way. “I… guess?”

“I’m worried that you’re in danger, Cloud”, Sephiroth said. “I wanted to make sure you were all right.” He quickly realised that telling a mere infantryman such a thing would probably be startling, and immediately tried to smooth things over. “I’ll make sure nothing happens to you. Don’t worry.”

“Huh?” Cloud let out a laugh. “That’s dumb. I don’t need to be looked after.”

“Oh?” Sephiroth hadn’t expected that reaction; he had forgotten again that Cloud just wasn’t your everyday infantryman. But Cloud was still an infantryman, no matter how strange he was. “Are you really sure about that?”

“What, you think I can’t take care of myself?” Cloud huffed and pushed Sephiroth’s hand away. “I’ll prove it! Fight me!”

…Wait, what? Sephiroth stared at Cloud, thinking he must’ve heard that wrong.

“No. I’m not going to do that. That’s ridiculous”, he replied firmly. It was like a Dragon fighting a Chocobo chick. He would end up crushing Cloud no matter how much he held back.

“I mean it. Give me a sword and some Materia and I’ll show you what I can do!” Cloud said. There was a determined, fierce look in his eyes. Sephiroth found himself impressed yet frustrated by his arrogance. Maybe it could be a good idea to teach him a little lesson, force him to respect his superiors a bit more…

“All right. Let’s go to the Training Room, then”, he relented.

“Really? Fuck yeah, that’s awesome!” Cloud beamed, looking really excited. Honestly, that smile, seeing Cloud so genuinely happy… made this whole thing worth it. Sephiroth sighed, trying to shake these ridiculously irrational thoughts from his mind, but they just wouldn’t leave him.

They went to the Training Room, where Sephiroth presented Cloud with a standard-issue SOLDIER sword, which was subjected to a lot of scrutinising by a picky Cloud, who swung it around and frowned at it.

“I’d rather use something bigger. Like a Buster Sword, you know, like the one Zack has.”

“You wouldn’t even be able to lift the Buster Sword, Cloud”, Sephiroth countered. Zack hadn’t been able to either, when he’d first started training under… No. He quickly forced those thoughts aside. Focusing on Cloud didn’t seem like such a bad option compared to that.

“I guess that’s true…” Cloud grumbled, sounding really disappointed. “Do I get any Materia, then?” 

Sephiroth allowed Cloud to pick out some Materia from his own collection. He promptly had to refuse Cloud’s request to use his Comet Materia, knowing that there was no way Cloud’s body would be able to handle the strain of using that much energy. In the end, Cloud had to reluctantly settle for the basic set: Fire, Ice, Thunder and Cure.

“Fine, but only if you don’t get to use Comet and those other powerful spells either!” Cloud said firmly as they stood facing each other, swords in hand.

“I won’t be using any Materia at all, Cloud. This is the fairest way we can do this.” Of course, it still wasn’t anywhere near fair, and Sephiroth knew that. He hoped that Cloud understood that too. “Now, go ahead. You go first.”

“I was waiting for you to say that!” Cloud grinned and immediately lunged at Sephiroth, completely without hesitation. Sephiroth raised his left hand and moved Masamune to easily parry Cloud’s attack, but Cloud, as if expecting it, ducked beneath the blade and would probably have managed to stab Sephiroth in the side if Sephiroth hadn’t sidestepped at the last second.

“Maybe I underestimated you”, Sephiroth said, starting to wonder if Cloud was going to prove him wrong once again. As a response, a Firaga – very impressive for an infantryman – was thrown at him. He leapt to the side easily and met Cloud’s gaze. The fire in his eyes burnt as brightly as his spell.

“Or maybe you need to stop being so damn cocky”, Cloud spat and lunged at Sephiroth again.

During their spar, Sephiroth quickly realised that Cloud’s swordplay was strangely, frighteningly good. He seemed to know exactly how to get past Sephiroth’s defences, and when Sephiroth found himself playing along and trying to swat him a bit with Masamune, Cloud knew exactly how to block and dodge his blows.

Cloud somehow fought with the tactics of a seasoned SOLDIER, but his body was still a frail infantryman’s. After fifteen intense minutes, he was gasping for breath and struggling to keep a hold of his sword. The breaking point came when Sephiroth managed to back him up against a wall, leaving him unable to defend himself. Sephiroth held Masamune against Cloud’s throat, at a safe distance of course, and smirked at him. It was so like Cloud to go against all his expectations.

“I win.”

“Fine”, Cloud gasped. He dropped his sword and grabbed hold of Sephiroth’s harness while leaning against the wall, clearly trying to stay steady on his feet. Sephiroth suddenly became very aware of how close they were, and how easy it would be to lean down and kiss Cloud. What was wrong with him lately…? “Fuck…” Cloud took a deep breath. “This is really hot.”

“Yes”, Sephiroth agreed, noticing that Cloud was sweating a lot. He was probably overheating. “You should go take a cold shower.” He lowered Masamune and stepped out of Cloud’s personal space, leaving Cloud fumbling for balance.

“Um… but…” Cloud looked like he was trying to find the words to say something, but when Sephiroth gave him a questioning look, he just sighed and gave up. “…Ah, never mind.”

Sephiroth watched Cloud as he left, relieved but confused. There was no need for him to be concerned about Cloud’s safety anymore… but knowing that Cloud knew his way around swords as well as Materia just made Sephiroth question everything about him even more. At this point, he couldn’t exactly deny how fascinated he was by Cloud.

…Oh well. At least there was no doubt Cloud could make SOLDIER with that much talent.


	17. Day 17 - August 27th

Cloud wondered where he was supposed to go from here after yesterday’s rejection. Getting to fight Sephiroth without one of them ending up dead had been fucking awesome, or at least it would’ve been if Cloud hadn’t been unenhanced and pathetic. A shame Sephiroth had to go and ruin everything… Cloud was simply hanging around by the stairs at the ground floor of the Shinra building, trying to decide what to do next, when the object of his frustration suddenly appeared before him.

“Are you busy today, Cloud?” Sephiroth asked. Oh, this was unexpected… but Cloud wasn’t complaining. He was perfectly ready to ditch cleaning duty for Sephiroth.

“I’ll clear my schedule for you, you need only ask…” he said, leaning forward and smirking at Sephiroth. Sephiroth smirked back and handed Cloud the standard-issue SOLDIER sword he’d used in their fight yesterday.

“I’m going out to kill a few monsters in the Slums. You should be able to keep up.”

“You want… my help?” Cloud asked, admittedly surprised as he trailed behind Sephiroth out of the Shinra building. He hadn’t exactly been very impressive yesterday, what with getting his ass thoroughly kicked and shoved up against a wall and then even being denied the steamy make-out session.

“I was very impressed by the skill you displayed yesterday…” Sephiroth said, glancing over his shoulder to look back at Cloud. “I want to see more of you in combat.”

Sephiroth was impressed by his disastrous attempt at fighting him? Who would have thought? Cloud spent the whole train ride down to the Slums feeling smug and confident. He also kept bumping his knee against Sephiroth’s and even briefly dared to put his hand on Sephiroth’s thigh – he didn’t get pushed away this time! They got a few weird looks from some of the other passengers, but that was probably mostly because Sephiroth was… well, Sephiroth.

They wandered around the Slums for a bit, and quickly came across a pack of sharp-toothed scorpion-like monsters. Cloud thought they might be called Whole Eaters – he’d fought them before, they weren’t very tough for a Mako-enhanced person. Probably not for a scrawny infantryman either.

“Take those down for me”, Sephiroth said and stepped back, clearly not about to help him out at all.

“Are you just doing this to get me to do your work for you?” Cloud retorted jokingly. Sephiroth let out a small laugh. Sephiroth laughing like a normal human being and not like a madman… Okay, that was weird.

“Get to work, Cloud”, Sephiroth replied, sounding strangely fond as he said it. Yeah. Weird.

But now, it was time to be really cool and sexy while taking down these monsters. Cloud rushed towards his targets, making sure to move as elegantly as he could. He spun and twirled around, doing as complicated manoeuvres as he possibly could with his body’s limited strength, slicing the enemies down one by one. 

Cloud thought he was doing pretty great, actually. At least until that Hell House came bursting onto the scene.

“I can deal with it!” he yelled before Sephiroth could come running to protect him. He prepared himself, staring his new enemy down, preparing to go all out with a powerful attack, began to run towards it…

…and promptly stumbled over the corpse of a Whole Eater and landed face first in the mud. He groaned and quickly got back on his feet, just in time to get hit in the stomach by an attack from the Hell House. Cloud winced from the pain and stumbled back, just barely catching a glimpse of black and silver dashing past him.

Sephiroth effortlessly took down the Hell House with his usual graceful and elegant sword techniques. Once he’d dealt with that, he quickly hurried over to Cloud, grabbing him by the shoulders and leaning down to have a look at his stomach.

“Are you all right, Cloud?” he asked, already bringing out a Cure Materia. Cloud, still shocked from taking that hit to the stomach, didn’t manage to get a word out before the pain was already fading away. He let out a sigh of relief, and Sephiroth patted him on the shoulder before pulling away. No, wait, come back…! “Feeling better?”

“Yeah”, Cloud said, suddenly becoming very aware of the fact that he had mud absolutely _everywhere_. He probably looked just as disgusting as he felt… He wiped his face and winced when it came away all muddy. “Eww.”

“At least it’s mud and not monster blood”, Sephiroth said, looking way too amused by the whole thing. “I’ve looked much worse after missions.”

“Oh, really? The Great Sephiroth, ever looking less than perfect?” Maybe he could take advantage of this situation… Cloud wiped his hand off on Sephiroth’s chest. Sephiroth frowned at him, amusement quickly fading from his face. Cloud immediately took the opportunity to grab Sephiroth’s hair and smear mud into it.

“Cloud, stop it!” Sephiroth gently shoved him away while holding back a laugh, getting mud onto his hands as well as a result.

“Now we’re both gonna have to take a shower when we get back…” Cloud raised an eyebrow and winked at Sephiroth. “Maybe we should take one together…” Maybe Sephiroth was into shower sex. Hopefully.

“I’m not letting you into my apartment looking like that”, Sephiroth retorted. “You deserve a cold shower at the barracks for doing this to my hair.” Goddammit. Foiled again.

They got even more people giving them weird looks on the train back. They probably wondered who this weird mud monster accompanying Sephiroth was… Cloud was busy sulking about his sexy plans for the evening being ruined once again, so when Sephiroth spoke up, it caught him completely off guard.

“Even with your little mishap, I still think you have a lot of potential, Cloud.” He paused for a moment, tilting his head to get his mud-covered bangs out of his face. “I think you would make an excellent SOLDIER, and… if you don’t object to it, I would be glad to mentor you, when you make it that far.”

“Really?” Cloud questioned in disbelief. Man, this was everything he would’ve ever wanted, back when he was an actual 16-year-old and not a bitter, horny man stuck in a time loop.

“Yes”, Sephiroth replied. “I’ve never mentored anyone before, because I never really found anyone worthwhile, but you… you’re different, somehow.” He hesitated for a moment, then reached out to ruffle Cloud’s hair. About time. Nobody could resist the compulsion forever.

“I might take you up on that offer, if I get into SOLDIER”, Cloud said, perfectly aware that it was never going to happen.


	18. Day 18 - August 28th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we've made it 1/3 into the fic already!! I just want to thank everyone for reading so far, the feedback's been way beyond what I expected and all the comments and kudos seriously make my day <3 Anyway, hopefully you'll all enjoy what I've got in store for you ;)

It was time. Cloud had had enough. Sephiroth needed to stop playing these games with him. If Sephiroth was going to behave like this, Cloud needed to go all out. He checked with Zack and Kunsel and found out that Sephiroth was away on a mission to Kalm until the evening. Perfect. He made his preparations, and then headed for Sephiroth’s apartment.

He dug around in his pocket for the Thunder Materia he’d neglected giving back to Sephiroth after their spar. Remembering a trick Yuffie had taught him ages ago, he slid the Thunder Materia against the electronic lock and grinned with satisfaction as the door clicked open.

Sephiroth’s apartment was empty, so Cloud made his way into the kitchen with his grocery bag slung over his shoulder and dumped it on the kitchen counter. They always did say the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, and now it would also be Cloud’s way into Sephiroth’s bed. Sephiroth would come home to a home-cooked meal, and then…!

 _But Cloud, you can’t even cook_ , a voice that sounded weirdly like Tifa’s echoed through his head.

“Sure I can, shut up”, Cloud muttered and got to work.

He could, in fact, not. However, he refused to admit this until he had already overcooked the rice, evaporated the sauce, and realised that he had accidentally bought Chocobo greens instead of vegetables.

But at least he still had the Behemoth meat! He’d bought it specifically because Zack had mentioned it that one time, at the cost of most of the contents of his poor innocent wallet, and he was really curious to find out how it tasted. Frying some meat couldn’t be that hard, could it…?

Cloud quickly discovered that it definitely could be that hard. One moment, the meat looked perfectly fine in the frying pan, and then, without warning, while he took his eyes off it for two seconds, it was on fire!

“Oh fuck!” Cloud exclaimed and tried to pour water on it. By the time he remembered you weren’t supposed to pour water on grease fire, the fire was already growing even bigger. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

While he was panicking and trying to figure out what to do, the one thing that could make the situation worse happened. Sephiroth stepped into the kitchen, his exhausted expression quickly turning into shock as his eyes fell on the burning frying pan. Cloud turned to him, about to yell at him to do something, but before he had time to say anything, Sephiroth had already cast a Blizzaga, freezing the frying pan and the entire stove with it, successfully putting out the fire.

“Oh. Wish I’d thought of that”, Cloud stated awkwardly.

“What are you doing in here, Cloud?” Sephiroth asked, giving Cloud a dead-eyed, exasperated look.

“Whoa, someone’s cranky.”

“I’ve had a very long day, and I came home to find my kitchen on fire. My apologies for not leaping for joy”, Sephiroth retorted, opening his fridge and pulling out an ice cream bar before heading back out into the living room. Cloud hesitated for a few seconds, helped himself to an ice cream, and then followed Sephiroth.

Sephiroth was shirtless, which Cloud definitely wasn’t going to complain about; he had hung his coat over a chair and left a bunch of belts on the floor next to it. He was currently slouched down on his couch, eating his ice cream with an almost miserable aura around him. Cloud sat down next to him, kind of feeling like an asshole all of a sudden.

“I was trying to make you a nice dinner, if that makes you feel any better…”

“I appreciate the effort, Cloud, but please…”, Sephiroth said, looking at least a little bit less grumpy now. “…let me handle the cooking myself next time.”

“Sure”, Cloud said and snorted as he realised that Sephiroth would inevitably find the Chocobo greens in his kitchen at some point. They finished their ice cream in silence, while Cloud tried not to stare at Sephiroth’s abs too much and nestled as close as he possibly could. For a while, it was almost cosy.

“How did you even get in here?” Sephiroth asked, turning to look at Cloud curiously. He had some ice cream on his lips, and for some reason, Cloud found himself hyper-obsessing over it. Sephiroth, the Calamity’s son, had ice cream on his lips. It made him look so silly. Not at all like the threat to humanity and the Planet he was supposed to be.

“With this”, Cloud said smugly and showed him the Thunder Materia.

“Oh, you clever little… Shinra needs to work on their security. I should file a report about this…” Sephiroth rolled his eyes, but actually seemed impressed by his feat. And even so, Cloud couldn’t stop thinking about that ice cream on Sephiroth’s lips… Fuck, he’d promised himself he was going all out, right? Why was he getting nervous now?

“Hey, Sephiroth…” Cloud shifted around a bit so that he was facing Sephiroth, and then swiftly climbed into his lap so he could straddle him. As he put his hands on Sephiroth’s shoulders, he felt Sephiroth tense up beneath him. “You’ve got some ice cream there…” Leaning closer, he pressed their foreheads together and looked into Sephiroth’s alarmed eyes before capturing Sephiroth’s lips in a brief kiss.

For a moment, Cloud was completely certain he was going to get pushed off. He broke off the kiss and leant in for another, hoping to get an actual reaction from Sephiroth other than him being tense and unmoving.

This time, Sephiroth’s lips met him halfway, and as Cloud deepened the kiss, he actually managed to draw a small gasp from Sephiroth. An arm wrapped around Cloud’s waist and pulled him closer, and Cloud took the opportunity to tangle his hands in Sephiroth’s hair and was rewarded with yet another pleased little sound.

“Cloud”, Sephiroth whispered against his lips breathlessly. “Cloud, I…” He cupped Cloud’s cheek with his free hand and pulled back a little bit, so that their eyes met properly. That intense look in his eyes… He was finally looking at Cloud like he was the only thing in the world that mattered. And it wasn’t in the middle of a battle to the death either. Pretty good, all things considered.

“Don’t say a thing”, Cloud said, determined not to let Sephiroth ruin the moment again. He leant in and kissed Sephiroth again, with even more fervour than before, and Sephiroth willingly responded. This was perfect, Cloud thought as their lips moved against each other, nothing could ruin this now. Now, to take this further…

At first, Cloud didn’t realise what the sound was. It wasn’t until Sephiroth broke off their kiss and lifted the phone to his ear that it became obvious to him. Oh, come on, not now, of all times…!

“Hello”, Sephiroth said, sounding slightly out of breath, his face flushed and his hair a bit of a mess.

 _“Sephiroth, we need you to fill out that paperwork we gave you urgently! It needs to be done in half an hour!”_ President Shinra’s voice echoed over the speaker. The mere sound of it filled Cloud with an irrational rage against everyone and everything.

“Of course. I’ll get to work on it… mmph!” Sephiroth pushed Cloud off his lap in an attempt to prevent the aggressive assault on his lips. “…immediately, sir!”

_“…Sephiroth, is someone else there with you?”_

“No, sir”, Sephiroth said a little bit too quickly. “I’ll get to work right away, sir…” He hung up before the President could respond and gave Cloud a look that reminded Cloud a bit of a sad kitten. “I have more work to do… I think it would be best if you left.”

“Are you _kidding?_ ” Cloud yelled, unable to completely keep the hysteria out of his voice. Sephiroth’s only answer was a stern look, and Cloud let out a frustrated sigh and stood up, unable to believe that he had made it this far and failed to get laid yet again.

Cloud stomped off towards the door and was already halfway out of it when Sephiroth caught him by the arm and turned him around.

“I’m sorry, Cloud. I would rather have you stay, but I need to finish the paperwork…” He bent down and pressed a quick, soft kiss against the corner of Cloud’s mouth. “…and I think you would just distract me too much”, he murmured, giving Cloud a fond look before gently pushing him out the door and closing it on him.

Cloud stood in the hallway outside Sephiroth’s apartment for quite a few minutes, trying to process everything that had just happened. Well, at least he’d finally made some actual progress…? He touched a finger to his lips, memorising the way the kiss had felt, unable to completely hold back a grin.


	19. Day 19 - August 29th

Sephiroth couldn’t remember when he’d last been in such a good mood. He’d been thinking about yesterday’s events all morning, remembering Cloud’s lips against his and how happy it had made him. Honestly, he felt rather ridiculous, still not completely sure why he was so focused on something like that… He also wondered why Cloud had suddenly decided to kiss him in the first place. He hoped it wasn’t just a one-time thing.

Maybe he should get Cloud flowers again. Cloud had seemed happy about them last time, after all. He decided to go down to Aerith’s church again, to see if she had any more flowers for him.

When he entered the church, he found that another familiar face was already there. Zack was standing next to Aerith, wildly gesturing as he ranted about something, while Aerith was caring for her flowers.

“I just feel like I should do something about it, Aerith! I don’t think Cloud should…!” Zack stopped ranting and turned around, yelping as he laid eyes on Sephiroth. “Holy shit, speak of the devil! What are you doing here, man?”

“I wanted to buy more flowers”, Sephiroth said, suddenly feeling very much like he wasn’t supposed to be here.

“For Cloud?” Aerith got to her feet and offered him a surprisingly friendly smile. Sephiroth nodded, and suddenly found Zack all up in his face. That oddly serious expression really didn’t fit him.

“If you hurt Cloud, I don’t give a damn if you’re Sephiroth. I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“I’m not going to hurt Cloud”, Sephiroth replied, unsure how to respond to this accusation. Zack was still glaring at him suspiciously, so Sephiroth reluctantly decided to admit it and get it over with. “I’ve quickly grown very fond of him, Zack. The last thing I want is to hurt him.”

“Fond of him?” Zack repeated incredulously. “Wait… Do you… have a crush on Cloud?” Sephiroth, who had been unable to put his feelings into words until this moment, felt a bit like someone had punched him in the stomach. A crush. That sounded so silly and childish, especially for him. Sephiroth didn’t get crushes. At least not until now. “Are you… blushing?” Zack asked and stared at him as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“No”, Sephiroth said and quickly lowered his head to hide his face from Zack behind his hair.

“Yes, you are!” Zack began to grin. “Aww! That’s _adorable_! I had no idea you were actually into him! That changes everything! You should tell him! He’s gonna be so happy! You’re gonna be the cutest couple ever!”

Him and Cloud, a couple? Why did the mere thought of that make him feel so warm inside…? He didn’t even know how these things worked. How did being a couple even work? Sephiroth had barely spent any time around couples in real life; his only knowledge came from awful romance novels he’d borrowed from the Shinra library when he’d run out of scientific literature to read. He’d never imagined himself in such a situation before…

“You wanted more flowers, right?” Aerith came up to him and handed him a small bouquet. He was about to take out his wallet, but she shook her head, a small smile on her face. “They’re free. It’s my gift to you and Cloud, hoping you both find happiness.”

Happiness? Sephiroth stared at the flowers, unsure what to say. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever wished for him to be happy before.

“Thank you”, he simply replied in the end, even though it felt like it wasn’t enough.

“Look, Sephiroth…” Zack placed his hand on Sephiroth’s shoulder, looking strangely serious again. “The company is sending me on vacation to Costa del Sol in a few days, so I won’t be around for a while. But when I get back, we really should hang out more!”

“All right”, Sephiroth agreed, getting a distinct feel that there was something Zack wanted to say but didn’t.

“Awesome!” Zack grinned and shoved at Sephiroth’s shoulder playfully. “Now, go give Cloud those flowers, dammit!”

Sephiroth hurried back to the Shinra building to find Cloud, doing his best to hide the bouquet under his coat to avoid people asking questions. It only took him a bit of searching to find Cloud in an empty corridor, unenthusiastically mopping the floor. For a moment, Sephiroth was about to change his mind about approaching Cloud. What if he’d misunderstood yesterday’s events completely? He’d never been good at reading people… But then, of course, Cloud noticed him.

“Oh! Hey!” He threw his mop aside carelessly and made his way over to Sephiroth. “Finished all the paperwork now?”

“Yes… Sorry about that”, Sephiroth said, reminding himself to turn his phone off if there was a similar situation in the future. “Here. An apology.” He handed Cloud the flowers, wondering if he messed up when Cloud just raised an eyebrow at him and didn’t say anything. “Did I… do something wrong?” he decided to ask, just to make sure.

“Nah”, Cloud said, looking down at the flowers with a far-off look in his eyes. “I’m just kinda trying to figure out what you want from me.” Now _that_ was a mutual feeling for sure.

“Answers”, Sephiroth said immediately, because that had been what he wanted first, after all. “And more kisses, maybe”, he added, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“Oh, really now?” Cloud smirked and stepped closer, eyeing Sephiroth in a way that made Sephiroth feel like he was prey being watched by a predator. “Well, I won’t be giving any answers… but I think kisses can be arranged.”

Before Sephiroth could entirely process what was happening, Cloud already had him pushed against a wall and was shoving their lips together. He was rougher than he had been yesterday; when Sephiroth tugged him closer, Cloud responded with biting down on Sephiroth’s lip so hard that it actually hurt. In response, Sephiroth grabbed the back of Cloud’s head and pulled him back by his hair.

“Calm down, Cloud!”

“All right, all right…” Cloud grumbled, but did lean in for another, gentler kiss. Much better. They kissed slowly for a bit, Cloud’s hand pressed firmly against Sephiroth’s chest while Sephiroth held him close. Cloud felt so warm and nice in his arms… Sephiroth found himself wondering what he’d done to deserve something this wonderful.

The sound of footsteps around the closest corner reached him before it did Cloud. Sephiroth quickly grabbed Cloud by the shoulders and gently pushed him off, just in time before a few infantrymen rounded the corner and stopped to stare at them, as they were still standing in a somewhat awkward position. Sephiroth looked down at Cloud, noting his disappointed, startled expression and flushed face. The bouquet had lost a few petals.

“Keep up the good work”, Sephiroth said in the best stern superior tone he could manage at such a short notice, awkwardly patted Cloud on the shoulder and then hurried off in the opposite direction, determined not to stay there and make this situation even worse.


	20. Day 20 - August 30th

Even though Cloud had stopped setting his alarm, his squad mates hadn’t, so he was still forced to wake up to the same annoying tune every morning. And this morning, from the moment Cloud heard that tune, he knew he wouldn’t be getting out of bed any time soon. It was just one of _those_ days today. He curled up under his blanket and tried to make himself comfortable as his squad mates got out of bed and prepared for the day.

Sometimes, knowing the things he did, it was just too hard to get through the day. When he’d first been given the chance to do things over, he’d been elated, but for every time he failed, he just felt more and more hopeless. He missed his friends in AVALANCHE. He missed his makeshift family. No matter how happy he was to see Zack and Aerith alive, it felt like he’d lost something else instead. And even though they were alive now, it was inevitable that everything went to hell anyway, so did it even matter?

He’d already been lying there wallowing in his own misery for a while, long enough that his squad mates had all left for the day, when he felt the bed sway as someone sat down next to him. His blanket was tugged off and he found Zack peering down at him.

“Hey Cloud, thought I’d check up on you!”

“Leave me alone”, Cloud grumbled and pulled the blanket over his head, only to have it pulled away by Zack once again.

“Everything okay?” Zack asked, sounding a bit concerned now. “I ran into some of your squad mates and they said you were sleeping in, so I figured you might be sick or something…”

“Yeah…” At the moment, Cloud definitely did feel sick; sick of everything. “Having a bad day”, he admitted, not really seeing any point in hiding it.

“Hey, everything will be okay, Cloud.” Zack pulled the blanket off again and offered Cloud an encouraging smile. “Tomorrow will be a better day for sure.” He said it so confidently that Cloud almost believed him for a second, until everything caught up with him again.

“You can’t know that for sure”, he replied. For the most part, he’d become used to seeing Zack around all the time, but sometimes, in weak moments, it was still so fucking hard to look at him without remembering what was going to happen to him.

“Look, I’m gonna go now, but trust me, you shouldn’t worry so much!” Zack said and winked at him. “You never know when an awesome surprise might come along!” He left before Cloud could ask him what he meant, but it was pretty obvious that he was planning something. Cloud accepted his fate and decided to lie there and wait for whatever surprise Zack had in mind.

The hours rolled by, and eventually, Cloud’s squad mates began to return to the barracks. Cloud was starting to wonder if Zack had been distracted and forgotten about him – which he wouldn’t mind honestly, he wanted to be left alone – when he heard the door open just as all his squad mates’ idle chatter suddenly fell silent.

“H-how can we help, sir?” someone asked. Okay, what the fuck was happening now? Cloud stuck his head out from beneath the blanket and spotted Sephiroth standing in the doorway, looking rather out of place among all the infantrymen who were staring at him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked before he could help himself, earning himself a few glares from his squad mates for daring to be so rude to their hero.

“I was told to make a delivery for a miserable infantryman”, Sephiroth said stiffly, walking through the room towards Cloud as everyone else quickly moved aside to let him pass. Cloud sat up in bed just in time to have a box of chocolate dropped into his lap.

“Chocolate?” Cloud questioned, still a bit too shocked by Sephiroth’s sudden appearance to process this properly. “Weren’t the flowers enough?” A few gasps echoed through the room.

“Everyone out.” Sephiroth’s voice was stone cold. There was no hesitation; every single infantryman in the room rushed towards the door, and within a few seconds, Cloud and Sephiroth were alone in the room. Instantly, Sephiroth’s serious expression seemed to soften, as if a mask had been removed. “What’s wrong, Cloud?”

“Um”, Cloud said, not really sure how to respond to that question when it was being asked by Sephiroth, of all people. Sephiroth, who was now sitting down next to him and somewhat hesitantly wrapping an arm around him. Why the hell was Sephiroth acting like this? Was he actually genuinely concerned about Cloud? There was no way. Zack must’ve forced him into it somehow.

“Zack said he thought I should talk to you…” Sephiroth said, which made Cloud even more certain that yes, this was all Zack’s doing. “I don’t know if I can do much, but… if you want to, I’ll bring you along on a longer mission to the Northern Continent tomorrow. Would that cheer you up?”

“What, seriously?” Cloud stared at Sephiroth. Holy fuck, _yes_. He was desperate for a scenery change. He _never_ got to go to the Northern Continent. He was usually stuck in Midgar until Nibelheim, occasionally managing to go on a mission somewhere else on the Eastern Continent, but never anything like this… Also, why the fuck was that such a turn-on? Was he just horny for getting out of the big city now?

“You don’t have to if you’d rather stay here…”

“I want to!” Cloud quickly insisted, hoping he didn’t come across as too desperate. “Why the hell would I pick cleaning duty over going on a big mission?”

“How am I supposed to know? Maybe cleaning duty is your favourite thing”, Sephiroth retorted with an amused smile on his face and leant in closer, as if he was waiting for Cloud to kiss him. Okay, Cloud liked where this was going.

“Only when I can use it as an excuse to follow you around”, Cloud mumbled and trailed a finger down Sephiroth’s jaw. The thought of getting out of Midgar already made him feel much better, and maybe, just maybe this was going to get interesting even before that… “Hey.” He shifted around until he could hook a leg around Sephiroth’s waist. “You should stay the night.”

“Here?” Sephiroth shook his head and made a move to stand up. “I really couldn’t. I’ve already stayed too long. We shouldn’t be making people any more suspicious than they already are.” Oh, come on…! Fuck it, time to be desperate.

“Then I’ll come over to your place!” Cloud threw his arms around Sephiroth’s neck and clung to him as he got to his feet. Sephiroth sighed and untangled himself from Cloud’s arms with surprising patience, gently setting Cloud down on the bed before pressing a brief kiss to Cloud’s forehead.

“Another time. If you’re going on a mission with me tomorrow, I have a lot of preparations that need to be made. I’ll come get you tomorrow morning.” He pulled back and turned away, leaving as quickly as he had arrived. Oh well, at least he still had the promise of tomorrow… Yum, some alone-time with Sephiroth, far away from Shinra and anyone else who could get in the way…

As soon as Sephiroth was gone, all of his squad mates flooded back into the room, clearly eager for some juicy details.

“Strife, what the _actual_ fuck?!”

“Why… why did the Great Sephiroth himself come here… just to give you a box of _chocolate_?!”

“Are you two really fucking, Strife?! Like, _for real_?!”

“Shut up and I’ll share the chocolate with you”, Cloud said smugly and popped a piece of chocolate into his mouth.


	21. Day 21 - August 31th

For once, Cloud was actually enthusiastic to wake up early. He was already dressed and waiting outside the barracks before any of his squad mates had even woken up, ready for Sephiroth to show up. Sephiroth made his appearance after around half an hour of waiting, immediately giving him a questioning look.

“Are you really going to the Northern Continent dressed like that? You know, the infantry uniform would probably be better equipped for the climate…”

“Nah”, Cloud said. No way he was leaving his sweet leather getup behind. “I’m from Nibelheim. I can handle cold weather just fine.” Not like Sephiroth could talk, honestly. He stepped closer and placed a hand on Sephiroth’s bare chest. “You’re not even wearing a shirt. You don’t get a say in this.”

“The cold doesn’t affect me as much as it does other people”, Sephiroth said, giving Cloud an amused look as he began to lead him along. “Let’s go, or we’ll miss the plane.”

The plane? Cloud would’ve expected a helicopter, but quickly decided not to ask. An entire airplane to themselves… That sounded like it could get interesting…

By the time they actually got to the plane, Cloud quickly discovered that unless Sephiroth had an orgy planned out, things were, in fact, _not_ getting interesting any time soon. There were a bunch of other infantrymen gathered outside the plane, as well as a few SOLDIER 2nds and 3rds.

“Oh… What are all these people doing here?” he asked, suddenly feeling very much like a 16-year-old, awkward and tiny standing next to Sephiroth, especially when everyone turned to look at the two of them.

“Going on the mission with us”, Sephiroth said, as if there was nothing inherently disappointing about his statement. “There has been a lot of monster activity in the Icicle Inn area lately, so we’re bringing a lot of manpower to deal with the threat swiftly.”

Cloud felt very tempted to just ditch Sephiroth right then and there, but the icy fresh mountain air of the Northern Continent still called to him. This didn’t have to ruin everything, he tried to tell himself. Just because other people were coming along too it didn’t mean that absolutely everything about this would be horrible.

An hour later, pressed against a window and ignoring everyone else in the plane chattering loudly while trying not to throw up, Cloud regretted every decision he had made that led up to this point. Motion sickness was the fucking worst, and of course there were no plastic bags in sight. And Sephiroth had ditched him too, leaving him with the rest of the infantrymen while he sat at the front of the plane with everyone else from SOLDIER…

At this point, Cloud knew for sure that he was inevitably going to end up throwing up. And if he was going to do that, he was definitely going to do it all over Sephiroth, because yes, he was that spiteful. Determined to dramatically exert his revenge, he stumbled away from his seat and towards the front of the plane.

All the SOLDIER members, who had been talking animatedly amongst themselves, stopped their conversation and watched as Cloud approached on unsteady feet, trying to find Sephiroth. Finally, Cloud spotted him, seated a few rows in front of everyone else, seeming very focused on the book he was reading.

“You okay, kid?” a concerned SOLDIER asked. “You look a bit pale.”

“Sephiroth”, Cloud said, his voice coming out a little bit breathless. Sephiroth instantly looked up, put his book away and was at Cloud’s side in an instant.

“Is something the matter?”

“I feel sick”, Cloud admitted. He was instantly hauled along and made to sit down, a plastic bag and a bottle of water placed in his hands by Sephiroth, who was all over him immediately, hand on his back and hovering over him almost like a worried parent.

“Do you need anything else? Can I do anything else to help? Is this normal?”

“I always… get motion sick in vehicles”, Cloud said, a bit overwhelmed by all the attention Sephiroth was suddenly giving him, before finally relenting and throwing up his entire breakfast into the plastic bag. Sephiroth finally sat down next to Cloud and rubbed his back in an almost comforting way, before moving it to run his fingers through Cloud’s hair.

“You should try to drink some water…”

“Sure thing, mom”, Cloud grumbled and took a sip from the water bottle Sephiroth had handed him, before dumping the plastic bag in Sephiroth’s lap and leaning against his shoulder. He didn’t feel as sick anymore, just exhausted. Sephiroth sighed, moved the plastic bag to the side and hauled Cloud up into his lap instead. Oh. Okay. Cloud made himself comfortable and rested his head against Sephiroth’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

He must’ve fallen asleep after that. The next time he came to, it was to Sephiroth shaking him awake.

“Cloud. We’ve arrived.”

“Huh?” Cloud felt groggy and confused, and the most interesting thing in his life was currently that his hand was on Sephiroth’s chest. He tried to fondle those perfect, firm muscles, but as Sephiroth got to his feet he ended up sliding off Sephiroth’s lap. And then he suddenly remembered exactly what was going on. “Wait, we’re at the Northern Continent now?!”

When Sephiroth nodded, Cloud didn’t waste a single moment. Fuck yeah. He needed to get outside! He pushed past everyone else, eager to be the first one out of the plane… only to find himself standing in a freezing hell the moment he made it outside.

Okay… Yeah, the last time he’d been here he’d been very Mako-enhanced, and maybe, just _maybe_ that had made him a bit more cold-resistant. Either that, or global warming was going to hit the Northern Continent hard over the next 5 years. Whatever it was, he was definitely freezing way more than he’d expected.

“We’re going to eliminate a pack of monsters in the area”, Sephiroth announced. “We have today and tomorrow to finish the job, and we’ll be staying overnight at Icicle Inn. Get to work.”

Everyone began to trudge through the snow, including Cloud, who regretted it the moment he stepped into the snow with his evidently not very snow-resistant boots. He refused to complain, though. He’d dug his own grave, and he was going to accept his fate and die like a man.

Within half an hour of chasing monsters through the snow, it was becoming very clear to Cloud that his fate could very well be a slow death by frostbite. While everyone else was doing their part in killing the monsters, Cloud lingered around at the back of the group, trying to resist the temptation to lay down in the snow and give up on this loop. He was already contemplating using a Fire Materia to set himself on fire and put himself out of his misery by the time Sephiroth, who had been busy being generally awesome and kicking monster ass with his SOLDIER buddies, finally decided to pay attention to him again.

“Cloud, are you all right?”

“N-not really”, Cloud said through chattering teeth. “Not… doing too hot, to be completely honest.”

“I told you to bring warmer clothes…” Sephiroth said with a sigh, giving Cloud a disappointed look. “All right… Borrow this.” And then, much to Cloud’s disbelief, Sephiroth took off his goddamn coat and draped it around Cloud. What the fuck, it was practically radiating with leftover body heat. Sephiroth really hadn’t been kidding about being cold-resistant.

“You sure you’ll be fine like that?” Cloud asked, unable to believe that Sephiroth was actually going to fight monsters. Shirtless. In the cold. Well, he was definitely _fine_ like that, but…

“No need to worry”, Sephiroth said and ruffled Cloud’s hair, before leaving Cloud in an oversized leather coat to go kill more monsters. Life felt a bit better now that he was warm and cosy in a coat his past self would’ve been ready to die for if it meant getting to wear it. Not to mention that he could stare at Sephiroth’s ass in those tight leather pants now. _Nice._

By the time evening came, they’d killed a lot of monsters, but the pace had slightly slowed down after Sephiroth took his coat off. Cloud was honestly kind of glad to find solidarity in that everyone else was distracted by shirtless Sephiroth too. They retreated to Icicle Inn for the evening, where Cloud was definitely looking forward to sharing a warm bed with Sephiroth.

He didn’t know why he’d expected things to actually go his way for once. He’d given Sephiroth his coat back, waited patiently outside the inn with everyone else while Sephiroth went in to book their rooms, and when everyone went inside, he followed Sephiroth as everyone split up to go to their rooms. Everything had gone smoothly, but then…

“Cloud…” Sephiroth stopped halfway through opening the door to their room. “Why are you following me?”

“Because… I want to go to bed?” Cloud said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I always have my own room on missions, Cloud”, Sephiroth stated matter-of-factly, still looking at Cloud like he was doing something wrong.

“I know”, Cloud said, desperately trying not to sound as frustrated as he was feeling.

“You’re supposed to share a room with some of the other infantrymen.” Oh hell no. This fucker…! “There’s only one bed in this room”, Sephiroth added, as if that was supposed to change anything.

“I know!” Cloud repeated, definitely frustrated now. “We’ll share it!”

“You… want to share a bed with me…” Sephiroth had that oddly distant look on his face again for a moment, but then shook his head and turned to look away from Cloud. “I’m sorry, Cloud. You wouldn’t be able to sleep next to me.”

Cloud was just about to tell Sephiroth that he hadn’t exactly been planning on actually sleeping tonight, but Sephiroth chose that moment to slip into his room and close the door on him. Frustrated and disappointed, Cloud knocked on the door, but got no answer. Finally, he gave up, realising that this had all been for nothing, and stomped off to find some infantrymen to share a room with. What a shitty fucking way to end the day.


	22. Day 22 - September 1st

He jerked awake so suddenly that he thought he was still dreaming for a moment, trying to struggle loose from what he quickly discovered was a blanket and not a pair of hands trying to choke him. Sephiroth desperately tried to remember how to breathe and forget what the dream had been about, but Genesis’s and Angeal’s faces remained firm in his mind even though the details were quickly becoming fuzzy.

“It wasn’t my fault”, he tried to tell himself. “It wasn’t… It wasn’t…!” His chest hurt, he felt sick, he still couldn’t breathe…!

_Then why didn’t you go to Modeoheim yourself, Sephiroth?_ a voice whispered in the back of his mind. _Why did you send Zack instead? Did you really think he’d be able to save them, or were you just too much of a coward to face them?_

Sephiroth finally managed to take a deep breath and tried to tell himself that it didn’t matter anymore. They’d both abandoned him, and now they were both dead. He was all alone now…

What time was it anyway? He took a look at the clock and found that it was 4 in the morning, meaning he had probably slept around 3 hours at the most. There was no way he was going to fall asleep again. He got out of bed and began to get dressed. If he wasn’t going to sleep anyway, he might as well get started on mission work. 

He tracked down the remaining monsters with ease and spent the early morning hours slowly and meticulously getting rid of all of them. By the time all the monsters were dead, the sun had begun to rise, and Sephiroth made his way back into town, satisfied with a job well done. He found his troops waiting outside the inn, and as soon as they spotted him, they all approached him in a hurry.

“Sir! Where have you been? We looked for you everywhere!” one SOLDIER 2nd Class exclaimed.

“I woke up early and finished the rest of the mission”, Sephiroth informed everyone. “They’re not sending a plane to pick us up until this evening, so you all get the day off to do whatever you want here in Icicle Inn.” His words were met with enthusiastic cheers and every single person storming off in different directions, until only one was left behind.

Cloud was leaning against a wall, looking decidedly unhappy. Sephiroth remembered their conversation last night and wondered what else he could have done. What would Cloud even think if he knew about Sephiroth’s nightmares, knowing how pathetic Sephiroth truly was…?

“Sleep well?” Cloud asked, sounding really disappointed. Sephiroth had a feeling that the disappointment was targeted at him specifically.

“Not particularly”, he admitted. “I’m… sorry about last night. Do you… want to do something together now instead?” What did people even do for fun around here? He noticed a few people passing them by with snowboards in hand. Maybe, just maybe… “Would you like to go snowboarding with me?”

“Snowboarding?” Cloud gave him a surprised look. “I didn’t know you snowboarded.”

“I don’t”, Sephiroth said, suddenly overcome by an uncharacteristic urge to grin at Cloud. “I just thought we could let loose and have fun, for once.” He felt like he was channelling Zack’s spirit, doing something so impulsive just for the fun of it. Cloud seemed to think the same, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Who are you and what did you do with Sephiroth?” he asked incredulously.

“Are you coming or not?” Sephiroth retorted. Maybe this was just the sleep deprivation kicking in, now that he was thinking about it.

“Sure. Just let me check at the inn if they have some warmer clothes I can borrow.” He went back inside the inn. Sephiroth was glad he’d learnt something from yesterday’s mistakes. Of course, he’d never admit it, but it _had_ been getting rather cold without his coat yesterday, at least after a few hours had passed. He was glad he’d get to keep it on today.

Sephiroth had never snowboarded before, but he was a quick learner when it came to most subjects, and snowboarding was no exception. Within fifteen minutes of practice, he already felt confident enough to fearlessly go down the longest snowboarding course. When he suggested it to Cloud, Cloud was quick to agree and even declaring it a race, but as soon as they actually set off, Cloud quickly got left behind.

Left alone to enjoy the experience, Sephiroth quickly decided that he was definitely doing this again at some point. He rarely had a chance to enjoy nature as it was, but now, speeding down this snowy mountain while the sun shone down on him, he could almost let go of all his worries for just a moment. He felt so free. He wished he could feel like this more often.

Maybe he could go back here with Cloud again at some point… Cloud had seemed so disappointed by not getting to share a room with him. Perhaps they could get a room with two beds, or something… Not that it would make a difference, really. He just didn’t want Cloud to think less of him. But it would be so nice to be able to sleep next to Cloud…

Finally, yet far too soon, he reached the end of the slope. He got off his snowboard and stopped to wait for Cloud, who caught up with him after a minute or so, slightly clumsy but clearly not completely incapable of handling a snowboard.

“Damn, you just flew off before I had a chance to keep up!” he exclaimed as he stopped right next to Sephiroth, grabbing him by the arm to support himself as he got off his snowboard and took off his snowboarding helmet. “You sure you’ve never snowboarded before?”

“Completely sure”, Sephiroth replied as he took off his helmet as well, to be able to look Cloud properly in the eye. “How about you? You don’t seem like a complete beginner either.” He remembered Cloud mentioning he was from Nibelheim… a mountain town. He guessed that meant snow, at least in the winter. “Did you go snowboarding in Nibelheim when you were younger?”

“Nibelheim?” Cloud seemed to flinch at the mention of his hometown. “No… I mean, we did get snow, and a few of the other kids used to go snowboarding… but I never did. I’ve only gone snowboarding once before, with some friends of mine.”

“What, you have friends?” Sephiroth asked, mostly meaning it as a joke. Cloud seemed like a bit of a loner, from what he’d seen. He’d never really noticed Cloud being eager to spend time with other infantrymen, for example. Maybe he’d been mistaken, or maybe Cloud had a bunch of friends hidden away somewhere else.

“Used to.” Cloud’s expression grew serious, not what Sephiroth had intended at all. “Not anymore.” He sounded so bitter. So resigned.

Not anymore… Sephiroth took a deep breath, wondering why his heart had skipped a beat at those words, until he realised. Him and Cloud… Were they both the same? Left behind by people they had thought were their friends, abandoned… all alone.

Sephiroth wanted so badly to pull Cloud into his arms and hold him tight right then. He hesitated for a moment, before deciding to go for it. He dropped his helmet to the ground, crossed the distance between them and scooped Cloud into a tight hug, drawing a small gasp from Cloud in response.

_We’re not alone anymore,_ he wanted to tell Cloud. _We have each other now._ Yet he found himself unable to form a coherent sentence as Cloud tossed his own helmet aside and wrapped his arms around Sephiroth as well.

And then, it became difficult to even think coherently as Cloud’s lips were suddenly on his throat and Cloud’s hands in his hair. Sephiroth once again needed to remind himself to breathe as he pulled Cloud closer, hiding his face in Cloud’s hair. Why was it so hard to stay on his feet? His knees felt so weak…

Cloud tugged Sephiroth down onto the ground with him without any warning. While they were both on their knees in the snow, Sephiroth took the moment to capture Cloud’s lips in a kiss, which got an eager response. Cloud’s hands were all over his chest, and when Sephiroth grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him backwards, Cloud dragged Sephiroth along until he was on top of Cloud, who was now on his back in the snow.

This was perfect. Just him and Cloud in the middle of nowhere, far away from the rest of the world. Nothing else mattered right now. Sephiroth kissed Cloud, slower and more gently, as Cloud responded in turn, lifting his legs up to wrap them around Sephiroth’s waist.

They kept this up for a while, for long enough that Sephiroth could lose himself in this wonderful, wonderful feeling that Cloud awoke in him. It was in that moment he finally realised why Cloud was so special. It was because Cloud didn’t treat him like a war hero, a superior or a lab rat. Cloud just treated him like Sephiroth, like a person, and Sephiroth was suddenly very aware of how important that was to him. If Cloud treated him like a human, it felt easier to be one.

“You know what? I’m not taking my clothes off in the snow”, Cloud said, interrupting Sephiroth’s sudden insight into himself, as if it was the most important decision he had made in his life.

“Yes, that’s probably a bad idea”, Sephiroth gasped, not really sure why Cloud had even considered such a thing. “You’re going to catch a cold. We should probably go back.”

“Nah, not yet. Let’s just keep it up for a bit longer”, Cloud said and pulled Sephiroth in for another kiss that Sephiroth was completely incapable and unwilling to resist. And for the moment, it really felt like the only right thing to do.

Cloud still spent the whole plane trip back to Midgar sneezing, though, so perhaps it really hadn’t been their best idea.


	23. Day 23 - September 2nd

When Cloud woke up, he knew immediately that something was wrong. He felt sluggish and disoriented, his throat was hurting, and upon trying to take a deep breath through his nose, he quickly realised that he had a cold. Oh, for fuck’s sake… In hindsight, he should’ve known that lying in the snow like that had been a bad idea, but to his defence, he’d been kind of distracted. At least he hadn’t taken his clothes off! Not that it mattered now, he felt like garbage anyway…

Somehow, he still managed to drag himself out of bed and slowly made his way over to the Shinra building. Right now, Cloud just wanted to find Zack and complain to him about everything he had gone through since last seeing him. It wouldn’t solve anything, but at least he’d feel better.

He didn’t find Zack flirting with the receptionist, nor on the SOLDIER floor. Instead, he found Kunsel and a bunch of other SOLDIER 2nds talking to each other.

“Hey Kunsel, do you know where Zack is?” he asked as he slipped into the crowd, immediately gaining everyone’s attention.

“Oh, if it isn’t my favourite newbie!” Kunsel exclaimed eagerly. “Zack’s not here, sorry. The company sent him on vacation to Costa del Sol. He’s probably not gonna be back for a while… Man, I’m so jealous…”

“Vacation?” Cloud repeated, unable to prevent himself from sounding disappointed. Damn, he’d really wanted to see Zack…

“Yeah! He really seemed to need it, to be honest. He’s been so stressed out lately…” Kunsel replied. Zack, stressed out? Somehow, that was a bit hard for Cloud to imagine. Zack, who always seemed so laid-back and carefree… Maybe Cloud had been too focused on everything else to notice before.

“Okay… Thanks, Kunsel”, he replied and went off to find another way to whine about his problems. Which of course meant trying to text Sephiroth about it.

_i have a cold because of u :(((_

Unfortunately, he got no response, which only made him feel even more whiny and unappreciated. In that case, there was only one thing left for him to do.

Sephiroth hadn’t taken any security measures since last time, so the Thunder Materia trick got Cloud inside as effectively as before. Cloud checked everywhere to make sure and found that Sephiroth wasn’t in his apartment. Perfect. He had the whole place to himself.

At first, he considered cooking something, but then he remembered what had happened last time and he was too tired to cook anyway, so instead, he helped himself to some tasty leftovers he found in Sephiroth’s refrigerator. He made himself cosy on the couch and ate everything he had found. He wondered if it was food Sephiroth had made himself, because in that case, he was a pretty damn good cook. Not as good as Tifa, but then again, who was?

After his meal, he took a small nap, and while he still felt like shit when he woke up, he felt a little bit better about his situation. Now, what else to do…? Snoop around the apartment of course, what else? He began digging through all the drawers in the living room, not really finding anything interesting except a stash of chocolate and a box full of different kinds of mastered Materia.

Cloud only hesitated for a few seconds before opening the door to Sephiroth’s bedroom, eager to find out what he could find in there. It turned out to be rather anticlimactic. He found only a perfectly made bed, a small bedside table, a wardrobe full of nothing but clothes and a bookshelf packed to the brim with all sorts of science-related books. Boring.

What would he find in the bedside table drawer, then? Condoms and lube, maybe? Oh, maybe something kinky… Cloud smirked to himself as he opened the drawer, only to be disappointed when he found nothing but a framed photograph. Cloud quickly got curious again, however, and grabbed the photograph to inspect it closer.

Sephiroth, along with two other members of SOLDIER that he could vaguely recognise. The one on the left reminded him of Zack, with the same 1st Class uniform and even something that looked suspiciously like the Buster Sword swung over his back. The one in the middle, dressed in a red coat matching Sephiroth’s black one, had his arms casually draped over the shoulders of his companions. And on the right, Sephiroth was looking so strangely relaxed, and… smiling, genuinely smiling. They all looked so happy.

Cloud was struck by a sudden feeling that he was seeing something he wasn’t supposed to see, and quickly stuffed it back into the bedside drawer. He felt like he should know who Sephiroth’s mysterious companions were, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the remnants of Zack’s memories at the back of his mind, or from his own fragmented memories of his youth. Maybe a bit of both? He sighed. This was giving him a headache. His shitty memory sure wasn’t doing him any favours…

Feeling oddly guilty for snooping around, Cloud decided to take a peek into Sephiroth’s bathroom instead. Holy shit, Sephiroth had a bathtub. Hell yeah. A warm bath was exactly what Cloud wanted right now. He began filling the tub with water and set out on a quest to see if Sephiroth had anything interesting in his bathroom cupboards.

Cloud found _way_ too many bottles of shampoo, even more different kinds of painkillers – which was honestly a bit concerning – and most importantly, a bunch of bath bombs. He enthusiastically grabbed a couple of the lavender-scented ones and dropped them into the bath, before quickly stripping and getting into the water.

This was perfect. Cloud hadn’t had the chance to take a bath in a long, long time, so he took the opportunity to make himself comfortable. He must’ve lain there for a long time, since he was almost dozing off by the time he suddenly heard the sound of a door opening.

Assuming that it was Sephiroth getting back, Cloud decided to finally get out of the bath. He dried himself off with a towel, before grabbing a bathrobe he found and dressing himself in it. It was way too big for him, but it was comfortable, and he’d be able to get out of it easily if that was required…

“Hey, Sephiroth…” he called as he stepped out of the bathroom. Sephiroth, who had taken a seat on the couch with a box of takeout in his hands, jerked his head up and stared at Cloud, startled.

“Cloud… I didn’t even notice you were here…” he mumbled, sounding exhausted.

“Don’t tell me you got sick too”, Cloud said. Considering how much time Sephiroth had spent running around shirtless in the snow, he wasn’t actually all that surprised.

“I’m not sick”, Sephiroth huffed. “I don’t get sick.” Then he sneezed, which did absolutely nothing but convince Cloud of the opposite.

“Sure you don’t…” Cloud sat down next to him on the couch.

“Not sick”, Sephiroth retorted, continuing to eat his food at a slow pace, his eyes almost falling shut every few seconds. After a minute or so, he let out a frustrated sigh, leant forward and placed the box of takeout on the table, before leaning his head back against the couch cushions and closing his eyes.

“Are you sure?” Cloud asked sceptically. Sephiroth muttered something unintelligible and shifted around a little bit to make himself more comfortable. Cloud waited for a moment, then reached out and poked Sephiroth’s nose. No reaction. “Are you ignoring me, or did you actually fall asleep?” Cloud questioned, getting no response at all. He trailed his finger down Sephiroth’s cheek along his neck, watching as Sephiroth’s lips curled into the barest hints of a smile.

Sephiroth looked oddly adorable like this, completely relaxed, with his face devoid of its usual tension. It made him look younger, softer, somehow. Cloud wasn’t sure how to deal with this; it was kind of unnerving that he was sitting right here, staring at a man he’d fought to the death too many times to count and thinking he was cute. Wanting to have hate sex with him was one thing… but this? This was the wrong direction entirely.

Cloud decided to retreat before he did something stupid. If Sephiroth was asleep on the couch, there was nothing stopping Cloud from stealing his bed.


	24. Day 24 - September 3rd

Life should have been pretty good right now. This bed was incredibly comfortable, and since it was big enough for at least two people, Cloud had plenty of room to spread his limbs out as much as he wanted. But as soon as he slowly began to return to the waking world, Cloud realised that his cold wasn’t any better than yesterday. In fact, it was actually worse, as he now had a horrible headache on top of his sore throat and stuffy nose. Dammit, life really did have it out for him…

“Cloud?” a voice echoed from somewhere above him. Cloud groaned and opened his eyes to find Sephiroth peering down at him. At first, he was startled by the sight, until he remembered where he was and what was happening. “Are you all right? You don’t look like you’re feeling too well…” Sephiroth leant over Cloud, which caused his hair to tickle Cloud’s face.

“Just kill me now”, Cloud whined as the full weight of exactly how shitty he felt began to hit him. He wished he’d never woken up. “Put me out of my misery…” Even getting run through with Masamune felt preferable at the moment, because at least then he’d get to wake up and not have to deal with this cold…

“No thanks. I’d have to clean up the bloodstains and wash my bedsheets. I’m not in the mood for that”, Sephiroth retorted jokingly, before sitting down next to Cloud and touching his forehead. “How are you feeling? Do you have a fever? Is there anything I can do…?”

“Uh…” Cloud tried to think about what he wanted and despaired when he realised he felt too miserable to even want to get laid right now. What the fuck did he even want then?! What was even the point?! He desperately tried to come up with something, anything. “Water”, he finally croaked. “And painkillers.” He definitely needed both of those, urgently.

“All right.” Sephiroth got up and left, and before Cloud knew it, he’d returned with a big glass of water in one hand and a couple of mysterious pills in the other. Cloud didn’t hesitate for even a second; he popped the pills into his mouth and downed all the water in a few gulps. Maybe he should’ve been more hesitant about accepting mysterious pills just like that, but he felt like shit and couldn’t really bring himself to care. If he ended up tripping out or dying, it would still be better than his current existence.

“Thanks”, he muttered and curled up under the blankets, planning to sleep away the rest of the day. At least he had this bed, the only solace in his miserable world.

“Is there anything else I can do to help you, Cloud?” Sephiroth sat down next to him again, and Cloud felt a gentle hand stroke his back. “Do you want something to eat? More blankets? Just tell me and I’ll do my best to arrange it.” Why was Sephiroth being so sweet now…? It was weird.

“I want my suffering to end”, Cloud replied, well aware of what an overdramatic bitch he was being but not exactly eager to do anything to change it. “Leave me alone to die in peace.”

“…You’re not actually dying, are you?” Why the fuck did Sephiroth sound so concerned…? “Do you have a weak immune system? Should we take you to a medical professional?” This was getting stranger and stranger… It made Cloud’s headache even worse.

“I’m going to die out of spite if you say another word”, Cloud groaned and buried his head in his pillow. “Let me sleep.” Sephiroth fell quiet after that, but after a moment Cloud felt him lie down on the bed next to him, not quite close enough to touch but still so close that Cloud could tell he was there. “…Don’t you have work or something…?” he asked sluggishly, tired but curious.

“Took the day off”, Sephiroth replied. “I needed a bit of a break today, my missions yesterday were exhausting, and…”

“Oh, so you’re on sick leave”, Cloud said.

“I’m not sick”, Sephiroth insisted, but he didn’t sound convincing at all. Cloud opened his eyes and watched Sephiroth as he grabbed a book from his bedside table, put on a pair of reading glasses and began to read. Okay, wow, pity he felt like shit now, because he really wanted to be able to fully appreciate just how good Sephiroth looked in those glasses.

“…What are you reading…?” he asked.

“A book on neuroscience”, Sephiroth replied casually, as if there was nothing weird about that at all. “I’ve been reading about a lot of different subjects lately… When I was very young, I wanted to be a scientist, but it was… never really an option for me. Still, I enjoy learning new things, so this is just a self-indulgent hobby of mine…”

“A scientist, huh…” Considering the few things Cloud knew about Sephiroth’s childhood and parentage, he wasn’t sure if he should be surprised or not. “You’re such a nerd…”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to talk to you. Didn’t you want to be left alone?” Sephiroth asked, smirking at him in amusement.

“Mm, I guess…” Cloud closed his eyes and hoped he’d fall asleep and feel better soon.

Much to his surprise, he actually did. He dozed off, and by the time he woke up again, he finally felt at least a little bit alive again. By looking through the window, he determined that it was late afternoon. Sephiroth was still next to him, but he’d fallen asleep with his neuroscience book on his lap, his glasses a bit tilted and his mouth hanging slightly open. Cloud poked him in the shoulder, and he instantly jerked awake, turning to look at Cloud so quickly that his glasses began tilting even more.

“Cloud…? Did you need something…?” Sephiroth’s drowsy voice stood in stark contrast to his swift reactions. While Cloud was definitely feeling a lot better, he still wasn’t in the mood for anything remotely interesting _at all_. Dammit. He hated being sick so fucking much. One day, he swore, one day life wouldn’t be so completely against him. One day, he was going to get laid. But not today, evidently.

“Nah, just wanted to check if you were alive”, he replied instead.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better…” Sephiroth murmured, content, and his eyes fell shut again. Honestly, Sephiroth didn’t really seem like he was up for any strenuous physical activities right now either. Oh well. Maybe it was about time Cloud went back to the barracks anyway. He took off the bathrobe, left it on Sephiroth’s bed and went off to find his clothes.


	25. Day 25 - September 4th

“You have a cold”, Hojo exclaimed, somehow managing to sound impressed and disgusted at the same time as he examined Sephiroth’s blood sample. “You _actually_ managed to get sick! You’re not supposed to get sick! What did you do?!” He was almost bordering on hysteria. In a way it was rather entertaining to watch, if only Sephiroth hadn’t been so eager to just get out of here already.

“I fought monsters in the cold without my coat on for several hours”, Sephiroth admitted reluctantly. Hojo stared at him as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Sephiroth stared back, not willing to show Hojo any signs of regret.

“I can’t believe you sometimes!” Hojo declared, gesturing wildly, and ended up knocking a few test tubes off the table, shattering them against the floor. “Oh, for goodness’s sake…” Rather than picking up the shards, he walked right over them and approached Sephiroth, who shifted uncomfortably on the examination table but still refused to look away. “Why did you do something so irrational?”

“I…” Sephiroth paused, determined not to mention Cloud. He had no intention of finding out exactly how displeased Hojo would be with that. “…I forgot it at the inn.”

“You… forgot it”, Hojo repeated, sounding incredibly unimpressed. He grabbed a pile of papers from the closest table and whacked Sephiroth over the head with it. “Idiot! You’re Shinra’s most valuable asset! You must take better care of your body! It’s because you’ve been eating unhealthy again, isn’t it? You need to start following the diet plan I’ve made for you, boy!”

“Yes, Professor…” Sephiroth muttered, having heard this lecture a thousand times before. Even though he was a grown man, Hojo still treated him as if he was a child. It was incredibly frustrating. He hated being treated like this, but knew better than trying to protest.

“Good”, Hojo huffed. “And I won’t have you getting sick again on my watch! Wear warmer clothes when you go to the Northern Continent in the future, do you understand?”

“Yes, Professor…” Sephiroth repeated, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“Excellent. Take this medicine and you should be back in shape tomorrow.” Hojo placed a pill in Sephiroth’s hand, which Sephiroth obediently swallowed. “Now get out of my lab! You’ve wasted enough of my time with this drivel already!”

Sephiroth didn’t need to be told twice. He was off the examination table headed towards the door as soon as Hojo told him to get out, not wanting to spend a single moment more than required in his presence. At least there hadn’t been any experiments today.

Now that he was done dealing with Hojo for the day, he decided to attempt to find Cloud to see if he was feeling any better. He wandered around the corridors of the Shinra building, and it didn’t take him long to find Cloud, cleaning the floor with a bored expression on his face.

“Oh. Hey”, Cloud said unenthusiastically as Sephiroth approached him.

“Are you all right?” Sephiroth asked. Cloud didn’t seem to be sick anymore, but there was still something miserable in the air around him, and it made Sephiroth feel bad too. Cloud gave him an unimpressed look and shook his head.

“Do you think it’s fun to clean the floors all day?” He dropped the mop onto the floor and leant against the wall with a sigh. “I’m thinking I’m just… not gonna do it anymore. It’s so damn boring.”

“Not doing your job is going to get you fired”, Sephiroth said. He didn’t want Cloud to get fired. Having Cloud around made him feel so happy… What would Cloud do if he got fired? Would he still stay in Midgar so Sephiroth could see him? Or would he leave the city and go back home…? Sephiroth didn’t want him to leave…

“At least I’d have an excuse to go back home then, bet my mom would be happy about that”, Cloud said, much to Sephiroth’s dismay. “Besides, I don’t think they’re actually going to fire me. Not like they care about some insignificant infantryman anyway.”

“Don’t say that…” Sephiroth said, reaching out to place his hand on Cloud’s shoulder. Cloud immediately pushed his hand away and glared at him.

“What? You were the one who said I was insignificant to begin with”, Cloud retorted. Sephiroth felt as if a weight was pressing down on his chest. He had said that, hadn’t he…? When Cloud first tried to approach him…

“I was wrong”, he said quickly. “You’re not insignificant, Cloud!” He wanted to say more, tell Cloud how important he had become so quickly, but with the fierce look Cloud was giving him, he found himself unable to say a single word.

“Glad you finally realised that”, Cloud said and stepped closer. “I’m not insignificant. I’m more important than any other person you’re ever going to meet.”

“That’s… awfully confident of you to say.” Sephiroth was rather surprised by Cloud’s sudden shift in attitude. Maybe it was just because he was bad at reading the mood, but he really felt like he was missing something here. Cloud, important…?

“Trust me, you’ll find out what I mean eventually”, Cloud said confidently. “Don’t worry. I’m not getting fired, and I’m not going back to Nibelheim unless you drag me there yourself.” He trailed a finger down Sephiroth’s chest, a thoughtful look on his face, but at the sound of footsteps around the corner, he pulled back and hurried off, disappearing down the corridor. Sephiroth was left standing there, pondering this strange encounter.

Had that been… an invitation for Sephiroth to come with him to Nibelheim? Sephiroth realised that Cloud had mentioned a mother… Did Cloud want him to come to Nibelheim to meet his family? Why did the thought of that make Sephiroth’s heart beat faster…?

Cloud always spoke of Nibelheim as if it made him unhappy, somehow… Sephiroth wondered what that meant. He couldn’t really understand it, honestly. At least Cloud had a place to call home, and a family… It was so hard to understand why the mere thought of it seemed to make Cloud unhappy, when it was the one single thing Sephiroth had spent his entire life yearning for.


	26. Day 26 - September 5th

Even though he had survived his cold, Cloud still hadn’t managed to shake off the sour taste the entire Northern Continent trip had left in his mouth. He was frustrated! Why had Sephiroth refused to sleep with him, but been perfectly okay with making out in the snow so that Cloud caught a cold, and then acted all sympathetic and kind afterwards? He didn’t get it at all… Sephiroth was just toying with him, playing a cat-and-mouse game with the intent of eventually ruining Cloud entirely, that had to be it!

Because everything was absolutely awful, Cloud decided to go for a walk around the city. He thought fresh air might help, but quickly remembered that the air in Midgar was nowhere near fresh enough to improve his mood. Maybe he should just become a hermit. Run away into the wilderness and never come back. Ignore the time loop bullshit for the rest of all eternity.

As he happened to pass by a bar, he had another idea. When unable to cope with everyday life, get drunk. Just like the good old AVALANCHE days… except he’d been Mako-enhanced then, so getting drunk had taken much more effort. Now, though? Yeah, it was going to be easy.

Or maybe not. He walked towards the bar confidently, only to get stopped at the door by a tall, intimidating man who looked like he would be happy to pick Cloud up and break him like a twig.

“Hey kid, this bar is for 18 and older only.”

Oh. Shit, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t thought of that. But hey, he wasn’t going to give up that easily! Cloud straightened his back and tried to look as tough as possible, which was pretty hard, being like two heads shorter than the bouncer.

“I’m with Shinra. Let me in.”

“Or what?” the bouncer asked, not seeming to take his threat seriously. “You’re with Shinra, huh kid? What’re you gonna do? Sic Sephiroth on me?”

“I mean, I _could_ , but I’d rather not”, Cloud said confidently. “Just let me in, c’mon!” He tried to sneak past the bouncer, but his path was immediately blocked. Okay, this was starting to get annoying.

“Like I said, 18 and over only, kid.”

“I’m 24”, Cloud said firmly, because hey, technically, it had been true, once upon a time… The bouncer, however, looked unconvinced, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Show me your ID or leave.”

Okay, with this guy in the way, Cloud wasn’t getting drunk anytime soon. Oh well, there was only one other thing to do if getting drunk wasn’t an option: the good old adrenaline rush. He curled his hand into a fist and punched the bouncer in the stomach as hard as he could. As he stumbled back in surprise, Cloud slipped past him into the bar.

“Hey! Kid! Get back here!”

Cloud stumbled into the bar, which was full of people, and desperately tried to come up with the next step of his plan. He didn’t have time to get any further before he was grabbed by the back of his jacket and hauled back. Fuck, he was beginning to think that all this effort for a glass or two wasn’t really worth it… But he wasn’t about to give up this easily! He aimed a kick at the bouncer’s leg and struggled as much as he could, determined to at least put up a fight.

“Stop making so much noise, for fuck’s sake!” an oddly familiar voice yelled. Cloud frantically glanced around the room and spotted the source of the voice: Reno, seated at a table along with Rude, looking incredibly annoyed with the whole debacle.

“Reno! Rude!” Cloud exclaimed, quickly deciding to use the situation to his advantage. “Help your best buddy Cloud out here, will you?”

Reno and Rude looked at each other, clearly sharing many unspoken words with just one glance. Then Reno sighed and got to his feet, clearly more than a little bit tipsy as he wobbled over to Cloud and the bouncer, his electro-mag rod in hand.

“He’s with us. Let him go”, Reno declared. Much to Cloud’s surprise, the bouncer actually did let him go, stepping away to get some distance between himself and the electro-mag rod.

“Okay, okay! I didn’t know this guy was a friend of yours… Jeez…”

“He sure is! Cloud, old buddy! It’s been a while! How’ve you been?” Reno slung an arm over Cloud’s shoulders and pulled him along towards his and Rude’s table. “Bartender, get my friend here the best that you’ve got to offer!”

And so, Cloud found himself drinking with Reno and Rude. Not really how he’d expected his day to go, but he wasn’t complaining.

“Okay, kid, spill”, Reno declared as soon as Cloud had received his drink. “Who the fuck are you, and what do you want?”

“Told you, I’m Cloud. I’m in the infantry. And I just wanted a drink.”

“You’re really not 18 yet, are you?” Rude asked. Cloud grinned, said nothing, and took a deep sip of the mysterious alcoholic substance. Rude let out a sigh and shook his head, while Reno snorted and burst into laughter.

“Damn, Cloud, at least you’ve got style!” He leant across the table, giving Cloud a curious look. “But seriously, there’s got to be a reason you needed a drink, right?”

“Ugh. Yeah”, Cloud admitted, exasperated at the mere thought of Sephiroth. Reno’s expression basically told him to tell him more or get the fuck out, so he relented. “Basically, there’s this guy I’m trying to sleep with…”

“Ooh, relationship drama!” Cloud’s words seemed to light a spark in Reno’s eyes. “We can help with that, right Rude?”

“Uh, it’s not really a relationship or anything”, Cloud said quickly. “I know he’s interested in me, we’ve fooled around a bit, but I just won’t get him to actually sleep with me! I just want to get laid, for fuck’s sake!” Great, he was whining about his problems to Reno and Rude now. What a strange day this was turning out to be.

“Man, that sucks! But don’t worry, Cloud!” Reno reached across the table to pat Cloud on the shoulder, giving him a sympathetic look. “You have my support! I’ll do anything in my power to help you! I’ll fight him! I’ll…!” He gestured wildly with his arms, nearly hitting Rude in the face.

“No, you won’t”, Rude said firmly and grabbed Reno by the shoulder to pull him back. He gave Cloud a serious look, peering at him over his sunglasses. “Cloud, have you tried just… _telling_ him what you want from him? A little bit of conversation can go a long way.”

“Exactly what I was going to say, Rude!” Reno exclaimed eagerly, Cloud entirely forgotten as he stared at Rude as if he’d spoken the word of the gods. “Man, we give the best advice…”

…Huh. It wasn’t exactly the kind of solution Cloud would have chosen to go for. Him and Sephiroth had never exactly solved their problems through talking before… Maybe he should give it a go.


	27. Day 27 - September 6th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it past the halfway point, can you believe it? Thanks for the amazing feedback so far, I hope everyone continues to enjoy it <3

Talking to Sephiroth was a strangely intimidating concept. Cloud had never liked talking about his problems, something Tifa had given him a lot of shit for after Meteorfall, and given that it was _Sephiroth_ he had to talk to made things even worse. So of course, there was only one way to start this: via text.

_hey… can i come over to your place tonight? we need to talk_

He waited for hours, until the evening, when he finally got a reply. A reply that left him nervous yet hopeful.

_Of course. I’ve finished work for the day. Come over any time you want._

After about half an hour of panicking, Cloud decided to stop being a little bitch and headed over to Sephiroth’s apartment. He decided not to break in for once, and actually knocked on the door. Sephiroth, dressed casually in a turtleneck sweater and sweatpants, no socks on, hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, opened the door. He looked so domestic, what the fuck.

“Hello, Cloud”, Sephiroth said, giving Cloud a strangely soft look. “I made dinner. We can eat and talk about… whatever it is you want to talk about.” Even more domestic, holy shit.

“Sure. Sounds great”, Cloud said, wondering why the fuck he was suddenly being so strongly reminded of how completely, overwhelmingly in love with Sephiroth he had been before Nibelheim happened, when he had been entirely over it for literal years. He actually had butterflies in his stomach now. _Dammit._

Dinner was spent in awkward silence on the living room couch, but at least Cloud finally got to confirm that Sephiroth was, in fact, really fucking good at cooking. Perfect like always. Was there anything Sephiroth couldn’t do? Except sleep with Cloud, of course…

“What did you want to talk about?” Sephiroth asked after they finished eating. Was it just Cloud’s imagination, or did he look nervous…? Cloud certainly was, for some damn reason.

“About that mission we went on…” _C’mon Cloud, just say it already._ “…I thought it was just gonna be the two of us, not a bunch of other people too. And I… really wanted to share that room with you, so I got upset when you told me to leave.”

“…Oh.” Sephiroth seemed to relax, strangely enough. “You wanted to spend time with me… and here I was starting to think you were going to tell me the opposite.”

“Huh?” Cloud hadn’t expected that. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t understand you at all, Cloud…” Sephiroth reached out and placed his hand on Cloud’s cheek, brushing over it with his thumb. “I can’t tell what you want from me.”

“I can’t tell what you want from me either”, Cloud retorted.

“I just want _you_ , Cloud”, Sephiroth said firmly. That was all Cloud needed to hear, honestly. Talking was hard; he had a better idea. He immediately climbed into Sephiroth’s lap and pressed their lips together in a searing kiss, which Sephiroth responded to eagerly, wrapping his arms around Cloud and tugging him closer.

“I want you too”, Cloud whispered and slipped his hands underneath Sephiroth’s sweater, running his fingers over his abs. Sephiroth inhaled deeply and leant back against the backrest of the couch, while Cloud got rid of his scarf and leather jacket by tossing them aside before leaning in to whisper in Sephiroth’s ear. “Let’s make up for lost time. Can I sleep over tonight?”

“All right”, Sephiroth whispered in return.

“I’m thinking we should take this to bed”, Cloud said and nipped at Sephiroth’s ear. In response, Sephiroth got to his feet and pulled Cloud up into his arms as if he weighed nothing. Cloud wrapped his legs around Sephiroth’s waist and tugged the collar of Sephiroth’s turtleneck down so that he could trail kisses all over his neck.

As they made it to the bedroom, Sephiroth set Cloud down on the bed, upon which Cloud wasted absolutely no time in getting rid of the rest of his clothes, leaving him only in his boxers. He was about to take those off as well, but realised that Sephiroth still had an unfortunate amount of clothes on. He had to do something about that.

“Hey, why are you still wearing a shirt? You’re not allowed to wear a shirt”, he said. Sephiroth snorted in response.

“You’re in such a hurry… Calm down, Cloud…” he said, sounding more amused than anything. However, he did take the sweater off, neatly tucking it away into his closet before approaching the bed, sitting down next to Cloud, pulling him in for another kiss. Cloud placed his hands on Sephiroth’s shoulders before lying down on his back, tugging Sephiroth along so that he ended up on top of Cloud.

“I’ve waited for this for a long time, I can’t help being pushy”, Cloud said and took a moment to stare at Sephiroth, marvelling over how ethereal he looked, hair falling loose from his ponytail, his cheeks just a little bit flushed and a small, satisfied smile on his face.

“There’s no need to be in such a hurry… Or do you have any particular plans?” Sephiroth’s fingers were trailing through his hair, and Cloud was becoming more and more aware of just how desperate he really was for this. Just these brief touches were enough to want to plead Sephiroth to just fuck him already. He couldn’t believe what a tease Sephiroth was…

“Anything. I’ll let you do anything you want with me tonight”, he gasped, not particularly caring about the details at this point. Sephiroth smiled, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Cloud’s shoulder.

“Anything?”

“Anything”, Cloud repeated. Sephiroth trailed soft kisses along Cloud’s collarbone, up his neck, over his jawline until he finally reached Cloud’s lips. Cloud reached up to tangle his fingers in Sephiroth’s hair, enjoying it immensely but wishing Sephiroth would just stop with the foreplay already and get on with the real deal.

Then, Sephiroth suddenly shifted around so that he was lying next to Cloud, pulled a blanket over them, wrapped his arms around Cloud’s waist and curled up with his head in the crook of Cloud’s neck. Uh. Okay. Unexpected. But Sephiroth wasn’t seriously just going to go to sleep and leave Cloud incredibly horny and frustrated… was he?

“What are you doing?” Cloud asked hesitantly, not really sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

“Anything I want…” Sephiroth mumbled and shifted around a bit, clearly making himself more comfortable with no intention of moving from his current position any time soon. “I just… want to be able to sleep next to you…” Oh no. There was no way this was happening right now. This was unbelievable. Everything had been going so well too!

Horny, frustrated and very, very confused, Cloud reluctantly accepted his fate and nestled closer to Sephiroth. He really must’ve pissed off some higher power in order to deserve this.


	28. Day 28 - September 7th

Cloud suddenly stirred, feeling like he was about to die from a heatstroke. Sephiroth was like a furnace next to him, and the blankets made things even worse. Pulling all the blankets off helped a bit, but the entire bed was too fucking hot, and it was too dark outside to be anywhere near morning. Ugh. It had been so long since he’d shared a bed with someone that he’d completely forgotten about this part.

Instead of trying to go back to sleep, Cloud just lay awake for a while, staring at the ceiling. Everything was quiet, so when Sephiroth’s breathing suddenly grew more ragged and unsteady, Cloud was instantly aware of it. Even more so when an arm hit him in the face.

“Sephiroth?” Struggling a bit, Cloud shifted around so he could get a proper look at Sephiroth. It was hard to tell in the dark, but Sephiroth’s sleeping expression was troubled and tense. A nightmare? He was twitching, breathing heavily, tossing and turning back and forth in bed, and Cloud wondered if it would be better to wake him up or leave him alone.

He didn’t get to make that choice, because Sephiroth suddenly jerked, eyes flying open as he sat up in bed, gasping for breath. Sephiroth’s gaze drifted to Cloud almost instantly, his eyes glowing eerily in the darkness. The wild, deranged look in his eyes automatically made Cloud sit up as well and reach for a sword that wasn’t there, but then Sephiroth drew back, as if frightened by Cloud. A few seconds passed, during which they simply stared at each other uncomfortably.

“…You okay?” Cloud asked, desperately needing to fill the silence with something. Sephiroth took a deep, shuddering breath, and then shook his head. “Do you… wanna talk about it?” Cloud continued hesitantly. Talking might not have been his speciality, but he knew talking about his own nightmares with Tifa had helped a lot, after everything.

“…It’s nothing”, Sephiroth said, using his hair to hide his face as he looked away from Cloud. “It happens all the time… I’ve dealt with nightmares since I was a child… This is normal…”

“It really isn’t”, Cloud said firmly. “Not if you have them all the time.” Saying that had probably been a bad idea, because Sephiroth visibly flinched and lowered his head, curling in on himself as if he was ashamed. He looked so fucking miserable. It made Cloud feel guilty as all hell.

“…I’m sorry…” Sephiroth whispered. “You can leave, if you want to.” Okay, that wasn’t what Cloud had meant to convey at all.

“That wasn’t what I meant”, he said. “I meant…” He paused, trying to decide how to explain himself. Words were so fucking hard, especially at 3 o’clock in the morning. “Ah, fuck it. Just… come here, okay? Let’s go back to sleep.” He held out his arms, waiting. Sephiroth hesitated for a moment, as if he couldn’t believe it.

“You’re… not leaving?”

“Nope”, Cloud said and wiggled his fingers, beckoning Sephiroth to come closer. “Come here so I can hug you. You look like you need it.”

“…Oh”, Sephiroth said in a small voice. He crawled closer, into Cloud's arms, allowing Cloud to hug him but still remaining unnaturally stiff in Cloud's embrace. He was so tense, as if he was expecting something to leap out from the shadows to attack... Cloud tried to remember what Tifa used to say to calm him down after his nightmares.

“You can relax”, he said, trailing fingers gently over Sephiroth's back. “You're safe. Everything's gonna be okay.” Damn, it sounded so fake when he said it. He missed Tifa. She’d always known what to say, and more importantly, how to say it. Sephiroth remained tense, but slowly began to tilt forward until he was resting his head on Cloud's shoulder.

“How does it feel...” Sephiroth’s voice was bitter. “...to know that the hero of SOLDIER is so weak and pathetic?” Cloud didn't like his tone of voice at all; it reminded him of the future far too urgently.

Now, self-hatred was something Cloud was intimately familiar with. But not from Sephiroth, not at all; Sephiroth had always seemed kind of cocky to him. But maybe it was all an act; Cloud was familiar with that too, after all. When Cloud used to say something self-deprecating, Tifa would always have a comforting, supportive word. But Cloud wasn’t Tifa, and Cloud wasn’t very good at being comforting, so Cloud just said whatever first came to mind.

“If you say something like that one more time I’m going to find a way to switch bodies with you, so you can know what being weak and pathetic _really_ feels like.”

Even Sephiroth didn’t seem to know how to react to that. He raised his head and stared at Cloud, looking rather dumbfounded. Cloud sighed, realising that this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have at 3 in the morning, collapsed back into a resting position and pulled Sephiroth down with him.

“Listen”, he told Sephiroth firmly. “You’re not weak or pathetic. You’re just a normal human being who’s been through some shit, so you have nightmares a lot. Nothing weird about it.”

“Do you… really believe that?” Sephiroth asked, moving closer to rest his head on Cloud’s chest. “That I’m… a normal human being.”

Okay, to be fair, Cloud _knew_ that Sephiroth wasn’t exactly a normal human being, what with the alien DNA and the megalomaniac tendencies… But the slight tremor in Sephiroth’s voice as he asked that question, the way he tilted his head to lean into the touch as Cloud reached out to run his fingers through his hair… They told a whole different story.

“…Yeah. Just go back to sleep now, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thank you, Cloud…” Sephiroth whispered, falling quiet after that. Cloud could hear his breathing slow down and become steadier, indicating that he’d fallen asleep. Cloud kept running his fingers through Sephiroth’s hair until he himself slowly drifted off to sleep.

The first thing Cloud noticed when he woke up next was the sun shining in through the window. Then he noticed that the weight of Sephiroth’s head was no longer on his chest. As he opened his eyes, he found that Sephiroth was instead lying next to him now, just watching him, looking tired but content.

“Morning”, Cloud mumbled, wondering if the whole thing had been a weird fever dream.

“You stayed the whole night”, Sephiroth said softly. He reached out and found Cloud’s hand, gently taking it into his own. “I thought you’d be more bothered… by the nightmares.”

“Nah. You can’t help having nightmares. Why would it bother me?”

“I was just afraid you’d leave…” Sephiroth moved closer, touching Cloud’s cheek with his other hand. “I don’t know how to say this, but…” He took a deep, shaky breath, appearing almost nervous. “…I’ve been… so awfully lonely for a long time, Cloud.”

“Really?” Sephiroth being lonely didn’t actually surprise Cloud. He knew how isolated Sephiroth must have been as a child, and he knew that Sephiroth wasn’t the type to form a lot of personal attachments to people. Maybe that was why he’d apparently slept around a lot…? What did surprise Cloud, however, was that Sephiroth had actually been able to admit it. Cloud doubted he would have, if it had been him.

“Yes… But when I’m with you, I…” Sephiroth paused for a moment. “I don’t feel so alone anymore.” Holy shit. Cloud wasn’t completely sure where this was going, but he knew it was definitely going _somewhere_ and it stressed him out. “I’m so incredibly lucky to have a friend like you, Cloud.”

“ _Friend_?!” Cloud practically screeched. There was an awkward silence, and Sephiroth cleared his throat, looking a bit flustered.

“…Boyfriend?” he asked uncertainly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to be presumptuous…”

Cloud was too dumbfounded by this entire exchange to do anything but nod. Instantly, Sephiroth’s lips curled into the brightest, most genuinely happy smile Cloud had ever seen on his face. Honestly, that left Cloud even more stunned, because Sephiroth was always gorgeous, but when he was smiling like that, he looked positively radiant.

“Boyfriend”, Sephiroth repeated, sounding absolutely overjoyed. “That’s even better.” Before Cloud could say anything to protest, Sephiroth was already kissing him breathless, and there was no way he was going to say no to that. Boyfriend it was, then.


	29. Day 29 - September 8th

Just when Sephiroth had thought Cloud couldn’t make him any happier, Cloud had proved him wrong once again. He’d been feeling like he was walking on air since yesterday. Cloud was his boyfriend now. Cloud _wanted_ him. He didn't think he'd ever felt wanted for himself as a human being before, not like this. It made Sephiroth feel so ridiculously joyful that he almost couldn’t believe that this was really happening.

Even now, in an important meeting with the Shinra executives, he found himself thinking only of Cloud. His mind kept drifting back to what Cloud might be doing right now, and the temptation became too strong. Keeping his phone hidden under the table, he decided to text Cloud.

_What are you doing right now?_

The response came a lot quicker than he’d expected, within a minute after he sent the text. Sephiroth kept his phone under the table as much as he could as he tried to get a look at the message, hoping no one noticed the phone buzzing.

_nothing much. just cleaning some floors again… what about u?_

_In a meeting. Very bored._

_oh… want me to entertain u? ;)_

Entertain him? Sephiroth wondered what that might involve. Cloud couldn’t exactly do much via text, could he…?

_Depends. What kind of entertainment are you thinking?_

This time it took Cloud a bit longer to reply. Maybe he was trying to think of something to entertain Sephiroth with? Sephiroth could imagine that. Even though Cloud wasn’t texting him at the moment, he was still far too distracted by the thought of it to listen to what was going on in the meeting. He felt so childish, being so easily distracted… Finally, after a few minutes or so, Cloud responded.

_uh… what are u wearing? ;)))_

_The same attire I always wear on duty, Cloud…_

_oh. i mean, that makes sense i guess_

Cloud wasn’t exactly a sparkling conversationalist… Not that Sephiroth had any right to complain. As the minutes rolled by and Cloud didn’t send him anything more, Sephiroth wondered how he was supposed to continue this conversation. Cloud hadn’t left him with much to work with… Why was he even thinking so hard about this? He finally decided to just go with the first thing that came to mind.

_I miss you… :(_

He added the sad face after a lot of contemplation. Even after sending it, it left a strange feeling in his gut, since he usually kept the writing in his text messages completely professional. This time, it didn’t take Cloud nearly as long to respond.

_aww, wish i was there?_

_It would probably make the meeting more interesting…_

_oh, how do you mean? ;))_

_Well, maybe you could throw a bucket of water on someone else this time?_

_hey!! not funny!! >:(_

_Don’t lie, I know you think I’m hilarious…_

Sephiroth found himself smiling a bit at their conversation. He felt so at ease messaging Cloud, for some reason. It made him so glad to know that Cloud was willing to message him like this, even when they should both be busy…

“Sephiroth, are you listening?” The President’s voice made Sephiroth jolt in his chair, and he quickly looked up to find all eyes in the room on him.

“My apologies, sir. I had some matters that needed to be dealt with.” He put his phone away, feeling like everyone could see through his lies. They all looked so suspicious, and Sephiroth was never on his phone during meetings, of course they knew something was off…

“Don’t make me repeat myself again”, the President huffed, and went right back to his rambling about Mako reactors and the funding of different departments. Sephiroth forced himself to not think about Cloud and did his best to listen for the rest of the meeting, despite how dull and boring it was. He’d never had this much trouble concentrating before; Cloud was clearly just that much more interesting than anything the President had to offer…

That night when he went to bed, Sephiroth was confident that he’d be able to fall asleep easier than usual by thinking about Cloud. He tried to focus on the memory of Cloud’s warmth next to him, of Cloud offering him comfort after his nightmare… He really wished Cloud was here right now, maybe he should invite him over again… Falling asleep in Cloud’s arms had been so much more pleasant than he could have ever imagined.

Then, a thought hit him so suddenly, too suddenly. What if someone important found out about his relationship with Cloud? What if someone told the President or, even worse, Hojo? There was no way Sephiroth would be allowed to be in a relationship. The President could have Cloud fired and sent away, maybe even have him arrested, and Hojo… Oh no. No, Hojo couldn’t find out about this, that would be…

Sephiroth suddenly felt sick. Urgently so. He remained still in bed, twining his hair around his fingers, reminding himself to take deep breaths and convincing himself that the sickening feeling in his gut was just his imagination. It would be okay, nobody who mattered would find out about him and Cloud; they could be discreet, keep their relationship a secret and only let people they trusted know about it...

But what if Cloud didn’t want that from him? What if Cloud would be unhappy hiding their relationship from the rest of the world? Another thought struck Sephiroth, as if the last one hadn’t been anxiety-inducing enough. What if Cloud ended up leaving? Everyone else he’d ever cared about in his life seemed to do that eventually, what if Cloud turned out to be no different in the end?

He tried to tell himself that this time it would be different, that Cloud would never do that to him, but hadn’t it been the same thing with Angeal and Genesis? And it wasn’t like he’d been able to predict Professor Gast suddenly abandoning him either… How was he supposed to be certain that he could trust Cloud?

Sephiroth turned onto his stomach, buried his head in his pillow and let out a frustrated groan as that anxious feeling in his chest remained strong. He could already tell he wasn’t going to be getting any sleep at all tonight. The nightmares were almost preferable to this.


	30. Day 30 - September 9th

_so, what are u doing today? ;)))_

_i’m bored, u should entertain me… :P_

_ignoring me now? it’s been several hours :(_

_hey, why aren’t u responding?? u ok??_

Cloud didn’t usually get concerned about things like this. Just because he’d somehow ended up dating Sephiroth, Sephiroth didn’t owe it to him to constantly reply to his messages. He was a busy man, after all… But given what a complete disaster of a person Sephiroth was slowly turning out to be, Cloud felt like he had the right idea, being a bit worried…

Sephiroth had been texting him so enthusiastically yesterday too… Yeah, something was definitely going on here. And Cloud wasn’t about to hesitate now, not when he’d somehow managed to get this far. Not to mention he had a really good excuse to ditch work now too. He was always up for doing anything, no matter how minor, that inconvenienced his employers. Especially if he could spend some quality time with Sephiroth at the same time.

The good old Thunder Materia trick worked just fine once again, and Cloud slipped into Sephiroth’s apartment with ease. He wasn’t sure if he’d find Sephiroth in there at all until he spotted a familiar black coat on the coat hanger right by the door and a pair of boots on the floor next to it. Okay, he was probably in here, then.

Staying as quiet as he possibly could, Cloud snuck further into the apartment. When he began to listen closely, he could hear the scratching of a pen against paper from the kitchen. All right, Sephiroth successfully located. What to do next…?

Cloud peeked into the kitchen and spotted Sephiroth, seated at his small kitchen table with his back turned. Okay, he hadn’t been noticed yet. What a perfect opportunity… He slowly moved closer, before taking the last few steps over to Sephiroth in a hurry, leaning in close to his ear and finally revealing himself.

“Come here often, gorgeous?” he whispered and nipped at Sephiroth’s ear.

Sephiroth jerked, turning his head around so suddenly that Cloud only barely had time to pull out of the way to avoid knocking their heads together. Oh, Sephiroth was wearing his reading glasses again. Damn, he looked so hot in those.

“Cloud… What are you doing here?” Sephiroth tilted his head, looking really confused. Now that Cloud took a closer look at him, he was clearly very tired, with dark circles under his eyes…

“You weren’t answering my texts. Thought I’d check in on you and see what was up.” He leant in and pressed a kiss to Sephiroth’s lips, only to quickly be disappointed when Sephiroth pulled away, still looking at him with a strange expression on his face.

“I’ve been busy with all this paperwork…” Sephiroth sighed, turning back to face the kitchen table. “You should probably go…”

“What, don’t want me around?” Cloud asked and tilted his head to place a kiss to the side of Sephiroth’s neck. “C’mon, maybe I can help!” Okay, not that he actually had any intention of helping with the paperwork, but maybe this could get interesting anyway…

“Cloud”, Sephiroth said, firmer this time. “I’m tired and I need to work. You should go.” His eyes were almost falling shut as he said it, so Cloud didn’t doubt him for a second.

“Why are you so tired? Is something wrong?” He wasn’t sure why he was so determined to find out what was up with Sephiroth. Maybe he was just getting too invested in this whole boyfriend thing… But then again, having the opportunity to bother Sephiroth in such a casual way was actually kind of fun, for a change.

“I couldn’t sleep”, Sephiroth admitted. He sounded almost embarrassed. “It may sound silly, but I was just… thinking about a lot of things, and it kept me awake for a long time.”

“Oh, really?” Cloud wondered what kind of thoughts could have kept Sephiroth up all night. “Were you thinking about me?” he asked teasingly, placing his hands on Sephiroth’s shoulders and burying his face in Sephiroth’s hair, breathing in the scent: roses this time.

“…I suppose I was”, Sephiroth murmured in response, leaning back into Cloud’s touch and slowly starting to relax. “I appreciate your concern, but… I really should finish this. It’s very important…” He then pulled away from Cloud once again and continued doing his paperwork. Oh… Wow, Sephiroth really had to play hard to get every single fucking moment they spent together, didn’t he…?

Sephiroth really looked like he needed a break, though. Even if he didn’t act like he wanted it, Cloud was going to give him exactly that. Quickly considering his different options, Cloud decided that a blowjob was definitely going to be the ideal solution to this problem. Yeah, he was going to be the perfect boyfriend.

“Aww, a short break isn’t going to do you any harm, you need some stress relief”, he said and knelt down, crawling his way in between Sephiroth’s legs, hoping he wouldn’t accidentally hit his head against the table.

“What are you doing on the floor, Cloud?” Sephiroth asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Just sit back and relax”, Cloud said and placed his hands on Sephiroth’s leather-clad thighs. “I wouldn’t be a very good boyfriend if I just left you stressed and frustrated, right?”

Before Cloud had the chance to take it any further, Sephiroth slid off his chair and down onto the floor, and then Cloud suddenly had his arms full of Sephiroth. Shit, he was heavy. It took all of Cloud’s strength to support him.

“Uh… Okay”, Cloud said, a little bit too shocked by this sudden development to say anything else. Sephiroth was _trembling_ now, squeezing Cloud so tight that it hurt. Not sure what else to do, Cloud hugged back, patting Sephiroth on the back while trying not to suffocate in his airtight embrace.

“I think you might be right”, Sephiroth admitted after a few moments passed, his voice sounding oddly subdued. “I’ve been… really stressed lately.”

“Yeah, I can tell”, Cloud agreed, still trying to find a way to breathe comfortably while trying to come up with an idea for how to relieve Sephiroth’s stress in a way that wouldn’t include a risk of Cloud getting squeezed to death. “Maybe, uh… maybe you need a day off. Let’s go out tomorrow.”

“On a date?” Sephiroth asked, his grip finally beginning to ease up a bit. “I don’t know… People will recognise me.”

“We’ll go someplace crowded, where you won’t stand out”, Cloud said, already finding himself getting a bit too excited for his own good. There was no place in Midgar that would kick him out as long as Sephiroth was with him.


	31. Day 31 - September 10th

To say that Sephiroth didn’t like crowds was an understatement. Especially when he was trying not to be noticed; more people just meant a greater risk of someone recognising him. He’d done his best to hide his hair and face with a hooded coat, a scarf and a pair of sunglasses, but he still felt on edge as Cloud dragged him out into downtown Midgar. Even though it was evening and already getting dark, he was still worried that someone would recognise him…

“Where are we going?” Sephiroth asked.

“Oh, I don’t know yet… Guess we’ll find out eventually!” Cloud said confidently. If Sephiroth hadn’t been so busy worrying about everything that could possibly go wrong, this might have been exciting, but now it only served to make him more concerned.

But if Cloud wanted him to follow, then follow he would. He kept a tight grip on Cloud’s hand as he allowed himself to be led along down the streets of Midgar.

“Oh, let’s go in here!” Cloud declared after a while and enthusiastically led him towards what he quickly realised was a nightclub. Oh… Well, if Cloud wanted to go there, maybe it wouldn’t be so horrible… That one other time he’d gone to a nightclub had just been a worst-case scenario… A certain someone wasn’t here to start any fights this time…

“ID?” the man standing by the door asked gruffly as they approached. Cloud pushed Sephiroth forward, wiggling his eyebrows at him suggestively.

Sephiroth didn’t own a civilian ID. The only ID he had was his SOLDIER ID card, and he hadn’t brought that with him since it was usually only necessary in Shinra-related business. It must’ve been obvious that he was at a loss of what to do, as Cloud just sighed and shook his head.

“Just take your sunglasses off and show him your eyes, okay?”

While Sephiroth was very well aware that it was probably a bad idea, he did as Cloud asked, watching the man’s eyes widen. There was no doubt that he’d realised exactly who was standing before him.

“G-go right ahead, sir! Welcome!” he stuttered, and Cloud grinned smugly before pulling Sephiroth along with him inside.

Sephiroth instantly remembered exactly why he’d only been to a nightclub once before. Everything was too _loud_ for his enhanced hearing; the music hurt his head and there were so many people… Cloud didn’t seem too concerned about that, continuing to lead Sephiroth along towards the bar. When they got there, Cloud found a pair of empty barstools and took a seat, gesturing for Sephiroth to sit down next to him.

“Hey, bartender! Give us the best that you’ve got!” he declared loudly, yet Sephiroth was still barely able to hear his voice over the background noise. While Sephiroth was still trying to adjust to the uncomfortable volume, a large glass of something that was probably alcoholic in nature was suddenly handed to him by the bartender, a blonde young woman who offered him a friendly smile.

“Cloud, I’m too Mako-enhanced. I can’t get drunk”, he told Cloud immediately. _And I wouldn’t want to, even if I could_ , he thought but did not say. The thought of losing control of himself like that was absolutely terrifying to him, and he definitely couldn’t see the appeal.

“If you don’t want it, I’ll drink it after I finish this”, Cloud said and determinedly began chugging his own drink at an alarming speed.

“Hey, don’t drink too much at once…” Sephiroth advised him.

“Don’t worry about it”, Cloud replied and kept drinking. “I just wanna get a little bit tipsy. Just to relax, you know?”

Sephiroth did, in fact, not know at all, though it would be nice to be able to relax… Still, he stayed by Cloud’s side and waited as Cloud finished his own glass, and then Sephiroth’s. But then Cloud ordered another glass. And then yet another.

“Are you really sure you should be drinking that much?” Sephiroth asked dubiously, deciding to interfere when Cloud started on his fifth glass in a concerningly short time.

“It’s fine”, Cloud said, slurring a bit. “Can’t... get a SOLDIER drunk that easily!” Forming words seemed to be getting a bit difficult for him. “This's nothing compared to… to swimming in Mako!”

“You're not a SOLDIER yet, Cloud. You’ve never swum in Mako”, Sephiroth said, admittedly a bit amused as he slowly pulled the glass out of Cloud's reach.

“And whose fault is that? That’s right, yours!” Cloud asked sternly and poked Sephiroth in the chest, before reaching across his lap to reclaim the glass. “Don't take my drink too! You've taken enough from me already!” Before Sephiroth could ask what Cloud meant with that dramatic statement, he had already vanished into the crowd towards the dance floor, drink in hand.

Sephiroth shared an awkward look with the bartender, not sure what he was supposed to do now. Was he supposed to brave the crowd and follow Cloud? He remained seated there for a bit, hoping that Cloud was going to come back, while his headache slowly got worse.

“Are you going to order anything, sir?” the bartender asked.

“Oh. Well...” Sephiroth hadn’t been prepared for her to ask him any questions. “…I think I should just go find my companion”, he excused himself quickly, deciding that venturing off in search of Cloud would be preferable to making awkward small talk and accidentally revealing his identity to another civilian tonight.

He didn’t particularly want to go out onto the dance floor, but that was the direction Cloud had been headed in. Despite it being crowded and grating on his ears, Sephiroth made his way through groups of dancing people, doing his best to be inconspicuous. A few handsy people got a bit too close, but he stayed on the move and remained on the lookout for Cloud, trying to focus on looking for him and not on how badly he wanted to leave.

Thankfully, it didn’t take Sephiroth too long to find Cloud. He seemed to have found a group of people his age and infiltrated them; he was dancing in their midst, if what he was doing could be called dancing and not just tilting back and forth and flailing his arms seemingly at random. He’d lost the glass. Sephiroth wasn’t about to go looking for it.

“Cloud!” Sephiroth yelled over the music, trying to get Cloud’s attention. He was successful; Cloud’s head instantly turned in his direction, and he immediately pushed a few people aside to approach Sephiroth.

“Wanna dance with me?” Cloud wrapped his arms around Sephiroth’s waist, peering up at him with lidded eyes, a smirk on his face.

“I want to leave”, Sephiroth said. Cloud didn’t seem to pay his words any mind, instead opting to bring his hands lower and squeeze Sephiroth’s ass. “Cloud, you’re a lot more drunk than you think you are. We should leave now.”

“No, not yet!” Cloud pouted at him. “Make me!” If Sephiroth’s headache hadn’t been so bad at his point, he might’ve been easier to persuade, but at the moment, his only desire was to get out of here as quickly as possible. So of course, he did what felt most reasonable to him: he grabbed Cloud and hauled him over his shoulder. “What the fuck?! I’ll kick your ass, you bastard!” Cloud shrieked in surprise and tried to struggle loose, but Sephiroth held him firmly in place and carried him all the way out of the nightclub.

“Everything okay, sir?” the guard outside the nightclub asked as they passed him by.

“He’s kidnapping me!” Cloud declared, flailing even more wildly now. “Oh please, somebody help me…!” He sounded more like a whiny child than an actually convincing victim in distress, which was a relief. This was already way more attention-drawing than it needed to be.

“No, I’m not”, Sephiroth retorted, unable to keep the frustration completely out of his voice. He just wanted to go home and make sure to never let Cloud anywhere near alcohol ever again. “He’s very drunk. I’m taking him home”, he informed the guard, who nodded in understanding.

“Of course, sir. Have a good night…”

Sephiroth made it halfway down the street before he decided to put Cloud down. Hopefully, now that they were out of the nightclub, he would be able to behave himself.

“Whoa…” Cloud swayed a bit as his feet reconnected with solid ground. “Everything’s spinning…”

“We’re going back now. Come on.” Sephiroth took his hand to keep him steady and decided that bringing him back to the Shinra building would probably be the best thing to do. Cloud, however, still had some fight left in him, which became apparent as they passed the train station, where a train was just preparing for departure.

“No, wait! I… I know this place we could go! A friend of mine… she’s got this bar down in the Slums, and…” Cloud tried to haul Sephiroth towards the train, but instead ended up losing his grip and falling on his ass when Sephiroth didn’t even budge in his direction. “Ow!”

“No, you’ve had enough alcohol”, Sephiroth said firmly.

“I’ll go on my own then!” Cloud huffed and bolted into a run towards the train with impressive speed for someone in his state. Gods, suddenly Sephiroth knew exactly what babysitting was like.

“Cloud. Cloud, no!” Sephiroth ran after him but wasn’t quick enough to stop Cloud from entering one of the train cars. He wasn’t about to let Cloud go off all by himself into the Slums in the middle of the night, especially not when he was drunk, so naturally, he followed Cloud onto the train, fully intent on getting him out of there.

His plan failed rather miserably, as the train doors closed the moment he leapt inside, and the train set off towards the Slums. With a sigh, Sephiroth sat down next to Cloud, who immediately fell against Sephiroth and dropped his head into his lap. All was silent, as they were the only two people in the train car, and upon studying the timetables on the wall, Sephiroth realised that this was the last train going between the Slums and the Plate tonight. They weren’t going to be able to get back home until tomorrow unless Sephiroth contacted someone. Which would mean revealing that he’d been spending time with Cloud to that someone. Hopefully, this friend of Cloud’s could be trusted – maybe they could spend the night…

He spent the entire train ride worrying about that, and Cloud didn’t say a single thing until they got off the train in the Sector 7 slums. As soon as they were on the platform, off the train, Cloud let out a groan.

“Aww, _fuck_. I’m such a dumbass…”

“What is it?” Sephiroth asked, biting back the urge to remark that he definitely agreed with that statement.

“I realised that, uh… we can’t go to the bar.” Cloud looked really nervous, all of a sudden. “It, um, kind of doesn’t exist. I forgot how this shit works. Fuck, I think I’m… I’m really drunk.”

“Tell me something I don’t already know…” Sephiroth rubbed at his temples. His headache was lessening, but it was still there. And absolutely nothing Cloud was doing was making it any easier to deal with. “We have no way of getting home tonight, Cloud. That was the last train.”

“Oh, I know what we can do instead!” Cloud said, suddenly completely cheerful again as he took Sephiroth’s hand and began leading him along. Cloud was definitely the most erratic drunk Sephiroth had ever seen, that was for sure… Sephiroth allowed himself to be led from Sector 7 to 6, only to realise that they were headed suspiciously in the direction of Wall Market.

“We’re not going to Wall Market, Cloud.” Not this late at night, at least. There were a lot of strange people in the Slums.

“I want to go to the Honeybee Inn!”

“We’re _definitely_ not going to the Honeybee Inn, Cloud!” Sephiroth protested. He’d never been there, but he was well aware of what kind of place it was…

“Oh, c’mon, it’d be fun!” Cloud turned around to face him and grinned cheekily, reminding him way too much of Zack. “Hey, have you ever had a threesome? We should have a threesome. I’m sure we could find someone who’s interested… Hey, do you like girls as well or are you only into guys…?”

“Cloud. _No._ ” Sephiroth stopped in his tracks, keeping his grip on Cloud’s hand firm.

“Are you sure?” Cloud tilted his head and gave him a disappointed look. When Sephiroth nodded, he let out a dismayed sigh. “Man… I just want to get laid…”

“You’re too drunk for that, Cloud”, Sephiroth said. He wasn’t going to let Cloud make any reckless decisions on his watch. A small, anxious voice at the back of his mind chose that moment to make itself known. Was this… something Cloud would want when he was sober as well? Had Cloud not realised that Sephiroth wasn’t…? No, he couldn’t think about that right now. “We need to find somewhere to spend the night”, he said, hoping that changing the subject would be enough to distract Cloud.

“Oh, we can go see Aerith, then!” Cloud said and began leading Sephiroth in the other direction, thankfully away from Wall Market. “I know where she lives, I think… Her mom’s really nice… She’ll let us stay.”

“You’ve met her mother?” Sephiroth asked, rather surprised. He hadn’t known that Cloud was that familiar with Aerith.

“Not yet…” Cloud almost stumbled over his own feet. “She, um… took care of my daughter for a while, though.” Sephiroth was getting more and more confused for every single thing Cloud told him.

“You have a _daughter_?”

“No! Not yet, dumbass!” Cloud swatted at Sephiroth’s arm, and Sephiroth decided that Cloud was definitely too drunk to be trusted.

They walked for a bit and eventually reached Aerith’s church. Cloud stopped right outside, a thoughtful expression on his face as he stared at the church as if it had offended him somehow.

“…This isn’t her house.” He turned back to look at Sephiroth, despairing. “Fuck! I forgot where her house is!”

“Oh, did you now?” This was really testing Sephiroth’s patience. He wasn’t sure why he’d even trusted Cloud with this to begin with… The only thing he wanted right now was to fall asleep with Cloud in his arms. “Let’s just sleep in the church…” he decided and stalked towards the church, pulling Cloud along.

“I can’t remember where she lives…” Cloud muttered as they entered the church. “I’m supposed to know that! I keep forgetting all this important shit…!”

“Cloud, you’re drunk. That’s why you’re forgetting things.”

“No, you don’t get it!” Cloud exclaimed loudly. “I’m the only one who remembers everything, so I’ve got to keep track!” He froze suddenly, frowning. “You… you’re actually here, right? I’m not just seeing things…”

“…I… am here, yes”, Sephiroth said. Despite promising himself that he would ignore the strange things Cloud said, he suddenly found himself unnerved. “…Why do you ask?”

“…I should probably stop saying stupid shit now. Sorry.” Cloud walked forward and dropped down onto his back in the middle of Aerith’s flower bed. Sephiroth followed him and crouched down next to him, hesitant to step on the flowers. “So…” Cloud wiggled his eyebrows. “You didn’t want a threesome, but we could still have fun, just the two of us…” He reached out and touched Sephiroth’s arm, smirking at him. “Heh, you’re pretty good at impaling stuff, right? Why don’t you impale _me_?”

“Cloud, I don’t think…” Sephiroth began, but was interrupted by Cloud sitting up and hooking his legs around Sephiroth’s waist before tipping back down and tugging Sephiroth down on top of him.

“Stop stalling and just fuck me already!” Cloud snapped. “I’ve wanted this for so long, don’t ruin it now!”

“That’s not… Cloud, I…” What was he even supposed to say to that? If Cloud wanted it… why couldn’t Sephiroth just do it? It was supposed to be something enjoyable, wasn’t it? People were supposed to want this. So why did the mere thought of it make his hands tremble and his heart race with something awfully close to fear?

“What, am I not good enough for you?” Cloud questioned. “C’mon, I’m sure you’ve had worse…!”

“No, I…” Of course, Sephiroth knew the rumours about his love life were widespread, but he hadn’t expected Cloud to bring them up. Again, what was he supposed to tell Cloud? That all the rumours were false, that he’d never even considered letting another person this close to him before Cloud barged into his life…? Would Cloud even believe that? “…I think you’re too drunk”, he finally said.

“I’m never too drunk to know what I want…” Cloud murmured, watching Sephiroth through lidded eyes. “C’mon, you want it too, right?”

“I don’t know… I…” Sephiroth closed his eyes and tried to figure out how to say it, but he didn’t know how to explain. He opted to be as straightforward as possible. “…I’ve never had sex, and the mere thought of it has always been somewhat… off-putting to me. I have no interest in it.” No response from Cloud, so he continued. “But I care for you very much, Cloud, and if this is necessary for us to continue our relationship, I… will consider it, but I need to think it over first.” Still no response. “Cloud?”

Sephiroth opened his eyes and found that Cloud had passed out on the flower bed. Oh. Of course. Just letting him know like that would’ve been too easy. He moved off Cloud and fell back onto the flower bed next to him with a sigh.

He should’ve known this was coming; this was something couples usually wanted to do together, after all. But for some reason, he had been foolish enough to convince himself that maybe Cloud didn’t care about it, that maybe he had found a kindred soul in Cloud… He didn’t want to lose Cloud over something like this. Maybe they could talk about it, when Cloud was sober. If Sephiroth even dared to bring it up.

Sephiroth wrapped his arms around Cloud and shifted closer to him, savouring his warmth. He really hoped Cloud wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow.


	32. Day 32 - September 11th

Cloud slowly drifted back to awareness to the feeling of a pounding headache. He opened his eyes and realised that he was wrapped up in Sephiroth’s arms, and… wait, were those flowers? He wrestled himself loose from Sephiroth’s iron grip and spat a few strands of silver hair out of his mouth, sitting up and quickly realising that they were in Aerith’s church.

“How the hell did we end up here?” he wondered, mostly to himself. He tried to recall what happened last night, only to be met with a complete blank.

“It’s a long story”, Sephiroth replied drowsily. “Unfortunately, it’s not very interesting.”

“How much did I drink…?” Cloud groaned. “Fuck, I don’t remember anything…!” He was never drinking again. Not in this loop, at least. He got to his feet to walk around for a bit to stretch his sore limbs.

“Not much of a loss, honestly”, Sephiroth said, sounding surprisingly cranky as he sat up and ran fingers through his hair, seemingly trying to untangle it. A few flowers were stuck in his hair.

Cloud was about to question Sephiroth further about the night they’d had, but the opening of the church doors distracted him. Aerith stepped through the door, humming to herself, not seeming to have noticed them yet.

“Hey”, Cloud greeted her. She stopped in her tracks, staring at Cloud for a moment, before beginning to smile.

“Hi, Cloud! What brings you here?”

“I wish I knew”, he replied and glared vaguely in Sephiroth’s direction. Aerith followed his gaze, her smile shifting into a shocked expression. Before Cloud knew what was happening, she was already storming towards Sephiroth, grabbing a staff from one of the church pews as she passed.

“Hey! Get off my flowers!” She whacked him over the head with her staff, not so hard that it actually hurt him but still enough to make him wince. When he didn’t instantly get up, she whacked him again. “Hurry up!”

“Of course, of course…! My apologies, Miss Gainsborough…” Sephiroth held his hands over his head to protect himself from further attacks as he stood up and stepped off the flower bed, while Aerith could no longer hold back a laugh. Cloud felt like he was hallucinating. Sephiroth and Aerith, interacting on friendly terms… What kind of fucking miracle was this? This entire loop had to be a weird-ass dream or something.

“So, why are the two of you here?” Aerith asked once she had managed to stifle her laugh.

“Cloud got drunk and decided that going down to the Slums in the middle of the night was a good idea”, Sephiroth replied, approaching Cloud and taking his hand as he spoke to Aerith. “I thought it would be best to guard him.” 

“Yeah, uh...” Cloud wasn’t sure what to say, not when Aerith was looking at their intertwined hands with that curious yet somewhat smug expression.

He didn’t have to come up with anything, because at that moment, he heard the sound of something moving somewhere above them. Sephiroth must’ve noticed it too, instantly turning his gaze upwards, watching vigilantly for signs of movement.

“What is it?” Aerith kept a firm hold on her staff, frantically looking around the room, trying to spot what they were looking at.

There was a sound like the rustle of wings, and something silver-coloured descended from the ceiling in a flurry of white feathers. At first, Cloud wasn’t sure what it was. It looked like a wolf, but it had white wings; a large one on its right side and a much smaller one on its left. Cloud hadn’t ever seen a monster like this one before, but it didn’t look incredibly strong or anything. The creature stepped closer, tilting its head upward to show… was that a human face on its jaw? Some sort of weird science experiment, probably. Cloud readied his Materia, preparing to cast a spell.

“Cloud! No!” Sephiroth screamed. He sounded so horrified that Cloud instantly stopped everything that he was doing and turned to look at him. Sephiroth was staring at the creature, clearly incredibly shaken. It wasn’t an expression that belonged on Sephiroth’s face; it looked _wrong_ , and it made Cloud’s stomach churn.

“What is that thing?” Cloud asked, starting to get genuinely worried now. What was it about this creature that had Sephiroth so upset?

“Angeal”, Sephiroth whispered, his voice cracking a little bit. He stepped closer to the monster, reaching his hand out to it. “Angeal, it’s me.”

The creature walked towards him, and he collapsed down onto his knees in front of it. Cloud watched, confused, as the creature nuzzled Sephiroth’s hand and Sephiroth let out a strange, choked sound in response. Then, the creature moved even closer, and Sephiroth wrapped his arms around it in a tight embrace.

“Sephiroth?” Cloud uncertainly took a step closer, not sure if he should interfere or not, only to have Aerith reach Sephiroth first, crouching down to place a hand on his shoulder. Cloud found himself frozen in place, watching them as they remained in those positions for at least an entire minute.

“Miss Gainsborough…” Sephiroth finally spoke up, his voice muffled and slightly unsteady, head still lowered against the creature. “I can’t bring him back to Shinra. If it isn’t too much to ask, can you… look after him for me?”

“Of course”, Aerith said softly, patting him on the head like you would a child. “He can stay here, in the church…”

“Thank you. I appreciate it…” Sephiroth let go of the creature and stood up suddenly, pointedly looking away from both Cloud and Aerith. And then, he stormed off, paying Cloud absolutely no mind.

“Hey, wait! Sephiroth!” Cloud yelled, still a bit too stunned by everything that had happened to move. Too late. The church doors slammed shut, and Sephiroth was gone.

“His sadness runs so deep”, Aerith said. “You should help him.”

“I don’t know if I can”, Cloud confessed, watching as the creature stepped closer to Aerith, sniffing at her hand and allowing her to stroke its head. It didn’t seem dangerous, at least… “You sure you can take care of it?”

“Don’t worry about me”, she said, smiling warmly at him. “Sephiroth is the one who needs your help more right now.”

“You think?” It was kind of amusing to hear her say that, all things considered.

“Cloud”, she said, her voice firm. “Talk to him. He’s lonely, he’s sad, and he really needs someone right now.” She looked so determined that Cloud didn’t have the nerve to protest.

“Yeah, I’m gonna… go do that.”

He didn’t actually do that, because he felt like he might just end up making things worse. While making his way back to the Shinra building, he instead sent Sephiroth a text.

_hey… u ok? if u wanna be alone, that’s ok too… but i’ll come over if u want me to._

Better to leave him alone in case he wanted to be left alone, right? When Cloud got back to the Shinra building, he hung around the lower floors, waiting for Sephiroth to text him back. He got no answer all day, and eventually, when evening came, he headed back to the barracks, wondering if he’d fucked up completely by not just bursting into Sephiroth’s apartment without asking permission.

It was only when it was already nearing midnight, when he was starting to consider going to bed, that his phone finally buzzed. Cloud’s heart started racing when he checked it and realised it was a reply from Sephiroth.

_Sorry for disappearing like that. If it’s not too late, would you like to come over?_

_i’ll be right there_

Cloud typed out his reply quickly, and then rushed into action. He was out of the barracks and back in the Shinra building within a few minutes. For once, when he got to Sephiroth’s apartment, he chose not to break into it, opting to knock instead.

Sephiroth opened the door, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants. Gazing into his eyes, Cloud was met with nothing but exhaustion.

“I suppose I owe you an explanation”, Sephiroth murmured, voice hoarse.

“Nah”, Cloud said as he stepped inside, even though he really did want one. “If you don’t wanna talk, we don’t have to. We can do whatever you want.” He took his boots and jacket and gave Sephiroth an expectant look.

“No, I… I do want to talk.” Even saying that, Sephiroth sounded and looked so unsure… “I just… don’t know how.” He headed towards the bedroom, and Cloud guessed he was meant to follow, so he did. Sephiroth took a seat on the bed, and when Cloud sat down next to him, he noticed a photograph on the bedside table. The same photograph he’d found when digging around in the drawers that one time.

“Do you know Genesis and Angeal?” Sephiroth asked, staring forlornly at the photograph.

“You called that creature at the church Angeal…” Cloud said thoughtfully, watching the photograph, when it suddenly hit him. One of the guys with Sephiroth… That had been his face on the creature. “Oh. That’s Angeal, right? And the redhead is Genesis…”

“Angeal Hewley and Genesis Rhapsodos were both SOLDIER 1st Class. Like me, they were the poster children of SOLDIER. They were… my best friends. My only friends.”

“I didn’t know you had friends.” Cloud wondered if he had known, back when he was actually a teenager, during the height of his obsession with Sephiroth. Probably. His memories of that time were too fragmented; he couldn’t tell, even though the two of them did look vaguely familiar.

“I don’t… Not anymore”, Sephiroth said bitterly. “They left Shinra. They left me behind.” He leant down and hid his face behind his hands. “It was my fault…”

“Sephiroth…” Cloud wasn’t sure what to think. He had no idea what any of this meant. Maybe it was best to hear it all from Sephiroth. He placed his hand on Sephiroth’s thigh, hoping it offered enough support. “Hey, if you feel up for it… tell me about it.” For a moment, Sephiroth was quiet, which made Cloud think he would choose not to say anything at all.

“We used to play-fight in the Training Room a lot”, Sephiroth then began. “During one of these sessions, the fight got a bit too heated. I accidentally hurt Genesis, and the wound… it just wouldn’t heal. He left Shinra to look for a cure, because he was convinced that the company was hiding something from him. Angeal went with him. They…” His voice caught in his throat. “They were childhood friends, of course they’d pick each other over… over me.”

“And the creature in the church?” Cloud asked, trying to take all the information in.

“There was something wrong with their genes”, Sephiroth said, voice slowly getting more and more unsteady as he kept speaking. “By implanting their cells in SOLDIER members and monsters, they could overwrite their genetics to make them into their copies.”

“Oh, so that thing at the church was a monster copy of Angeal…” This sounded worryingly similar to Hojo’s Sephiroth clones. Cloud wasn’t sure how he’d managed to go through so many time loops without coming across this information. He needed to pay more attention in the future. Sephiroth nodded, still staring at the photograph.

“The thing is… there shouldn’t be any more copies. Angeal and Genesis are dead, they’ve been dead for months. I…” His breath hitched, and an unpleasant feeling made itself known in Cloud’s chest. “…I didn’t want to do it myself, so I sent Zack to kill them. Angeal was Zack’s mentor, and I… I made him kill them.” Sephiroth’s voice was so unsteady at this point that Cloud could tell that he was only barely keeping it together. So much guilt that he was holding in. Guilt, and heartbreak too.

“Thanks for telling me”, he said, not sure what else to say, lifting his hand from Sephiroth’s thigh to instead brush his fingers over Sephiroth’s back in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “You’ve been holding that in for a long time, haven’t you?”

“I had no one to talk to”, Sephiroth whispered. “I couldn’t talk to Zack, not when… not when I caused him so much suffering.” Fuck, this was too much all at once.

“…Come here.” Cloud held his arms out, and after only a moment of hesitation, Sephiroth accepted the hug, practically melting against Cloud. He pressed his face down against Cloud’s shoulder, and his fingers dug into Cloud’s back almost hard enough to hurt. Cloud wondered how long Sephiroth had been yearning to talk about this with someone.

“I don’t deserve you, Cloud… I told you all of that, and you still want to stay…?” Sephiroth’s voice was barely even a whisper.

“Fuck that self-deprecating shit. I’m the only one who gets to decide who deserves me”, Cloud retorted. “Yeah, I’m staying.” Sephiroth made a soft noise that could’ve been the beginning of a laugh and hugged Cloud tighter. Cloud kept one hand on Sephiroth’s back and used the other to run fingers through Sephiroth’s hair.

“You’re the only good thing that has happened to me since they left”, Sephiroth said after a moment, sounding almost ashamed to admit it. “I keep thinking that… if I do something wrong, you’ll leave too, just like they did.”

Abandonment issues, huh? Cloud wasn’t nearly as surprised as he should have been. Of course he had managed to end up in a relationship with the one single person who had more issues than himself. Somehow it almost felt good to know that they were both complete and total disasters.

“Oh, I’m not going anywhere”, he said, not sure why he was even saying it when none of this had been a part of his plan at all. “One day, you’ll be the one dying to get rid of me”, he added and shifted around so that he could lie down and pull Sephiroth down with him into bed.

“Die to get rid of you, you say?” Sephiroth asked and moved closer, pressing a kiss to Cloud’s neck as he made himself comfortable in Cloud’s arms. “That won’t happen. Even if I die, I’ll just come back to haunt you.” Though it was said with affection, it still sent a chill down Cloud’s spine.

“Just get some sleep now”, Cloud replied. He’d need some time to process all of this. Sephiroth hummed in agreement and tugged Cloud closer. For a while, they were quiet, as Cloud tried to will his heart to stop racing – he wasn’t even sure when it had started.

“I feel so safe with you, Cloud”, Sephiroth murmured suddenly, clearly half-asleep by now. “Never felt this way.. with anyone, before…” His fingers curled into Cloud’s shirt in a tight grip. “Please… stay with me…”

“I’m staying. I’m staying all night, I promise”, Cloud whispered back, trying not to think too hard about the deeper implications behind it.

Cloud had never quite understood why the events in Nibelheim had broken Sephiroth so completely. But now, with everything Sephiroth had told him tonight, he finally understood. No human on the planet could be broken so completely in just a few days. No, Sephiroth had been on a steady downward slope for a long, long time, with Nibelheim being the tipping point that finally made him crack.

Somehow, this realisation, coupled with Sephiroth’s sleep-addled confession, only made Cloud’s predicament feel even more terrifying. Damage done over the course of that many years couldn’t be undone in just a few weeks… could it? Why was he even considering it in the first place, when that hadn’t been his original intention at all? Taking a deep breath, Cloud nestled closer to Sephiroth and closed his eyes. That would have to be a problem for another day.


	33. Day 33 - September 12th

Sephiroth felt like he’d only just fallen asleep when he was suddenly woken up by the sound of his phone ringing. He reluctantly let go of Cloud, who made a dismayed noise in response, and grabbed the phone from his bedside table. The call was from… Tseng of the Turks? This early in the morning? Something was wrong. Sephiroth answered the phone immediately.

“Yes?” he asked, his voice hoarse from sleep. “Is it urgent? I was asleep.”

_“Genesis copies have been spotted in various places around the world.”_ Tseng’s tone was serious, and as Sephiroth’s sleepy brain processed those words, he felt his blood run cold. _“There’s a massive amount of them invading Junon right now, and we need you there to deal with them. We’ve already dispatched many infantrymen, but we have a feeling it won’t be enough.”_

“…I see”, Sephiroth replied as he felt Cloud stir next to him. “Will you be taking me there?”

_“I’m already in Costa del Sol fetching Zack to get us some more backup. There’s another helicopter preparing to take you there, though. Head up to the roof as quickly as you can.”_

“What’s going on…?” Cloud asked sleepily and shifted closer to Sephiroth.

“I’ll be right there”, Sephiroth quickly told Tseng and hung up, before getting out of bed. “I need to go, Cloud. Something has come up, and…”

“I’ll come with you”, Cloud said, already following him out of bed.

“No, don’t worry about it”, Sephiroth said, taking his sweatpants off and opening his closet to find his uniform. He tried not to think about what all of this could mean, and instead focused on Cloud. “Just go back to bed.”

“No way.” Cloud approached him, his fingers brushing against Sephiroth’s thigh as he peered out from behind him, not looking too impressed. “I heard something about Genesis copies. After what you told me earlier, I’m not gonna let you ditch me. I wanna know what’s going on.”

“It’s dangerous”, Sephiroth retorted as he put on his leather pants.

“I work for Shinra too, Sephiroth. I can handle danger just fine!” Cloud snapped. “I’m coming with you. Just get me a sword so that I can fight too!”

“Fine…” Sephiroth relented while buckling his belts, promising himself to keep a close eye on Cloud the entire time. “But you’re sticking close to me. No wandering off on your own, okay?”

“Yes sir”, Cloud said with a grin and planted a kiss on Sephiroth’s shoulder before dashing out of the bedroom. Sephiroth wondered if he’d made a grave mistake.

They stopped by the SOLDIER floor on their way out, quickly grabbing a sword for Cloud. After that, they hurried to the roof, where they found two Turks waiting for them by the helicopter.

“Reno! Rude! Hey!” Cloud exclaimed, sounding surprised. “You’re taking us to Junon?”

“Whoa! Look who it is, Rude!” Reno completely ignored Sephiroth in favour of marching up to Cloud to give him a friendly pat on the back. “Cloud! Doing well, I see! You’ve been making friends in high places…” He turned to Sephiroth, smirking as he gave a not entirely serious salute. “…or maybe that’s not all you’ve been doing. Good morning to you too, sir.”

“Stop fooling around”, Sephiroth said, suddenly finding himself worried. Cloud seemed familiar with these two… Did they know something about his and Cloud’s relationship? That was definitely not information he wanted in the hands of the Turks…

“Oh, you’re as much fun as usual, I see…” Reno turned, heading towards the helicopter. “C’mon, Rude. Let’s get this party started before Sephiroth gets even more bitchy…” While he said it as a low murmur, Sephiroth still caught it with his enhanced hearing. Rude nodded and followed Reno, and Cloud waltzed after them, seemingly without a care in the world.

The ride wasn’t exactly an amazing experience. Reno spent the whole time babbling about things that Sephiroth couldn’t care less about. With Rude and himself remaining quiet, it largely fell to Cloud to prevent the silence from becoming too awkward, which worked fine until about half an hour in, when Cloud suddenly grew very pale and covered his mouth.

“Everything all right, Strife?” Sephiroth asked, trying to sound as neutral and unaffected as he possibly could. Cloud glared at him, then shook his head.

“Motion sickness…”

“Anything I can do to help?” Sephiroth asked, wanting more than anything to comfort him but not liking the look Reno was giving him over his shoulder.

“Kisses and cuddles would be appreciated, sir”, Cloud said cheekily, his lips curling into a smirk. Was he… testing Sephiroth? Reno raised his eyebrows and grinned. Sephiroth felt like he was being cornered.

“You’re a pilot, Turk. Do your job and stop gawking”, he told Reno sternly. Reno didn’t look too impressed by his order, but did as he was told and turned back to focus on piloting the helicopter. Sephiroth took advantage of the moment and leant in to place a hand on Cloud’s cheek. He considered leaning in for a kiss, but decided against it.

“Just hang in there, Cloud…” he whispered instead, stroking Cloud’s cheek, quickly pulling back again before Reno had time to turn back around. Cloud still didn’t look well, but there was something a bit more content in his eyes now.

By the time they landed at the Junon airport, Sephiroth had had the time to think about everything that was going on. A massive amount of Genesis copies appearing everywhere… That had to mean something. Maybe, just maybe, Genesis was still – no, he couldn’t bring himself to have hope anymore. Even if Genesis _was_ alive, he had still left Shinra. There was no coming back from that. Genesis being dead was actually the better option…

Exiting the helicopter, Sephiroth wasted no time in scanning his surroundings. He couldn’t see any enemies nearby, but quickly spotted Tseng and Cissnei hurrying towards them.

“Hey there, boss!” Reno exclaimed. “We brought Sephiroth! What’s next?”

“You and Rude are going to help me and Tseng with evacuating the residents of Junon”, Cissnei said. She’d clearly been fighting; she held her shuriken in her hand and her hair was tousled.

“Sephiroth”, Tseng said. “I expect that you’ll be able to handle the Genesis copies. We sent in some of the infantry already, but I trust you to dispose of them faster.”

“Of course”, Sephiroth agreed, turning to Cloud. “Let’s get going.”

“Yeah. Let’s kick some ass”, Cloud retorted, grinning as he grabbed his sword. He was looking way too excited about this, and completely unbothered by the looks the four Turks were all giving him.

“Who’s this?” Tseng asked suspiciously.

“I’m considering mentoring him. This is his test”, Sephiroth said, grabbing Cloud by the arm and hauling him along away from the Turks before they could ask any questions.

“My test, huh?” Cloud asked, giving him an amused look.

“I had to give them some sort of explanation…” Sephiroth retorted. “And I might as well use the opportunity to further test what you’re capable of.” Of course, he already knew that Cloud was a talented swordsman, but it wouldn’t hurt to see him in action again.

“I’ll make sure to impress you, then... So where are we going now?”

“This way. Let’s go.” They needed to get from the airport to the upper streets of the city. Sephiroth pulled Cloud along towards the closest elevator. As they rode it, he mentally prepared himself to fight as he readied Masamune. “Stay close to me”, he told Cloud as the elevator stopped and they emerged in the midst of a battle between the Shinra infantry and a red-clad horde of Genesis copies.

“We’re fighting the guys in red, right?” Cloud asked. When Sephiroth nodded, Cloud didn’t waste a second, immediately rushing into battle with his sword above his head, leaving Sephiroth with no other option than to follow.

The Genesis copies were dressed like Shinra infantrymen, but in Genesis’s trademark colours. They were also not any stronger than ordinary infantrymen, so Sephiroth could cut them down easily, one after one without effort, leaving him more focused on Cloud than anything else. As usual, Cloud was faring impressively well for an infantryman, dodging and parrying attacks without much trouble. Sephiroth wondered, if Cloud was already this good without Mako enhancements, how powerful he would be if he became a SOLDIER…

As they fought their way down the street, Sephiroth suddenly caught a glimpse of a red coat in the corner of his eye. He spun around and found himself face to face with Genesis’s exact likeness. At first, he was caught off guard by why there was suddenly one copy that looked much more similar to the original – could it be… no. The copy was armed with a shotgun. No Rapier in sight. 

The copy took advantage of his hesitation and moved towards him, only to promptly get run through by a massive blade. Suddenly, Zack was by Sephiroth’s side, pulling the Buster Sword from the Genesis copy’s chest as it collapsed onto the ground. Zack turned to face Sephiroth, looking the same as when Sephiroth had last seen him, except that he was a little bit tanner now. The Costa del Sol sun had clearly done him some good.

“Sephiroth! You’re here too?” Zack exclaimed, sounding surprised but excited to see him. His gaze quickly drifted over to Cloud, who was killing Genesis copies one after another further down the street. “Whoa! I had no idea Cloud was that good with a sword!”

“He’s turning out to be quite the prodigy…” Sephiroth said, unable to completely hide the fondness in his voice.

“Shit, I’ve got to go!” Zack briefly patted Sephiroth’s shoulder. “Hollander escaped, and I’m supposed to chase him down! I’ll catch up with you and Cloud later, okay?” He winked at Sephiroth, and then dashed off towards the elevator.

“I’ll hold you to that!” Sephiroth yelled after him, before turning his focus back to the Genesis copies.

Time passed quickly as Sephiroth and Cloud fought, side by side. Finally, most of the Genesis copies had been taken down, with the infantry, no longer overwhelmed, seemingly able to deal with the ones that were left. Cloud, however… was determinedly running off further down the street, away from Sephiroth. Whatever happened to staying close by…? Sephiroth sighed and rushed after him, catching up with him easily.

“There’s someone on the Cannon!” Cloud said as Sephiroth reached his side, pointing upwards towards the Junon Cannon. When Sephiroth squinted, he could spot a silhouette… Suspicious. Very much so. He narrowed his eyes and looked even closer; was that a wing? Another Genesis copy, all the way up there?

“And you were going to get up there by yourself, how exactly?” he asked Cloud, who shrugged in response.

“I was gonna figure it out somehow…”

“I should just leave you here while I go to investigate it. I told you to stay close, and you disobeyed my orders and tried to run off on your own”, Sephiroth scolded him. Cloud, completely unfazed, simply smirked in return.

“How am I supposed to stay close to you if you leave me behind?” he retorted. “Now c’mon, let’s figure out a way to get up there.”

He supposed Cloud had a point. Better bring him along to deal with this single enemy and simultaneously make sure he didn’t somehow get himself killed by the remaining Genesis copies, as unlikely as that seemed. Sephiroth wrapped an arm around Cloud’s waist, making sure his grip was tight enough, and then he jumped.

Scaling the Junon Cannon by foot was effortless for Sephiroth, even when he was carrying Cloud. He could jump very high, and also used Masamune as a way to latch onto the steel building to then heave himself upwards. It only took them a few minutes to reach the top.

“Show-off”, Cloud muttered as they landed on the hilt of the Cannon.

“You’re so hard to impress”, Sephiroth retorted and put him down, ruffling his hair before turning his attention to the Genesis copy. It stood with its back turned, wearing Genesis’s tell-tale coat, a single black wing spread out on its left side.

“Another copy?” Cloud questioned, striding forward slowly but certainly, clutching his sword tightly. The Genesis copy reacted to Cloud’s voice, turning around to face them. Instantly, as Sephiroth met that gaze and found that familiar contempt, he just _knew_.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Sephiroth himself. Finally gracing me with your presence?”

The fact that he was speaking, something his copies never seemed to do, only confirmed it further. Sephiroth found himself frozen in place, staring at Genesis in disbelief, unsure what he was supposed to do now. While he knew that he was supposed to fight Genesis and win, just like the Shinra Company would want him to, there was a part of him that wanted to… what? Try to make amends? Ask Genesis to come back to Shinra?

“Sephiroth, don’t listen. It’s just another copy, right?” Cloud didn’t seem swayed at all, not even when Genesis turned his attention to him.

“Oh, who’s this? Did you finally cave in and get yourself your very own puppy?” Genesis sneered. “He’s an adorable little thing too… Can he do any tricks?” Sephiroth wanted to say something – _anything_ – but for some reason, he found his throat all choked up, and not a word would leave his mouth.

“Who are you calling puppy?” Cloud snapped, brandishing his sword with furious determination.

“Oh, maybe he’s more of a wolf…” Genesis mused, looking more amused than anything else.

“Cloud”, Sephiroth finally managed to choke out. “Stay back. I’ll deal with this.” He tried to step in between Cloud and Genesis, but Cloud didn’t let himself be deterred and side-stepped to get around Sephiroth.

“No way, I’m fighting this fucker.” He rushed towards Genesis, sword raised.

“Ooh, aren’t you feisty? And rude too…” Genesis raised his weapon – his Rapier, there was no doubt left in Sephiroth’s mind now – and spurted towards Cloud. “Learn to respect your elders, brat!”

“Cloud! Stop!” Sephiroth ran after Cloud, hoping that he would be able to get between them, but even in his degrading state, Genesis was too quick. A swift slice with Rapier, and the sword fell from Cloud’s hands as he collapsed to his knees, clutching his chest. Genesis grabbed him by his hair and hauled him to his feet, turning him around to face Sephiroth and pressing his Rapier to Cloud’s throat.

“No sudden movements, Sephiroth!” Genesis declared. Sephiroth froze, barely able to breathe. Cloud had been struck in the chest; his shirt was stained with blood, so much blood… yet he didn’t look afraid at all. In fact, he looked rather unimpressed by the whole thing. For a moment, Sephiroth hoped that maybe, the wound wasn’t as serious as it looked.

“C’mon, dying like this? That fucking sucks… seriously…” Cloud coughed, instantly crushing Sephiroth’s hopes when blood came up. Even though Cloud was trying to be strong, Sephiroth could see him trembling in pain… This couldn’t be happening. Not Cloud, anyone but Cloud…!

“Genesis”, Sephiroth said, trying to keep his voice steady even though he was screaming on the inside. “He has nothing to do with this. I’ll fight you on my own. Just… let him go.”

“Let him go? I suppose I could do that”, Genesis smirked, and then proceeded to shove Cloud over the edge of the Cannon, sending him hurtling downwards, hundreds of metres down into the water. “Just the two of us now. Fight me, Sephiroth.”

Sephiroth couldn’t even think. This had to be a nightmare. There was no way this could be real – Genesis was dead, he wasn’t coming back, Cloud was safe, Sephiroth could protect Cloud, he _had_ to protect Cloud…! But it didn’t feel like a dream; these emotions, the pain, the fear, the adrenaline… he would’ve woken up already. This was all too real.

He decided, then, that he had to be by Cloud’s side. No matter what, he was going to be there, regardless of how this ended. Cloud came first, above all else.

“No”, he told Genesis firmly, and then he jumped.


	34. Day 34 - September 13th

_“That was a close call…”_

“Huh…?”

_“It’s too early to die now, isn’t it, Cloud?”_

“What are you talking about…?”

_“Cloud, wake up!”_

His annoying alarm wasn’t ringing. That was weird. He was aching all over and dizzy as all hell, and that was weird too. Cloud cracked his eyes open and found himself staring up at the night sky. Okay… Not the barracks, then? He would’ve expected having his chest ripped open with a sword and getting tossed hundreds of metres down into the water would’ve been enough to kill him in this unenhanced state…

Right, he got wounded. Cloud touched his chest, searching for the injury, but found only a torn shirt stained with dry blood. Okay, this was getting really weird. In search of an explanation, he began to glance around his surroundings, immediately discovering two things. One, he was on Junon beach. Two, Sephiroth’s lifeless form was next to him, face down in the sand.

“Okay…?” Cloud said, confused, trying to piece together what could’ve happened. His clothes weren’t wet anymore, but he could still feel some slight dampness on them. He must’ve been out for a while… When he reached out to touch Sephiroth, he found that it was the same for him. They’d both ended up in the water, then…? Had that Genesis copy managed to kick Sephiroth’s ass too…? That just sounded way too unlikely.

Cloud touched Sephiroth’s shoulder and shook it, getting no reaction. He turned Sephiroth over onto his back – shit, he was heavy – checking him over for injuries but finding none. Just to make sure, he pressed his fingers to Sephiroth’s neck in search of a pulse. He found it, but he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. 

“Of course you’re still alive, you never knew how to die properly”, he grumbled, bringing his other hand up to Sephiroth’s throat. If Sephiroth died here… he couldn’t burn Nibelheim down. So why was he hesitating?

As he looked Sephiroth over, he noticed something had fallen from Sephiroth’s limp hand. That… was a Cure Materia, wasn’t it? It made Cloud notice some other things, like the small, empty Ether bottles on the ground not far from where they’d both been lying, and the fine dust that they were both coated in, remnants of more than one used Phoenix Down.

“Cloud! Cloud, is that you?” He heard the sound of approaching footsteps and looked up to find Zack rushing towards him. “I’ve been looking for you all over Junon! How’d you end up here? Oh…!” He reached them, crouching down next to Cloud, a concerned expression on his face. “Shit, is Sephiroth okay?!”

“I… don’t know”, Cloud said, watching as Zack tried to shake Sephiroth awake. “I think… he might’ve tired himself out, trying to heal me”, he admitted, not entirely sure how to deal with the idea of that himself.

“Heal you?” Zack turned to look at Cloud, eyes widening as he laid eyes on the dried blood on Cloud’s shirt. “Holy shit. Dude, you okay?!”

“Well, for having an intimate encounter with a sword and getting thrown off the Junon Cannon I’d say I’m doing much better than expected…” Cloud replied. “I’m sore all over, but I thought I was dead for sure, so…”

“I think you probably _were_ dead for a bit there, Cloud”, Zack said, still staring at Cloud with a wide-eyed look, brushing the Phoenix Down dust off Cloud’s shirt. “How many Phoenix Downs did he use on you?! Jeez…” He picked the Cure Materia out of Sephiroth’s hand, gazing at the empty Ether bottles next. “Ethers too… So many of ‘em… I wonder how many Curagas he cast on you… It must’ve taken a lot to knock him out like that… Must’ve been a really horrible injury…”

Yeah, Cloud didn’t doubt that. If Sephiroth himself had been so worn out from healing Cloud, Cloud must’ve been halfway on his way into the next time loop already.

“Is he gonna be okay?” he asked Zack, not even sure what kind of answer he wanted.

“Yeah… He’s probably just tired.” Zack effortlessly scooped Sephiroth’s unconscious body into his arms bridal style. “C’mon. Let’s get back to Junon. Pretty much everyone else got to return to Midgar already…”

They began to walk back towards Junon in silence, side by side. Zack seemed rather distracted by the fact that he was carrying Sephiroth, and Cloud couldn’t really blame him. It wasn’t exactly a common sight to see Sephiroth in such a state, and he knew that Zack admired Sephiroth a lot, even though their friendship seemed fragile and complicated.

Then, suddenly, Sephiroth began to stir. Zack stopped in his tracks, beginning to smile as Sephiroth cracked his eyes open.

“Hey! Sephiroth! Everything okay?”

“Cloud…” Sephiroth’s voice was hoarse with exhaustion. “Where’s… Cloud…? Is he… all right…?”

“He’s right here, don’t worry about it”, Zack said, his voice growing soft. “Cloud, come over here so that he can see you.” Cloud hesitated for a moment, before stepping into Sephiroth’s line of sight, watching as Sephiroth’s alarmed expression shifted into one of relief.

“Cloud…” he whispered softly. “I was… so afraid… that I’d failed to save you…” He raised a trembling hand, brushing his fingers against Cloud’s arm.

“Told you that you wouldn’t be getting rid of me so easily, dumbass…” Cloud retorted immediately, trying not to think about what that impossibly fond look in Sephiroth’s eyes could possibly mean.

“Are you okay, Sephiroth?” Zack asked again. “Do you need to see a doctor?”

“No”, Sephiroth said instantly, voice cold and face turning paler. “Can’t let Hojo know… about any of this…” He stared at Zack, something wild and panicked in his eyes. “Zack… Please don’t tell Hojo… If he finds out… about me and Cloud…”

“Okay, okay. Calm down…” Zack said soothingly. “I won’t tell anyone, okay? We’re friends, right? You can trust me.” Cloud watched as Sephiroth slowly relaxed as Zack spoke to him. Somehow, he got the feeling that the two of them could’ve been much closer than they were, if so many things hadn’t ended up getting in the way.

“Thank you, Zack…” Sephiroth’s eyes closed as he drifted back into unconsciousness. Zack watched him for a moment, smiling a bit, before he picked up the pace again, leaving Cloud to hurry after him.

“Did you pass out again, Sephiroth?” Zack asked, and when he got no response, he turned to grin at Cloud. “Aww, he’s always so soft when he’s thinking about you, Cloud… I’ve never seen him like that before! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!” Of course, Cloud already knew that, but hearing it from Zack just made him even more aware of it.

“Does he really… act that different?”

“Cloud, this is _Sephiroth_ we’re talking about!” Zack exclaimed. “He’s practically known for being cold and distant! I have no idea how you did it, but it’s so obvious that he’s head over heels in love with you!”

Cloud wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Sephiroth, in love with him? Sure, he was definitely emotionally attached to Cloud, but that was just because he was lonely… right? Cloud didn’t _want_ Sephiroth to be in love with him! How was he supposed to deal with that?! He’d only wanted to fool around a bit, not… whatever this was.

Maybe he could take advantage of that emotional attachment, though, whether Sephiroth was in love with him or not… Could he prevent Nibelheim from burning if he could keep Sephiroth focused on him? He supposed he would just have to find out… and hopefully get laid at the same time. It was about time, honestly.

Still, there was one thing he didn’t dare to consider, and that was if the attachment was mutual. He couldn’t allow himself that luxury, not when it could all be wiped away in an instant.


	35. Day 35 - September 14th

Everything was warm and comfortable. Sephiroth had absolutely no desire to change anything about his current situation. He could hear someone talking, presumably to him, as his shoulder was being shaken, but he wasn’t really in the mood to be awake. When he finally opened his eyes, he did so very reluctantly.

“Hey! About time you wake up!” Zack’s face came into view above him. “I was starting to wonder if I wouldn’t have to call a doctor after all… Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

“Could I have some water?” Sephiroth winced at his own hoarse voice. As he sat up and was handed a glass of water, he first realised he was back in his own apartment and then noticed Cloud, fast asleep next to him in the bed. Cloud, alive and well. Everything came rushing back to him. His memories of hauling Cloud out of the sea onto the beach and his desperate attempts to heal him felt fragmented. He could recall only the panic, the fear that he had lost Cloud, his own pleas to gods he’d never believed in to please just give Cloud back to him…

“What happened anyway?” Zack asked, taking a seat next to Sephiroth on the bed while Sephiroth finished his glass of water. “Cloud mentioned something about a Genesis copy…”

“It wasn’t a copy”, Sephiroth said, finding himself unable to meet Zack’s gaze, instead staring down at the empty glass in his hands. “I’m… fairly certain that was the real Genesis. Are you certain he died in Modeoheim?”

“Well, I…” Zack’s expression grew uncertain. “…I didn’t see his body or anything. It wasn’t like it was with… with Angeal…” He sighed, lowering his head and pressing it against his palms.

“So you lied to me”, Sephiroth said, unable to completely keep the harsh tone out of his voice.

“I did not!” Zack retorted. “I thought he was dead! I just…” He sighed, shaking his head. “Ugh, I don’t know, man… I guess I just… kinda didn’t want to give you false hope that he was still alive…”

“He tried to kill Cloud”, Sephiroth said. The weight of it was only just beginning to hit him. He reached out to run his fingers through Cloud’s hair, realising how close he had been to losing yet another person who was important to him. “I was… terrified”, he admitted. He didn’t think he’d ever been that terrified in his life.

“I would’ve been too”, Zack mumbled. “I’m glad Cloud’s okay. He doesn’t deserve to deal with all this bullshit…”

“Will you help me protect him in the future…?” Sephiroth asked. He wanted to make sure that nothing like this happened again. If Zack helped him keep Cloud safe, he would feel more at ease.

“Of course! He’s my friend!” Zack said, smiling at him. “Not that you really need the help, you know… You’re doing a pretty good job by yourself!” He patted Sephiroth’s shoulder. “But hey, I’ll help anyway if you want me to. We’re… friends, after all.” He sounded almost hesitant when he said that. “I mean… at least I like to think we are.”

“Of course we are”, Sephiroth said, not entirely sure why Zack was so doubtful to begin with. He was hesitant to question him, but chose to do so anyway, now that he, for once, had such a good opportunity to talk to Zack undisturbed. “Why… wouldn’t we be?”

“Uh, I don’t know…” Zack rubbed the back of his head, looking rather sheepish. “It’s just… you always act so distant. I kinda figured you didn’t really care…”

“I… do care, Zack.” It was hard for him to say it out loud, but he felt like Cloud’s blunt ability to just say things whenever they came to mind without caring about the consequences was starting to rub off on him. “You’re… a good friend. In fact… you’re probably the best friend I have right now.” And also probably the only one, but he chose not to mention that.

“Aww, thanks, man!” Zack beamed, but his expression quickly turned confused. “Wait… doesn’t Cloud count?”

“Cloud didn’t seem to like it much when I called him my friend…” Sephiroth admitted. “Does a boyfriend count as a friend?” Zack’s eyes widened almost comically at that, and he reached forward to grab Sephiroth’s shoulders.

“You two _are_ dating! I knew it!” He let out an enthusiastic whoop. “We’ve got to go on a double date sometime, you, me, Cloud and Aerith! It’ll be awesome!”

“Yes… we should do that”, Sephiroth agreed. It actually sounded like it might be enjoyable. Zack looked incredibly enthusiastic about the thought as well, almost vibrating with excitement.

“Great!” He smiled at Sephiroth, looking genuinely happy now. “I was kinda nervous that you didn’t want to be my friend after everything that happened… you know, with Modeoheim. I’m glad we got to have this talk.” He hesitated for a moment, tilting his head a little bit. “…Hey. I think it’s time for a long overdue hug. Only if you want to, of course!”

A few weeks ago, Sephiroth would probably have refused. But clearly, spending time with Cloud had made him a bit more open to physical contact. And honestly, after everything that had happened, he felt like he probably needed one. So he shifted closer, wrapping his arms around Zack’s waist and leaning his head against Zack’s shoulder, letting out a breath he hadn’t even realised he was holding as Zack returned the embrace with a tight squeeze. He only barely managed to hold back what would probably have been a very embarrassing noise.

“Aww, I didn’t know you were a hugger…”

“Neither did I, until recently”, Sephiroth confessed. He hadn’t exactly grown up with a lot of physical contact, and neither Angeal nor Genesis had ever managed to completely breach his personal space, because he simply hadn’t let them. He’d thought Cloud was an exception, but he found he didn’t mind Zack hugging him either. It was actually… really nice. He needed to hug Zack more often…

“Hey, what’s going on?” Cloud’s somewhat groggy voice suddenly cut in. Sephiroth pulled back from Zack enough to see Cloud sitting up, rubbing his eyes sleepily before taking a closer look at Sephiroth and Zack and starting to grin. “Oh, are we having a threesome?”

“Sure, if you’re into that”, Zack said, winking at him as he untangled himself from Sephiroth. “But only if Aerith is invited too.”

“Oh, you’ve got yourself a deal”, Cloud retorted, still grinning. Zack snorted and leant closer to Cloud to playfully swat him over the head.

“You wish! So when were you gonna tell me that the two of you are dating?”

“Hey, not my fault you were on vacation and missed out!” Cloud declared. It was a relief to see him looking as lively as ever. Sephiroth wanted to hug him so badly that he was practically twitching. Zack seemed to notice, giving Sephiroth an unreadable look before leaping to his feet.

“Let’s catch up another time. I’ve got some reports to file about the Junon disaster, so I’m gonna leave you two lovebirds alone now. Bye!” He disappeared out the door before Sephiroth had the chance to say anything more, leaving Sephiroth and Cloud alone. Sephiroth wasted no time in tugging Cloud closer, feeling incredibly relieved to be able to hold him in his arms.

“I’m never letting you come with me on a mission again”, he said firmly.

“Unfortunately, you can’t stop me from doing dumb shit”, Cloud said, pressing a finger to Sephiroth’s lips. “I’ll try to be a bit more careful in the future, though… especially with Genesis copies.”

“That wasn’t a copy, Cloud”, Sephiroth said quietly.

“…Oh. I mean… yeah, that makes a lot of sense, now that you say it…” Cloud let out a nervous laugh. “I’ll just avoid picking fights with your thought-to-be-dead exes in the future, then.”

“He isn’t my ex”, Sephiroth retorted, starting to feel tired again. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever worked himself this hard before… Curative magic wasn’t his specialty, and it showed. He dropped down onto his back, and Cloud followed along, lying down next to him. “I mean it, Cloud. You nearly died. You need to be more careful.”

“You’re just gonna have to keep a closer eye on me then”, Cloud replied.

Sephiroth considered that for a moment. Was there anything he could do to keep Cloud close to him more consistently…? An idea hit him, but he wasn’t sure if it was a very good one. It could be risky… but at least he’d be able to keep an eye on Cloud.

“Would you like to move in?” he asked. Cloud stared at him in shock for a few moments, his mouth hanging slightly open until he realised and promptly closed it.

“Seriously? You’d let me do that?”

“You’d be closer, then”, Sephiroth said, hesitating for a bit as he realised that there was another benefit as well. “I sleep much better with you here too…” To be able to cuddle with Cloud every night would be nice… Cloud was still looking at him, clearly thinking about what he’d said. “You don’t have to, of course, if you’d rather stay in the barracks…”

“No offense, but why the hell would I rather stay in the barracks?” Cloud cut him off. “Everything about this place is better. Your bed is comfy, your shower is fancy, your food is delicious…” He crawled closer to Sephiroth, grinning a bit. “…and I get a gorgeous roommate too, of course.”

“Lucky you”, Sephiroth whispered, his cheeks feeling oddly warm. He was getting too tired to keep his eyes open, but he couldn’t imagine a better way to fall asleep than with Cloud next to him.


	36. Day 36 - September 15th

When Sephiroth left to head to work in the morning, Cloud stayed in bed. There wasn’t much of a point in doing any work now, not when he’d already somehow achieved the status of being Sephiroth’s roommate. He only had a week left to go until they would set off for Nibelheim; he might as well use that week to slack off. Yeah, time for a long-ass nap.

At some point, he woke up and started thinking about Nibelheim, which naturally made him too anxious to go back to sleep. He wasn’t sure how it might go down this time with all the changes he had made, and that just made him even more nervous. At least he normally had some kind of idea of what he was supposed to expect, going into Nibelheim. Avoiding the townspeople, sticking close to Zack, trying to prevent Sephiroth from setting everything on fire…

Would it be any different this time? Was this relationship he had with Sephiroth going to be enough to stop Sephiroth from losing his mind? Cloud had no way to make sure. Of course, he could always try to do this again in another loop, to try different things…

Fuck, he was so tired. He didn’t want to do this anymore. Maybe he could just convince Sephiroth to run away with him. They could start a new life in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, Cloud could get laid every day, and maybe they could even adopt some kids… oh, and they could have a Chocobo stable! It would be boring and domestic and… wait, why the hell was he thinking about this?

No matter how tempting his stupid idea seemed, deserting from Shinra was practically a death sentence. Not to mention it meant letting down all the people he cared about. He didn’t want to find some sort of semblance of happiness, only to have it torn from him again.

So, what if Sephiroth never reached Nibelheim? Cloud was in the perfect position to make sure of that, especially now that Sephiroth had allowed him into his apartment full-time. He could catch Sephiroth by surprise, he could make it quick and painless, maybe when Sephiroth was asleep…

…Why was he hesitating to do it, then? Sephiroth had caused him so much misery throughout his life, hurt so many people that Cloud cared about… 

But that wasn’t this Sephiroth, was it? This Sephiroth, who had saved Cloud’s life, admitted that he slept better with Cloud by his side, and for some questionable reason actually seemed to genuinely enjoy Cloud’s company… 

Zack had claimed that Sephiroth was in love with Cloud. Cloud had thought it over, and still couldn’t bring himself to believe it. Sephiroth was just really lonely and in desperate need of some company, and since Cloud had offered it, Sephiroth had obviously leapt at the chance. No, Sephiroth couldn’t be in love with him; why would he be? And they hadn’t even fucked yet! Cloud had started this whole ordeal just to get laid, and it still hadn’t happened!

It was a rather horrifying realisation, honestly, that he now found himself actually having doubts about killing Sephiroth. If – no, _when_ – something went wrong in this loop, Cloud would have to start over, and Sephiroth would no longer know him. That just made him feel even worse. Killing him or making him forget… there was no good way to resolve this.

Cloud suddenly found himself missing his friends and his old life so much that it hurt. It had been a very long time since he’d cried, but suddenly, it became very hard to hold back the tears. Before he could force his emotions back down, a single tear rolled down his cheek. Then another. He bit down on his lip, trying to stifle a sob.

Of course, because why the fuck not, Sephiroth chose that moment to step into the bedroom. Cloud hadn’t even heard him come into the apartment, and being caught off guard like that didn’t exactly make it easier for him to stop crying. In fact, it rather did the opposite. A few more tears rolled down his cheeks, accompanied by a startled sob, and of course, he wasn’t quick enough to turn his face away from Sephiroth’s perceptive gaze.

“Cloud, what’s wrong?” Sephiroth crossed the room and sat down next to Cloud on the bed immediately, a concerned expression on his face. Cloud noticed that he was still in uniform, and even had a bit of monster blood on his face. Had he come straight home after his mission…?

“I’m fine”, Cloud replied dismissively, messily wiping the tears away. Sephiroth shook his head, taking his gloves off and reaching out to cup Cloud’s cheeks.

“Whenever I try to say that, you insist that I’m not.” He pressed a soft kiss to Cloud’s forehead, running his thumbs over Cloud’s cheeks and wiping away the last remnants of Cloud’s tears. “I think it’s my turn to do the same to you. So, Cloud… Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really”, Cloud muttered, trying very hard to avoid looking into Sephiroth’s eyes, which was pretty difficult when Sephiroth was holding his face in place. “I just…” He felt like he needed to say something at least. “I just felt… lonely, I guess. Was missing my family.” Sephiroth didn’t need to know _what_ family he was referring to, in this case.

“I see…” A wistful look crossed Sephiroth’s face. “I never knew my family, so I can’t claim to understand exactly how you feel, but… if there is anything I can do, please tell me.”

Oh no, why did he have to be so considerate?! That only made the lump in Cloud’s throat even bigger, knowing that Sephiroth cared about him and wanted to comfort him… He hated himself so badly in that moment, for being so fucking weak that he actually found himself yearning for that comfort, and from _Sephiroth_ , of all people.

“I’m fine”, he insisted while struggling to keep himself from crying even more.

“You’re not a very good liar, Cloud.” Sephiroth took his hands off Cloud’s cheeks and wrapped his arms around him instead. Cloud leant against him, reluctantly accepting the comfort but not hugging back. “But if you would rather not talk about it, I will accept that. And if you want to see your family, I’m sure I could arrange it...”

“No!” Cloud said quickly. He didn’t want to put Sephiroth anywhere near Nibelheim before it was completely unavoidable. Sephiroth pulled back and raised an eyebrow at him, looking a bit suspicious, so Cloud tried to explain himself as naturally as possible. “I’m sure I’ll get to go home sooner or later anyway…!” He placed a hand on Sephiroth’s thigh, trying to smile at Sephiroth as genuinely as he could. “And you’re home now, so I’m already feeling better.”

“Trying to flirt with me to distract me now, are you?”

“Is it working?” Cloud countered in a playful tone. Sephiroth cracked a smile and pressed a brief kiss to Cloud’s lips.

“It might. Maybe I can distract you in turn with dinner, then.”

“Dinner sounds awesome”, Cloud said. Sephiroth leant in to steal another quick kiss before pulling Cloud back into his arms again.

“I’ll get started with that in a moment. I’m just going to give you more hugs first. I don’t want you to be sad”, Sephiroth murmured and ran his fingers through Cloud’s hair, and Cloud felt a few more stray tears escape. He threw his arms around Sephiroth and pressed his head into the crook of his neck, unable to resist the warm comfort of Sephiroth’s embrace.

Much to his horror, Cloud was finally becoming certain of one thing. There was no way he would be able to bring himself to kill Sephiroth anymore. Not like this.


	37. Day 37 - September 16th

It wasn’t that Sephiroth cared about what infantrymen, or anyone else for that matter, had to say about him. With his enhanced hearing, it was just a bit too easy to accidentally overhear things sometimes. He was heading out on a mission when he happened to hear Cloud’s name being mentioned as he passed a few infantrymen by. Overcome by curiosity, he ducked behind the closest corner, and listened.

“Strife? You mean Cloud Strife?”

“Who else? He’s kinda infamous by now, isn’t he? Did you hear he doesn’t even come back to the barracks anymore?”

“Seriously? What the fuck…? What makes him so special anyway?”

“I don’t know… Damn, Strife must be a really good fuck, if Sephiroth has kept him around that long… Kinda makes me wish Strife’s standards weren’t so ridiculously high… He’s pretty cute as long as he keeps his mouth shut.”

“Seriously though… Isn’t that fucked up? Strife is a sneaky bastard, using Sephiroth like that… Don’t you think we should report that to someone?”

“What are we even supposed to say? It’s not like we can prove anything…”

“Strife was bragging about how he was going to get into Sephiroth’s pants in front of his entire squad! We have tons of eyewitnesses!”

“There’s been talk about how Sephiroth might be making him into his apprentice too…”

“Fuck, that’s even worse! Just hogging him all to himself for sex is one thing, but using him to get into SOLDIER easier? That’s definitely got to be against every single rule in the book! We should definitely report him!”

“Strife is such a little runt, sleeping his way to the top is probably the only way he could ever hope getting into SOLDIER!”

As the infantrymen all began to howl with laughter, Sephiroth decided he had heard enough, hurrying away from there as quickly as he could. He couldn’t breathe. It couldn’t be true… could it? Cloud wasn’t using him. Cloud cared. These people knew nothing about their relationship, there was no way…!

But then, what was that about Cloud bragging about his intentions? Sephiroth was reminded of how desperately Cloud had begged him for sex in the church when he’d been drunk. Had Cloud really been trying to do this from the very beginning…? He didn’t want to believe it; he wanted so badly to trust Cloud, yet he found himself doubting him. How was he supposed to know for sure? He didn’t want to bring it up with Cloud – what if Cloud was completely innocent, and Sephiroth ended up hurting his feelings? Or worse, what if the opposite turned out to be true?

Sephiroth suddenly remembered that Cloud and Zack had been friends before Sephiroth had even met Cloud. Maybe he could ask Zack about it. Zack understood people better than he did, and he didn’t think that Zack would lie to him.

He managed to catch Zack as he was heading out on a mission. Requesting him to come along but not giving any further explanation, Sephiroth led Zack, who looked very curious, into the closest conference room he could find, locking the door behind them to make sure nobody would interrupt them.

“Okay, spill. What’s up?” Zack asked, leaning against the closest desk. Sephiroth found himself hesitating.

“I’m… a bit worried that Cloud might only be interested in me for sex.” He hated admitting it. He hated how vulnerable talking about it made him feel. Especially when Zack gave him such a concerned look. “I thought, since you’ve known Cloud longer… that you might be able to give me an answer.”

“Huh? What made you think that, man? No way!” Zack stared at him, looking shocked, before launching into a ramble. “Cloud’s such a sweet guy, he wouldn’t do something like that! I mean, sure, of course he wants to sleep with you – I mean, who doesn’t – but you’re dating, right? He wouldn’t be dating you if he wasn’t actually into you!”

“I… see.” Sephiroth tried to process everything that Zack had just said, but all this conflicting information felt overwhelming.

“Although…” Sephiroth didn’t like the uncertain tone Zack’s voice suddenly took on at all. “…Cloud _did_ start acting kinda different around the time he first asked me to introduce the two of you. Not sure if that has anything to do with anything, but…”

“Different, how?” Sephiroth asked sharply.

“Uh, well… You know what Cloud is like now, right? He’s got a bit of an attitude, doesn’t seem to care about Shinra’s rules, and is stubborn as all hell. Right?”

“Yes”, Sephiroth agreed, still not entirely certain about what Zack meant.

“Well, you see… When I first met him, Cloud wasn’t like that at all. He was very shy, and he didn’t really know how to stand up for himself. All in all, he was a pretty weird kid, and also completely different from what he’s like now!”

“People change, Zack”, Sephiroth said. He tried to imagine Cloud like how Zack had described him and found it incredibly difficult. It just didn’t seem to fit with his image of Cloud at all…

“Yeah, but usually not overnight like that!” Zack retorted. “I’m not saying it has to mean anything, but it’s just kinda weird… Thought you might wanna know.”

“That’s not much of a comfort…” Sephiroth mumbled. If Zack thought that it was notable enough to mention, it had to mean something. A sudden personality change, just as Cloud suddenly became determined to get to know Sephiroth… When he thought about it like that, it did sound incredibly strange.

“Hey. Sephiroth.” Zack placed a hand on Sephiroth’s shoulder. “I can’t claim to know for sure what goes on in Cloud’s head. He’s a confusing guy, especially recently. The only way you can know for sure is if you talk to him about it.”

“I’m not sure I’m capable of doing that”, Sephiroth confessed. “Talking is… difficult.”

“Sometimes we have to do difficult things to make our lives better”, Zack said in a bout of sudden wisdom. “If you don’t talk to Cloud, you’re never gonna know for sure. You can do it! I believe in you!”

“Thank you for the advice, Zack…” Sephiroth said, not entirely confident that he would actually end up following through with it.

“Hey, it’s okay, buddy! I’m sure there’s nothing to be worried about!” Zack beamed at him, gave him one last pat on the shoulder and headed out the door.

While he could’ve gone to talk to Cloud immediately, Sephiroth didn’t feel ready for that confrontation. Maybe he would do it tomorrow, or the day after that… It felt easier to pretend that nothing was wrong, that the lump in his throat that had been there since he overheard that conversation just didn’t exist…

He still had plenty of missions to do today too. He’d rather focus on those for now. Killing monsters was easier than facing this fear of his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advance.


	38. Day 38 - September 17th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit late because it's apparently cursed, my laptop has blue-screened on me twice in the last 24 hours while I was doing my final edits and it feels incredibly fitting
> 
> Chapter warning for smut with communication issues that in turn leads to consent issues, and also for the fact that I'm just not a smut writer at all... Disclaimer: don't be like these two idiots

Cloud felt like it was about time to get his shit together. There wasn’t that much time left until they would set off for Nibelheim now, and for every second that passed, he only became more aware of the clock ticking closer. The days before Nibelheim were never fun, not in any loop, but somehow, this time, he felt even more anxious than he normally would.

Sephiroth was the defining factor, of course, like he always was when Cloud had a problem in his life. There was no doubt about it, and that pissed Cloud off. He didn’t _want_ to be invested in this weird-ass loop, he didn’t want to care about _Sephiroth_ , of all fucking people!

This had to stop. This all had to stop before it got out of hand. Okay, to be fair it was already out of hand, but that just made it even more obvious that Cloud had to get back on track, stop messing around, and… what? He still wanted to get laid, because apparently his horny brain had stopped giving a damn about common sense and giving up when it was still reasonable to do so. It would be a shame if this entire ordeal ended being up a complete waste of time…

Preparations had to be made before Sephiroth got home. Cloud went out to buy a box of fancy chocolate, knowing all too well that it was Sephiroth’s weakness. The last time he’d tried to cook something had been a disaster, so this time he settled for heating up some leftovers of last night’s dinner. He even made sure to stock up on lube and condoms, which he left on the bedside table. Finally, he took a long shower, making sure to use the fanciest products he could find in Sephiroth’s bathroom to be as nice and clean as possible. _Nothing_ was going to ruin this now!

Cloud draped himself across the living room couch wearing nothing but boxers and waited for Sephiroth to come home. However, the fact that he had no idea when Sephiroth was actually coming home quickly became a problem, as within minutes, he was getting really bored and also a bit cold lying around in nothing but his underwear. He solved this by grabbing one of Sephiroth’s sweaters from the closet and wearing it. It was warm and way too big for him; hopefully, Sephiroth would be into it.

It was already late by the time Sephiroth returned. When he stepped in through the door, Cloud could immediately tell that he looked tense, and once he laid eyes on Cloud, his expression grew… doubtful? Not exactly the reaction Cloud had hoped for.

“What are you doing?” Sephiroth asked suspiciously while he took his boots off.

“What? Am I not allowed to wear your clothes?” Cloud asked, getting to his feet and slowly approaching Sephiroth, hoping that his smile was seductive enough.

“I didn’t say that. I just…” Sephiroth fell silent as Cloud wrapped his arms around his waist and tilted his head upwards for a kiss. Rather than giving him the kiss he was asking for, Sephiroth had to make it awkward by focusing on Cloud with a stern look. “…Cloud. What do you want?”

“Huh? Not allowed to kiss you now either?” Cloud dropped a quick kiss on Sephiroth’s collarbone instead. “I just wanted us to have a nice evening together! I’ve heated up some dinner already, I bought you chocolate, and…”

“Cloud”, Sephiroth repeated, even firmer this time. “You want something from me. Do us both a favour and stop dodging around the subject.” Kind of hard, when Sephiroth had to be so damn unapproachable about this subject… Cloud decided to be a bit more handsy and tugged Sephiroth’s leather coat down his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor.

“Fine”, he said, trying to ignore how nervous he suddenly felt. “We should fuck.” He got no response. Sephiroth fidgeted, suddenly seeming to find the wall behind Cloud very interesting. Cloud definitely didn’t like how quiet he was being.

“I should probably have seen this coming, shouldn’t I…?” Sephiroth finally said, letting out a somewhat awkward laugh.

“Uh, yeah, probably”, Cloud replied, not really sure how else to respond.

“And you… want this. You want us to… have sex.” Why did Sephiroth sound so unenthusiastic about it?! Or maybe lack of enthusiasm wasn’t the problem… Maybe it had something to do with his seemingly awful self-esteem.

“We’re dating”, Cloud reminded him. “Why wouldn’t I want to?!”

“It’s not really about what you want”, Sephiroth mumbled, slowly trying to disentangle himself from Cloud.

“Wait, you mean you don’t want me?!” Cloud questioned, starting to feel exasperated. “Why would you lead me on like that?! Am I not hot enough for the Great Sephiroth?! What do I need to change, then?!” 

“That’s not what I meant!” Sephiroth quickly protested, finally looking Cloud in the eye again. “You don’t need to change anything about yourself, Cloud…” There was a conflicted expression on his face for a moment, before it shifted into a cold, unreadable one. “I’m sorry, I just… don’t know what to…” He fell quiet again, letting out a sigh. “…All right. If that’s what you want, then…”

“Look, if I’m that repulsive to you, just tell me”, Cloud snapped.

“I told you, that’s not it!” Sephiroth retorted. “I… I do want to. I’m just… a bit nervous, I suppose.” With how disgruntled he sounded, there was no doubt in Cloud’s mind that it had been hard for Sephiroth to admit. That made sense, though Sephiroth being nervous about it was a bit unexpected…

“What’s there to be nervous about?” Cloud asked, slowly beginning to pull Sephiroth along towards the bedroom. “C’mon, it’s fine!”

“If you say so…” Sephiroth replied and allowed himself to be led along. While he was quiet on the outside, Cloud was screaming enthusiastically on the inside. Finally, they were getting somewhere!

His glee was short-lived, however, as once they got into the bedroom, Sephiroth once again seemed to grow hesitant. When Cloud turned to face him and began unclipping his belts, Sephiroth flinched at his touch and became oddly still under Cloud’s hands. 

“What’s wrong now?” Cloud asked and dropped the belts to the floor.

“You left my coat on the floor. It’ll get wrinkly…” He made a move to escape Cloud’s grasp, but Cloud grabbed him by the arm to stop him. It felt like Sephiroth was stalling. Cloud still didn’t really understand what the problem was, and Sephiroth wasn’t exactly being very helpful about letting him know either.

“Sephiroth, just be clear with me, this one time. Do you want to do this or not?”

“I do!” Sephiroth insisted immediately. Enthusiastic consent. So maybe it really was just Sephiroth being nervous… “I just… don’t really know where to start.”

“Well, uh…” Neither did Cloud, really. He’d expected Sephiroth to take charge once they got into the bedroom and lead the way into the hottest, steamiest sex Cloud would have in his entire life, not… whatever this awkward mess was. But if this was what he got, he’d have to work with it. “First of all, we’re still wearing too many clothes”, he said, pulling his sweater off as smoothly as he could, before stepping closer to pull Sephiroth into a kiss. Sephiroth finally responded, wrapping his arms around Cloud and tugging him even closer.

“Tell me what you want me to do”, he whispered against Cloud’s lips. Cloud hadn’t exactly expected it, but he wasn’t about to complain about getting to take the lead. He dragged Sephiroth along into bed, lying back and pulling Sephiroth down on top of him, before kissing him again while trying to think about where they should go from here.

“Hopefully not fall asleep before the action this time”, he retorted playfully, reaching up to run his fingers over Sephiroth’s well-defined muscles. Fuck, he just wanted to get on with it. Why was Sephiroth still wearing pants?! “Take those off”, he said, poking Sephiroth in the leg with his foot.

“Ah… Yes, of course.” Sephiroth scrambled off Cloud, standing up to hastily strip off his pants, not even bothering to make a show out of it. Cloud took advantage of the moment and got rid of his underwear. When Sephiroth turned back around towards him, Cloud tried to strike a seductive pose, his arms sprawled out above his head and legs spread wide as he ogled Sephiroth’s naked form. Gods, he was perfect… Just looking at him made Cloud remember why he’d gone through all of this in the first place.

“Now we’re getting somewhere”, Cloud said with a grin while trying to not get swept up in how badly he wanted Sephiroth to stick that cock in him. “You’re so damn hot… Get back here.”

“All right…” Sephiroth looked a bit flustered as he got back onto the bed, crawling in between Cloud’s legs to lean down and kiss him again. Cloud tugged him down and deepened the kiss, burying his hands in Sephiroth’s hair, unable to hold back a gasp as one of Sephiroth’s hands brushed over his chest. They kept up the kissing for a bit, deep, slow and passionate, and Cloud felt like he was losing himself in the sensation. Finally, he had Sephiroth right where he wanted him… He felt like he could forget about everything else, allowing himself to be swept up in this desperate, burning desire to let Sephiroth have his way with him – heat was pooling in his stomach, he was getting hard already…

“I want you inside me…” he murmured, reaching for the lube on the bedside table and placing it in Sephiroth’s hand. Sephiroth froze, pulling away from Cloud to sit back on his knees and stare at the bottle, seeming taken aback somehow. “Oh c’mon, stop messing around!” Cloud groaned and sat up, took the lube back and poured some of it onto Sephiroth’s fingers.

“Yes… Of course, just… just give me a moment to…” When Sephiroth trailed off, still staring at him with that strangely clueless expression, Cloud couldn’t help letting out another groan.

“Just… get on with it and stick your fingers inside already, dammit!” When Sephiroth still didn’t do anything, simply continuing to stare, Cloud decided he’d had enough. He took Sephiroth’s hand and guided it down to his ass, lying back on the bed as Sephiroth finally, mercifully worked a finger inside him. “Yeah, just like that, keep going…”

“Does that… feel good?” Sephiroth asked sceptically, experimentally moving his finger deeper inside and – oh, holy shit, he found the spot, that felt so fucking good…!

“Yeah”, Cloud gasped, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lip to try to keep himself from making any embarrassing noises. Fuck, this shouldn’t have felt so amazing. He blamed his inexperienced body and the weeks of tension; one finger wasn’t supposed to overwhelm him so completely. “Add another…” He felt Sephiroth press another finger inside him and couldn’t help letting out a moan this time.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it, Cloud”, he heard Sephiroth whisper almost reverently, moving his fingers inside Cloud while his other hand brushed over Cloud’s thigh, seemingly trying to find what made Cloud tick.

Sephiroth was being so gentle and soft with him… It wasn’t exactly what Cloud had been going for, but he wasn’t about to complain as long as it felt good. He writhed around in bed, gasping for breath as Sephiroth moved his fingers deeper, feeling himself getting closer and closer to the edge much faster than he had estimated. Before he could hold back, he came with an embarrassingly high-pitched noise. Damn, this body really had no stamina at all…

“Fuck”, he groaned, frustrated with himself for not lasting any longer. When he felt fingers being pulled out of him, Cloud opened his eyes to find Sephiroth hovering above him.

“Are you all right, Cloud?”

“Yeah, I’m great”, Cloud said, still feeling a bit breathless. “Damn, I didn’t mean for that to happen yet…” He sat up slowly, and Sephiroth pulled back a bit to let him up. “I wanted to wait until I had your cock inside me”, he told Sephiroth, gazing at him seductively… only to realise that Sephiroth didn’t seem aroused at all.

“This wasn’t good enough?” Sephiroth asked, looking oddly uncomfortable.

“What? Of course it was! It was great”, Cloud insisted. “You don’t look too satisfied, though…” He shifted around and crawled closer to Sephiroth, placing his hands on Sephiroth’s thighs, deciding that he was finally going to give Sephiroth that damn blowjob. “My turn to make you feel good now.”

“That’s all right, Cloud, you don’t need to…”

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m gonna make it good!” Cloud ducked down, pressing a kiss to Sephiroth’s abs, trailing his fingers over Sephiroth’s thigh muscles before slowly reaching out to touch his cock, drawing a low, muffled sound from Sephiroth. Sephiroth wasn’t quite hard yet, but Cloud was definitely going to do something about that. Keeping his grip on Sephiroth’s cock, he leant in and licked the tip. This time, Sephiroth made a louder noise, a shudder going through his entire body.

“Cloud… _Stop!_ ” Shit. That was genuine panic in Sephiroth’s voice.

“Huh?” Cloud pulled away and looked up to find Sephiroth’s eyes squeezed shut, his trembling hand covering his mouth. Yeah, he definitely didn’t look like he was enjoying himself… “You okay…?”

“Don’t touch me.”

“What did I do wrong now?!” Cloud blurted out. He didn’t understand. Everything had been fine until a moment ago, right? He tried to touch Sephiroth’s shoulder, only to have Sephiroth snap his eyes open and shove him away hard enough to hurt. Cloud yelped, startled, and struggled to process what was happening as Sephiroth abruptly stood up.

“…I need to be alone. I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight. You can have the bed…” And then he stalked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

For a moment, Cloud was about to rush after him, but quickly decided against it, since Sephiroth had said he needed to be alone. It really left Cloud feeling like an awful person, but what could he even do when he didn’t know what he did wrong? Not to mention that Sephiroth had seemed genuinely angry for a moment there… and Cloud really didn’t want to deal with an angry Sephiroth, because that never ended well.

Too unsettled by the whole thing to even dare to slip out of the bedroom to take a shower, Cloud made his sticky, sweaty self as comfortable in the bed as he could. Maybe he could try talking to Sephiroth tomorrow, when he’d calmed down… Even so, that bad feeling in Cloud’s gut wouldn’t leave him alone. What was this? He couldn’t even feel satisfied even though he’d finally achieved what he’d wanted in the first place...

Still, deep down, he knew that this was all his fault, and that he’d made a horrible mistake. When exactly had he gone and turned into the bad guy?


	39. Day 39 - September 18th

Cloud hardly got any sleep that night. He found himself feeling horrible about what had happened, and several times throughout the night, he was tempted to sneak out into the living room and talk to Sephiroth but ended up deciding against it. What if it made things worse…?

It was early morning when Cloud decided he simply couldn’t try to sleep anymore. Maybe he should try to do something nice for Sephiroth… Breakfast in bed, maybe? Yeah, that was a great idea! Hopefully, that would make Sephiroth a little bit more willing to talk. He crawled out of bed in a hurry, tiptoeing out of the bedroom as quietly as he could, hoping he wouldn’t accidentally wake Sephiroth up.

He tried to sneak past the couch, only to discover that it was empty, with no sign of Sephiroth anywhere except a few silver hairs left on a pillow. A quick look around the apartment told Cloud that Sephiroth was nowhere else to be found either. Had he left for work this early… without even trying to talk things through? Fuck, was Sephiroth really _that_ angry with him?

Not sure what else to do, Cloud decided to send Sephiroth a text. He spent at least fifteen minutes formulating it over breakfast, correcting himself over and over again, before finally managing to write it out and send it.

_hey… sorry about last night. i don’t know what i did wrong… is there anything i can do to make it better?_

Of course, predictably, he didn’t get a reply. He wasn’t sure why he found himself feeling disappointed when he hadn’t really expected anything else. Dammit, why had this happened…? Cloud was getting frustrated with himself for being so worried, but it wasn’t long until Nibelheim now and he wasn’t sure what to do…

Only one thing he _could_ do, then. When all else fails, ask Zack for advice.

With Cloud’s luck, it took way longer than it should have to find Zack. When he went to ask about Zack’s whereabouts, he found out that Zack was on a mission. Typical. Cloud decided to wait around the entrance of the Shinra building, hoping he might catch a glimpse of Sephiroth at the same time.

There was no trace of Sephiroth, but after a few hours, Zack finally came wandering in through the door, monster blood on his shirt and a grin on his face. Cloud wasted no time in hurrying over to him.

“Zack! I need your help!”

“Oh? Cloud!” Zack looked excited to see him as always. Cloud would’ve been happy to see him too, if not for what he wanted to discuss with him. “What’s up, buddy?”

“I think I fucked up. Like, really badly. Can we talk in private?”

“I see, that doesn’t sound too good…” Zack nodded, giving Cloud a thoughtful look. “Wanna head over to my apartment, then? I’d like to take a quick shower and change my clothes…” He looked down at his shirt, grimacing. Cloud couldn’t argue with that.

“Yeah. Sure…” Zack’s apartment sounded like a good, private place to talk anyway.

Cloud waited while Zack took a shower, taking the opportunity to get a closer look at the many pictures of Zack and Aerith that were littered around the apartment. They’d all been taken at various places around the Slums, and in each and every one, they both looked happy… So happy that it made Cloud’s heart ache. How was he supposed to ensure their happiness like this?

“Okay, I’m back!” Zack emerged from his bathroom dressed more casually in sweatpants and a t-shirt with an image of a Cactuar on it, his hair still soaking wet. He sat down next to Cloud on the couch, giving him a curious look. “All right Cloud, now you’ve got to tell me what’s wrong!” Oh no. Better get this over with quickly…

“I think I… kinda fucked things up with Sephiroth last night…” Cloud admitted, hoping he wouldn’t have to go into greater detail. “I’m not sure what I did wrong, though… I was hoping you might be able to help.”

“You fucked things up?” Zack gave him a surprised look, before quickly starting to grin again. “Oh, I’m sure whatever you did isn’t that bad, Cloud! Sephiroth has a short fuse, but he tends to calm down again pretty quickly! Even if he was angry with you, I’m sure he’ll forgive you in no time!”

“You think?” Cloud asked dubiously. He’d managed to irritate Sephiroth before, but it hadn’t been anywhere near what happened last night. “No way, it wasn’t like that. I’m not even sure what I did wrong, but it was _really bad_.”

“Okay, now you _really_ have to tell me what happened!” Zack sounded like he was expecting juicy gossip rather than the genuine crisis Cloud was having.

“Well, long story short, Sephiroth and I were… fooling around a bit, and, uh… I already got what I wanted out of it… but as soon as I tried to, um, touch him, he… just kinda flipped out.” It felt weird telling Zack about this. Hopefully Zack wouldn’t ask for more details…

“…Oh…” Zack’s expression immediately grew serious. “By… by fooling around, do you mean… you and Sephiroth…?” He trailed off, raising an eyebrow at Cloud.

“I just need to understand why it took me this long to get him into bed, and why he _still_ quit as soon as I tried to touch him!” Cloud explained, starting to feel frustrated. 

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe you should ask him and not me!” Zack retorted, sounding frustrated as well. “I swear, the two of you are hopeless! Why can’t you just _talk_ to each other instead of coming to me with your problems?!”

“Uh…” Wait, what? “Did… Sephiroth talk to you too?”

“Yeah, a few days back…” Zack rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “I probably shouldn’t say about what, though… He’s my friend too, you know. I think it’d be better if you asked him first. If you’ve hurt his feelings, it’s up to you to make it better!”

“You’re probably right…” Cloud admitted somewhat reluctantly. “I’ll talk to him when he gets back home.”

“Awesome!” Zack patted Cloud on the head, back to grinning cheerfully at him. “Go talk to your man! Solve your problems! Give him a big hug to make everything better, he’ll like that!”

“Thanks Zack…” Cloud said as he stood up, preparing to head back. Zack was always so good at encouraging him. Even though this entire situation was still eating at him, Zack at least made it feel like everything wasn’t completely hopeless. “I just want to know what makes me so much worse than every other person he’s slept with…” he admitted so quietly that for a moment, he wasn’t sure if Zack had even heard him.

“Every other…” Zack gave him a really strange look. “Cloud, you know, a lot of people brag about sleeping with Sephiroth, make it sound like he’s Shinra’s very own playboy, out to get anyone who’s willing, but… it’s not like that at all. People just say that for bragging rights. And it’s not like anybody knows Sephiroth well enough to actually check with him.”

“What do you mean?” Cloud asked.

“I think you’ve got the wrong idea about Sephiroth”, Zack said firmly. “Talk to him. Ask him about it. I’m sure he’ll tell you the truth if you ask the right question.”

“O… kay? Thanks…?” Cloud headed out the door, still not really sure what Zack had meant.

Sephiroth not sleeping around as much as Cloud had initially assumed made so much sense when he actually took the time to think about it, especially given how Sephiroth had acted since they’d started dating. Once again, he’d been way too focused on himself and his own goals instead of actually being observant. He should really talk to Sephiroth about this, to figure this out… If only he knew what kind of answer he was even looking for.

He checked his phone. Sephiroth still hadn't texted him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh btw, I have a Twitter now! If the AO3 comments aren't enough, come yell at me over there @ [ethereal_savior](https://twitter.com/ethereal_savior/)!


	40. Day 40 - September 19th

Sephiroth wasn’t sure exactly how much time had passed since he’d left his apartment late at night after that disastrous incident, but it definitely had to be over 24 hours. A part of him wondered if it wasn’t about time that he headed back, but the thought terrified him. He couldn’t face Cloud, not now, not after that…!

The Training Room contained many different monster species for members of SOLDIER to test their skills against, both virtual simulations and actual experiments of Hojo’s. It had been a while since Sephiroth had last felt the need to do this, but it hadn’t taken him long to set the difficulty to the highest one and start working through the monsters, fighting a large group of them at the same time, with new ones appearing every time he managed to kill one.

Engaged in battle, he didn’t need to think about anything else. He could focus completely on his own movements as he fought; dodging monster attacks, lashing out with Masamune, casting spells… Yet after he had spent a while fighting the same type of monster, it got tedious and predictable, and he found his mind wandering in concerning directions.

Cloud was probably really angry with him now for ruining everything like that. Angry enough not to pursue him when he’d left the bedroom… Sephiroth tried to tell himself that maybe Cloud had just been trying to give him some space, yet he found himself fearing that Cloud simply hadn’t cared enough to ask him what was wrong. That voice kept prodding at the back of his mind, all kinds of ugly thoughts starting to worm their way into his head.

 _Cloud is using me for sex._ He struck down a monster effortlessly. _Cloud doesn’t actually care about me._ Another one went down. _Cloud is going to leave like everybody else._ And yet another. _If he finds out I don’t experience desire like I should, it will all be over._ He switched the settings to fight a different kind of monster to distract himself from those thoughts, and it worked until he once again grew used to them and it all repeated itself.

He’d been going through this same pattern more times than he could count. The only interruption he’d had during all that time was when a couple of 3rd Classes had tried to come in to use the Training Room, but they’d quickly scurried out of there with horrified expressions on their faces once they laid eyes on Sephiroth. Sephiroth couldn’t blame them; if he looked half as horrible as he felt, anyone would be repulsed.

And then, a shrill voice cut in. Ah. That would be the second interruption then; it was one he had expected eventually anyway.

“What are you doing with my experiments?!”

“How very pleasant to see you, Professor”, Sephiroth said, not bothering to stop his monster-killing spree despite Hojo’s presence; in fact, he didn’t even look in his direction, keeping his eyes on the monsters.

“I received a report that someone was in the Training Room killing disproportionate amounts of monsters.” Hojo sounded very unimpressed, which was definitely always a good thing. “Of course it would be you… Now, why don’t you stop acting like an angry child, stop this behaviour and explain yourself?”

“No thank you”, Sephiroth retorted, dodging out of the way of a particularly furious monster’s attack.

“Your current behaviour is more aggressive than your average disposition. There is clearly something causing this anomaly.” Sephiroth could hear the familiar scratching of pen against paper. Was Hojo taking notes on him…?

“It is a personal matter”, Sephiroth retorted.

“Just like when those failed experiments you called friends left Shinra…” Hojo’s musings were distracting. “Have you gone and developed a foolish attachment to someone again, boy?” Sephiroth didn’t bother with a reply. “Perhaps it’s time for you to tell me what’s so interesting about a little infantryman from Nibelheim.”

No. No, not this, not now. Sephiroth nearly dropped Masamune, and if his heart hadn’t already been racing so fast, it probably would’ve been doing so now. He finally looked towards Hojo, who was eyeing him with a smirk on his face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, he said, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice.

“I’ve told you before, boy. You’re a bad liar”, Hojo replied, sounding far too amused by this entire ordeal. “The rumours about the two of you have spread far… I expect the entire company knows by now.”

“It doesn’t affect my performance on the field! Stay out of it!” Sephiroth snapped, finding that his concentration was slipping as a monster actually nearly managed to hit him.

“And when he dies in battle? Infantrymen are so weak and feeble; it is to be expected… Or maybe you’ll end up accidentally getting him killed by yourself. What shall you do then, hmm? Will you behave like you did the last time your silly little pretend friendship was ruined?” Hojo questioned, pushing his glasses further up onto his nose. “You can’t deny that it affected your performance negatively…”

“My personal relations are nobody else’s business!” Sephiroth took down the last of this wave of monsters, turned off the mechanism that kept the monsters coming and stalked over to Hojo, not entirely sure that he would be able to keep himself from running him through with Masamune. Hojo, however, didn’t seem deterred at all, still smirking at Sephiroth as if he knew something Sephiroth didn’t.

“You’re Shinra property, boy. You’d best remember that…” he stated, still not seeming intimidated even with Masamune pointed at him and Sephiroth towering over him. “Try to behave yourself in the future. You’re a well-trained weapon, not a rabid dog.”

“A weapon”, Sephiroth repeated, hating that smug expression on Hojo’s face. Yet… Hojo was right. That was all Sephiroth was to Shinra… wasn’t it? A weapon. A tool to be used as long as it was functional and discarded once it broke.

“Exactly.” Hojo stepped out of Masamune’s range, huffing as he turned on his heel and headed for the door. “Letting you socialise with your peers in the first place was a mistake. I can see that now. You’ve forgotten how to keep your emotions in check… You’re far too sentimental. Just like she was.” Sephiroth didn’t have time to question who _she_ was before Hojo was gone. Somehow, suddenly, he was struck by a suspicion, but the only thing that did for him was to make him even more distressed than he already was.

Sephiroth sighed before restarting the training program, fully intent on killing even more of Hojo’s monsters just to spite him. He still wasn’t anywhere near calm anyway… He needed to stay distracted. He needed to keep his mind off Cloud. As long as Sephiroth kept killing these monsters, he didn’t have to think about what he was supposed to do so that Cloud would just _want_ him even if he found out how broken Sephiroth was.

He found himself suddenly wishing that Hojo’s description of him had been more accurate. Compared to being human, being a weapon had always come easier to Sephiroth. Being a weapon didn’t _hurt_.


	41. Day 41 - September 20th

Cloud had been waiting patiently for Sephiroth to return, but this was the third day he’d been missing in action. If he wanted space, Cloud had given it to him by now. He decided that it was time to go looking for him again.

Where could Sephiroth have gone…? Of course, he could very well have gone out on a mission or something, which would make it very hard to find him. However, as soon as Cloud arrived at the SOLDIER floor, he overheard some 3rd Classes discussing something nervously.

“Did you see how angry Sephiroth was?”

“Yeah! I thought he was going to kill us for sure when we went in to ask if we could use the Training Room! How long has he been in there anyway…?” 

Ah. There he had his answer. Cloud hurried over to the Training Room, not entirely sure what he would find inside. For a moment, he hesitated, uncertain if he should actually go in there. Sephiroth was angry, huh…? Oh well, fuck it. Better get it over with. He opened the door and peeked inside.

Sephiroth was killing monsters. That part wasn’t a surprise, but Cloud still found himself caught off guard just by how dishevelled Sephiroth looked, how erratic his movements seemed…

“Sephiroth!” Cloud said, raising his voice to make sure Sephiroth heard him. In response, Sephiroth spun around to face Cloud so clumsily and uncharacteristically that Cloud realised he must’ve managed to catch him off guard completely. There was something unhinged about Sephiroth; he was covered in a mix of sweat and monster blood, his hair was a mess, there were dark circles under his eyes, and his wild and panicked gaze was troubling to say the least. But he didn’t look angry. Cloud knew what Sephiroth looked like angry. This was something else.

“Cloud…” Sephiroth’s voice was hoarse, his breaths quick and shallow. “What are you doing here…?” How long had he been at this, if it was actually making him exhausted…? Had he been in here for three days?

“I was looking for you”, Cloud said, watching as Sephiroth finished off the last monsters. “You, uh… you’ve been gone for a while… Have you been here the whole time?”

“Well, yes…” Sephiroth at least had the courtesy to look a bit sheepish about it, approaching Cloud almost warily, with that dangerous, intense look that reminded Cloud way too much of the future still remaining visible in his eyes. “How… how long has it been?”

“Three days”, Cloud said, unfortunately not nearly as surprised as he should have been. “Have you been awake for three days straight?” That was… concerning. No wonder Sephiroth looked so tired. When Sephiroth nodded, Cloud decided to take matters into his own hands. “Okay, hey, we’re going home now. You look exhausted!” He reached out to grab Sephiroth by the arm, only to have Sephiroth jerk back violently at his touch. “Shit. Sorry!”

“What do you want from me?” Sephiroth questioned, an urgent tone in his voice. Yeah, he was definitely not stable right now. Cloud needed to get him out of here. He carefully pried Masamune from Sephiroth’s hand before anything else could go wrong, earning a confused look from Sephiroth in response.

“Right now, the only thing I want is for you to go to bed!” Cloud told him firmly. “And take a shower too. You’re a fucking mess.” He reached out again, more carefully this time, and this time Sephiroth allowed him to take his hand. “C’mon. Let’s go home now.” Sephiroth didn’t say anything, but at least he allowed Cloud to drag him along.

Sephiroth didn’t say a word after they left the Training Room. By the time they got back to the apartment, he was even more of a mess, looking tenser and warier than Cloud had ever seen him before.

“You should take a shower”, Cloud said softly, deciding that it was better to be gentle with him for now. Sephiroth nodded, the fierce look in his eyes finally seeming to die down a bit as he slipped past Cloud towards the bathroom. Maybe it was best to give him some space for that… Cloud sat down on the couch and waited as the shower turned on, and then eventually off. No sign of Sephiroth yet.

After around twenty minutes or so, Cloud got too restless to wait any longer. This whole thing was making him nervous as fuck. He went to knock on the bathroom door.

“Hey, you alive in there?” When he got no response, he only got more concerned. The door wasn’t locked, so he decided to open it and step inside, hoping he wouldn’t get murdered. He found Sephiroth lying on his back in the bathtub, resting his head against the edge and staring up at the ceiling. “You okay?”

“Just tired”, Sephiroth whispered, slowly tilting his head towards Cloud. “Would you… like to join me, Cloud?”

“Okay.” A bath sounded nice, and Sephiroth didn’t look angry or anything at the moment… Cloud stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the bathtub. It was big enough for him to comfortably sit down next to Sephiroth. He wondered if this would be a good opportunity to bring up the incident, but when he looked at Sephiroth, at how exhausted he looked, Cloud realised that he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Not now.

“Are you mad at me?” Sephiroth asked softly.

“What?” That had come out of nowhere… Cloud couldn’t help being confused. “Um… No? Of course not.” Was that why Sephiroth had hid himself away for several days? Because he’d thought Cloud was mad at him? Cloud watched Sephiroth quietly, unsure how to proceed, wanting to reach out to touch him but not quite daring to.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Sephiroth asked. Cloud hadn’t even realised that there was anything notable about the way he was looking at him.

“Like what?”

“Like you feel sorry for me.” Sephiroth sounded so bitter, keeping his gaze firmly focused on Cloud. “I don’t want your pity.”

“Kinda hard _not_ to feel sorry for you when you look so damn sad”, Cloud retorted.

“Cloud…” Sephiroth closed his eyes and turned his head away, heaving a deep sigh. Cloud waited for him to say something more, but Sephiroth stayed quiet. Since he wasn’t sure what he was even supposed to say, Cloud stayed quiet and carefully placed his hand on Sephiroth’s shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t make Sephiroth want to run from him again. When Sephiroth didn’t flinch or pull away, Cloud grew bolder.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked softly. Sephiroth gave a small nod in response. Not wanting to overwhelm him, Cloud leant in to press a soft kiss to the corner of Sephiroth’s lips. After a moment, he pulled back, only to have Sephiroth make a small, disappointed noise. “Again?” Cloud asked cautiously, hoping he wasn’t misreading anything.

“Please don’t go”, Sephiroth whispered, sounding like he wasn’t quite all there. Slowly, still wanting to play it safe, Cloud raised his hand to touch Sephiroth’s cheek. Sephiroth leant into the touch, sighing longingly as he watched Cloud, his lips curling into a soft yet painfully hesitant smile. It was unmistakably the look of someone who was head over heels in love.

The realisation hit hard. Cloud wasn’t sure anybody had ever looked at him like that before, and it made his chest feel tight. Even so, he leant in for another kiss, keeping this one just as soft as the previous one. Sephiroth made another small, desperate sound and grabbed Cloud by the shoulders. For a moment, Cloud expected to be shoved away, or to be tugged closer, but Sephiroth simply held on to him. Cloud could feel his hands shaking.

“It’s okay…” Cloud broke the kiss and pressed their foreheads together, listening to Sephiroth’s hitching breaths as he cupped Sephiroth’s cheeks. “I’m right here and I'm not going anywhere, don’t be sad…”

“I’m not sad”, Sephiroth murmured against Cloud’s lips, his voice slightly unsteady. Cloud didn’t believe him for a second, but decided not to argue.

“Okay”, he said instead, trying to ignore his urgent awareness of his own sadness. He had to bring it up, no matter how much the thought frightened him. “Did I… do something wrong? If you’re not into something, you should tell me, not ignore me for days and run yourself ragged.”

“It’s all right, Cloud”, Sephiroth whispered. “It was my fault… I’ll do better next time.” There was something about the wistful, desperate look in his eyes and the way his grip on Cloud tightened… It made Cloud realise that this was probably the most vulnerable he’d ever seen Sephiroth. This wasn’t his fated enemy. This was just his boyfriend, who was hurting because Cloud had been an idiot.

“Hey, it’s fine, you don’t need to do anything at all”, he tried to reassure Sephiroth, moving his hands from Sephiroth’s cheeks into his hair, watching as Sephiroth shifted to lean into his touch, eyelashes fluttering. Yeah, Sephiroth wasn’t okay, there was no doubt about it.

“I want to please you.” Sephiroth’s hands moved from Cloud’s shoulders to his sides and continued further and further down. “What do you want me to do, Cloud?”

In any other situation, Cloud would definitely have been into this. But the unhinged look in Sephiroth’s glowing eyes, the desperate tone in his trembling voice, the knowledge that he’d just spent three days murdering monsters without sleep… Those things in that particular combination would’ve been frightening even without the knowledge that Sephiroth could snap him in half if he wanted.

“Uh, I don’t know… I don’t think…”

“We can try having sex again, Cloud.” Sephiroth leant in to kiss Cloud’s neck as his hands brushed over Cloud’s thighs. “I’ll do it better this time, I promise…”

Okay, no. This was just going to get worse if they went down this road again.

“Sephiroth, _stop_!” Cloud’s voice came out a bit harsher than he had intended. Sephiroth finally seemed to snap out of whatever had come over him, pulling away from Cloud instantly. Before Cloud could say anything else, Sephiroth was already getting out of the bathtub, disappearing out of the bathroom, grabbing a towel as he went. Well, shit.

Cloud quickly dried himself off and borrowed Sephiroth’s bathrobe to wear before following Sephiroth. He found him in the bedroom, towel around his waist, seated on the bed and drying his hair with Fire Materia. As soon as Cloud stepped inside the room, Sephiroth glanced at him briefly, an ashamed expression on his face, before turning away again.

“…I’m sorry. I thought you’d want to…”

“Hey, don’t worry about it”, Cloud said and sat down next to him. “You’re not okay, you think I can’t tell? The most important thing right now is to get you into bed.”

“You’re probably right…” Sephiroth sighed as he put the Fire Materia away onto the bedside table, looking so lost in that moment that Cloud could almost forget about everything else. For a moment, he was so incredibly close to being nothing but an anxious 16-year-old who was worried about his beloved boyfriend.

“C’mon, let’s just cuddle. I know you like that.” He stretched out on the bed, giving Sephiroth an expectant look. Sephiroth finally managed a smile, though it seemed a bit forced.

“That… sounds wonderful.” He made himself comfortable next to Cloud, but didn’t reach out to touch him. Cloud shifted closer and wrapped his arms around him, hoping he wasn’t doing anything wrong. With the way Sephiroth finally seemed to relax as he returned the embrace and buried his face in Cloud’s hair, Cloud got the feeling he’d made the right choice. But still…

“Is this good?” he asked. “I don’t… I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“I’m not. This is good”, Sephiroth whispered. “I’m just… so exhausted.” He wrapped his arms around Cloud in turn. “Thank you, Cloud…” His trembling was finally starting to lessen. Cloud wound a hand into Sephiroth’s hair and combed through it gently, relieved to feel Sephiroth slowly starting to relax more and more.

“We should talk”, he said. “Later, when you’re not this tired.” He didn’t have the heart to talk about it now.

“Mm…” Sephiroth sounded sleepy as he nestled closer. “Later…” They really were both too good at avoiding talking to each other. Maybe they really were meant for each other, in some fucked up way. Cloud almost wanted to laugh.

Cloud closed his eyes and tried to force himself to sleep. He couldn’t allow himself to be tired tomorrow. It had been easy to ignore up until the last minute, but now that he knew what he would wake up to, he found himself overwhelmed by too many negative emotions to count. He tried to stay calm by focusing on Sephiroth’s even breaths, but instead, he just felt nauseous.

Tomorrow, they were setting off for Nibelheim.


	42. Day 42 - September 21st

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with a brand-new laptop and ready to send the boys off to Nibelheim! Not that much left to go, thanks everyone for sticking with me so far <3

Sephiroth was still exhausted when he woke up, but at least he found himself in a pleasant situation. Cloud was fast asleep, his arms wrapped tight around Sephiroth’s waist. His mouth was hanging slightly open, he was snoring a bit, and his hair was even more of a mess than usual. The sight made Sephiroth feel oddly warm inside. Cloud was still here and had clearly been concerned about him yesterday. Maybe not everything was completely hopeless.

“Cloud?” he whispered, brushing Cloud’s cheek with his thumb. Cloud made a soft sound and nuzzled Sephiroth’s hand in his sleep. Sephiroth felt his heart skip a beat. He wished he could stop time, to remain right here in this moment for at least a little longer. Just him and Cloud, together, as close to bliss as he had ever been.

“Five more minutes…” Cloud grumbled, one eye snapping open. “Aww, shit… It’s morning already?” He didn’t sound too pleased about that, grimacing as he tried to shift out of their tight embrace. Sephiroth didn’t want the moment to end, so he clung to Cloud to keep him in place. “Hey, what gives?” Cloud groaned. “I barely slept last night, I’m too tired to deal with this shit…”

“I just want to hold my boyfriend, is that wrong?” Sephiroth clung to him tighter, kissing his forehead. Cloud sighed and stopped wriggling, tucking his head under Sephiroth’s chin. “Why couldn’t you sleep?” Sephiroth asked, hoping it didn’t have to do with everything that happened over the last few days. He felt so ashamed, even thinking about it…

“Does it matter? Just let me sleep.” Cloud pressed his head down into his pillow.

“All right”, Sephiroth murmured and curled around Cloud. “Let’s go back to sleep.” He didn’t mind. It was good to just lie here with Cloud; he felt safe and warm, and Cloud’s hands were stroking his back in such a comforting way…

“Feeling better?” Cloud asked sleepily.

“Mm…” Sephiroth buried his head in Cloud’s hair. “Much better.” He hoped he wasn’t being too clingy, but he was just so relieved that Cloud had stayed. 

“Hey… Don’t you have work?” Cloud asked suddenly, sounding strangely anxious. “Like… a mission or something?”

“I do”, Sephiroth recalled. He hadn’t checked the mission details yet, having forgotten about it during the turmoil of the last few days, but he knew it was supposed to be a longer one. “I’m probably going to be away for a few days… Will you be all right on your own?”

“We were assigned to the same one”, Cloud muttered after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. “You’re not getting rid of me…”

“Oh?” How did Cloud even know that? Sephiroth reached for his phone on the bedside table while keeping his grip on Cloud tight with his other arm, opening up the mission details. Cloud was, indeed, assigned to the mission, along with two other infantrymen. And Zack as well. Sephiroth and Zack on the same mission? That sounded unnecessary. Had there been a mistake?

“We should just stay home”, Cloud said and buried his face against Sephiroth’s chest, suddenly seeming way more eager to cuddle. “Ignore the mission, cuddle for a few days…”

“Sounds tempting”, Sephiroth mumbled, reading over the mission details in an attempt to figure out why anyone would assign him as well as Zack to a mission that seemed completely normal. Monster extermination, investigating a Mako reactor… nothing strange in sight. Just an ordinary mission in Nibelheim… Wait, Nibelheim? “We’re going to your hometown, Cloud…” Sephiroth said. How peculiar… But the thought of getting to see where Cloud grew up actually sounded exciting.

“I thought we agreed to stay here”, Cloud whined and tightened his grip on Sephiroth.

“I think we should go. I want to meet your mother”, Sephiroth said, finally feeling motivated enough to get out of bed. He stood up, dragging Cloud up along with him. He wondered what Cloud’s mother was like, and what she would think of him…

“No, you don’t…” Cloud grumbled, leaning against Sephiroth, still seemingly half-asleep. “You wanna stay home in bed with me, c’mon…”

“Why don’t you want to go to Nibelheim with me?” Sephiroth asked, starting to get frustrated. It wasn’t a question he’d really intended to ask, but he just found Cloud’s attitude too strange to dismiss. “It’s your hometown, isn’t it? I thought you would be happy to go back.”

“Nibelheim is a hellhole.” Cloud let go of Sephiroth. There was a strangely dark look in his eyes. “I think you should stay here.”

“And if I don’t?” Sephiroth countered. “What are you going to do?” Perhaps he shouldn’t have antagonised Cloud, but he really didn’t like the way Cloud was trying to order him around. Cloud’s eyes narrowed as he took a few steps back, glaring at Sephiroth with more fury than Sephiroth had ever seen from him.

“…Fine. Just go! It doesn’t matter anyway”, Cloud snapped, clearly forcefully restraining himself from saying something hurtful before storming out of the bedroom. Sephiroth wanted to follow him, but instead he remained frozen in place, staring after him.

How had they gone from a peaceful existence to arguing within a span of a few minutes? Sephiroth couldn’t understand; what was he doing wrong? He only wanted Cloud to be happy, yet any happiness he’d given Cloud seemed shallow and temporary at best…

Tired and irritated, he got dressed and headed for the mission briefing, not catching a single glimpse of Cloud on the way there. Instead, upon arrival, he found Zack pacing around the room, looking incredibly excited as he chatted with two infantrymen, neither of whom were Cloud.

“Hey! Sephiroth!” Zack rushed over to Sephiroth as soon as he noticed him. “I just got back from seeing Aerith! She sends her regards! She wanted me to tell you that Angie is doing well!” He winked at Sephiroth, slowly and elaborately.

“Angie?” Sephiroth questioned, feeling like he was completely missing something.

“Yeah!” Zack stomped a foot against the ground, eyeing Sephiroth with an uncharacteristically firm look. “ _You know._ Angie, her pet dog.” He glanced over at the two infantrymen, then back at Sephiroth. Finally, it clicked.

“ _Oh._ Angie. Of course!” Sephiroth felt a bit guilty for forgetting about the Angeal copy. “I’m glad to hear that”, he said somewhat awkwardly.

“Hey Fair, do you _really_ think he wants to hear about your girlfriend’s dog?” one of the infantrymen shouted and elbowed the other. “C’mon, the Great Sephiroth deserves a more interesting conversation topic! You agree, right, Dick?”

“It’s Richard”, came a muttered response. “Just shut up, Cher.”

Before Sephiroth could inform the infantrymen that he was, in fact, very interested in how ‘Angie’ was doing, Zack slammed a hand down on Sephiroth’s shoulder. Sephiroth was still not used to casual physical contact from Zack, and nearly flinched.

“By the way, where are we going?” Zack asked, still looking very enthusiastic.

“To Nibelheim”, Sephiroth replied. He still hadn’t seen any sign of Cloud and wondered if he was even going to show up. The thought of spending many days apart from Cloud when they’d parted on such negative terms made him feel miserable.

“Nibelheim?” Zack’s eyes lit up in recognition. “That’s Cloud’s hometown, right?”

As if on cue, the door flew open. Cloud marched inside, still dressed in his usual dress code-breaking black attire, though he had added the shoulder pads from his infantry uniform, which, along with the scarf, made him stand out a little bit less. He carried his helmet under his arm, had attached a gun holster to his thigh and had a standard-issue SOLDIER sword on his back.

The four pairs of eyes in the room were automatically drawn to Cloud. He didn’t seem bothered by that, simply raising an eyebrow before shrugging.

“So, are we gonna get going, or…?”

The helicopter ride to Junon was about as awkward as Sephiroth had expected. Zack seemed very eager to keep up conversation with the other two infantrymen to give Sephiroth and Cloud some space, which would’ve been nice in any other situation, but right now, they seemed incapable of doing anything else than staring at each other, tension brewing between them but never quite boiling over.

It only got worse when Cloud’s motion sickness hit him as hard as usual. Sephiroth wanted so badly to reach out and comfort him, at least with a kind word or a friendly touch if nothing else, but with the way Cloud clearly avoided looking in his general direction, he found his throat clogged up and his hands paralyzed.

From Junon, they were taking the ferry overnight to Costa del Sol, from where they would continue to Nibelheim tomorrow morning. As soon as they boarded, Cloud disappeared off somewhere, while Sephiroth led the way for everyone else to check out their sleeping arrangements. The company had arranged for three cabins; one each for Sephiroth and Zack, which were a bit more luxurious, and a third, smaller one for three infantrymen to share.

“Man, this cabin is so small… How are all three of us gonna fit in here?”

“Stop complaining, Cher…”

“Hey, don’t worry about it!” Zack’s voice cut in. “I’m pretty sure Cloud’s gonna be sleeping somewhere else…” He nudged Sephiroth with his elbow.

“Holy shit, so the rumours are true?!” One of the infantrymen, the one that didn’t seem to know when to keep his mouth shut, stared at Sephiroth, mouth hanging wide open. Sephiroth shot him the sharpest glare he could muster, which wasn’t too hard given his current mood, and instantly got a panicked response. “I-I’m sorry, sir!”

“I’m afraid that’s none of your business”, Sephiroth said coldly, before turning to Zack. “I’m… not sure what Cloud wants”, he admitted. “We’ll have to see about that.” Then he left, before Zack could ask more questions.

He wanted to find Cloud. Talk things through and fix everything. He tried not to think about what would happen if he didn’t. It didn’t take him too long to search through the entire boat and find Cloud outside on deck, leaning against the railing and staring out towards the sea as the boat left the harbour. The sun was already starting to set.

“Is your motion sickness any better?” Sephiroth asked. Cloud jolted, not seeming to have noticed Sephiroth’s approach, and slowly turned towards him.

“As long as I stay here and get enough fresh air, I’ll feel better… Gonna get sick again once I go inside…” Cloud muttered. Sephiroth tried to place a hand on his shoulder, but Cloud pushed it off and turned back to look at the sea. Why did Cloud have to make it so hard…?

“I see…” Sephiroth replied. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he simply stood next to Cloud without saying another word, hoping for Cloud to break the silence. Did Cloud even want to make things better? Did he even care at all? Sephiroth hated how doubtful he found himself. He wanted to trust that Cloud cared, but…

“What do you want…?” Cloud finally asked. Sephiroth got the feeling Cloud really didn’t want to hear what he had to say.

“I thought you might want to share a room with me, this time…” he said.

There was a long silence, during which Cloud still wouldn’t look at him. Sephiroth wondered if Cloud was considering his offer.

“I don’t understand you”, Cloud finally mumbled. Bathed in the light of the sunset, with the wind ruffling his hair, he looked strangely alive even with the dead look in his eyes.

_I think I might love you_ , Sephiroth realised suddenly, and felt like a fool. _I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and I’m terrified that you don’t feel the same._ But instead of telling Cloud that, something else entirely, but something true nonetheless, left his mouth.

“I don’t understand you either.”

“Good. Let’s keep it that way.” Cloud’s lips curled into a strange, cold smile as he kept his gaze on the faraway horizon.

“…That’s funny…” Sephiroth murmured, even though it wasn’t funny at all. “I was going to say that we should change that.” Cloud sighed and shook his head. Sephiroth finally managed to build up enough courage to ask the question he’d been dreading to ask. “What am I doing wrong?”

“It’s not you, it’s me”, Cloud said. “I just… don’t know what I’m doing anymore…” He buried his face in his hands, letting out a frustrated sound. “Leave me alone.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone”, Sephiroth whispered.

“Please. Just go.” Cloud’s voice nearly cracked. “I… I can’t. Not right now.” Sephiroth really didn’t want to. But when Cloud said it like that, he didn’t dare to do anything else.

“All right.” He bent down and pressed a kiss to Cloud’s cheek. “I’m going to bed. Come join me later, if you want to.” Getting no response, he left Cloud alone and headed back towards the cabins, fully intent on going to sleep alone to wallow in his own misery.

Perhaps it was a strange impulse, as he passed by Zack’s cabin, to open the door and peek inside. Zack was stretched out on his bed, looking very comfortable and relaxed; Sephiroth envied him. He was intending to close the door, but then Zack, of course, chose that moment to open his eyes and notice him.

“Hey… You wanna come in?” He asked it so innocently, yet Sephiroth had a feeling that he understood.

“Things are tense… between Cloud and me”, he confessed, stepping inside.

“I had a feeling... You were both so quiet on the helicopter, even more than usual…” Zack gave him a sympathetic look that only made Sephiroth feel even more miserable about the whole thing. “Do you know why?”

“No. He doesn’t want to talk”, Sephiroth said, hoping he didn’t sound too bitter.

“Just give it some time”, Zack said, offering him a kind smile. “He’ll tell you when he’s ready. Don’t worry about it!”

Sephiroth nodded, hoping Zack was right. He wished he could have such a positive outlook on things. For a moment, he intended to head back to his own cabin, yet, with the soft, sympathetic look Zack was giving him, he found himself unwilling to.

“Can I stay here… for a little while?” he asked, feeling a bit ridiculous. But Zack simply grinned and scooted over, leaving a spot on the bed open for him.

“Aww, of course you can!”

“Thank you…” Sephiroth sat down on the bed next to Zack, feeling a bit out of place. When Zack shifted around to sit next to him and placed a hand on his lower back, he flinched involuntarily, but Zack didn’t seem deterred at all by his reaction. He simply kept his hand on Sephiroth’s back, seemingly waiting to see what Sephiroth would do. After a moment of hesitation, Sephiroth leant his head to the side to rest it on Zack’s shoulder.

“It’s gonna be okay”, Zack murmured. “Cloud will come around.” Sephiroth closed his eyes and tried to pretend the hand stroking his hair wasn’t Zack’s, while desperately hoping Zack was right. It might have been a temporary comfort, but it was one, nonetheless.


	43. Day 43 - September 22nd

To avoid motion sickness – and having to actually talk things through with Sephiroth – Cloud had decided that it would be an awesome idea to stay outside all night. While he’d managed to avoid feeling sick, he instead got the questionable pleasure of arriving in Costa del Sol sleep-deprived, cold and cranky.

As they got off the boat, Cloud finally decided that it was time to go looking for his wayward party. He found his fellow infantrymen waiting outside a very familiar Shinra truck that he wasn’t looking forward to getting reacquainted with.

“Oh, our missing man!” one of them declared, somehow managing to sound excited even at hell o’clock in the morning. “You’re Cloud, right? Sephiroth’s boytoy?”

“Yeah. Cloud Strife, at your service”, Cloud replied, too exhausted to particularly care. “And who the fuck are you?” He didn’t usually pay these two that much attention. The only thing he had noted was the way they both died the first time around; one getting mauled in the dragon attack on the way to Nibelheim, the other falling from the collapsing bridge. Easy deaths to avoid, no need to get to know the people involved to prevent them. They weren’t usually interested in talking to him either, but clearly, this time around, his reputation preceded him.

“My friends call me Cher, real name’s… none of your business, actually. Jerk.” Cher stuck out his tongue at Cloud. “And that’s Dick.”

“Richard”, the other introduced himself dryly. “Ignore him if he gets too annoying.”

Cloud wasn’t particularly interested in making friends, so he was thankful to be cut off by the arrival of Zack and Sephiroth. With a quick glance at them, Cloud noticed that Sephiroth looked tired and irritated – wow, that made two of them – while Zack seemed to be in high spirits as usual, his hand firmly planted on Sephiroth’s lower back.

“How do you get Dick from Richard?” Zack questioned. Clearly, it was a genuine question, but Cloud just couldn’t resist a cheeky retort.

“By asking him nicely, of course!”

Everyone stared. Cloud stared back. Then, Zack and Cher began to howl with laughter, and even Richard – Dick, whatever – chuckled a little bit. Sephiroth wasn’t laughing, instead just looking vaguely unamused. Cloud tried to meet his gaze, but he seemed to shrink back behind Zack more and more for every time he tried.

“Damn, Cloud! Maybe you’re a bit more fun than I thought!” Cher tried to hold back his laughter but didn’t quite manage, resulting in a fit of giggles.

“We’re leaving now”, Sephiroth said, voice cold, cutting off the laughter and heading for the back of the truck without another word. Cher and Dick both looked startled, while Zack looked more concerned than anything else.

“Okay, can I drive?” Cher asked, already making his way towards the driver’s seat. Cloud wasn’t about to have any of that. He marched past Cher and pushed him out of the way.

“No, I’m driving. I know the mountain roads around there, and I won’t get motion sick if I drive.” Not to mention that he’d come from the future and knew there was going to be a fatal dragon attack that could be avoided with a competent driver, but Cloud didn’t consider it necessary to share that information.

“Well, can’t argue with that…” Even with his helmet on, it was obvious that Cher was rolling his eyes.

The truck ride wasn’t particularly interesting, but at least he didn’t have to deal with motion sickness and being focused on driving meant he could embrace his introverted ways and simply listen in on everyone else rather than actively participating in their discussions. He could hear Zack talking to the others, Cher responding enthusiastically and Dick less so, but Sephiroth remained completely quiet for most of it. Hours passed like that, until the looming Nibel mountains could be sighted in the distance.

“Man, I can’t wait to see Nibelheim! That’s your hometown, right Cloud?” Zack exclaimed suddenly, forcing Cloud to finally join the conversation.

“Yeah. Unfortunately.” Cloud kept his eyes on the road, as the terrain was starting to get mountainy. He was so damn tired of getting asked about Nibelheim. “Don’t get excited. It sucks. It’s the most boring place in the world”, he said, still well aware that this trip was going to be the furthest thing from boring.

“Hey, boring doesn’t have to mean it sucks!” Zack retorted. “I’m sure Nibelheim has some redeeming qualities! Where are you guys from anyway?”

“Kalm”, Dick replied.

“Mideel!” Cher said cheerfully. “And you’re from Gongaga, right? Are we all small-town kids? That’s awesome!”

Cloud had to briefly glance over his shoulder for that, just in time to see Sephiroth visibly flinch and turn away from the rest of the group, seeming rather determined to keep staring at a wall for the rest of the trip. Biting his lip and trying to force away the sudden frustrating desire to comfort Sephiroth, Cloud tried to focus on the road.

“What about you, Sephiroth?” Zack just had to ask, of course.

“I have no hometown.” Something about the cold, unfeeling tone Sephiroth used sent a chill down Cloud’s spine. Perhaps it was because he knew where this was going.

“Uh… What about family?”

“My mother’s name is Jenova. She died shortly after I was born. My father…” Thankfully, rather than breaking into mad laughter, Sephiroth simply let out a melancholic sigh. “It doesn’t matter. I have no family.” It dampened the mood so much that conversation never quite managed to pick up afterwards, despite Zack’s best attempts. Cloud wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or disheartened.

As they made it further into the mountains and it started to rain, Cloud made sure to drive as slowly as possible, keeping an eye out for dragons. It was far from the first time he’d driven this route on this day, and by now, he’d figured out that keeping it slow actually helped them avoid dragons completely.

And so, they finally made it to Nibelheim. No matter how many times he passed through these gates, Cloud never felt any better about it. He’d made sure to wear his helmet; he didn’t need nosy townsfolk making this loop any more complicated than it already was. While Zack and the others were already making their way towards the inn, a hand suddenly clamped down on Cloud’s shoulder. Cloud almost yelped, spinning around to find Sephiroth standing behind him.

“So this is your hometown…” There was a worryingly distant look in Sephiroth’s eyes. “It feels… familiar, somehow.” A small smile briefly drifted across his lips. “I think… I like it.”

“Oh, you do?” Of course Sephiroth would like dull, dreary Nibelheim. Cloud couldn’t say he was all that surprised. Hopefully, it wasn’t just because he could somehow feel the call of his alien mother from the mountains.

“Yes. It feels… like a homecoming.”

It didn’t for Cloud. Nibelheim had stopped feeling like home a long time ago… if it ever even had felt like one to begin with. The only place he could call home was Edge, with Tifa, Barret and the kids, but that was a place he could never go back to. How ironic, when there had been a time in his life when he would have given everything he had to go back to Nibelheim.

Cloud wondered if he should say something. At this point, he wasn’t even sure how he was supposed to act with Sephiroth. He was getting more and more anxious and desperate, and it was so incredibly hard to hide it…

“Hey! Guys!” Zack came bounding towards them suddenly, stopping just in time as to not collide with Sephiroth. “We’ve got a problem! The inn only has a room for three ready for us!”

“That won’t be a problem”, Sephiroth replied immediately, before Cloud even had a chance to consider the implications. “I’m sure Cloud and I can make arrangements for ourselves.”

“Ooh, I get it!” Zack grinned at the two of them. “Yeah, go have some time to yourselves! It’ll probably be good for both of you! I’ll leave you to it!” He vanished as quickly as he had appeared, leaving Cloud to ponder what those arrangements would entail.

“There”, Sephiroth said, looking almost smug. “Now, will I finally get to meet your mother?”

…Fuck, so that was what he’d meant. Cloud forgot how to breathe for a few seconds. He didn’t want to see his mom. He’d already had to confront Aerith in this loop, he didn’t want to be forced to face the only other person he always avoided.

“Cloud, are you all right?” Sephiroth touched his shoulder, a worried expression on his face. “Are you still angry with me? Do you hate the idea of me meeting your mother that much…?”

Oh, fuck it. His time with Sephiroth was coming to an end soon anyway, along with this disastrous loop as a whole; he might as well humour Sephiroth while he had the chance… Why did that thought make him feel so sad anyway?

“Nah, it’s fine. Let’s go see my mom”, he said, watching as Sephiroth’s entire being instantly brightened up. “Wow, you’re really excited about this, aren’t you…?”

“Of course. I never met my mother, so it will be a pleasure to meet yours.” Sephiroth smiled one of his rare genuine smiles, but Cloud thought there was something sorrowful about it too. He reached out to take Sephiroth’s hand, and Sephiroth squeezed back.

Cloud led Sephiroth along through the town, trying to ignore the sometimes hostile, sometimes frightened looks the townspeople were giving them. He tried to keep an eye out for Tifa, hoping he might at least catch a glimpse of her, but didn’t see her anywhere.

It took Cloud more courage than it probably should have to knock on the door to his childhood home, and he wasn’t sure if Sephiroth’s presence next to him made the situation better or worse. The door opened, and there she was, wearing an apron, her hair tied up in a messy ponytail.

“Hi, mom. Surprise”, Cloud said awkwardly as he removed his helmet, trying to ignore the lump in his throat that had suddenly surfaced. Her eyes widened as her expression shifted from confusion to recognition.

“Cloud! Oh darling, why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?!” She threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. He was forced to blink back tears as he returned the embrace. “You’ve grown so much…” She pulled away from him, examining him from head to toe with a wide smile on her face. Cloud hoped it wasn’t clearly visible that he was about to cry. “You’re taller than me now! About time!”

“You’re really short, mom. It’s not really an impressive achievement…” It felt weird. The last time she’d seen him, he’d been 14. For her, it’d been two years, but for him, so many more.

“My little boy is finally turning into a man!” she said jokingly, finally taking her eyes off Cloud to notice Sephiroth. “Oh, you brought a friend as well? That’s wonderful!”

How was he even supposed to explain Sephiroth to her? _Yeah, mom, this is Sephiroth. He’s going to be my nemesis in the future. I wanted to have a one-night stand with him, but it backfired, so now we’re kind of dating, and also he may or may not be in love with me._ He brainstormed desperately while she looked Sephiroth over, a curious look on her face.

“We ran out of space at the inn, so Cloud and I were hoping we could stay here for the duration of our mission”, Sephiroth said, looking a little bit uncomfortable but not overly so. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Strife. My name is Sephiroth.”

“Don’t you ‘Mrs Strife’ me, young man”, she told him firmly as she crossed her arms. “Makes me feel old. Just call me Claudia.” And then, it seemed to hit her. “Wait. You’re that Sephiroth! Oh sweetheart, Cloud doesn’t know how to shut up about you!”

“Really?” Sephiroth smiled and averted his gaze, and… was that the hint of a blush on his face? Holy shit, it was.

“Mom, that’s embarrassing! Stop!” Cloud tried his best to sound like a whiny teenager, earning a laugh from Claudia in return.

“If you’re staying here, he was definitely going to find out about your celebrity crush one way or another anyway. Come on in!” She gestured for them to come inside as she disappeared back into the house, and they both followed along.

“Celebrity crush?” Sephiroth whispered incredulously, looking at Cloud as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just been told. Cloud ignored him. He wasn’t equipped to deal with this…

“I was just preparing dinner!” he heard Claudia from the kitchen. “Why don’t you show Sephiroth your room in the meantime, darling?” There was something mischievous in her tone. Cloud wasn’t sure what to think of it.

“Yeah. Sure.” He pulled Sephiroth along towards the small stairway that led up to the attic where his room was.

As soon as they stepped into the small room, Cloud became acutely aware of just how obsessed with Sephiroth he’d been when he was 14. He hadn’t remembered that Sephiroth poster as being _that_ large, and he’d forgotten all about the newspaper clippings featuring Sephiroth that also hung on his wall. And – for fuck’s sake – the homemade Sephiroth plushie on his bed that Claudia had made for him for his 13th birthday was also a detail he’d been blissfully unaware of.

“…I see you were… quite the dedicated fan”, Sephiroth said, clearly taken aback by the state of the room as well. When Cloud turned to look at him, Sephiroth could no longer hold back a snort.

“Hey! Don’t laugh!” Cloud snapped, but could barely stop himself from laughing as well. Gods, he’d been so pathetic. Of all the embarrassing shit that could’ve happened…

“It’s adorable”, Sephiroth said and picked up the plushie. “I didn’t know they sold these…”

“They don’t… My mom made it for me…” Cloud admitted. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow, actually having the audacity to look impressed.

“I should ask her to make me one of you, so we can match…”

“Don’t you dare!” Cloud took the plushie from Sephiroth and quickly stuffed it down into his small bedside table drawer. “You’re not allowed to look at anything!”

“Oh, why not? I know you do in my apartment too.” Sephiroth moved past Cloud and smirked as he opened the drawer, his expression quickly shifting from amused to disappointed. “Cloud.”

“…Yeah?” Cloud replied, genuinely confused.

“Is this a hint of some sort?” Sephiroth asked sourly and held up a package of condoms… Oh. Cloud found himself completely dumbfounded.

“I… uh. No, I don’t know why those were there.” Cloud wasn’t sure what in the world had possessed his mom to come up with the idea to put condoms in there. Actually, never mind; maybe his 14-year-old self had been hoping that the next time he would return to Nibelheim, he would be a cool adult who was no longer single. That made more sense. While he panicked over if this was the right time to bring up the incident, Sephiroth pointedly ignored him, digging something else out of the drawer. A notebook of some sort…

“What’s this?” He sat down on the bed, opened it and began to flip through the pages, making sure to keep the contents out of view when Cloud tried to take a peek. The only hint Cloud got about the contents of the notebook was the way Sephiroth’s lips slowly curled into a soft smile. “Cloud, this is…”

“What is it?!” Cloud questioned, desperately wanting to understand what had Sephiroth looking so delighted. He crawled across the bed and snatched the notebook out of Sephiroth’s hands. It was a notebook from school, he could clearly tell as much; Maths class, to be more precise. Every single corner was filled with stick figures that were clearly supposed to be Cloud and Sephiroth in various scenarios. Sometimes fighting monsters, sometimes holding hands with cartoony little hearts around them, always the cringiest, most horrible shit… Cloud felt just about ready to die.

“Have you… wanted to be with me for this long…?” Sephiroth, on the other hand, looked like he’d been given new life. He leant forward to cup Cloud’s cheek with his hand, giving him the warmest, most loving look Cloud thought he’d ever been given. “You’re adorable… This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Give me a break, I was 14…” Cloud groaned, definitely well aware by now of exactly how it felt to be an embarrassed teenager.

“So young, and you already knew that you wanted this…” Sephiroth mused, watching Cloud as if all was right with the world, until he suddenly began to frown. “Wait, how old are you now?”

“24”, Cloud deadpanned. He was tired of getting accused of being too young for everything.

“That... doesn't sound right...” Sephiroth narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “You'd be older than me.”

“Wait, how old are _you_?!” Cloud questioned. He’d always thought Sephiroth was definitely 25 at the very least.

“I’m 22.”

“The _fuck?! 22?!_ ” Cloud tried to calculate a timeline in his head, only to find that none of it made any sense to him. “Wait, that’s not… How… how young were you when they first sent you to war?!”

“They sent me to Wutai when I was 12. Though I was already a full-fledged SOLDIER by then. I’ve been trained for war since I was old enough to hold a sword”, Sephiroth said, as if there was nothing fucked up about it at all.

“No wonder you’re such a mess. _Fuck_ …” The more Cloud found out about Sephiroth, the more he began to understand, which he hated, because he didn’t _want_ to understand. Sephiroth gave him the saddest fucking look he’d ever seen, and suddenly, Cloud just felt _angry_. “Why are you still working for them?! Shinra has been treating you like garbage your entire life!”

“It’s not that simple!” Sephiroth retorted. “What else was I supposed to do? Cloud, I…”

“Dinner’s ready!” The door flew open as Claudia peeked inside. “Everything all right?” she asked, frowning a bit as she seemed to notice the tension in the room.

“Yeah. It’s fine”, Cloud said, feeling like he was trying to convince himself and Sephiroth as much as her. He took Sephiroth’s hand as they both stood up, trying his best to offer him a cordial smile. “C’mon, Sephiroth. Mom’s a great cook.”

“You sure you’re all right, sweetheart?” Claudia asked Sephiroth, sounding concerned, and justifiably so; Sephiroth looked horribly upset, enough to make Cloud feel bad for losing his temper like that.

“No need to concern yourself, Mrs Strife…” Sephiroth quickly tried to shake it off, but there was nothing to be done. He wasn’t getting rid of her now.

“It’s Claudia. Really, I know you’re a military man, but there’s no need to be so uptight!” She stepped forward, way into his personal space, and placed a hand on his arm while smiling gently at him. “There’s nothing to be nervous about. I promise I’m not judging Cloud’s taste in men that harshly.” She patted his arm, winked at him and turned around to head for the door. “Now come along! You must be starving!”

“You told her about us?” Sephiroth asked as soon as she was out of sight.

“No… but she’s a parent. Of course she knows.” Cloud wondered if she knew other things as well. Could she tell how much her son had changed…?

Claudia spent the entire duration of dinner doting on Sephiroth. Clearly, she had instantly taken to him and decided to practically adopt him. In a way, that was a relief, because as long as she was paying attention to Sephiroth, she wouldn’t notice how Cloud almost teared up eating the cooking he never thought he’d get to taste again… It had never felt tastier.

It was strange, watching his mom and Sephiroth interact. Seeing Sephiroth with Aerith had been weird too, but somehow, this was even worse. In a few days, Sephiroth was going to kill Claudia. Now, he was awkwardly declining more food that she was trying to force on him.

“Thank you, Claudia, but I’ve had enough to eat…”

“Nonsense! You’re a grown man, you definitely need at least another portion!” Honestly though, it was kind of funny to watch. Sephiroth clearly had no idea how to tell her no, and thus ended up with his plate full of food once again.

The long day and lack of sleep was finally starting to catch up, and with his stomach full of food, it only became more evident. Cloud soon found himself holding back his yawns.

“Maybe you should go to bed”, Claudia said, instantly noticing, somehow, even though she’d been busy complimenting Sephiroth on how lovely his hair was. “Do you need a spare mattress, or…?” She trailed off, giving Cloud a knowing look.

“We can share”, Cloud said with a bit too much confidence, before getting uncertain. “As long as you’re okay with squeezing into my small bed, of course”, he told Sephiroth.

“I don’t mind”, Sephiroth said, managing a soft little smile. Cloud couldn’t help noticing that Claudia was smiling as well. Was she convinced that his and Sephiroth’s relationship was a happy, perfect little love story? Maybe it was better to let her believe that…

Compared to Sephiroth’s bed, Cloud’s was awfully small, and Cloud had to practically lie down on top of Sephiroth for them both to fit comfortably.

“Your mother is lovely”, Sephiroth murmured as Cloud tried to make himself comfortable on top of him. “You’re very lucky to have her.” Ironic, all things considered, that he would say such a thing.

“Yeah”, Cloud agreed, because Sephiroth was right, after all. He could tell that Sephiroth envied him, not that he could really blame him. He suddenly recalled vividly how they’d found Lucrecia encased in crystal behind that waterfall. It had never really been an option in other loops, and reaching Nibelheim was usually the point of no return, but maybe, just maybe, getting out now and letting Sephiroth meet Lucrecia could change things. “We should run away together”, he told Sephiroth. “Let’s leave Shinra.”

“And do what?”

“Anything”, Cloud said. “We can do anything we want. Please, just…” He bit his lip, trying to keep his voice from cracking. “…just come with me.”

Sephiroth was quiet for an awfully long time. Was he thinking about his answer so carefully? Cloud tried not to let himself hope, but the longer the silence remained, the harder it became to remain hopeful.

“After this mission is finished”, Sephiroth finally said. “I'll follow wherever you go.”

“Promise”, Cloud said, because it was better than nothing. Could a promise be enough? “Promise that we’re leaving together, no matter what. You don’t get to run off anywhere without me.”

“All right. I promise.” Sephiroth chuckled softly. “Are you that terrified to lose me?”

_No, I’m terrified to lose everyone else_ , Cloud thought. But as Sephiroth wrapped his arms around him and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, it became very hard to deny what he’d already known for a while but refused to admit to himself.

“…Yeah.” He didn’t want to lose this.


	44. Day 44 - September 23rd

Cloud woke up before Sephiroth, having slept surprisingly well despite everything. He decided to let Sephiroth sleep while he wandered downstairs, where Claudia was already awake, making herself busy in the kitchen.

“Good morning!” she said cheerfully, beaming at him without a worry in the world. Cloud smiled back at her, though it came out a bit forced. Somehow, it had been easier with Sephiroth there. Now that they were alone, just the two of them, Cloud wasn’t sure how to act at all.

“Morning…” he mumbled and helped himself to some coffee.

“Is the boyfriend still asleep?” Claudia asked, still smiling. When Cloud nodded, she only looked even happier. “He seems very nice. I hope he takes good care of you…” 

“Mm…” It took Cloud a lot of focus to try to get into the mindset of his 16-year-old self, especially regarding Sephiroth. “He’s pretty awesome.” He cringed at himself. _Wow, Cloud. You’re really bad at this._

“Oh, he better be!” Claudia let out a laugh. “Well, as long as you’re happy, I’m not going to complain! I’m still hoping for grandchildren, though…” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“We could always adopt”, Cloud said, throat suddenly tight as the thought of Marlene and Denzel drifted uninvited into his head. Maybe he hadn’t always been the best dad, but damn, he missed that life so much.

“Isn’t 16 a bit young to be thinking about that?” Claudia asked, sounding amused.

“You think? Weren’t you 17 when you had me?” Cloud retorted before his brain could catch up with his mouth. For a moment, there was an awkward silence, but then Claudia snorted and let out a loud laugh.

“When did you get so mouthy, you little brat? You really are growing up!” She grinned and stepped closer to ruffle his hair. “Let’s just say you were a happy accident.”

…Fuck, he’d missed her so much. How was he supposed to handle losing her again?

“Good morning.” The sudden voice made Cloud jolt, and he turned around to find Sephiroth padding into the room, already fully dressed in battle gear. “Cloud, we’re going to meet the others over at the inn. Start preparing.”

“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere without breakfast!” Claudia was already hauling Sephiroth over to the kitchen table before Cloud could say a single word.

After a big breakfast, Claudia finally allowed them to leave. But not before offering them both a big hug each at the door as they headed out, leaving Cloud with a desperate desire to stay and Sephiroth with a dazed yet content expression on his face.

“We’re already late… Zack and the others must be waiting.” Sephiroth began to walk with a fast pace, and Cloud had to jog to keep up with him. “You’re only 16?” Sephiroth asked as Cloud caught up. “I could tell you weren’t actually 24, but… I expected us to be closer in age. I don’t know…”

“Oh? You think I’m mature for my age?” Cloud asked and grabbed Sephiroth’s hand to try to slow him down at least a little bit. Technically they were closer in age, but he couldn’t exactly explain that, could he…?

“I’m not exactly the right person to judge what a 16-year-old is supposed to act like…” Sephiroth grumbled and began to walk even faster, yet he didn’t let go of Cloud’s hand.

They were already almost at the inn when Cloud realised that the townsfolk they passed by weren’t just staring at Sephiroth, but at him as well. Oh. Shit. He’d forgotten his helmet. Well, too late to go back now, especially with how Sephiroth was practically dragging him along.

Upon entering the inn, they found it mostly devoid of people, which made sense, this early in the morning. It made hearing Zack’s loud voice even easier.

“Look! There they are! Now the gang’s all here!” Zack was seated at a table in a corner along with Dick and Cher. “We’re going up to the reactor today, right? Oh man, I’m so excited!” He was practically vibrating in his seat.

“Yes, we are.” Sephiroth sat down at the table, and Cloud joined him. “We’re going to have to climb Mt Nibel to reach it. Most likely, it will take us a few hours, even with a guide.” He shifted in his seat, looking rather restless. “Zack, did you hire a guide like I asked, or did you forget?”

“Why would I forget?” Zack retorted. “I talked to her last night! She seems like a great girl, really nice… She’s just a bit late!”

Cloud wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with Tifa this time. He’d tried to ally himself with her in a few early loops, but she was still so young and inexperienced, and they were nowhere near as close as they had been in the future, so usually, he settled for hiding his identity from her. Not that he could do that now anyway, without a helmet…

“I hope she doesn’t make us wait too long, then…” Sephiroth grumbled, before suddenly flinching and tilting his head to stare down into his lap with a surprised expression on his face. Cloud followed his gaze and found… a cat. A tiny, white little thing with big ears and a weird-looking face which was already making itself comfortable in Sephiroth’s lap. “…Oh”, Sephiroth said softly, staring at the cat as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Is that a kitten? Aww, so cute!” Cher leant across the table and tried to pet it, only to have it hiss at him as it curled itself into a ball. “Whoa. Maybe not…” Cher quickly withdrew his hand.

“I want to pet it too!” Zack tried to pet the cat as well, only to have it chomp down on his hand. “Ow!” Zack pulled back his hand, looking incredibly offended. “Hey, why don’t you like me?! What did I do wrong?!”

“You’re probably being too loud…” Dick said and carefully reached his hand out, only to have the cat snap after him as well. “…Okay, maybe not.”

“How strange…” Sephiroth scratched behind the cat’s ear, and it purred and nuzzled his hand in response. “Animals are usually frightened by me… but it seems to like me just fine.” He sounded like he could barely believe it, his lips slowly curling into a delighted smile.

“You like cats?” Cloud asked, deciding against trying to pet the cat. He’d rather keep all his fingers, thank you very much.

“I’ve… never thought about it before. But… yes, I think I do like them… a lot.” Sephiroth raised his head to meet Cloud’s gaze, his eyes practically glowing. Cloud felt like it should’ve been expected; Sephiroth was as close as one could get to a cat in human form anyway. “Cloud… I want a cat. Let’s keep it.”

Cloud had to stop for a moment and absorb the fact that his life had somehow reached this point before he could respond to that. Even so, he still didn’t quite manage to process exactly what left his mouth in the end.

“Why settle for one? Let’s get a bunch of cats.”

“A bunch of cats”, Sephiroth repeated, his expression lighting up as if he hadn’t even realised that it had been a possibility. “That’s perfect.”

“Guys, you can’t just steal someone’s cat!” Zack protested.

“You don’t know if it has another owner… It might be a stray”, Sephiroth said crankily and wrapped his arms around the cat. His expression, almost bordering on a pout, reminded Cloud more of a stubborn child than an adult man for that brief moment.

“Um… Excuse me!” Cloud wasn’t sure when Tifa had come into the inn, but she had somehow managed to march right up to them while everyone was distracted. “Hi Zack! I’m sorry I’m late, I’ve been looking for my cat…” Before anyone could say a thing, Tifa laid eyes on the cat, comfortable in Sephiroth’s lap. “Oh! There she is! Sorry, she always runs off like that…” She made a move to take the cat from Sephiroth but was deterred by his deadly glare and stepped back nervously.

“See, told you it belonged to someone!” Zack became the next victim of Sephiroth’s glare, flinched, and quickly turned to face Tifa instead. “Sorry, Tifa. Sephiroth and Cloud decided to kidnap your cat.” To be fair, Cloud hadn’t known it was _Tifa’s_ cat; he’d forgotten she had one.

“Cloud?” Tifa’s gaze drifted over the group, finally stopping on Cloud as her eyes widened. “Wow! It really is you! Did you finally make SOLDIER?”

“Not yet”, Cloud admitted. No point in trying to lie about it. “I’m still in the infantry…”

“Oh, you two know each other?” Zack asked enthusiastically. “Okay, I mean, I guess that makes sense, small town and all…”

“Yeah, Tifa’s my friend”, Cloud said, hoping he wasn’t messing up by calling her his friend, since they weren’t really close at this point in time, but with the way she grinned when he said it, he knew he’d made the right choice.

“We’re neighbours, so we’ve known each other since we were little”, Tifa added cheerfully, before squinting suspiciously at Sephiroth. “…Weird. Goblin doesn’t usually like strangers.”

“Her name is Goblin?” Sephiroth asked in disbelief.

“Yeah…” Tifa laughed. “Originally, we named her Shiva, but she’s too weird and dumb and looks too much like… well, like a goblin.”

“She doesn’t!” Sephiroth protested, getting distracted by getting headbutted in the chest by the attention-seeking cat. “You’re not a goblin, you’re a gorgeous lady, aren’t you…?” He scratched behind the cat’s ears as he spoke, a bit softer than usual but not baby-talking to it like most people would with cats.

“Um… We were supposed to head up to the Mako reactor, right?” Tifa’s hands were twitching, as if it took all her effort to stop herself from reaching out and taking her cat back. “I need to get her back home, so she doesn’t follow us into the mountains and get into trouble. She tends to do that…”

“You should probably give her back, Sephiroth”, Cloud said, finally deciding to interfere even though it had honestly been funny to watch.

Wordlessly, Sephiroth stood up and handed Goblin over to Tifa. Goblin meowed in dismay as she was removed from her new chosen best friend, but immediately began to purr again when Tifa started petting her.

“You can come see her again when we get back from the reactor, if you want”, Tifa suggested as a peace offering. Sephiroth nodded, seeming appeased for now.

They stopped by Tifa’s house on their way out of town, waited for Tifa while she left Goblin in her overly concerned father’s hands, and got as far as right past the Shinra mansion before they got stopped in their tracks by an enthusiastic photographer who wanted to take a picture of Sephiroth, Zack and Tifa.

“Hey, don’t we get to be in the photo?” Cloud decided to incite some chaos and grabbed Dick and Cher, hauling them along into the line of view. He could tell that the cameraman was about to protest, but Zack was quicker.

“Of course you do! The more the merrier!”

“Perfect!” Cloud declared and leapt up into Sephiroth’s arms, wrapping his arms around Sephiroth’s neck and his legs around Sephiroth’s waist, grinning at the cameraman. Tifa gave him a weird look, but still stepped closer to Sephiroth to make room for Dick and Cher.

“All right then”, the cameraman said, clearly trying hide his annoyance at having his perfect picture setup ruined. “Now hold still…”

Cloud, still relishing in his role as bringer of chaos, leant in to smooch Sephiroth’s cheek just as the camera went off. It was entertaining enough to see the way Sephiroth’s eyes widened and his cheeks turned slightly red, but the exasperated sigh of the cameraman was what made it all worth it.

“Cloud, what are you doing?” Sephiroth whispered. Cloud grinned and decided to kiss him on the lips next, very briefly but enough to incite a reaction from their audience.

“C’mon guys, you’re adorable and all, but weren’t we in a hurry?” Zack marched past them even as the cameraman tried to stutter out a protest. “What? Wasn’t the picture good enough for you?”

“We’re not taking another one”, Sephiroth said and lowered Cloud to the ground, trying to keep his voice even and his face stern even though he was clearly flustered. “Let’s go.” He strode towards the path that led up to the mountains, leaving everyone else to follow him while the despairing cameraman was left behind.

“So, um…” Tifa came up next to Cloud, speaking in a hushed tone. “…You’re not gonna tell me what’s up with you and Sephiroth?”

“It wasn’t obvious enough?” Cloud retorted playfully, instantly regretting it when she tensed up. He had to remember that this wasn't his Tifa, who was used to them teasing each other after years of friendship.

“I figured I would ask anyway, to be sure”, Tifa mumbled. “I guess I'm just... curious. How'd you end up dating your idol anyway...?”

“Through stupid impulse decisions and general recklessness”, Cloud said. The expression on Tifa's face told him she'd been expecting a different, probably more romantic answer. Ah, to be young again… She was still so young and innocent, unaware of the horrors of the world so fundamentally that it was almost frustrating.

“Oh…” Tifa was quiet for a moment, before speaking up once again as she watched Sephiroth walking in front of them. “Does he… treat you well, at least?”

Cloud thought about it. About how Sephiroth, throughout all his mixed signals and conflicted emotions, seemed completely certain of his desire to be with Cloud. Come to think of it, he didn’t think Sephiroth had ever intentionally hurt him in this loop – a welcome change, for sure.

“Yeah, he’s… too good for me, really.” He bit his lip, trying not to feel guilty. To think Sephiroth was so dedicated and loyal when Cloud hadn’t had those intentions in mind at all. “I mean, he’s a bit of a mess, but so am I…”

“As long as you’re happy…” Tifa said, hurrying ahead to catch up with the others. Cloud almost laughed. Happy, huh…?

They reached the reactor without any problems by opting not to cross the old bridge, instead taking the longer way around. Sephiroth and Zack could handle the monsters with ease, leaving Cloud with more time to ponder what to do when they reached the reactor. Usually, Sephiroth would firmly insist that only he and Zack should go in and do whatever he could to keep Cloud out, but maybe this time, Cloud could make a change by actually making it inside for the first time… Being in the reactor when everything started going down would definitely put him at an advantage.

The Mako reactor looked just like it always had. It was a towering, menacing structure in the midst of the mountains, and as he laid eyes upon it, Cloud felt a chill go down his spine that definitely hadn’t been from the cold wind.

“I want to go inside and look, too!” Tifa’s voice called him back from deep thought.

“This is a top-secret facility. Non-Shinra personnel are not permitted inside.” Sephiroth was already halfway up the stairs, and Cloud made sure to follow him as casually as he could. “Top-secret, Cloud.” Sephiroth turned to face him. “That means only Zack and I will go in.”

“You’re gonna have to throw me off the mountainside to get rid of me”, Cloud said. In other loops, Sephiroth might very well have done it – Sephiroth had resorted to violence a few times when Cloud had been a bit too persistent and annoying – but not this Sephiroth. Conflict drifted across his face, and Cloud wiggled his eyebrows at him and offered a suggestive smile, already knowing he’d won.

“All right. Zack, Cloud and I will go in, and the rest of you will stay outside.”

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Cher protested.

“No, it’s not. I am”, Zack retorted, snickering as he passed Cher by and followed Sephiroth and Cloud up the stairs. “If the Great Sephiroth makes a decision, who am I, a mere underling, to go against his words of wisdom?” he declared, waving his arms so much in his attempt to look dramatic that he almost hit Cloud in the face.

“But…!” Tifa made a move to rush after them, but Dick placed his hand on her shoulder and shook his head.

“Keep the young lady safe”, Sephiroth said, nodding at Dick and Cher.

“No worries, sir”, Dick said and fixed a firm glare at Cher, who flinched under his unwavering stare. “We can handle that.”

As soon as they stepped inside, Cloud regretted his decision. The air inside the reactor felt thicker, more compressed somehow, and suddenly he was having a very hard time breathing. Sephiroth pressed onward, while Zack stopped next to Cloud.

“You okay there, buddy?”

“Fine”, Cloud said and kept his eyes on Sephiroth, following him determinedly. Jenova was in here. This was the final point of no return. Had he managed to change enough to put an end to this madness?

“If you say so…” Zack still looked anxious – maybe he could sense Jenova as well, since he also had her cells? They both followed Sephiroth until they reached the room with the pods, where Jenova’s name was written above the door to the next room. Sephiroth was already making himself busy examining the pods.

“Jenova…” Zack murmured, looking confused for a moment before turning to look at Cloud as realisation lit up in his eyes. “Oh! That’s Sephiroth’s mom’s name, right? The hell does that mean…?” He spurted up the stairs to pull at the door before Cloud could say anything, only to find himself unable to open it. “Ah… It’s sealed, of course…”

“This is the cause of the malfunction”, Sephiroth said abruptly. “This section is broken. Zack, go seal the valve.” He kept inspecting the pod, murmuring seemingly mostly to himself. “Why did it break…?”

Zack didn’t protest and rushed back down the stairs so quickly that Cloud worried he might trip and fall. Cloud, on the other hand, decided to approach Sephiroth, well aware that things could be getting really bad very soon.

“You okay?” he asked Sephiroth, who looked worryingly tense. Sephiroth stepped back from the pod, giving Cloud a look that made it pretty clear that he wanted Cloud to look inside as well. Of course, Cloud already knew what to expect when he peeked into it. Zack, however, once he came over to join them and stepped up next to Cloud to have a look, had pretty much the proper reaction to be expected when finding a weird monster in a creepy place like this. He jerked back and stared at the creature, seeming unable to process what he was seeing.

“What is that…?” he questioned, turning to Sephiroth in search for answers.

“You average SOLDIER members are Mako-infused humans. You’re enhanced, but you’re still human. But then, what are those things?” Sephiroth was looking at the pod again, frowning. “Their Mako levels are exponentially higher than yours.”

“Are they… monsters?” Zack mused. Cloud remained on high alert, trying to analyse Sephiroth’s reactions. Sephiroth didn’t show much emotion as he stepped away from the pod and turned to walk away before stopping just below the stairs with his back turned to Cloud and Zack.

“Yes. Hojo was the one who created them.” He turned back to face Cloud and Zack again. “Abominations spawned by Mako energy… That’s what monsters are.”

“You said ‘average’ member. What about you?” Zack asked, and there it was; the last straw. Cloud could see it in Sephiroth’s eyes; something had snapped in that moment.

A moment passed quietly, until a gasp escaped Sephiroth. He reached up to clutch his head as if he was in pain, breathing heavily as he stumbled away from Cloud and Zack. No matter how much Cloud had tried to mentally prepare himself for this moment, he still found himself hesitating now. What was he supposed to do, how could he…?!

“Hey, Sephiroth!” Zack was quicker to react than Cloud and rushed over to Sephiroth, only to get shoved away. Okay, shit, Cloud had to do something. He hurried over to Sephiroth as well, taking care to approach him slowly so he wouldn’t startle him.

“Sephiroth”, he tried. He figured Sephiroth was having some sort of panic attack; he had to calm him down. “Hey, listen to me.”

“Could it be… that I… was created the same way?” Sephiroth wasn’t looking at Cloud; he was staring out into thin air as if unable to notice his surroundings anymore. “Am I the same as these monsters?”

“Sephiroth!” Cloud snapped, stepping in front of Sephiroth and grabbing his hands to try to get his attention. Finally, he saw some semblance of recognition in Sephiroth’s eyes. “Look at me”, he told Sephiroth. “Take deep breaths. You need to calm down.” Sephiroth’s rapid breathing slowed down a bit, and his grip on Cloud’s hands tightened.

“I knew, ever since I was a child… I was not like the others.”

“Stop”, Cloud said firmly before Sephiroth could go off on his tirade. “You’re not a monster, Sephiroth.” _Not yet, at least._

“Yeah…” Zack dared to approach them again, more carefully this time, placing a hand on Sephiroth’s back as he spoke in a soft voice. “Take a step back and think about this, okay? Maybe you’re a bit different, but that doesn’t make you less human.”

“Do you… really think so?” Sephiroth seemed to relax just a little bit. “Maybe you’re right… I’m… overreacting. I’m… human…” Okay, there was still a chance. Cloud’s heart wouldn’t stop racing. As long as they could get Sephiroth to stop freaking out about this, they could go back down the mountain together, and maybe, just maybe, this could have a happy ending after all…

“No such luck. You are a monster. Sephiroth… You were the greatest monster created by the Jenova Project.”

…or maybe the gods just had it out for Cloud no matter what he did. Despite everything Cloud had gone through, nothing could’ve prepared him for _this_. It was with great displeasure that Cloud tore his eyes off Sephiroth and found Genesis descending from the ceiling.

“Oh, fuck off, not you again”, he groaned.

“The sentiment is entirely mutual, I assure you”, came Genesis’s dry response. “I thought I got rid of you… Still having fun kissing up to Sephiroth, little brat?”

“Genesis… So you _are_ alive!” Zack exclaimed, putting himself between Genesis and Sephiroth, his hand already on the Buster Sword, clearly ready to draw it if it became necessary.

“I suppose I am, if you can call this living”, Genesis replied sourly.

“What, because you look like old chocolate?” At least that was what Cloud was assuming he was talking about… He earned himself a glare from Genesis for that comment. “What?! It’s true!”

“What is the Jenova Project?” Sephiroth asked, letting go of Cloud’s hands and turning to face Genesis.

“Don’t listen to him, Sephiroth”, Cloud said immediately. He wasn’t sure how much Genesis knew, but clearly, he knew enough to cause trouble, and Cloud couldn’t let him ruin everything, not now…!

“Oh, what’s that? You don’t want Sephiroth to learn the truth?” Genesis sounded so annoyingly self-assured that Cloud wanted to punch him, only deciding against it to avoid an untimely death. “Can’t deal with the thought of your great and wonderful hero being a monster? Would you not _want_ him anymore?”

“What, like you and Angeal stopped wanting him and left him behind?” Cloud asked. No wonder Sephiroth was the way he was, with this asshole being one of his only friends.

“You really did replace us…” Genesis’s gaze drifted from Cloud to Zack and stopped at Sephiroth. “What will you do when these two decide to run off together and abandon you as well?”

“We won’t!” Zack said firmly.

“You should get the fuck out of here”, Cloud said, hand hovering over his gun holster. “Sephiroth doesn’t need to hear any of your bullshit.” Sephiroth himself said nothing, still staring at Genesis as if he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. Cloud grabbed his hand again, trying to offer him support, and of course, Genesis instantly homed in on that, raising an eyebrow. Cloud raised an eyebrow back.

“Oh, so it’s like that…?” Genesis sighed, shaking his head. “You could do so much better than that, Sephiroth. A scrawny little thing like him, and from the infantry too?”

“Don’t talk about Cloud like that”, Sephiroth snapped, tightening his grip on Cloud’s hand.

“You’re just jealous that you’re not getting laid”, Cloud added sharply before he could help himself. And here he’d thought Sephiroth was the only person who could bring out the worst in him…

“Getting laid, you say?” Genesis began to grin as Sephiroth suddenly grew very tense. “Are you _faking_ it for him, Sephiroth? Now _that’s_ interesting…”

“Faking?” Cloud turned to Sephiroth, noticing that his breaths were growing quicker and shallower again. “Sephiroth, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” Genesis seemed to be revelling in this, his grin only getting wider. “Hasn’t he seemed reluctant at all to get into bed with you?” When Cloud remained quiet, not sure how to respond, Genesis let out a laugh. “Sephiroth doesn’t want to sleep with you, because he doesn’t experience desire.”

It took Cloud a moment to process it. By the time he finally managed to grasp what Genesis had just said, Sephiroth looked like he was on the verge of a breakdown again, his fingers digging almost painfully into Cloud’s palm.

“Sephiroth”, Cloud said carefully. “Is it true?” Sephiroth lowered his head, hiding behind his hair, and said nothing. Why had he not said anything…?

“Poor little Sephiroth”, Genesis drawled, clearly getting way too much pleasure from all of this. “Are you that afraid of the truth? Will your little boyfriend resent you if he finds out what you really are?”

“Genesis, stop it!” Zack snapped, beginning to sound angry. “What do you want from us anyway?!”

“I need your help, Sephiroth…” Genesis took a step closer. “I’m continuing to degrade. You’re Shinra’s greatest achievement, their perfect monster… Your cells might be able to cure me.”

One second, Sephiroth’s grip on Cloud’s hand was firm, and the next, it was gone completely. Sephiroth backed away from Genesis slowly, and Cloud finally caught a glimpse of the pained, desperate look in his eyes. And then, Sephiroth turned on his heel and ran, leaving them all behind. Genesis made no move to follow, only sighed and spoke in a forlorn voice.

“My friend, do you fly away now? To a world that abhors you and I?”

“Sephiroth! Wait!” Zack grabbed Cloud’s hand and pulled him along after Sephiroth. Cloud glanced over his shoulder and met Genesis’s gaze briefly before they left him behind. Damn, he wanted more than anything to be Mako-enhanced right now so he could kick the fucker’s ass.

Sephiroth wasn’t outside the reactor. Instead, they were met by an array of Genesis copies, which were all already engaged in combat with Dick and Cher, who were trying to keep them at bay with bullets. Zack instantly rushed to help them, sword in hand.

“Where’s Sephiroth?” Cloud asked as he stopped next to Tifa, who looked like she was just barely able to hold herself back from joining in on the fight.

“Just stormed right past us!” she said. “He looked upset…”

“Fuck”, Cloud groaned. He should’ve known better than to let himself hope. Even when things seemed to be going his way, something, or someone – fuck you, Genesis – just had to come along and ruin it.

He wasn’t sure if there was anything he could do anymore, if this loop was beyond saving now, but somehow, he still felt like he needed to try. Drawing his sword, he prepared to leap into the battle. The quicker they got rid of the Genesis copies, the quicker he could try to resolve everything with Sephiroth.


	45. Day 45 - September 24th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this out earlier but well, here we are...
> 
> Chapter warning for smut that somehow manages to be even more of a disaster than last time... Disclaimer: DON'T BE LIKE THESE TWO IDIOTS

After they’d dealt with the Genesis copies without further disasters, it still took them until night-time to actually get back to Nibelheim. Before splitting up with them, Tifa suggested she’d help look for Sephiroth tomorrow, seeming concerned about him as well. Zack and the others had retreated to the inn for the night, while Cloud had gone back home.

There was still no sign of Sephiroth anywhere, and when Cloud entered his house, it was completely dark inside. After quickly checking that his mom was okay – she was, fast asleep in her bed – Cloud decided to get some sleep. No point in going out looking for Sephiroth in the middle of the night; monsters tended to be more ferocious then, and Cloud wasn’t sure he could deal with that right now. He was already too exhausted and on edge to do anything else than collapse straight into bed.

At some point during the early morning, while it was still dark, Cloud stirred. At first, he wasn’t sure exactly what had made him wake up, but when he cracked his eyes open, still half-asleep and groggy, and found familiar glowing green eyes staring back at him from above, he was startled to say the least.

“Fuck!” He sat up as quickly as he could, completely caught off guard by Sephiroth’s appearance. It was too dark to see him properly, except for his eyes, staring unblinkingly at Cloud through the darkness as he leant over the bed. It was fucking terrifying.

“Tell me, Cloud…” Sephiroth’s voice was cold as ice. “What are you trying to accomplish?”

“Huh?” Cloud, still trying to get his brain into a completely awake state, wasn’t sure what this meant, other than that it was probably bad. “I don’t know what you mean. Where have you been?” Getting tired of sitting in the dark, he leant over to his bedside table and turned on the small lamp, so that he could finally see Sephiroth properly. He had taken his coat off and was watching Cloud with an expression that was hard to read.

“Where I was doesn’t matter. You didn’t want Genesis to tell me about my mother. Why?” Sephiroth asked. How had Sephiroth even managed to notice that? Cloud had figured he’d been too busy having a breakdown.

“I don’t know how you managed to forget, but the fucker tried to kill me! Sorry if I’m not particularly excited to listen to what he says!” he said and suddenly remembered another thing Genesis had said. “Speaking of listening to him, why don’t you explain what that whole thing about ‘faking it’ was?”

“Now you’re being a hypocrite…” Sephiroth said. He crawled onto the bed, still watching Cloud with that strange, unreadable look. “Why are you willing to listen to Genesis about that subject, then?” The question felt like an accusation. For some reason, Cloud was almost scared to answer. There was something weird about this, about Sephiroth, and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it.

“Because I think he might have been right”, he admitted anyway. It just made too much sense, even despite all the missing pieces; of course Sephiroth wouldn’t want to sleep with him if he didn’t, well, _want_ to. He would still rather hear it from Sephiroth, though, and get a proper explanation, just to completely understand.

“Oh, you do?” Sephiroth placed his hands on Cloud’s shoulders and leant closer. “Why don’t we test that theory?”

“You… you want to…?” Cloud hadn’t expected this at all. Why was it so hard to breathe all of a sudden? Sephiroth leant in to nuzzle Cloud’s neck, and it took all of Cloud’s focus to form words. “Hey, I’m not gonna complain, but… my mom’s in the house.”

“No need for concern”, Sephiroth said. “I used a Sleepel spell on her. She won’t hear a thing…” …Wait. No, that wasn’t right.

“Uh… That’s… kinda fucked up”, Cloud said and pushed Sephiroth away. Something felt off.

“It’s all right, it won’t do her any harm. She’ll just sleep a bit deeper than usual”, Sephiroth murmured, leaning right back into Cloud’s space, lips brushing against Cloud’s earlobe. “I thought it would be better if she didn’t hear this…”

“You came here already planning to sleep with me?” Cloud asked incredulously.

“Is that really so strange? Isn’t that what you’ve wanted all along?” Sephiroth sounded so smug as he grabbed Cloud by the shoulders again and pressed him down into a lying position. “To have sex with me?”

“I mean… yeah”, Cloud said, because what was the point in denying it? “But only if you want it too!” he added quickly. “I don’t wanna force you into anything…!”

“You’re only fooling yourself if you think you could ever force me into anything”, Sephiroth said self-assuredly, and Cloud finally realised why that cocky confidence bothered him so much. In Sephiroth’s eyes, he could see the man who had burnt Nibelheim down.

“Okay, fine”, Cloud said, because there was no way he was backing down from this, no matter how suddenly it had happened. It felt too much like a challenge, and that look in Sephiroth’s eyes riled him up. “Go ahead, then, if you want to do it so badly. Fuck me.” He sat up to grab the lube and condoms he’d left on the table and tossed them at Sephiroth, who caught them without effort.

“I’m glad were on the same page…” Sephiroth practically purred, and fuck, having that smug expression so completely focused on him was enough to make Cloud simultaneously angry and aroused. “You want me really badly, don’t you, Cloud?” Sephiroth pushed Cloud down into a lying position again and ran a finger down from Cloud’s shoulder along his body, stopping at the waistband of his boxers as he gave Cloud a suggestive look.

“…Yeah”, Cloud admitted. Surrender was all too sweet… “Hurry up.”

“Hurry up, you say?” Sephiroth grabbed Cloud’s boxers, tugged them off and spread Cloud’s legs, teasingly brushing Cloud’s thighs with his hands. “And here I was thinking I’d make it really slow, just for you.”

“Oh, c’mon, get on with it…” Cloud groaned. Sephiroth finally seemed to decide to do as he was told, coated his fingers in lube, much more confidently than the last time, and slowly worked one finger inside Cloud. Determined not to end it early this time, Cloud laid his head down on his pillow, stared up at the ceiling and tried not to feel too overwhelmed. He didn’t dare to make any attempts to touch Sephiroth back, not this time.

“So how long have you wanted this, Cloud?” Sephiroth asked casually, as if this was a completely normal conversation, as he moved his finger deeper experimentally.

“Does that really matter…?” Cloud wasn’t really up for having this conversation right now; it was too fucking distracting… He felt Sephiroth add another finger and tried to hold back a gasp. “You’re… a lot more forward than last time…!”

“Well, I know what to expect now, unlike last time…” Sephiroth still sounded so frustratingly confident, almost to the degree that it felt fake, and Cloud wasn’t sure what to make of it. “You must enjoy this. Knowing that you’re the only person I’ve ever done this with…”

“T-the only…?” Cloud tried to sit up, only to get pushed back down into a lying position by Sephiroth. “Are you serious…? But… the rumours…”

“Fake”, Sephiroth said, finally managing to find the right spot to draw a moan out of Cloud. “You should know better than to listen to my mindless horde of fans, Cloud… or perhaps you’re just like them, in the end?”

“What the fuck do you mean…?” Cloud bit down on his lip trying to hold back another moan as Sephiroth stretched him. Fuck, arguing while doing this probably shouldn’t feel this hot… 

“Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m talking about, Cloud”, Sephiroth murmured and added a third finger. Cloud gasped at the burning sensation, clutching at the sheets desperately to have something to hold on to.

“Seriously, I… I don’t know!” It was getting too hard to think; his brain felt hazy with desire, and he wanted Sephiroth to keep touching him, he needed more…! “ _Please_ , just fuck me already…!”

“Only because you asked so nicely…” Sephiroth pulled his fingers out, leaving Cloud feeling desperate for more. A few moments passed, during which Cloud heard a condom package being ripped open and clothes being tossed aside, and then Sephiroth was leaning over him, rolling a condom onto his lube-covered erection – oh, so he did get aroused, that was a good sign at least… The look in his eyes remained sharp and his smirk was still unsettling, but Cloud honestly couldn’t be bothered to care, because he was getting laid and that was all that mattered.

“You’re sure you really want to?” he asked despite everything, just to make sure. The only response he got was Sephiroth’s smirk growing even wider as he slowly pressed into Cloud. Fuck, yes, _finally_ …! Cloud heaved in a deep breath and tried to get used to the sensation, reaching out and managing to grab Sephiroth’s shoulders.

“I’ll ask you again, Cloud… What are you trying to accomplish?” Sephiroth asked and thrust into him once, just once, somehow still managing to perfectly hit the right spot that instantly made Cloud feel like he was melting, no longer able to hold back a whimper. “What do you want from me, Cloud…?” Sephiroth’s voice was practically a whisper. What _did_ Cloud want? Well, right at this moment, only one thing.

“This… this was what I wanted…” Cloud moaned, practically clawing at Sephiroth’s back by now. “Keep moving already, just move…!”

“Of course… Don’t be so impatient…” Sephiroth rocked against Cloud again, this time drawing an outright moan from him. Fuck, it felt so good…! “And now tell me…” Sephiroth sounded so unaffected by the whole thing, even now… “…what do you truly think of me?”

“What do I…? What do you mean?!” Cloud wasn’t sure what Sephiroth was going on about, but now he was slowing down again, and it was frustrating beyond belief…! “C’mon, stop messing with me!” Sephiroth seemed to take that as a sign to thrust into Cloud again, several times until Cloud was gasping desperately for breath, before slowing down again, remaining still and watching Cloud intently. Fuck, was Sephiroth really this much of a sadist…?

“The truth, Cloud…” Sephiroth whispered, still giving him that cruel smile and looking far too much like his future self as he picked up the pace again, getting Cloud almost to the point of orgasm. “Tell me the truth…” Cloud groaned; he’d had enough, he didn’t want any more teasing or games, and then the words just flew out of his mouth without a thought.

“Just get on with it already… I hate you so fucking much, _fuck_ …!” He was so close, so damn close, and then Sephiroth just… stopped, mid-thrust, just as Cloud began to realise what exactly had left his mouth.

And then, Sephiroth began to laugh. Cloud recognised that cold, horrible sound far too well; it had haunted his nightmares for years.

“Finally, you tell me the truth”, Sephiroth declared, pulling out of Cloud and withdrawing to the other edge of the bed, never taking his eyes off Cloud. “I should’ve known… I should never have deluded myself into thinking you were any different.”

“I… fuck, I didn’t mean that!” Cloud’s brain still felt muddled from the pleasure, though it was quickly becoming replaced by overwhelming anxiety. Fuck. Why the fuck had he said that?! “Why would I hate you, Sephiroth?! I’m your boyfriend! I was just getting frustrated because you were teasing me, and…!”

“Teasing”, Sephiroth snapped. “Yes, that’s all I do, isn’t it? I tease you, just to leave you disappointed in the end, is that it?!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Cloud sat up, trying to force himself not to freak out. He had to stay calm, because if he didn’t, this was just going to turn into a screaming match. “Why would I be disappointed in you?” he asked, trying his best to keep his voice gentle. Sephiroth flinched and looked away, all that fake confidence quickly fading away.

“You thought I wouldn’t find out?” There was still anger in Sephiroth’s voice, but it was quickly shifting into hurt instead. “It must’ve been fun, bragging to the other infantrymen about how you managed to seduce me…”

“Sephiroth, that’s not…” Cloud trailed off, because how was he even supposed to explain?

“Oh, what now?” Sephiroth cut him off sharply. “Are you going to explain to me how this is all a big misunderstanding, and that this hasn’t all been a ploy to get to have sex with me?”

“It’s not just about sex!” Cloud insisted quickly. “I mean, yeah, of course I wanted to get laid, but…” How was he supposed to say it out loud when it was so hard to even think about it? “…it’s not just about that, I promise.”

“You seriously expect me to believe that?” Sephiroth huffed, getting to his feet and grabbing his clothes from the floor. “I tried to trust you. Clearly, that was a mistake.”

“Hey, wait! Don’t go…!” Cloud made a move to get out of bed, but suddenly, he felt really dizzy. Too dizzy to stand up, and he could barely keep his eyes open. “What… the fuck…?” Oh. This was a Sleepel spell, wasn’t it…? He recognised the feeling… Before he knew it, his head had already hit the pillow.

“It would be better if you stayed away from me in the future, Cloud”, he heard Sephiroth’s cold voice somewhere above him.

“Sephiroth… No, I…” It was getting too hard to form words, and he wasn’t sure what to say anyway. How could he make this better if Sephiroth wouldn’t let him?

Cloud had never particularly liked himself. However, in the brief moment before sleep overtook him, he was pretty sure he loathed himself more than he ever had before, for allowing things to go to turn out like this.


	46. Day 46 - September 25th

When Cloud next came to, it was with an intense feeling of dread and panic. He checked the clock on his phone and found that he’d been out for over 24 hours – which his empty stomach was very loudly complaining about – and the feeling only got worse. Fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck…! He stumbled out of bed and got dressed as quickly as he possibly could, ran down the stairs and nearly collided with his mom as he spurted into the kitchen.

“Holy…! Cloud, I didn’t even know you were in the house!” she yelped, nearly dropping the tray she had clearly just taken out of the oven. “I baked some bread. Do you want some…?”

“Thanks”, Cloud said, internally thanking the gods that Sephiroth hadn’t done anything worse to her as he grabbed a piece of bread from the tray to satisfy his hunger, and then rushed right past her out of the house before she could ask any questions. He needed to find Sephiroth quickly, before someone ended up getting hurt… and Cloud knew exactly where he had to start looking.

Cloud fucking hated the Shinra mansion. Even though he came in armed with a sword, a gun and a basic set of Materia, he still felt like he was practically begging to get himself killed. The monsters in the mansion were strong; underestimating them had led to several very inconvenient deaths in previous loops. On a few occasions early on, Cloud had tried to wake Vincent up, but he’d always ended up getting himself killed by the giant monster guarding the safe with the key in, or by the strange creatures that roamed the basement.

This time, he opted not to even try to recruit Vincent. The risk wasn’t worth it, and he couldn’t help hoping that maybe, just maybe he still had a chance to steer Sephiroth away from his destructive path.

He managed to make it down to the basement without encountering any bigger problems than a horde of bats that he could easily dispose of. When he stepped into the laboratory, he found Sephiroth, as expected, at the bookshelves, going through a large volume. He seemed so completely focused on what he was doing that he hadn’t even noticed Cloud approaching.

“…Hey”, Cloud said carefully.

“I thought I told you to stay away from me.” Sephiroth didn’t even look up from the book.

“I know, but…” Cloud was hesitant to step closer, worried that Sephiroth might do something unpredictable if he did, so he remained at a safe distance. “…I need you to know I really, really didn’t mean it, and that I’m…” He was going to say it, dammit! No backing out now! “…I’m so sorry for hurting you like that. I know just saying it isn’t gonna be enough, but… I’ll do anything to make it up to you, I promise.”

“And do you think anything will change by telling me this?” Sephiroth still hadn’t taken his eyes off the book, his cold tone making him sound as if he was completely unaffected by all of this. “Do you expect me to come crawling back to you as if you didn’t already ruin everything?”

“You never answered my question”, Cloud said, because if Sephiroth was going to keep acting like this, he might as well try to coax another truth out of him. “You never wanted to sleep with me, right? So why did you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me!” Cloud decided to be bold and step a bit closer, close enough to reach out to touch Sephiroth if he wanted to. He thought about the things Genesis had said. “Did you… think I would leave you if you didn’t sleep with me?” With the abandonment issues Sephiroth had, it really wouldn’t surprise him.

“I told you, it doesn’t matter!” Sephiroth clearly tried to sound unaffected, but Cloud noticed how his grip on the book tightened and how his voice sounded slightly more uncertain now. So that was it, then…

“Sephiroth, you’re more important to me than that…” Cloud finally gathered enough courage to reach out and place his hand on Sephiroth’s arm. “If you didn’t want to, you should’ve just told me. I wouldn’t leave because of something like that.” Sephiroth flinched under his touch and finally looked at Cloud, a conflicted expression drifting across his face before it twisted into an angry one.

“I have no reason to trust a traitor”, he snapped.

“A… traitor?” Cloud questioned, unfortunately already very aware where this was going. Fuck. This was bad.

“I’ve been reading these books… They’re about the Jenova Project.” His anger shifted quickly – too quickly – into an eager yet almost eerie grin. “I’m not a monster, Cloud. I’m a Cetra. An Ancient. The last of my kind, the rightful heir to the Planet. I’m going to take it back from the traitorous humans who stole it from Mother…”

“You know, Aerith is a Cetra too”, Cloud said, desperately hoping that it would be enough to distract Sephiroth. “Maybe we should go back to Midgar, so you can ask her about it…”

“No need…” Sephiroth determinedly kept turning pages. “These books contain all the information I require. Now, please leave.” He fell quiet and kept reading, but Cloud couldn’t give up now. Not yet.

“Not until we’ve talked things through”, he insisted.

“Haven’t we talked enough?” Sephiroth asked. His voice was ice cold by now. “You’re just like all the other filthy humans who took Mother away from me…”

“Sephiroth, you shouldn’t trust those books! They could be full of lies!” Cloud hoped so badly that he could get him to see reason. Please, not now, not when he’d come this far…!

“Oh? Bold of you to say…” Sephiroth finally looked at Cloud again, eyes shining with a far too familiar hatred. “But then again, maybe you would know, since every single word that leaves your mouth is a _lie_!”

“I didn’t mean it!” Cloud yelled, trying to keep his desperation out of his voice but failing rather miserably. “I told you already, I’ll do anything, Sephiroth, _please_ …!” He tightened his grip on Sephiroth’s arm, only to have Sephiroth shove him away. 

“Be quiet!” Sephiroth snapped. The fury in his eyes was very evident now. “Stop pretending that you care. Just leave! I don’t want to speak to you!” Cloud had no doubt that if his demands weren’t fulfilled, Sephiroth would find a way to fulfil them with whatever means necessary. There was only one option, then…

“Okay, okay, fine!” Cloud stepped back, turned his back on Sephiroth and ran the fuck away.

It was only when he’d made it back outside the mansion that everything finally began to hit him. This had gone too far now, hadn’t it…? Sephiroth was already beyond reasoning with. Cloud was going to lose everything again; he might as well start planning what he was going to do in the next loop…

Sephiroth wouldn’t know him anymore. Sephiroth would see him as a complete stranger again, and damn, the thought _hurt_. Maybe Cloud could do better next time, be a less shitty boyfriend and actually give Sephiroth enough love and support to keep him far, far away from Jenova… He’d be the nicest, sweetest, most wonderful person he could possibly be, for Sephiroth’s sake. Fuck, Cloud couldn’t believe that he’d allowed himself to get so attached, only to have to lose it all…

No. No, he couldn’t give up, not like this. Sephiroth was still going to be in the basement reading those books for a few days; there was still time! What if he could eliminate Jenova before that? Maybe that could stop Sephiroth from going on a rampage… Even if Sephiroth refused to forgive him, Cloud could live with that, as long as everyone came out of this alive. He doubted he could take on Jenova by himself, though…

He didn’t want to put Zack at risk; it was the sort of move he always tried to avoid making. But if he wanted to deal with Jenova directly, he was going to need backup, and this was the only good option he really had. Zack was always ready to help, he was trustworthy, and also strong enough to deal with most threats that weren’t an entire literal army. Yeah, there was no question about it. This time, Cloud was going to ask Zack for help.

Where was Zack, though? Probably at the inn, that was the most logical place by far… Cloud headed there as quickly as he could and did indeed find Zack at one of the tables in the back, drinking alone.

“Oh, there you are!” Zack exclaimed as Cloud approached. “Where were you yesterday? We looked for you and Sephiroth all over town! We figured you’d found him and the two of you had snuck off somewhere to talk, or something…” Oh gods, he really had no idea what he’d missed out on.

“Oh, I wish…” Cloud sat down next to Zack, confused by his lack of company. “Where are the others?”

“Still asleep, I think…” Zack grinned mischievously. “We had a wild time last night. I asked nicely, if you know what I mean…” He let out a laugh. “I don’t know, they might still be going at it…” …Wait, what?!

“You had a threesome with those guys?” Cloud wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to do with this information, especially not when Zack nodded vigorously. “But… What about Aerith?”

“Oh, it’s fine! She was into it too! I was on the phone with her the whole time! The company pays the phone bill while we’re on missions anyway…”

“…Okay then…” Yeah, Cloud wasn’t going to allow himself to go any deeper into that rabbit hole. He felt kind of sorry for Zack now, knowing that he would have to ruin his day with his bullshit. “Anyway, I need your help.” 

“Oh? With what?” Zack asked, instantly looking very curious.

“I need to get up to the reactor”, Cloud said, unsure how much he should tell Zack. “Let’s just say, umm… I have a very good reason to think that there’s something dangerous in there, and I can’t deal with it by myself.”

“Something dangerous, huh…” Zack narrowed his eyes, squinting at Cloud suspiciously. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was a pretty creepy place, but why would you think…?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because Sephiroth’s been spiralling down into madness ever since we went there, to the point that he’s now convinced that he’s the last survivor of an ancient race that once ruled the Planet and that he needs to take it back from humanity by force?”

“…Please tell me you’re kidding.” Zack stared at him in disbelief.

“Fuck, I wish I was”, Cloud sighed. “I tried to reason with him, but he won’t listen. There’s something going on up at the reactor, and I want you to come with me to check it out.”

“…Let me just… process this for a sec.” Zack seemed to consider what Cloud had just said for a bit, before finally shaking his head with a bewildered expression on his face. “Oh boy, Cloud. You sure know how to get involved in the weirdest shit…”

“Oh, you don’t even know the half of it…” Cloud replied exasperatedly. “So are you going with me?”

“Well, I get the feeling you’d be going even if I told you no, right? I guess it’s better if I come along then, just to keep an eye on you…” Zack didn’t look very pleased, but at least he had agreed to it, so that was something. 

“Thanks, Zack”, Cloud said, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. If Zack was there with him, maybe it would be okay.

“Hey, no problem. That’s just what friends do, right?” Zack grinned and leant in to ruffle Cloud’s hair. “But let’s go tomorrow, okay? If we’re gonna make another trek up the mountain, we’re gonna need some time to prepare…”

“…Okay. Okay, tomorrow sounds good…” It really didn’t – it just gave him more time to get anxious and more time for Sephiroth to do something stupid – but Zack was right. Climbing the mountain was going to take a lot of effort, and if they left now, it would get dark before they got there, and that was definitely not a desirable outcome.

Tomorrow, hopefully, Cloud would put an end to all of this. No more time loops, no more bullshit, just Cloud and Zack, kicking Jenova’s ass and hopefully saving Sephiroth and everyone else in the process.


	47. Day 47 - September 26th

To say that Cloud was feeling anxious right now was an understatement. He was pretty certain he’d never been more terrified in his life, and for someone who had had as many horrible life experiences as him, that was really saying something. Not even the loud voices behind him were enough to get him to snap out of his worries.

“Are we there yet…? Why did we have to come along…?”

“Stop complaining, Cher…”

“Just think of it like a field trip, guys! If you do well, I might even recommend you for SOLDIER when we get back!”

“As if you don’t already think we’re good enough after…”

“Cher, he’s still our superior. Don’t risk it.”

That Zack had decided to bring Dick and Cher along hadn’t exactly made things any easier. Sure, Zack might have said that the more, the merrier, but Cloud didn’t really want to feel merry at the moment. How could he, when he knew what was at stake? If he hadn’t been so fucking stupid about the whole thing with Sephiroth…

“You okay, Cloud?” Zack asked suddenly, catching up to Cloud while Cher and Dick continued their discussion in the background. “You’re being really quiet. A gil for your thoughts?”

“It’s complicated”, Cloud said, not really wanting to go into detail, yet feeling forced to do so anyway when Zack gave him a questioning look. He couldn’t exactly talk about the time loop thing, but at least he could talk about Sephiroth. “I’m such a shitty boyfriend… I’ve been such an ass this whole time. Sephiroth’s so lonely and I’ve been taking advantage of it.”

“Sephiroth told me… he thought you might be using him for sex.” Zack seemed to have a hard time getting the words out, for once. Gods, Sephiroth had talked to Zack about this as well? Cloud felt even more like the scum of the earth now. “Is that… really true, then? Cause if it is, I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to tell you that you’re kind of a bastard, Cloud.”

“I mean… it started out like that. I just wanted to fool around a bit, but… I guess I got a bit too attached”, Cloud admitted. “I didn’t want to admit it to myself, though, and now I’ve hurt him instead.” Would Sephiroth even want to take him back after all of this? He found himself desperately hoping so. Fuck, he was _so_ much more attached than he had planned…

“I should’ve known this was gonna happen… You two are the dumbest, most emotionally stunted people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and when put together, you’re a disaster in the making…” Zack sighed, clearly exasperated by the whole thing.

“I’m sorry, Zack.” Knowing that he had disappointed Zack just made Cloud feel even worse.

“Don’t apologise to me, buddy. Apologise to your boyfriend, as many times as it takes. And after that, when we get back to Midgar, I’ll help you arrange a romantic evening for the two of you, okay? We’ll get a bunch of Aerith’s flowers and decorate his entire apartment, we’ll bake a delicious cake and buy tons of chocolate for him, and then you’re going to spend the rest of the evening being sappy and sweet and making sure he knows how loved he is.”

“You think that’s gonna work?” Cloud asked, not really wanting to break it to Zack that it was very likely that neither he nor Sephiroth would be returning to Midgar even if they somehow did manage to resolve their issues.

“Won’t know until we’ve tried”, Zack said. “I can’t claim to know how Sephiroth feels about this, but… he’s just seemed so much happier with you around, you know?”

“…Yeah”, Cloud murmured, staring firmly down at the ground. He thought about the way Sephiroth had looked at him the night before they left for Nibelheim and wondered if he still had a chance to see it again.

“Oh, we’re here!” Zack declared suddenly.

Cloud hadn’t even noticed, but while they’d been talking, they’d reached the reactor. Fuck. His heart was racing in his chest. He wasn’t sure if he could do this.

“Okay, so when are you gonna tell us why the fuck we had to go up here, Cloud?” Cher questioned, marching up next to Cloud with Dick following closely behind him. “I get the feeling it’s not just for a picnic, right?”

“It doesn’t matter, you two should probably stay behind anyway…” Cloud said.

“No way!” Cher huffed. “We already had to stay behind once, I’m not gonna put up with that again! The Great Sephiroth isn’t here to tell me no, and last time I checked, fucking him doesn’t make you my superior! I’m coming with you!”

“Zack could still tell you no…” Dick pointed out quietly, but Cher didn’t seem deterred.

“I’m going in!” He stormed past the rest of the group before anyone could say a thing to stop him, and Dick only let out a groan before quickly following behind him.

“Well, I guess we’re all going, then!” Zack exclaimed, not seeming bothered in the slightest. “Unless you’d like to stay behind, Cloud…” he joked before hurrying after the others. Cloud sighed, wondering what he’d done to deserve this, but followed anyway.

The reactor had improved in only one significant way since their last visit, and that was because there was no sign of Genesis this time. Cloud wasn’t sure where he could have gone, but hopefully he was going to stay gone. He’d had enough of one-winged assholes for several lifetimes…

“Okay Cloud, what do we do now?” Zack asked as they reached the room with the pods.

“We’re breaking down that door”, Cloud said and pointed at the door underneath the Jenova sign. “Think you could handle that?”

“Of course I can! Who do you think I am?” Zack marched right up to the sealed door, gave it a good kick, frowned, kicked it again – much harder this time – and grinned as it flew open. “See? Told you so!”

Cloud wasn’t going to waste a single second. He ran right past Zack into Jenova’s chamber, forcefully trying to suppress any rogue emotions to focus only on his goal.

Even so, as he stared at the mechanical angel statue that hid Jenova from sight, all the horrible memories from this room suddenly hit him full force. He’d tried so hard to fix things so many times, and yet it had always ended the same way: failure. Would this time really be different? Could he finally change things?

“…Yeah, I think I’ll stay here”, Cher said hesitantly as he and Dick peeked in through the doorway in unison. “To… to stand guard, you know?”

“Yeah, you two stay there”, Zack told them as he caught up with Cloud. “Keep an eye out. I get a feeling some weird shit is about to go down.” He eyed the statue with a confused and bewildered expression. “…I’ve seen some strange things in Mako reactors, but I think this takes the cake, honestly.”

“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet”, Cloud retorted before he could help himself. “Get the statue out of the way.”

“What, am I supposed to… like, tear it off or something?”

“Yeah. Exactly”, Cloud said and watched in anticipation as Zack stepped forward along the narrow tube-like structure to tear the statue out of the way. It took him a moment, but he finally managed to tear it loose, and there she was, inside her tank. Even though he was standing at a distance from her, Cloud still felt like he was being stared down.

“Whoa. What the hell…?” Zack stumbled back, dropping the statue so that it cluttered against the ground and fell right off the tube, down into the depths of the Mako reactor. “What is this thing?!”

“Meet Jenova”, Cloud said, swallowing down his anxiety.

“Sephiroth’s mom…?” Zack turned to look at Cloud, a horrified expression drifting across his face. “Cloud, what the fuck is this?!”

“Let’s kill her first. I’ll explain afterwards.”

“Let’s kill…” Zack trailed off, before letting out a dismayed sigh. “Okay, sure, as if this wasn’t weird enough. Let’s kill the weird mutant corpse – wait, do you mean this thing’s _alive_?!”

“Alive enough.” Cloud stepped out onto the tube. Jenova still seemed dormant, but there was no telling if she would suddenly awaken and attack. “Let’s just get her out of the tank and toss her down into the Mako. That should be enough.” It was a temporary solution, but at this point Cloud would take anything he could get. At least it would quickly put her out of business for a while; she would be trapped in the Lifestream for the time being. Hopefully it would get Sephiroth to come to his senses as well…

And then, suddenly, Cher screamed. Cloud spun around just in time to see Cher flying into the room and landing on the floor, luckily not close enough to the edge to fall further down. A second or so passed, before Dick was tossed into the room in much the same way, landing next to Cher with a pained groan.

Sephiroth stepped into the room, walking slowly but deliberately towards them with an eerie, empty expression on his face. Zack immediately moved past Cloud to position himself between them, reaching for his sword.

“Sephiroth?” he questioned hesitantly, looking incredibly unnerved. Cloud watched in disbelief as Sephiroth stepped closer, approaching the tube where Cloud and Zack were standing while disregarding Dick and Cher entirely. This was all wrong. Sephiroth wasn’t supposed to be here yet!

“Mother told me to come here”, Sephiroth whispered as if in trance. “I have to protect her from the filthy humans who want to take her away…” He raised Masamune, clearly readying a strike.

“Sephiroth, what are you doing?!” Zack shouted. Somehow, Cloud had a feeling Zack hadn’t realised exactly how serious this situation was until now.

“We’ve got to get rid of Jenova! It’s our only chance to stop him!” he informed Zack.

“Okay.” It was almost scary how fast Zack’s bewildered expression shifted into a serious and determined one. “You take care of that part. I’ll keep Sephiroth out of your way.” He dashed towards Sephiroth and lunged, Buster Sword clashing against Masamune with a clank, and Cloud took that as a sign to hurry the fuck up and do something about Jenova.

He hated turning away from the battle, but there was nothing else he could do for now. As he heard the sound of swords being struck against each other behind him, he approached Jenova’s tank, drawing his own sword.

It took him several forceful strikes before the glass finally shattered. Immediately, Cloud drove his sword through Jenova’s body and pulled it out of the tank; there was no way he was touching it! She didn’t start mutating or shapeshifting or anything like that; instead, she just stared emptily forward, with glowing eyes and an eerie smile upon her face. Somehow, that was even worse.

Okay, now he just had to make it back out of this room, through the room with the pods and into the reactor core to toss her down into the Mako; only, there was a problem to get past first. A big problem called Sephiroth, who, despite currently being locked in combat with Zack, was still physically in Cloud’s way.

Oh well, it wasn’t like Cloud had anything to lose at this point anyway. He spurted towards the fighting pair, keeping a tight grip on his sword and hoping that maybe, somehow, this was going to work in his favour.

Sephiroth, of course, instantly took notice of Cloud’s approach, turning his head towards him even while he was still fighting Zack. So of course, Cloud did the best he could with what he had; he swung his sword and smacked Sephiroth in the face with Jenova’s body. It seemed to be enough of a shock to cause Sephiroth to stumble back with a rather undignified yelp, which allowed Cloud to slip past with ease.

“Nice one, Cloud!” he heard Zack yell behind him.

“Just hold on a little longer!” he yelled back and kept running. Fucking hell. That was probably the best thing he had done in any of his lifetimes, and he really hoped they would all get through this alive, so they could have a good laugh about it later.

He got through the room with the pods without issue, but just as he reached the core, he heard fast-paced footsteps behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he found Sephiroth rushing towards him, Masamune in hand and Zack nowhere in sight. Fuck. Fuck this. Cloud turned around to face him and held up Jenova’s body to shield himself.

“Stop! If you come any closer, I’m tossing her into the Mako!” Of course, he was going to do that anyway, but he needed to scope out exactly how far gone Sephiroth was first. No point in killing Jenova if Sephiroth was going to kill him now anyway.

“Give Mother back!” Sephiroth hissed, but did, in fact, stop. Cloud backed away, further out onto the narrow walkway.

“Sephiroth, don’t listen to her! Please, fight back!” Cloud tried to keep the panic out of his voice. He didn’t dare to think about what Sephiroth might’ve done to Zack. He just wanted Sephiroth to stop this, he wanted to go home, he wanted to just be fucking _happy_ for once…!

“Why?” Sephiroth tilted his head, appearing almost curious. “Mother will give me everything I need… I won’t be alone anymore…”

“You’re not alone!” Cloud yelled. “I know you’re angry at me and I know how badly I fucked up, but I’m not gonna leave you, because I _care_ about you, you goddamn idiot! Yeah, you’re lonely, you’re in pain, but this isn’t going to solve a goddamn thing! It’s just going to get worse if you don’t stop!”

For a moment, Sephiroth stared blankly at him. Then, his face twisted in pain as he clutched at his head and let out an anguished gasp. He seemed unsteady on his feet all of a sudden, but since he was still holding Masamune, Cloud didn’t dare to get any closer.

Okay, fuck it. Jenova had to go, and she had to go now. While Sephiroth was still distracted, Cloud threw his sword, with Jenova still attached to it, down into the Mako below. As she fell, Sephiroth let out a gut-wrenching scream.

“No! _Mother!_ ”

For a terrifying moment, Cloud legitimately thought Sephiroth was going to jump after her. But then, Sephiroth’s eyes, burning with fury, focused on Cloud instead, and as he began to stalk towards Cloud with murderous intent, Cloud realised that throwing his sword down into the reactor hadn’t been the best idea ever.

“Sephiroth, please, just stop this…!” Cloud begged, already starting to resign himself to his fate and accepting that he would soon wake up to his annoying alarm.

“Traitors must be punished”, Sephiroth growled and raised Masamune, preparing to strike. Cloud squeezed his eyes shut, expecting to have a sword in his ribcage within moments, only to hear the sound of someone collapsing to the ground instead.

…Huh? He opened his eyes and found Zack standing over Sephiroth’s unconscious body, Buster Sword in hand, a confident grin on his face. It took Cloud a few seconds longer than it should have to realise that Zack had whacked Sephiroth over the head with the flat side of the Buster Sword.

“Zack… How…?”

“Playing dead is a surprisingly useful life skill, you know!” Zack said cheerfully. “I knew that if I wanted to beat him, I needed to catch him off guard, and since he was so focused on you, it was easy to pretend one of his attacks knocked me out!” 

…Jenova was gone. Zack was alive. Sephiroth too, even though his mental state seemingly left much to be desired. Cloud had _done it_ , and it was slowly starting to sink in. So naturally, because of course he had to lose his last shreds of dignity, his immediate reaction to this was to start bawling like a little baby.

“I... I thought... we were done for!” he managed to choke out upon seeing the alarmed expression on Zack's face.

“Aww Cloud... It's okay now. Everything's gonna be fine.” Zack carefully stepped over Sephiroth and pulled Cloud into a hug. Cloud clung to him like a lifeline, trying to hold back his sobs but failing rather miserably. They stood like that for a while, Zack running his fingers through Cloud’s hair while Cloud slowly calmed himself down.

“I'm okay now”, he told Zack eventually, voice hoarse from crying. “Thanks...”

“Hey, no problem, man.” Zack pulled away smiling, ruffling Cloud’s hair a bit. “I'm gonna go check on Dick and Cher, okay? They seemed to be alive, but I think they need healing. Keep an eye on Sleeping Beauty for me.” He stepped back over Sephiroth, hurrying back deeper into the reactor.

Cloud immediately crouched down to get a closer look at Sephiroth. He was out cold, lying on his stomach, so Cloud did his best to turn him over onto his back.

“You should lose some of that muscle mass. You're too heavy”, he joked, mostly to lighten his own mood. Sephiroth, of course, didn't respond. His face looked oddly peaceful for someone who'd been ready to commit murder moments ago. There were a few tangles in his hair. Cloud scooped Sephiroth's upper body up into his lap and brushed them out with his fingers. “Please be okay”, he whispered, trying very hard not to cry again.

“Now isn't this interesting... Tossing Jenova into the Mako and managing to incapacitate Sephiroth when he was holding nothing back... You'd make a good experiment.”

Cloud froze at the sound of that voice. He looked up from Sephiroth, and sure enough, there he was. Hojo stepped into view, followed by a bunch of infantrymen who were all pointing their guns at Cloud. Shit.

“If anyone hurts me Sephiroth is gonna hunt you down when he wakes up”, he said immediately, well aware that making a mistake now would ruin everything.

“Oh, really now?” Hojo sounded far too amused by the whole thing. “How cocky of you to delude yourself into thinking Sephiroth would do such a thing for someone so insignificant...” He frowned, suddenly looking very displeased. “...and yet, you're right. Sephiroth has a bad habit of getting attached far too easily. Which is why I'm going to make sure that he never goes against my wishes again.”

That sounded ominous as all hell. Cloud was going to question what the fuck Hojo meant, but Hojo was stepping out onto the walkway and approaching them. Cloud still had his gun and Materia, but while he could probably take out Hojo, he couldn't make a single move with all these guns pointed his way.

“Why are you doing this?!” he questioned instead, hoping that he could keep Hojo distracted until Zack got back. “Sephiroth is your son, right?! Why do you keep hurting him?!”

“Oh, has Sephiroth told you about that?” Hojo let out a cold laugh. “Sephiroth is more than human, you little brat. He is a god, and I will help him realise his potential, no matter what it takes. Not that I expect someone like you to understand...”

“Lucrecia would be disappointed”, Cloud said, and took immense pleasure in the horrified expression that drifted across Hojo's face.

“Where did you learn that name?!” Cloud didn't respond except with a smirk, and an odd expression drifted across Hojo’s face. “Maybe I've underestimated you”, he stated thoughtfully. “You're more dangerous than I thought. I see now that elimination is the only solution. Take him out, but don’t waste any bullets.”

“Wait! No, I...!” The first bullet was enough to take all the air out of him. The pain in his chest was already overwhelming, so when the next few bullets hit him, Cloud barely even registered the pain. His vision was starting to blur, and he collapsed on top of Sephiroth, desperately trying to stay conscious.

“Leave him to bleed out”, Hojo's voice echoed from far, far away. “I only need Sephiroth.”

“No...” Cloud only managed a tiny little whisper as he tried to cling to Sephiroth as everything else started to fade away. He felt so cold, all of a sudden, and Sephiroth was so warm... “Sephiroth...” Footsteps approached, and someone pushed him away from Sephiroth, onto the cold hard metal floor...

...and then everything went black.


	48. ???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It's not what it looks like._

His alarm wasn’t ringing, and somehow the lack of the annoying sound was what woke him up. Cloud cracked one eye open and found himself staring up at a ceiling he hadn’t seen in a very long time. He felt too dizzy and tired to move a single muscle, but he didn’t need a closer look at his surroundings to know where he was. This was 7th Heaven. The one in Edge.

“What the hell…?” His memories of what had happened moments before felt blurry, but he had a feeling he should’ve woken up in the Shinra barracks, not here…

“Did you have a bad dream, Cloud?” That was Tifa’s voice, no doubt about it. Cloud managed to turn his head just a little bit and found her lying in bed next to him. She had her back turned to him, so he couldn’t see her face, but she was clearly an adult woman and not the 15-year-old he’d seen just a few days ago.

“I’m… not sure”, Cloud replied, trying to determine what was going on. Was he really back in Edge, with Tifa and the kids…? He was so tired… and something felt really off. “Wait”, he said as the realisation hit him. “Tifa and I don’t share a bed.”

“You don’t? Oh well, my mistake.” Tifa’s voice sounded warbled and distant all of a sudden, and when Cloud blinked, he was suddenly no longer in his bedroom in Edge, but instead sitting in the back of a truck driving down a desolate country road. “Maybe this is better, then?” That wasn’t Tifa’s voice anymore.

“Zack?” Cloud questioned and looked to his right side, where Zack was, indeed, seated, looking away from Cloud and off into the distance. “What the fuck is this? This doesn’t make any sense.”

“When has anything in your life ever made sense, Cloud?” Even though it looked like Zack and spoke in his voice, it still didn’t feel right. “It took you a while to get here this time. I thought Junon would be the end of you this time around, but you surpassed my expectations…”

“You’re not Zack”, Cloud said firmly. “And you’re not Tifa either.”

“Still not good enough?” It – whatever it was – spoke in Cloud’s own voice now, and suddenly the scenery had shifted again, into Nibelheim underneath a starry sky, and Cloud found himself standing next to a child version of himself. “Who would you have me be, then?”

“Well, I don’t fucking know! How about you tell me what’s going on?!”

“Did you never wonder why you went to bed one day at age 24 and woke up at age 16?” it asked. There was something smug in its tone, and the fact that it was using Cloud’s own voice only made it even more annoying.

“Well, I _assumed_ that some sort of higher power decided that my life hadn’t been awful enough and thought that reliving the worst thing that ever happened to me over and over again was the best fix for that!” Cloud snapped.

“That’s so awfully cold of you… Here I am, giving you the chance to go back and change things to your liking, and yet you come here and yell at me every single time.”

“Wait, _you’re_ the one doing this?” Cloud questioned. “And what do you mean ‘every time’?”

“You always come here when you die, but you always forget these conversations when I send you back once again…”

Oh. Right. He had died, hadn’t he? He’d been shot, just as he’d allowed himself to think he’d actually succeeded in saving everyone… and now he was here, talking to some sort of time-warping entity in the middle of… wherever this was.

“Are we in the Lifestream?” Cloud asked, because where else would they be?

“Of course. Where else?” The voice sounded garbled again, like a mix of many different voices, and this time, Cloud didn’t want to look over to see what it looked like now. “It was about time you came here again… I was getting so lonely without you.”

“…Who are you?”

“Yes… Who could I possibly be, Cloud?” Its tone was light now, teasing, and Cloud found himself hesitantly answering his own question.

“...Aerith?”

“You think?” Yes, that was her voice, no doubt about it. Cloud blinked and found that they were now standing in the Forgotten City, on the shore of the lake where they had buried her on that fateful day.

“So it was you all along?” Cloud turned around to face her and felt his heart skip a beat. She was standing there, her back turned to him, dressed in the same clothes she’d worn when he’d known her – when she’d died. It made sense, he supposed – who else would be able to pull a stunt like this? “You can control the Lifestream… so you used it to make me time travel, somehow.”

“That makes sense, doesn’t it?” She let out a laugh, bright and clear, that made something in Cloud’s chest twist painfully. He tried to approach her, to see her face, but no matter how much he circled her, she remained turned away from him. “Yes. I’ve gained the knowledge and wisdom of the Ancients during my travels through the Lifestream, and I’ve decided to use it to create a new future.”

“But… your past self is alive. So why are you still here?”

“Time doesn’t matter in the Lifestream”, she said simply. “I exist here as a god, separate from my mortal self, able to manipulate time to my liking.”

“But since you’re trapped here in the Lifestream, you’re sending me back instead. To change things.” Suddenly, Cloud felt horrible for messing up so many times, knowing that he was disappointing not only himself, but her as well. “Why won’t you look at me?” he asked instead. He wanted to see her smiling face just one more time…

“It’s better if you don’t look me in the eye. I don’t think you’d like what you’d see.” She said it so casually, but there was still something about the way she said it that sent a chill down Cloud’s spine.

“That’s cryptic”, Cloud muttered. “So… where do we go from here?”

“I should send you back in time again”, she said. “I wonder what you’ll do next… You took an interesting approach this time. I don’t know if I approve… You sure know how to make me jealous.” It was clearly meant to be a joke, but it still stung.

“And what if I don’t want to go back?” Cloud asked, overtaken by a sudden thought that wouldn’t leave his mind. “What if I’ve decided that the only timeline that matters is this one?” Maybe it was foolish of him, to still cling to that desperate hope that he could save Sephiroth, yet he couldn’t help himself.

“Do you really think you could salvage that timeline?” She sounded like she could barely believe what he was saying. “Couldn’t you just start over with him, if it matters that much?”

“It wouldn’t be the same”, Cloud whispered. Even if he could start over with Sephiroth and do everything right, he would always be haunted by their arguments, disagreements and misunderstandings that they never got to resolve… He wanted them both to keep their memories, both the good and the bad. “Maybe I gave up on Sephiroth once, but this Sephiroth, _my_ Sephiroth, deserves better than that. I want to give him happiness, because...”

“Because?”

“Because…” It was harder than he’d thought to actually say the words out loud. He blamed the weeks spent in denial. “…like the idiot I am, I went and fell in love with him.”

“Oh, that’s horribly ironic…” She let out a laugh. “A tragic romance if there ever was one.”

“It doesn’t have to end in tragedy if you don’t send me back in time”, Cloud retorted.

“And what else am I supposed to do? You died, Cloud. That’s it. The end. You go back and try again. You can’t just break the rules of reality…”

“Aren’t you already breaking those rules enough by sending me back in time?” Cloud questioned, starting to get frustrated. Why wasn’t she more understanding? This wasn’t like her at all! “What’s one resurrection in comparison to all of that? C’mon, it wouldn’t even be the first time I left the Lifestream alive!”

She was quiet for a while after that. Cloud could tell that she was thinking about what he had said. He expected to be met with rejection, but instead, he got a much more cheerful response.

“All right. If you want to keep playing around with him so badly, I’ll allow you to indulge, just this once.”

“Thanks, Aerith”, Cloud said. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, but he found himself incapable of forming words.

“You won’t thank me later, I assure you”, she murmured. “Goodbye for now, Cloud. Our paths will cross again, probably much sooner than you think.” And then, she finally turned to face him.

He only briefly caught a glimpse of eyes too green to be human and a cold smile that didn’t look like Aerith’s at all before everything faded away.


	49. Day 49 - September 28th

“Cloud? Cloud, can you hear me?” That… was his mom’s voice. Cloud opened his eyes and found her crouched down at his bedside, watching as her expression shifted from concern to relief. She looked like she’d been crying. “Oh darling, we’ve been so worried about you!”

“Oh”, was the only thing Cloud managed to say as he sat up, wincing from the pain in his chest. He wondered how he’d ended up back home… only to quickly get the answer as a certain someone came rushing into the room at the speed of light, capturing Cloud in a bone-crushing hug.

“Cloud! You’re okay! Holy shit, you scared us! We thought you were dead!”

“I will be soon if you don’t let go”, Cloud managed to choke out. Zack let go and allowed him to breathe, but he didn’t leave Cloud’s personal space. He looked incredibly relieved as well.

“You sure know how to get yourself into trouble… I’d only been away for a few minutes, and then when I came back you’d been shot and Sephiroth was gone! I tried to revive you, but it wouldn’t work, and Dick and Cher told me you were dead for sure, but your heart was still beating, and I couldn’t just leave you there! So I thought, hey, I’ve at least got to take you home, right? And then I…”

“Zack.” Cloud cut his rambling off. “How long has it been?”

“Uh… Well, all the shit at the reactor happened the day before yesterday, so… over 24 hours for sure. I don’t know, been too busy worrying to look at the time…” Yeah, Cloud could definitely buy that; Zack looked exhausted. Cloud wondered if he’d slept at all in that time.

“Hojo took Sephiroth”, Cloud recalled suddenly. “Fuck, we’ve got to find him quickly.”

“Hojo? Oh, c’mon…” Zack groaned. “I should’ve known he was behind all of this. I’m guessing he had something to do with that weird thing in the reactor too, right?”

“Yeah.” Cloud tried to consider what Hojo could possibly have done to Sephiroth, when an epiphany struck him. The Shinra mansion. That was where he’d taken Cloud and Zack after the Nibelheim Incident the first time around after all… It was either that or back to Midgar, but with Sephiroth in such an unstable state, it felt more likely that Hojo would’ve been careful and opted not to move him very far…

“So how do we save Sephiroth?” Zack asked, as if on cue.

“Hojo is probably keeping him in his secret laboratory down in the basement of the Shinra mansion”, Cloud said. “We can break in and get him out of there. Shinra’s not gonna want us back after that, though… You okay with that?” he asked Zack hesitantly. “I know you wanna be a hero, but…”

“No better way to become a hero than by saving a friend”, Zack said with a grin. “SOLDIER is a den of monsters anyway. And the pay kinda sucks too…”

“Do we really _have_ to go get him? He wasn’t exactly playing nice the last time we saw him…” Cher appeared in the doorway along with Dick, stepping inside and eyeing Cloud with a suspicious look. “Man, I thought you were dead for sure.”

“Welcome back to the world of the living, Cloud”, Dick remarked dryly.

“Of course we’re saving Sephiroth!” Zack declared loudly. “He clearly wasn’t in his right mind back in the reactor! I’m not leaving a friend behind!”

“He broke like… half the bones in my body, though!” Cher retorted.

“You only broke your arm, Cher”, Dick pointed out. “And Zack healed it anyway.”

“This all sounds very dangerous…” Claudia pointed out. “Shinra doesn’t exactly like it when people desert, right?” She turned to look at Cloud, clearly very concerned. “I already thought I lost you once, Cloud… You shouldn’t put yourself in danger again.”

“Mom, I _have_ to help Sephiroth, no question about it!” Cloud said immediately. He’d been given a second chance to get everything to go the way he wanted, and there was no way he was wasting it.

“I’ll help too!” When did Tifa get here? Cloud had no idea, but she was definitely in the room now, arms crossed and looking seriously disappointed. “I can’t believe you guys went up to the reactor again without me! This time, I’m coming with you! Don’t worry, Claudia! I’ll make sure Cloud doesn’t get himself killed!”

“Tifa, that’s probably not a good idea”, Cloud said. “You’re not…”

“Not what? Not strong enough?” Tifa glared at him. “I’ve been training to learn martial arts since you left Nibelheim! I have just as much experience as you! I can fight too!”

Cloud wished he could tell her that he actually had way more experience than her, but he couldn’t exactly do that without telling her about the time loops, and he really didn’t want everyone in the room to think he’d gone mad.

“Okay, fine. Let’s get going then…” He tried to get out of bed, but as soon as he got to his feet, everything started spinning and he had to sit down again.

“Oh no! You’re not going anywhere so soon after waking up”, Claudia insisted and pushed him in the shoulder until he lay down. “Wait until tomorrow. You can’t help anyone unless you rest first.”

“Yeah, Cloud”, Zack said softly. “Sephiroth would want you to get some rest before recklessly trying to stage a rescue mission.”

He would, wouldn’t he? He’d be fussing over Cloud for sure, acting like a mother hen and refusing to listen to Cloud’s protests… Suddenly, there was a lump in Cloud’s throat that wouldn’t go away.

“Only if you get some sleep as well”, Cloud retorted in an attempt to ignore it. Zack let out a laugh at that.

“Probably a good idea…” Once again, Zack gave in to the temptation to reach out and ruffle Cloud’s hair. “Behave yourself until tomorrow, okay?” He took a few steps back, still smiling at Cloud. “Let’s head back to the inn, guys!” He grabbed Dick and Cher and hauled them both out of the room; Cloud only heard Cher let out a surprised squeak before they were gone.

“I’m going home too… I’m glad you’re all right, Cloud”, Tifa said and followed the others, only to stick her head back through the doorway to peer at Cloud. “And don’t you dare leave without me tomorrow!”

“As if we have a choice!” Cloud replied and got only a grin in response from Tifa before she disappeared out of sight.

“You’ve made some really good friends in Midgar”, Claudia pointed out. “They were all so worried about you before you woke up… Zack kept apologising to me for not looking out for you well enough… I’m glad you have people you can rely on.”

“…Mm.” Cloud bit his lip, trying not to think of how much pain he must’ve caused everyone. “I’m sorry for scaring you like that.”

“You say that, but you still throw yourself back into danger the moment you get the chance…” Claudia let out a sigh. “Not that I can blame you. I understand that you want to help your boyfriend… Zack didn’t really tell me anything coherent, but from what I understood, Sephiroth really wasn’t doing too well when he was taken away, was he?”

“Yeah”, Cloud admitted. He was tired, too tired to talk about anything related to Sephiroth at the moment. “I’ll… explain properly some other time. It’s all so complicated… but basically, he’s been used and abused by Shinra his entire life to the point that he doesn’t really feel like he’s human, and I just didn’t realise how badly he was hurting, and it all kinda… spiralled out of control.” He really didn’t want to get into the stuff about Jenova. It was too much.

“Cloud”, Claudia said softly. “Are you really sure that he’s worth putting your life in danger for?”

“Yeah”, Cloud said without hesitation. “I’m the only person who can fix this.” He thought about how many times he’d gone through his scenario trying to kill Sephiroth, when he should’ve realised ages ago that Sephiroth, more than anything, was a horribly lonely man who yearned for even the slightest amount of affection so desperately that he would drive the world to destruction for it. It was just difficult to line this image of Sephiroth up with the one he had known for so many years already…

“My reckless little brat… I can’t believe two years was all it took for you to grow up”, Claudia murmured. Cloud snorted and only barely managed to hold back a laugh.

“…Feels like longer.”

“It sure does…” Claudia agreed. “Promise me that you don’t get yourself killed tomorrow. You’re bringing your boyfriend right back here as soon as you get him back, and then I’ll make you dinner!”

“I promise”, Cloud said. He didn’t want to mention that Sephiroth might possibly not want to be anywhere near Cloud even if they did manage to save him. He also firmly ignored the possibility that Sephiroth might still be out for blood.

“Good.” She ruffled his hair – of course – and stood up to leave. “Try to get some rest now. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.” She exited the room and left Cloud alone to deal with his own thoughts.

It was terrifying to think about how close he’d been to messing everything up. If not for the literal divine intervention, all the progress Cloud had made would’ve been undone. He’d already had so many close calls, but it had never been closer. Could he even allow himself to hope for a happy ending anymore? It was the only thing he had left to cling to, but even that still felt fleeting and far away…

The bed felt so empty, and Cloud felt so small and alone. He missed Sephiroth’s warmth next to him so badly. How was he supposed to sleep like this? He shifted around, trying to find a more comfortable position, only to feel his arm brush against something. He reached out to grab it and felt more upset than he probably should have when he laid eyes on his old Sephiroth plushie.

“I miss you”, Cloud whispered, suddenly feeling very much like a little kid. He wrapped his arms around the plushie and curled around it. It didn’t make the pain go away, but still, somehow, sleeping through the night now felt a little bit less like a challenge. “I’ll save you, I promise…”

From now on, he’d do everything he could to make Sephiroth happy. He only hoped that Sephiroth would be able to give him just one chance to fix this mess.


	50. Day 50 - September 29th

“We’re gonna die”, Cher said, sounding absolutely horrified as they approached the gates of the Shinra mansion. “We’re gonna die, because Shinra is gonna kill us for doing this. Holy shit.”

“Hey, you’ll be fine!” Zack replied cheerfully. “You guys aren’t important enough! If they’re gonna come after anyone, it’ll be me!”

“That does _not_ make it better!” Cher screeched.

“If you want to stay alive, maybe stop making so much noise”, Dick suggested. “Or go back to the inn. Your choice.”

Cloud didn’t care for their banter. He felt incredibly tense, completely unable to relax even for a moment. Tifa seemed to notice, and she stepped closer to him to place a hand on his shoulder.

“You okay?”

“I just wanna get this over with”, Cloud replied. He was trying to work out the best course of action. This would probably be a good opportunity to wake Vincent up. Zack could probably break down the door in the basement with sheer SOLDIER strength, and then they would have yet another powerful companion who could help…

“We’ll save him, Cloud. Don’t worry”, Tifa said. She was too kind, really. Cloud really hoped she wouldn’t end up getting herself hurt because of all this bullshit.

“Are we all ready to go, then?” Zack asked. Without waiting for anyone to answer, he stomped right up to the front door and tore it open, marching right in without hesitation. They all followed, Tifa and Cloud right behind him and Dick and Cher hanging back a bit.

The mansion had never felt more terrifying, and the fact that they were rushed by a group of three infantrymen as soon as they stepped inside didn’t exactly make things any better. Zack must’ve been expecting it, quickly casting Sleepel on the group before they even had time to make any noise. They all dropped to the floor, fast asleep instantly.

“Let’s try not to hurt anyone too badly if we can avoid it. They’re just trying to do their job”, Zack said and carefully stepped over them. “You know where we’re going, Cloud?”

“Yeah”, Cloud said and stepped forward to lead the way. At least he could be pretty sure they’d be able to find Sephiroth here, if there were guards all over the place… “Follow me.”

They made it down to the basement without any further trouble. They ran into a couple of more infantrymen guarding the secret passage leading down there, but thanks to Zack’s Sleepel spells, they dealt with them easily and without dealing any unnecessary damage.

“It’s a good thing infantrymen get really shitty stuff”, Zack joked as they descended down the stairs. “If they’d had Sleep-proof equipment we might’ve had to use violence!”

“I wish we had better equipment right now”, Cher grumbled. He was clinging to Dick’s arm for dear life. A couple of bats suddenly flew past, which made Cher yelp and stumble against Dick so that they both nearly ended up losing their balance.

“If you’re so scared, maybe you shouldn’t be here”, Tifa said.

“Hey! I’m not scared! This is my job! I know how to do it!” Cher snapped, failing to convince anyone, and turned to grumble something to Dick about careless nosy civilians.

And now, here they were, in the basement. Everyone seemed to have realised that things were getting serious now, so they had all fallen silent as they moved quietly through the dark. Any further threats continued to be easily disarmed by Zack.

“How much longer until we get there?” Zack whispered as they crept down the corridor.

“We’re getting close”, Cloud whispered back as they reached the door behind which Vincent slept. “Hey. Zack. Can you break this door down? I…” He stumbled for an excuse. “…I thought I heard something in there.”

“That’s gonna make noise”, Zack pointed out. “But I mean… sure. It looks worn out. Shouldn’t be a problem.” He took a few steps back, and then rushed the door, easily managing to kick it in. He peeked inside, squinting in the dark. “I can’t see anything in there. Just a bunch of… are those coffins?”

Cloud didn’t waste a second. He ran inside, up to the coffin he knew Vincent was sleeping in and tore it open.

“Wakey-wakey, Vincent. We need your help”, he stated as Vincent sat up in the coffin, blinking slowly with a confused expression on his face. Cher let out a scream for a split second until Dick kicked him in the shin and shushed him.

“Who's this?!” Zack questioned, eyes wide with shock.

“This is Vincent Valentine. He’s a former Turk, and he can help us save Sephiroth”, Cloud said firmly.

“Sephiroth...?” Vincent stood up, brushing dust off his clothes. While his expression was hard to read as always, it was clear that mentioning Sephiroth had awakened his interest. “You know Sephiroth?”

“What person who works for Shinra wouldn’t?” Zack asked, his confusion not seeming to have lessened even though his shock had. “Seriously, Cloud, who _is_ this guy?”

“I told you! The guy who’s gonna help us save Sephiroth!” Cloud turned to face Vincent, who looked surprisingly unfazed by the whole thing. “You want revenge on Hojo, right? Well, we’re gonna ruin his day by freeing his favourite experiment. Wanna come along?”

“Well, between that and going back to sleep…” Vincent shrugged as if trying to appear indifferent, but Cloud had known him long enough to be able to tell that from the moment he had mentioned Sephiroth, Vincent had absolutely zero intention to go back to sleep. Mentioning Hojo and experiments had only seemed to fuel the fire.

Zack and the others definitely looked like they had at least a dozen questions they wanted to ask each, but they didn’t get the chance to, considering that a couple of guards chose that very moment to run into the room, guns pointed straight at them.

“Hey! Intruders!” one of them yelled, definitely loud enough for his voice to echo through the entire basement. “Alert! We’ve got intruders!”

“Oh, c’mon! We got so far too”, Zack groaned and cast another Sleepel. The guards dropped to the ground, and Cloud noticed Vincent had drawn his handgun and kept it firmly pointed at them.

“Save those bullets for Hojo”, Cloud told him. Vincent lowered his gun, but he was still giving Cloud a somewhat dubious look. “I’ll explain everything later, okay?” Or maybe he wouldn’t. He would have to see about that.

“I’ll hold you to that”, Vincent said and slipped past everyone to peek out of the room. Cloud had no doubt that he would.

“Hey gunman, don’t shoot anybody”, Zack said as rapidly approaching footsteps started echoing down the corridor, along with shouting voices. “We’re trying not to get any innocent people killed here.”

“All right.” There was a slight hint of amusement in Vincent’s voice. “No shooting people, then.” He put his gun back into his holster, took a deep breath, and then, he began to transform.

Zack took a step back, Tifa gasped and Cher yelped and clung to Dick even harder as Vincent’s transformation into the Galian Beast finished. Vincent snarled and leapt out into the corridor, obviously startling the group of infantrymen who’d been approaching them. Cloud heard screaming and peeked out through the door just in time to see the infantrymen scatter in panic as Vincent rushed down the corridor towards them.

“Okay. What the fuck”, Zack declared, looking a shade paler than usual. “Seriously. What the actual fuck.”

Cloud decided that it was best to follow Vincent, so that was what he did. The infantrymen were too busy trying to get away from Vincent to notice him coming, so Cloud easily managed to grab one of them and pin him to the wall, gun pointed straight at him.

“Where’s Hojo?!” he demanded.

“I-I don’t know, I’m not allowed to say, please let me go…!”

“Tell me!” Cloud snapped and put his finger on the trigger, hoping the infantryman wouldn’t call his bluff.

“H-he went back to Midgar to retrieve something! He didn’t say what! Please… please don’t kill me!” Oh, that was unfortunate. Cloud would’ve liked to get him out of the way, but as long as he wasn’t here, there was one less problem to worry about. Hojo would get what was coming to him eventually. It wasn’t the main priority right now.

“Okay. Then, if you see him, tell him that he’s gonna regret what he’s done to Sephiroth, and that Cloud Strife’s gonna make him pay.” Cloud let go, and the infantryman ran just like the others, without looking back for even a second. Cloud couldn’t help grinning. It was nice to feel like a badass, even though it had only been for a brief moment.

Vincent, upon successfully scaring off every single person in the corridor, stopped to wait until Cloud caught up with him. It was kind of surprising how coherent and in control Vincent seemed at the moment. Cloud knew that Vincent’s self-control tended to vary between transformations, from being completely in control of himself to going totally berserk. Maybe the motivator of saving Sephiroth was enough to drive his actions and keep him in control even now.

“That was pretty great”, Cloud told him. Vincent only growled in response and speeded off down the corridor, leaving Cloud to run after him. He heard footsteps behind him and glanced over his shoulder to see Tifa and Zack following along.

“Hey! You’re not going anywhere without us!” Tifa yelled as they caught up to Cloud.

“Where did Dick and Cher go?” Cloud asked, noticing that there was no sign of them.

“I think they were a bit too freaked out by your monster friend…” Zack’s cheerful tone sounded almost forced as he said that. Maybe he was freaking out on the inside a bit too. Probably. Most definitely. “I told ‘em to stay behind and keep an eye out for stragglers. Dick seemed pretty excited when I let him borrow my Sleep Materia!”

“Cloud!” Tifa said firmly. “How about you explain this?” She looked like she wanted to kick his ass. Cloud honestly couldn’t really blame her.

“Later”, Cloud said as they reached the door to the secret laboratory. “We’ve made it.” Vincent had stopped to wait for them and was sniffing at the door as if he was a dog smelling something weird. Cloud stepped forward hesitantly, tried to force himself not to feel anxious, and opened the door.

Sephiroth was in one of the Mako tanks where Cloud had been trapped along with Zack what felt like lifetimes ago. That in itself wasn’t a surprise; it was probably the easiest way to keep him sedated. He seemed to be unconscious, but Cloud remained wary as he stepped closer.

“He looks so much like his mother…” Cloud hadn’t noticed that Vincent had transformed back until he spoke. He turned his head and watched as Vincent stepped closer, emotions drifting across his face unbidden until he seemed to realise, his mask of indifference slipping back into place.

“Hey, don’t insult him like that! He doesn’t look _that_ much like that alien corpse thing!” Zack crossed his arms and glared at Vincent.

“What? No.” Vincent frowned. “I wasn’t talking about Jenova. I was talking about his real mother.” When Zack still looked confused, he elaborated. “His real mother is Lucrecia Crescent. A Shinra scientist… You don’t know her?” Zack blinked, still looking just as confused as before, and Vincent sighed. “…Never mind.”

“…What were you saying about aliens…?” Tifa piped up nervously.

Cloud left them to try to sort out the plot points and stepped forward. Sephiroth looked so eerie floating in the Mako tank; the Mako made him look even paler than usual and his troubled unconscious expression made him look like he was in a lot of pain.

“I’m here now…” Cloud found himself whispering, trying to soothe himself more than anything else. “Everything’s gonna be okay…” He hesitated only for a moment, and then pressed the button to drain the Mako tank.

Instantly, Sephiroth’s eyes flew open. Cloud stared into them and saw no recognition, no semblance of control, only something dangerous and unstable. Sephiroth clawed at the inside of the tank, his face twisted into a grimace, and Cloud felt his heart wrench at the sight. Gods, what if he was still completely beyond reasoning with? Had Hojo already done something to him…?

“Oh shit”, Zack yelped and was at Cloud’s side in an instant. “It’s fine, he can’t get out, we’ll just wait until he calms down, and…!”

Unfortunately, the tank couldn’t take Sephiroth throwing his entire body weight against it. The glass shattered and Sephiroth stumbled out, unsteady on his feet and clearly only barely conscious.

“Sephiroth?” Zack stepped forward to shield Cloud, clearly remaining incredibly wary even though his voice was gentle. “Hey buddy, you okay?”

Sephiroth didn’t respond. He stared at Zack, breathing heavily, eyes wide, and when Zack tried to step closer, he lunged. One moment, Zack was standing in front of Cloud, and the next, Sephiroth had flung him across the room straight into a bookshelf. And then, his eyes focused on Cloud.

“Sephiroth! Snap out of it!” Cloud took a few steps back as Sephiroth began to advance on him with single-minded fervour. He could see nothing human in Sephiroth’s eyes; only the ferocity of a monster. Was this really how it was going to end?

“Hey! Leave my friend alone!” Tifa suddenly rushed forward, a well-aimed kick hitting Sephiroth in the stomach before she punched him in the face. Sephiroth stumbled back, momentarily distracted, enough for Vincent to leap behind him and grab his arms to keep him locked in a tight grip. Sephiroth screamed, a heart-wrenching sound that made Cloud nearly forget how to breathe, and tried to wrestle himself loose, but Vincent was too strong.

“You’re strong enough to keep Sephiroth under control like that?” Zack sat up, looking a bit dizzy but none the worse for wear. “You’re pretty damn impressive...” Him being impressed by Vincent seemed to fade quickly when Sephiroth screamed again; now he just looked concerned instead. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Mako poisoning, probably. It’s been known to cause aggression”, Vincent said. Sephiroth thrashed about in his grip, and suddenly a wing hit Vincent in the face. “...Well, that’s unexpected.”

“Sephiroth has a wing too?!” Zack exclaimed in horror, still getting up and recovering from being hurled across the room.

“You know _other_ people with wings?!” Tifa questioned, sounding equally horrified.

Cloud watched as Sephiroth’s struggle slowly grew more and more desperate. It hit him, then, that Sephiroth wasn’t trying to attack them in anger. No, the way Sephiroth was lashing out wasn’t a monster’s furious rampage; it was a victim’s terrified attempt to fight back. He could see it in Sephiroth’s eyes; it was a feeling he was all too familiar with.

“He’s not angry! He’s just scared!” Cloud carefully took a step closer. “Sephiroth... You don't need to be afraid of us. We’ve got you now...”

“I’m not sure he'll understand you in his current state”, Vincent said. But Sephiroth stopped struggling, staring at Cloud with feverish, confused panic. Cloud reached out carefully, so very carefully, and tried to touch Sephiroth’s cheek, only to have Sephiroth make a small, wounded noise and flinch away.

“Sephiroth, it’s me. It’s Cloud”, he tried. “I’m not gonna hurt you.” Sephiroth stared at him, uncomprehending, but at least he wasn’t fighting back against Vincent anymore. Cloud touched him again, this time burying his fingers in Mako-soaked hair. This time Sephiroth didn’t pull away, allowing Cloud to carefully pet his head but still watching Cloud unblinkingly and unnervingly.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Zack asked, clearly worried.

“Depends”, Vincent said. “If he has a strong will and has been exposed to Mako overdoses before, he has a good chance of recovery... and if he’s survived as Hojo's experiment for this long, I'm guessing both of those are true for him.”

“Yeah… I think it’s okay now, Vincent. You can let go”, Cloud said. Vincent gave him a dubious look but did as he was told. Sephiroth instantly crumbled to his knees, and Cloud had to crouch down to catch him. Sephiroth was a trembling mess in his arms, too weak to move or struggle even though Cloud could feel the tension radiating from him.

“Man, he’s really had a shitty couple of days”, Zack sighed. Sephiroth let out a groan and tried to move, but only ended up leaning more against Cloud in the process.

“It’s okay now, Sephiroth… You’re _safe_ ”, Cloud whispered breathlessly. “No one’s gonna hurt you anymore…” Sephiroth was here with him, and there were still so many things that were unresolved between them, and Sephiroth was far from okay, but at least he was _here_.

He wound his fingers into the feathers of Sephiroth’s wing, marvelling at how soft they were and how Sephiroth took deeper breaths and slowly seemed to relax as he kept touching. It felt like trying to take care of a wounded wild animal. Cloud wondered if he'd been like this too when he was Mako-sick. Zack and Tifa sure had put up with a lot for him... 

“One day, Hojo will pay for what he's done”, Vincent murmured. Cloud saw his hand twitch slightly, as if he wanted to reach out to touch Sephiroth but couldn’t quite bring himself to.

“We should probably get out of here…” Tifa said. “What if those guys come back?”

“Yeah. We shouldn’t keep Sephiroth in here for too long”, Cloud agreed. Sephiroth was practically unconscious by now, sluggishly sprawled out in Cloud’s lap. “Zack, can you carry him?”

“Yeah, of course.” Zack gently scooped Sephiroth up into his arms without much effort, and immediately frowned and wrinkled his nose. “He needs a bath too. And his clothes need to be washed. He stinks of Mako. I’m sure that’ll make you feel a lot better, right Sephiroth?” He got no reply from Sephiroth, of course, but didn’t seem too concerned with that, smiling gently at him anyway.

“Let’s get him back to my place”, Cloud said, finally allowing himself to relax. Everything was fine, for now. All his friends were fine, Nibelheim remained unscathed, and even if Sephiroth was still unstable, he was too weak right now to hurt anyone anyway, and, just as importantly, no one was going to hurt him either.

Cloud was going to make sure Sephiroth got better, and then they would talk, hopefully resolve all their issues and… where would they go from there? He supposed he’d just have to find out. This was the first time in a long while he’d been able to imagine some sort future that didn’t fill him with dread.


	51. Day 51 - September 30th

It took all night to drag Sephiroth back home and give him the treatment he needed. Getting him out of his clothes and into the shower had taken a lot more effort than it should have, since apparently the Mako sickness had made Sephiroth’s delirious brain decide that it was going to act like a cat, which made water its most hated enemy.

It had taken Cloud, Zack, Vincent, and three of Claudia's homemade chocolate cookies – at least Sephiroth was still susceptible to bribery – to finally get Sephiroth cleaned off, and then they'd tucked him straight into Cloud's bed while Claudia struggled to figure out how to clean Mako-soaked leather. Tifa had gone home, Zack had gone back to the inn with Dick and Cher, while Claudia had been fully willing to let another stranger into her home without worries and allowed Vincent to sleep on a mattress on the kitchen floor.

Cloud had tucked himself into bed next to Sephiroth, and that was where he now woke up, warm limbs all around him. He felt like he was going to die from the heat, but right now, that felt incredibly welcoming. He shifted out of Sephiroth's loose grasp and found that Sephiroth’s eyes were slightly open but still feverish and unaware of their surroundings. He had withdrawn his wing last night when they were trying to shower him, but now it was out again, draped lazily on top of Cloud.

“Hey, beautiful”, Cloud murmured, unable to hide the fondness in his voice. “Come here often?” Sephiroth didn't respond or acknowledge that Cloud had spoken, but when Cloud tangled his fingers in his hair, he let out a soft, pleased sigh as his eyes slowly closed. “That’s right”, Cloud whispered and continued combing through Sephiroth’s hair. “Nobody’s gonna hurt you here, I promise…”

Sephiroth wasn’t frightened anymore. Even though he was completely wrapped up in delirium, he knew seemed to know he was safe. Cloud wondered if despite all their arguments, Sephiroth really did trust him on such a fundamental level, or if it was just getting rid of the Mako smell and tucking him into a comfortable bed that had made him calm down.

Something moved against his leg. Something with fur. Cloud nearly screamed until Goblin crawled into sight, making herself comfortable between Cloud and Sephiroth. She licked Sephiroth’s face, purring as she kneaded the mattress.

“...Okay”, Cloud said, trying to remember how to breathe. “You really like him, huh...” He tried to pet her, but she hissed at him and nuzzled closer to Sephiroth. “Okay. Never mind.”

With Goblin there, he didn’t feel so bad about leaving Sephiroth alone. He wormed himself out of bed, got dressed and made his way downstairs, where he found Claudia and Tifa at the kitchen table.

“How’s Sephiroth?” Claudia asked. “He seemed so miserable last night…”

“Pretty good, all things considered. Especially now that he has a little friend keeping him company”, Cloud replied, watching as Tifa’s expression lit up.

“Oh, that’s great! Goblin wouldn’t leave me alone this morning, and since I knew he really seemed to like her I decided to bring her along! Maybe it can help him snap out of the Mako sickness?” She sounded so excited about it, grinning widely as she spoke.

“I’m sure he’s gonna appreciate it when he gets better”, Cloud said, and she beamed at him enthusiastically. “Where’s Vincent?” he then asked as he noticed that he was missing.

“He headed out early this morning. I didn’t even get to serve him coffee!” Claudia shook her head in dismay. “He said he’d be at the Shinra mansion if anyone needed him… Where did you get to know him anyway?”

“Long story. I need to go talk to him”, Cloud said. If he wanted Vincent to stick around and not vanish off somewhere, he would have to. “You’ll keep an eye on Sephiroth for me, right?”

“Of course”, Claudia said, her sympathy for Sephiroth clearly taking priority over any potential questions about Vincent. “Don’t stay away for too long… I’m sure he’ll feel better if you’re here.”

“I’ll stick around too”, Tifa said, eyeing Cloud in a way that told him she had a lot of questions to ask him and was being merciful by not asking them in front of his mom. “Just to make sure he doesn’t wake up and steal my cat.”

“Yeah, don’t trust him. He _will_ kidnap her if given the chance”, Cloud said with a laugh as he headed out the door, feeling relieved to leave Sephiroth in their capable hands. Claudia would take care of him, and if it became necessary, Tifa could definitely kick his ass and toss him right back into bed.

Cloud headed towards the mansion in a hurry. He wondered what Vincent might be up to, going back there so early in the morning…

Upon entering, he heard the sounds of battle echoing from upstairs. Cloud ran up the stairs and turned to the left to find Vincent fighting the large monster that was guarding the safe. The one thing that had kept Cloud from finding Vincent in so many loops, and now Vincent himself was kicking its ass, rather effortlessly too from the looks of it.

“What are you doing?!” Cloud questioned, his voice coming out a bit more alarmed than he’d intended.

“Spring cleaning”, Vincent deadpanned and fired off the final shot, finishing off the monster. As its corpse began to dissolve, he turned to face Cloud. “There were a lot of monsters running rampant in here. I think I’ve managed to get rid of most of them now…”

“Killing monsters to vent, huh?” Seemed like Sephiroth wasn’t the only one with that particular strange coping mechanism.

“How did you know where to find me?” Vincent asked. “You clearly know a lot of things you shouldn’t, for a 16-year-old infantryman.”

“I don’t know what you mean”, Cloud tried, but the glare Vincent gave him told him that he wouldn’t get to worm himself out of this one. “I can’t explain it in a way that makes sense. It’s gonna sound insane.”

“Don’t concern yourself with that. Explain it to me, insane or not.”

“Okay, fine. I’m a time traveller from eight years into the future. I’ve been reliving Sephiroth losing his mind and burning down my hometown more times than I can count and failed to stop him, until now. Insane enough for you?” Cloud retorted. There was no way Vincent was going to believe him anyway.

“Fascinating…” Vincent said, much to his surprise. He was quiet for a bit, clearly deep in thought. “And what do I have to do with this?”

“Well… Five years after Sephiroth burnt Nibelheim down, he tried to destroy the entire planet by dropping a meteor on it. Me and some other guys teamed up to stop him, and you were one of them.”

“…We were friends, then.” Vincent sounded a bit surprised. “So that’s why you knew about my connection to Sephiroth…”

“Well, to be fair, you told us your tragic backstory immediately after we found you in your coffin”, Cloud admitted. “But yeah… we were friends. At least I like to think we were. You were always a bit of a loner.”

“I see…” Vincent murmured. “So, about Sephiroth… what is your relationship with him? Your mother said some things that made me wonder if…” He trailed off, but Cloud was pretty sure he knew exactly what he’d intended to say. “But you said he burnt Nibelheim down, so I don’t understand why…”

“To be fair, he hasn’t done that _yet_ ”, Cloud said. “I spent so many times trying to stop Sephiroth by force, but that didn’t work, so I got frustrated and, uh, decided to try seducing him instead. And then I realised how lonely he was, and how lonely _I_ was, and…” It felt strange, telling Vincent about this. “…I messed things up. A lot. But I’m hoping we can still fix things between us.”

“Lucrecia’s son...” Vincent murmured with a distant look in his eyes. “What happened to him...?”

“Basically, Hojo took him from Lucrecia when he was born, told him his mom’s name was Jenova and raised him as a lab rat. They’ve been training him for combat since he was a kid and first sent him to war for them when he was 12, so he’s pretty much been made into Shinra’s personal attack dog.”

“Shinra did all of this... to a child?” For once, Vincent appeared legitimately horrified, before lowering his head and closing his eyes. “I should have been there... I should have protected Lucrecia’s son... Ignorance is my greatest sin...”

“Hey, no moping allowed! You can’t change the past... heh, I know, that’s ironic coming from me. But anyway, you can still make it up to him! Be there for him! Tell him about his real mom! Just... be a decent parental figure to him, because he really fucking needs that!” Cloud hadn’t meant to go on such a tirade; Vincent seemed surprised as well.

“You really think a grown man needs parental guidance?”

“I think that this particular traumatized, lonely young adult with abandonment issues needs more positive relationships in his life, yes!”

“I wouldn’t describe myself as positive”, Vincent retorted.

“Maybe not, but if it’s between you or Hojo, I’d pick you to be his dad any day”, Cloud said, trying not to get too frustrated. “And I don’t see any other wayward dads around here, do you?”

“It pains me to say it… but he’s not my son”, Vincent murmured bitterly. “He’s Hojo’s.”

“Screw that!” Cloud snapped. “Even if he is, I had two children back in my time, and neither of them were biologically mine! Genetics aren’t the only thing that make a family!”

“You seem very passionate about this”, Vincent said, clearly a bit taken aback by his outburst.

“Well, excuse me for wanting the man I love to be fucking happy for once!” It took Cloud a moment to realise that he’d said it out loud. “I love him”, he repeated, hearing his voice crack. Fuck, he wasn’t going to cry in front of Vincent! He’d been having a hard time keeping his emotions in check lately… “I love him, and he’s finally got a chance to be happy. Please, just... just try, okay?”

“Fine, then. I’ll try”, Vincent agreed after a moment of silence. “However, I can’t guarantee that Sephiroth and I will manage to have the relationship you seem to want us to have.”

“Thanks”, Cloud said, genuinely grateful. “I’m… I’m sure Lucrecia would’ve wanted that, too.” He needed to bring them both to see Lucrecia, later, when Sephiroth was feeling better. But for now, he opted not to mention her. He felt like Sephiroth would need some time to adjust to Vincent before he dropped that bombshell.

They stood there and stared awkwardly at each other for a bit. Then Vincent nodded and headed past Cloud out of the room.

“I’m going to check again to make sure there are no monsters left… I doubt we’ll need to worry about Shinra for a while, so might as well make this place inhabitable.”

“You’re not worried they might come back?” Cloud asked.

“Not particularly. I can handle whatever they throw at me.” Vincent’s lips curled into the barest hints of a smirk. “It’ll take them a few days to figure out what to do anyway. Shinra has never been particularly effective when it comes to getting things done quickly.”

Given that it had taken them an entire year to catch up with Zack who’d been running away while dragging a Mako-sick, useless Cloud along with him, Cloud was inclined to agree with that.

“Sounds good… I’m gonna go back to check on Sephiroth… You should come back over to my place when you’re done. My mom was disappointed when she didn’t get to serve you any coffee this morning.”

“Tell her I’m unavailable”, Vincent retorted and vanished from the room before Cloud could come up with a cheeky retort.

Cloud headed back home, his heart feeling lighter than it had in a while. It had been so freeing to tell Vincent everything… When he got inside, he found Dick and Cher had joined Tifa at the kitchen table, deep in discussion about something he didn’t manage to keep up with, while his mom was nowhere in sight.

“Your mom and Zack are looking after Sephiroth”, Tifa said, as if she knew what he’d been thinking.

“Tifa said you had a rendezvous with your mystery man from the mansion”, Cher said, raising an eyebrow. “I wonder what Sephiroth would think if he knew you were running around with other men while he’s incapacitated…?”

“If you ever imply that I’d cheat on Sephiroth again I’m gonna hurl you through a window”, Cloud deadpanned.

“It was a joke! Calm down!”

“I think he’s earned the right to be a bit grumpy”, Dick said, sounding surprisingly amused by the whole thing. “Sephiroth wasn’t exactly doing too well yesterday… He’s just worried. Wouldn’t you be if something happened to me?” He patted Cher on the back, and Cher huffed in response.

“What do you think? You big sap…”

Cloud hurried up the stairs, practically throwing himself into his room. He found Claudia and Zack at Sephiroth’s bedside. When he got closer to Sephiroth, he saw that Claudia was wiping his forehead off with a wet towel, Zack was petting his hair and Goblin was still nestled up close to him, fast asleep.

“I see he’s being well taken care of”, Cloud said.

“He’s still running a fever, but he doesn’t seem to be getting any worse”, Claudia said, watching him with a soft expression on her face. She really had adopted him… “The poor dear woke up for a bit while you were gone… He seemed so distressed…”

“Oh?” Cloud’s heart nearly stopped.

“He’s still delirious, in case you’re wondering”, Zack said, much to his dismay. “Kept mumbling something about having to leave and tried to get out of bed, so I had to force him back down…”

“Oh…” Cloud suddenly really, _really_ needed to hug Sephiroth. “Can you move over?” They both moved out of the way, and Cloud settled down next to Sephiroth, pushed Goblin a bit out of the way – she didn’t attempt to murder his hand this time – and shifted close enough to feel Sephiroth’s even breathing.

“He’s gonna be fine, Cloud. Don’t worry about it”, Zack said quietly. “He deals with Mako overdoses all the time. This might be a bit worse than the other times, but… he’s Sephiroth. He’s always fine.” That was true enough.

“What are you gonna do after this, Zack?” Cloud asked. “We can’t exactly go back to Shinra.”

“Hmm… Well, I’m definitely heading back to Midgar first. I wanna see Aerith… and then…” Zack sighed. “Depends on what she wants, I guess. What about you? What are you gonna do?”

“Don’t know yet…” Cloud admitted. His first chance at freedom in so long, and he didn’t even know what to do with it! “I guess Sephiroth’s gonna need some time to recover…”

“You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you need to, Cloud”, Claudia said gently.

“Thanks, mom…” Of course, he wasn’t surprised that she would let them stay, but it still made him happy, knowing that he was still welcome here. Sephiroth had seemed to like Nibelheim, too…

They all fell silent after that, and after a moment, both Zack and Claudia ended up excusing themselves, leaving Cloud alone with Sephiroth. Cloud moved Goblin over to Sephiroth’s other side, much to her loudly proclaimed dismay, so that he could wrap his arms around Sephiroth properly and tuck his head under Sephiroth’s chin.

“I have something important to tell you, so you better wake up soon, okay?” he whispered. Even though Sephiroth probably couldn’t hear him, it felt better to say it out loud.

Sephiroth didn’t reply, but his wing shifted to wrap itself around Cloud like a blanket. Cloud pressed a soft kiss to his neck in response, managing to draw a content noise from Sephiroth. Cloud’s heart skipped a beat. Damn, he really was an idiot, allowing himself to fall in love with Sephiroth, of all people.

At least he was a _happy_ idiot, for once in his life.


	52. Day 52 - October 1st

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for smut that's... hopefully not uncomfortable this time? Also it's finally preceded by actual communication. FINALLY

Cloud woke up with a feeling of dread in his stomach, which was never a good thing. He was also very cold, which he, upon opening his eyes, quickly discovered was due to the distinct lack of both sheets and Sephiroth in the bed. His only company was now Goblin, sleeping soundly next to him. _Fuck._ He hurriedly got out of bed, trying not to panic. He just had to find Sephiroth, everything would be fine, the fact that today was supposed to be the day Nibelheim would burn wasn’t relevant at all…!

Cloud checked the entire house. Claudia was fast asleep in her own bed, and Vincent was also sleeping soundly on the mattress on the kitchen floor. For a brief moment, Cloud considered waking him up, but then quickly decided that he wasn’t going to waste time on that.

Nibelheim wasn’t on fire when he made it outside, so that was a good sign at least. Cloud headed through the town, trying to figure out where Sephiroth could’ve gone. He concluded that the mansion would probably be the best place to start looking and ended up running over there as fast as he could.

He’d been right; as soon as he reached the mansion, he saw Sephiroth standing outside it, his back turned to Cloud, not even acknowledging him as he approached. Wrapped up in a white sheet, Sephiroth looked even paler than usual, and when Cloud finally made his presence known by clearing his throat, he turned very slowly to look at Cloud, eyes seeming unable to completely focus on what they were supposed to be looking at.

“Interesting outfit choice”, Cloud commented, trying to deal with the strange tension he felt in the air. “Brings out your eyes.”

“I went to look for Mother”, Sephiroth murmured, his voice hoarse from disuse. “But I… can’t feel her, anymore. Where did she go…?”

“Well, uh… about that…” Cloud didn’t really know how to deal with this. Especially since he had no idea if Sephiroth was actually a threat at the moment. “She wasn’t actually your mom, you know. We found this guy called Vincent who knew your real mom, and…”

“At least she wanted me”, Sephiroth snapped. “Unlike everyone else, that is!”

“That’s not true!” Cloud protested. “Do you have any idea how worried we’ve all been about you?! I’ve been trying so fucking hard to stop you from doing something horrible, and…” He had to stop his rambling and take a deep breath. Not this time. He wasn’t going to get angry. It only made things worse. “…you know you’re really important to a lot of people, right?” he said, softer this time. “We do want you.”

“No, you don’t”, Sephiroth said, but Cloud could see the hesitation on his face. “I only need Mother… a family…”

“Sephiroth”, Cloud said firmly. “She tried to brainwash you into ending humanity.”

“I…” Sephiroth didn’t seem to know what to say to that. “…I didn’t…” His eyes narrowed, and it was clear that his messed-up brain was trying really hard to reach a conclusion. “Wait, I… I tried to kill you, didn’t I…?” He sounded so horrified when he said it, as if the realisation of what he’d done had only just now caught up with him.

“It wasn’t your fault”, Cloud said immediately. “You were completely beyond reason at that point, everything’s fine now…”

“It’s not!” Sephiroth protested, definitely a lot less delirious than before by now. “I… I tried to…” He sounded like he was about to start hyperventilating. “…I’m a monster. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Cloud, I…”

“You’re not a monster”, Cloud said, hesitated for a moment before deciding to just go for it, and stepped closer to wrap his arms around Sephiroth’s waist, pressing his head against Sephiroth’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for being such an asshole and making you think I didn’t care about you.”

“Why are you apologising?” Sephiroth’s voice was so unsteady, and he was shaking, not even trying to return Cloud’s embrace… “You should be angry! You should hate me…”

“But I don’t”, Cloud said. Maybe he was supposed to, just like Sephiroth was supposed to become the Calamity’s Son, but things were different now. “I could say the same to you. I did and said some really nasty things to you. Why don’t you hate me, after what I did?”

“I could never”, Sephiroth whispered. “I… I was so angry, and hurt, but…” He took a deep, shaky breath, pressing his face down into Cloud’s hair. “I love you, Cloud. I understand that you don’t feel the same, but…” His breath hitched oddly, and he trailed off, his hands suddenly reaching out from underneath the sheet and grasping Cloud’s shirt.

“Don’t tell me you’re crying”, Cloud joked, but then Sephiroth made another noise, and _fuck_ , that was actually a sob, wasn’t it? “Oh. Oh shit, hey, it’s okay…” Cloud nearly panicked, tightening his grip on Sephiroth and reaching up to pet his hair to try to calm him down. He had to say it, before he messed things up again. “Hey… Don’t say that. I do love you, okay? I’m an insensitive idiot, but I love you. I promise.”

Sephiroth didn’t reply; instead, he let out another strangled sob and finally wrapped his arms around Cloud, clinging to Cloud desperately. Cloud kept holding him and running his fingers through his hair, honestly barely able to believe that this was happening. It felt unreal. He didn’t know how to deal with this at all! So he stayed silent, trying his best to comfort Sephiroth through soothing touches. For a little while, all was quiet except for Sephiroth’s hitching breaths.

“I thought you didn’t want me”, Sephiroth finally managed to choke out. “I… I thought you’d leave me too, like everyone else…”

“Shh…” Cloud tilted his head upwards and pressed a kiss to Sephiroth’s jawline. “Let it all out, it’s okay… I’m not going anywhere. You’re not getting rid of me.” After a while, Sephiroth managed to get his breathing under control, but he seemed to be leaning more and more against Cloud for support, and he was getting a bit heavy. “Hey, how about we sit down? You’re clearly exhausted, and we really need to talk.”

“All right…” Sephiroth untangled himself from Cloud and quickly turned his head away, clearly nervous. Cloud grabbed his cheek and gently made Sephiroth look at him. He looked like such a mess, his face flushed, eyes glazed with unshed tears. Cloud wanted to pepper his face with kisses and shower him in comfort but didn’t want to be too forward, so he settled for placing a hand on Sephiroth’s cheek and running his thumb over Sephiroth’s cheekbone.

“It’s okay. I just wanna talk. I’m not angry or anything”, he murmured, relieved to see Sephiroth relax a little bit at those words.

Going back home was a long way to make Sephiroth walk right now, and didn’t really give them the privacy Cloud wanted, so he ended up leading Sephiroth into one of the bedrooms in the mansion. The monsters and the Shinra troops were gone anyway, so he figured it was safe enough. The bed was big enough for them both to fit comfortably; Cloud got Sephiroth to lie down and sat down next to him on the other side of the bed.

“Okay. You ready to talk?” he asked, watching Sephiroth make himself comfortable, still wrapped up in that sheet.

“Just a moment…” Sephiroth wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before turning to look at Cloud with an almost sheepish expression on his face. “This is so undignified. You shouldn’t have to see me like this… I’m sorry, I’m a bit overwhelmed…”

“It’s okay. You’ve had a tough few days and you’re probably still a bit Mako-sick.” Cloud hesitated for a moment, but decided it was better to ask. “So… how much do you remember?”

“It’s all really blurry”, Sephiroth mumbled. “I remember going up to the reactor, seeing Genesis there, but… after that it gets a bit unclear. I think… I was really angry at you.” He frowned. “We had sex. And then I was even angrier at you.”

“I don’t know if I wanna call that sex. It was more, um… a complete disaster, honestly.” Cloud took a deep breath. He had to bring it up now. There was no other way. “Be real with me for a sec here, okay? You… don’t actually wanna have sex, right? Like, at all.”

Sephiroth was quiet for a moment, staring off into the distance with an unreadable expression on his face. His silence said enough.

“Sephiroth”, Cloud said. “Have I been making you feel like shit about this the entire time?”

“It’s not your fault”, Sephiroth murmured. “I’m just… being ridiculous. I’m sorry…”

“It’s not ridiculous!” Cloud retorted. “Fuck, I’m such a dumbass… I should have realised…” He felt like an idiot. It should’ve been obvious. He wanted to ask Sephiroth about why he hadn’t said anything, but that was obvious too, in hindsight. “That’s not gonna make me leave. You know that, right?”

“Really?” Sephiroth neither looked nor sounded entirely convinced. “I thought that was all you wanted from me…” He paused, a pained expression drifting across his face. “You… hate me and only want me for sex. That was what I… convinced myself. That you’d leave the moment you realised how… how broken I am. And when _she_ started speaking to me, I…” His voice cracked and he lowered his head, hiding his face behind his hair.

“Sephiroth, don’t say that”, Cloud whispered. “You’re not broken, I’m not gonna leave and I don’t hate you. That was just something stupid I said in the heat of the moment, and…”

“I know”, Sephiroth cut in, his voice equally quiet. “I said some things I didn’t mean as well. I told you I wanted you to stay away from me, but…” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing even more quietly. “…I didn’t really want that. I hoped so badly that you would refuse and stay with me anyway.”

“…Oh.” This was… a lot. Cloud bit his lip, uncertain what to say, before taking Sephiroth’s hand and keeping a firm hold on it. “Well, I’m… I’m here now, if it counts for anything.”

“It does.” Sephiroth was still not looking Cloud’s way, but his gaze drifted there for a brief moment before darting away again. “Though I still don’t understand why you would want to be.”

“I just told you I love you and you still think I’d ditch you just like that?” Cloud tightened his grip on Sephiroth’s hand. “It was just about trying to get laid from the beginning. I’m not gonna lie about that. But I…” He took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to best explain himself. “…I started caring about you so much more than I planned. I just… didn’t wanna admit it to myself.”

“I didn’t want to care about you at first either”, Sephiroth admitted. “But I was so lonely, and you… you were _there_ for me, refused to leave me alone. I’ve… been terrified that I’d do something wrong the whole time. And when I found out you might only want me for sex, I…” He fell quiet, staring sombrely forward, still not quite meeting Cloud’s gaze.

“I genuinely thought you were just playing hard to get”, Cloud said. “It feels… so dumb now that I think about it. I should’ve realised that people just lied about sleeping with you for bragging rights...”

“I think it’s fair to say we’ve both been complete idiots, then”, Sephiroth said, finally managing to look into Cloud’s eyes as he cracked a smile. Cloud snorted.

“Yeah. Complete idiots who should’ve had this talk _way_ earlier.” They both laughed, and it made Cloud’s heart feel lighter than it had in a long time. He shifted closer to Sephiroth and lay down next to him. “We’ll have to do a lot more talking in the future too.”

“Talking sounds good.” Sephiroth reached out to touch Cloud’s cheek. “Can I… tell you something, then?” He sounded a bit hesitant, so Cloud decided to encourage him.

“Yeah. Of course”, he said softly and began to stroke Sephiroth’s hair.

“What Genesis said… is true. I’ve… never been interested in sex and do not feel attraction to people. I’m not certain why that is…” Sephiroth sighed, clearly not completely certain how to explain himself. Cloud reached out to ruffle his hair in support. “Truth be told, I had never wanted nor even considered having a relationship before you.”

“So I’m your first… everything, really. Like… when we first kissed, was that… your first kiss as well?” It felt so weird to think about it, considering, well…

“It was”, Sephiroth said, moving his hand from Cloud’s cheek down to brush along his neck over to his arm. Holy shit, the Sephiroth in Cloud’s original timeline had never been kissed. Cloud made sure to file that information away deep into his mind so that he would hopefully never have to think about it again. He had more urgent concerns anyway.

“But… you don’t seem to mind, um… kissing and touching and all that… so it’s just actually having sex that you’re not into… right?” He wanted to be sure that he hadn’t been making Sephiroth any more uncomfortable than he already knew he had.

“…It’s complicated.” Sephiroth shifted closer to Cloud, pressing their foreheads together. “I don’t usually like being touched at all… but with you, it’s different.” He seemed to hesitate again. “I think… I’d like to try it again, if you don’t mind. It’ll be better now that we’ve talked about it.”

“But doesn’t it make you really uncomfortable?” Cloud asked. “Isn’t it gonna be weird if you’re not even attracted to me…?” He didn’t mean for it to come out like that, but now he felt like he was being insecure about his appearance.

“It’s not really the sex itself that’s the problem… I think it had more to do with everything surrounding it. The thought of it isn’t nearly as uncomfortable when I know it’s not something necessary to make you stay”, Sephiroth replied, his fingers brushing against Cloud’s thigh. “I enjoy… feeling close to you. I fail to see why I couldn’t find some sort of enjoyment in it, even though it might be a different kind of enjoyment than yours.”

“I told you. We don’t have to.” Cloud wanted to make that point as clear as possible.

“Cloud. I know”, Sephiroth said firmly. “I still want to try it. I’ll tell you if I can’t handle it. I promise.”

“Okay. Got it.” They lay in silence for a while, until Sephiroth spoke up again.

“Cloud. I want to try it.”

“Yeah, I got it. And like I said…” Cloud felt oddly nervous, with the way Sephiroth was eyeing him as if he was waiting for something. “Wait, you mean like… now?”

“Why not?” Sephiroth replied, smirking a bit and sounding surprisingly playful. Cloud should probably have had an answer to that, but the look Sephiroth was giving him made it really hard to come up with one.

“I mean… Okay. Let’s do it.” He couldn’t really argue with that, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to. “But the instant something makes you feel bad, we stop!” Sephiroth smiled at him and slipped his hand underneath Cloud’s shirt, tilting his head to press a kiss to Cloud’s neck. Cloud kept his hands winded into Sephiroth’s hair, perfectly content to run his fingers through it.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing”, Sephiroth admitted. “I think it’d be better if… you took the lead.”

“…Right. Just tell me if I do something you don’t like.” Cloud shifted around, took his jacket and shirt off and slowly pushed Sephiroth onto his back. Sephiroth allowed it, stretching out on his back and making himself comfortable.

“I will. Don’t worry”, Sephiroth replied and smiled, seeming perfectly at ease. Cloud slowly untangled the sheet Sephiroth was wrapped up in, finding that he was, as expected, not wearing anything underneath it. He was about to tease Sephiroth for being so scandalous, but quickly decided against it when he realised how delirious Sephiroth had been when wandering out of the house. No need to remind him about… any of that.

Determined not to open his mouth and let it ruin everything again, Cloud instead focused completely on actions rather than words. He leant over Sephiroth and kissed him softly, trailing his fingers carefully over Sephiroth’s shoulders down to his chest. Sephiroth let out a pleased sigh and wrapped his arms around Cloud to tug him closer, deepening the kiss. It felt like time had slowed down to a halt; there was only him and Sephiroth, together, and nothing else mattered.

“Is this good?” Cloud asked as he was forced to pull away for air.

“Yes… Perfect.” Sephiroth looked so content beneath him, hair spread out around his head like a silver halo, eyes lidded, lips curled into a soft smile. If Cloud hadn’t already believed that Sephiroth was in love with him, that adoring look said it all. Cloud didn’t have the words to describe what a wonderful sight it was.

“You’re so beautiful”, he said, even though it didn’t feel like enough. Yet, Sephiroth’s smile only grew even softer in response, his face flushing as he suddenly avoided making eye contact with Cloud. Oh… He liked that, huh? “I mean it. You’re perfect. I don’t deserve you…” Cloud added, trailing his fingers down Sephiroth’s sides and watching as Sephiroth squirmed.

“Cloud…” Sephiroth said his name so adoringly that his voice alone did unspeakable things to Cloud. Slowly, Cloud leant down to press a kiss to Sephiroth’s stomach and ran his hands down Sephiroth’s thighs while he shifted backwards to plant himself between Sephiroth’s legs. After a moment of consideration, he experimentally brushed his lips against the tip of Sephiroth’s cock, and when Sephiroth jolted from the touch, he quickly pulled away.

“Doing okay?” Cloud asked. “I’ll stop if you don’t want to…”

“No… Keep going”, Sephiroth gasped. “You caught me off guard. It’s fine, I… I said I wanted you to touch me…”

“Only if you actually like it”, Cloud said firmly, because he wasn’t going to let it go wrong this time. “Is there something you’d like me to do?”

“I don’t know…” Sephiroth was quiet for a moment, clearly considering it. “But please, keep touching me… and talking to me. I like hearing your voice.” He sounded a bit hesitant, admitting it. Okay, maybe not a blowjob then…

“Can I fuck you?” Cloud blurted out before he could help himself.

“You’re so crude”, Sephiroth huffed, though he still seemed amused, thankfully. “But go ahead. I trust that you know what you’re doing…” He was clearly a bit flustered by the idea though, so Cloud pressed a kiss to his thigh to get him to focus on that instead.

“You’re adorable”, he said, delighted by the way Sephiroth’s breath hitched in response. He still had lube and condoms in the pocket of his jacket, so he grabbed the lube and poured a generous amount onto his fingers.

“And you’re just trying to flatter me… ah!” Sephiroth gasped as Cloud slowly began to work a finger into him. Cloud raised an eyebrow, giving him a questioning look. “It’s all right… You just caught me off guard. Don’t stop”, Sephiroth said, much to Cloud’s surprise. Cloud used his free hand to rub Sephiroth’s thigh while he stretched him. Sephiroth’s brow was furrowed, and while he looked a bit perplexed and tense, he didn’t seem nearly as uncomfortable as Cloud would’ve expected.

“Okay. You’re doing really good… I’m so proud of you”, Cloud said as he slowly added another finger, leaning down to plant a kiss on Sephiroth’s hip and feeling how much his words made Sephiroth relax. He supposed it made sense that Sephiroth would enjoy being praised; it probably hadn’t been a very common occurrence for him, growing up… Cloud couldn’t really blame him. For a long time, he’d been exactly the same, desperately yearning for anything to improve his self-esteem.

_There, Cloud… Good boy._

The memory floated unbidden into Cloud’s mind. He remembered how euphoric giving Sephiroth the Black Materia had felt with the haze of Reunion clouding his mind… and now, here he was, with Sephiroth wrapped around his fingers in turn. How ironic… What would the Sephiroth that Cloud remembered have thought of this…?

“Cloud?” Sephiroth’s voice pulled Cloud back to reality. “Is something wrong?” He was gazing at Cloud with a concerned look on his face.

“I spaced out. Sorry.” Cloud tried to shake the unwanted thoughts out of his head. What an airhead he was, getting distracted at a moment like this… “Okay… Back to the point.” He moved his fingers deeper, and finally managed to get a moan out of Sephiroth.

“Oh…! That… that felt good…” Hearing Sephiroth say that was the hottest thing he’d ever heard, holy fuck.

“You want me to continue, then?” Cloud asked and added a third finger. Sephiroth nodded, taking deeper breaths as he tilted his head back against the pillows. “I’m surprised you’re getting something out of this”, Cloud admitted. With how disinterested Sephiroth had seemed all this time, it was rather unexpected to see him so obviously enjoying himself. Not that Cloud was complaining…

“Yes… I’m surprised too… but I think… it’s because it’s you, Cloud”, Sephiroth confessed, a bit out of breath. That was… simultaneously heart-warming and really, really hot. “Could you… get on with it?”

“Everything okay?” Cloud asked. Sephiroth nodded, spreading his legs further and giving Cloud an intense look that pretty much told Cloud to hurry up and fuck him. “What do you want me to do?” he asked anyway, just to make sure.

“Do I really need to say it?” Sephiroth groaned. “Cloud, _please_ , just fuck me already…”

Okay, _that_ was probably the hottest thing Cloud had ever heard. Fuck, he’d been so focused on Sephiroth that he’d barely even noticed his own arousal. He’d never wriggled his way out of his jeans any faster than he did in that moment, and he tried to grab a condom from the pocket of his jacket with such enthusiasm that he almost knocked his jacket off the bed.

“Just wait a sec… Fuck!” He dropped the condom as he was about to put it on, earning a laugh from Sephiroth.

“No need to be nervous, Cloud.”

“I’m not nervous!” Cloud retorted as he rolled the condom onto his erection. Why would he be nervous? He was only about to fuck his childhood idol turned worst enemy turned boyfriend, right after the most heartfelt conversation they’d ever had… Nervous couldn’t begin to describe this feeling. The heat felt overwhelming, and he wasn’t even sure if it was because he was freaking out or if he was just that fucking horny. “…Okay, maybe I am, a little bit.”

“Take your time”, Sephiroth said softly. Cloud finally managed to get the condom on after a bit of a struggle. Trying not to feel too embarrassed about it, he leant forward to plant a quick kiss on Sephiroth’s lips, to which Sephiroth eagerly responded, reaching a hand up to brush his fingers through Cloud’s hair. After a bit, Cloud pulled back again.

“Okay, umm…” He was kind of unsure how to proceed. “Maybe try wrapping your legs around my waist?” Sephiroth did as he was told – damn, he had _really_ long legs – allowing Cloud to put himself into the right position more easily. Carefully, he eased his cock into Sephiroth’s ass, taking care not to rush.

“Oh”, Sephiroth said, sounding slightly bewildered. “This… feels strange.”

“Do you wanna stop?” Cloud asked. Sephiroth shook his head, and Cloud took that as a sign to thrust experimentally into him. It definitely made Sephiroth feel _something_ ; his eyes widened, and he was suddenly gripping the sheets he was lying on as if they were the only thing he had left to hold on to. “How about now?”

“You can stop asking”, Sephiroth replied. “I’ll tell you if I need you to stop, just…” Cloud thrust again, and whatever Sephiroth had been about to say was quickly reduced to another moan. “...Just like that. Keep going.”

“I could never tell that pretty face no”, Cloud retorted cheekily and began moving more frequently, trying to set a comfortable pace. Again, Sephiroth seemed to enjoy the praise, his eyes falling shut with a pleased sigh, so Cloud took the opportunity to shower him in even more of it. “You like that, right…? You’re so wonderful and I love you so much…”

“I love you too, Cloud…” Sephiroth gasped, clearly struggling to keep his composure. He seemed to give up on trying to speak after that, so Cloud took the time to murmur sweet nothings while he fucked him…

…That didn’t feel like the right word to use, honestly. This was too sappy and soft to be fucking. The complete opposite of what Cloud had planned when this whole mess started, but how could he complain, when he had Sephiroth looking at him like that…? This was better, he decided; so much better than anything he could’ve dared to hope for.

And then, just as Sephiroth arched his back with a moan, his wing flared out, flapping with such force that it nearly hit Cloud in the face.

“Whoa.” Cloud tried to touch it, but the wing couldn’t seem to keep still for long enough to actually stay in his grasp. Finally, he managed to catch a hold of it, and eagerly buried his fingers in the feathers. Sephiroth made a keening noise in response, his wing twisting itself out of Cloud’s grip again.

“Gods, Cloud…! Don’t… It’s too much… Can’t take it…” He sounded like even forming a sentence was too much for him, clearly overwhelmed by the sensation.

“Okay. No touching the wing. Got it.” Cloud didn’t exactly want to throw Sephiroth into sensory overload. He turned his attention back to thrusting into Sephiroth, who responded with small, pleased sounds. Fuck, Sephiroth was so beautiful like this; nothing could’ve prepared Cloud for this, it was too much, just too much…

Cloud wasn’t sure how he’d lasted this long, but finally, he couldn’t hold back any longer. With a groan, he came harder than he probably ever had before, but he continued thrusting just a bit longer, until he managed to bring Sephiroth over the edge as well.

“Holy fuck”, he gasped, staring down at Sephiroth, who looked like he hadn’t entirely managed to process the sensation he’d just experienced.

“That… that was…” Sephiroth started, until seemingly deciding that forming a sentence was too much effort and closing his eyes, clearly trying to get his breathing back under control.

“Can’t argue with that”, Cloud retorted and pulled out, dropping the used condom into a conveniently placed trash can next to the bed. He searched the pockets of his jacket and found a handkerchief, used it to wipe them both off, and then tossed it into the trash can as well. He was so tired now; suddenly taking a nap felt incredibly appealing. With the wing, though, Sephiroth was taking up way too much space on the bed. “Hey. Move over.”

“Don’t want to move…” Sephiroth mumbled. He seemed to be a bit of a mess as well, still clearly shivering, with an uncharacteristically dopey smile on his face. Cloud sighed and crawled up next to Sephiroth, placing his head on Sephiroth’s chest and wrapping his arms around his waist. Sephiroth responded by planting a hand on top of Cloud’s head to pet his hair and by wrapping his wing around both of them like a blanket. “I love you so much, Cloud…”

“Mm… Love you too…” Cloud murmured back.

“Thank you for getting me away from Hojo”, Sephiroth whispered, his voice suddenly sounding so small. “I… don’t want him to hurt me anymore.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t let him”, Cloud replied, trying to soothe both Sephiroth and the nasty feeling that made itself known in his own chest. He was ready to start going into detail of what exactly he would do to Hojo if he had to, but Sephiroth seemed appeased for the moment, letting out a relieved sigh and pulling Cloud closer to hug him tighter. “Wait… are you still high?”

“Mm… maybe a little bit”, Sephiroth replied drowsily. He didn’t seem concerned about that in the slightest, though, and sounded too exhausted to hold a proper conversation anyway, so Cloud decided to let it go. “I’m so tired… Please stay with me…”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere…” Cloud said softly, lying still and feeling as the rise and fall of Sephiroth’s chest grew slow and steady beneath him.

Everything was all right. Yes, the planet was still dying, and Shinra still ruled over everyone with an iron fist, but Nibelheim wasn’t burning. All his friends were alive, and Sephiroth was here with him, safe and sane. Everything else… well, those problems were for tomorrow’s Cloud to deal with.

But for now, Cloud closed his eyes, and finally allowed himself to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The... end? No, not quite. I have a bonus chapter going up tomorrow, stay tuned ;)


	53. An end and a beginning

As Sephiroth slowly drifted back to consciousness, the first thing he became aware of was the fact that he felt incredibly nauseous. He opened his eyes, and quickly realised he had no idea where he was. He was naked, in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room, and there was something weighing down on his chest – oh, wait, that was just Cloud, comfortably wrapped up in… Sephiroth’s wing. All right then. He’d grown a wing, somehow. He would probably have been more concerned about that, if it hadn’t been for the fact that he felt like he was about to vomit.

“Cloud?” Sephiroth shook him in an attempt to wake him up while trying desperately to jog his hazy memory. Cloud muttered something unintelligible and didn’t seem anywhere near the waking world. Sephiroth shook him again, harder this time. “Cloud. Wake up or I’m going to vomit on you!”

“Huh?” _That_ snapped him out of it. Cloud rolled off Sephiroth instantly, quickly grabbing something from the floor and planting it in Sephiroth’s lap. A trash can, Sephiroth realised, just before it became impossible to keep himself from vomiting any longer. He felt Cloud grab his hair and pull it out of his face. Even when Sephiroth finished vomiting, Cloud still kept a hold on his hair for a bit longer, before handing Sephiroth a handkerchief.

“Thank you…” Sephiroth winced at how hoarse his voice sounded. He wiped his face off and dropped the handkerchief into the trash can, wondering if it was a lab visit that had him feeling so messed up, because his vomit wasn’t usually the colour of Mako.

“You okay?” Cloud asked, sounding concerned.

“I think it’s better now”, Sephiroth said, glad to have that out of his system. Now, to everything else. “Where… are we?”

“The Shinra mansion”, Cloud said. That didn’t ring a bell, and Cloud seemed to notice his confusion, suddenly looking really nervous. “You know… in Nibelheim.”

Nibelheim. It all came rushing back to him then, in a jumbled mess of memories. The reactor, Genesis, how certain he’d been that Cloud didn’t want him anymore… The books in the mansion, the realisation that he was a monster, Cloud’s attempts to dissuade him… That creature, the one that had called to him and told him that it was his mother… He remembered how angry he’d been, how betrayed he’d felt, how determined he’d been to end all of humanity if he had to…

“Sephiroth?” Cloud’s hand gently came up to cup his cheek. “Please, say something… What’s wrong?”

“Everything”, Sephiroth groaned, because it was true. Nothing felt right, and he desperately tried to piece everything together. Cloud had thrown that thing – he couldn’t allow himself to think of it as his mother – down into the reactor, then… he’d been in a tank. Hojo had been there. Oh no, no, not Hojo – did he know about Cloud? What had Hojo done to him now? Had he planned all of this? Was this a trap…?

“You’re hyperventilating”, he heard Cloud say, but I felt like it was coming from really far away. “C’mon. Look at me. You’re gonna be okay. Everything is fine.”

“Hojo”, Sephiroth managed to choke out. “What happened with Hojo?”

“He’s back in Midgar. We’ll deal with him later. He’s never gonna hurt you again. Don’t worry.” Cloud kissed his forehead and combed his hand through Sephiroth’s hair, and suddenly it felt a bit easier to breathe.

“I… I lost control, didn’t I…?” He’d always been afraid that something like this might happen; he knew how dangerous he was, and yet he’d allowed himself to let his guard down and very nearly ended up hurting Cloud in the process. “I’m so sorry, Cloud. You must be appalled by my actions…”

“I already told you, didn’t I…? It wasn’t your fault. You were vulnerable, and Jenova took advantage of you.” Rather than pushing him away like he probably should have, Cloud tugged him into a tight embrace. “But you’re safe now. I’m never gonna let you down again.”

“What if I try to hurt you again?” Sephiroth whispered, hesitantly returning the embrace. “I very nearly did. I always end up hurting people eventually…”

Everything was starting to fall back into place. He’d cried in front of Cloud, hadn’t he…? How horrible, Cloud shouldn’t have had to see him like that… What more…? Why had he been crying anyway…?

“I think you’d hurt me more by pushing me away at this point”, Cloud murmured.

And then it finally came back to him. He had confessed, and Cloud had confessed in turn… _oh._ Cloud _loved him back._ Sephiroth felt like something that had been wound up tightly inside him for far too long was finally starting to loosen, like he could finally breathe again…

“Shh… It’s okay… I’ve got you now… You don’t need to be afraid anymore.” Cloud stroked his hair so gently, as if he was afraid of breaking him… Sephiroth opened his mouth to tell him that Cloud was the one who should be afraid, but all that came out was a small, pathetic sound that was completely unlike him. “That’s okay… Cry as much as you need to…” Cloud whispered.

Sephiroth hadn’t cried since he was very young. When he’d been sad after Gast’s disappearance, Hojo had told him that weapons didn’t cry and thrown him into a cell with whatever vicious monster he was currently experimenting on. It hadn’t taken Sephiroth long to learn that crying was a weakness, and he wasn’t allowed to have those.

He hadn’t cried after that; not when Hojo used him as a test subject, not when Genesis and Angeal left, not when he was told they were dead… He’d taken all those emotions and bottled them all up inside himself, never to be seen by anyone, because he was Sephiroth, and Sephiroth didn’t cry.

It seemed like all those feelings he had bottled up over the years had finally decided to let themselves loose at the same time when Cloud had given him permission, because suddenly he just couldn’t stop crying. Yet Cloud didn’t seem disappointed in him in the slightest, holding him close throughout it all, softly whispering comforting words in his ear while Sephiroth wept uncontrollably.

“It’s okay… Everything’s okay… We’re gonna be okay, Sephiroth…”

It took Sephiroth far too long to compose himself enough to realise that Cloud had started crying too. It took even longer for him to actually calm down enough to speak.

“Cloud”, he croaked, wincing at just how horrible his voice sounded. “Don’t be sad…”

“I’m not”, Cloud said, pulling away enough that Sephiroth could see the smile on his face. “I just… have like a thousand emotions that wanted to get out.”

It was strange. Somehow, even with tears in his eyes, Cloud looked so happy. So alive. Sephiroth wasn’t sure what it was, but Cloud seemed different, somehow. Different in a good way.

“I love you”, Sephiroth said, because he needed to say it again now that his head felt clearer.

“I know. I love you too.” Cloud leant in to place a soft kiss on his nose, pressing their foreheads together and running his fingers through Sephiroth’s hair. “Do you remember what we talked about earlier?”

“I think so…” It was all coming back to him, slowly but surely. It was a bit hard to remember what they’d talked about when his brain had decided to focus completely on the part where they’d had sex and it hadn’t been horrible. “You… don’t just want me for sex. You’re not going to leave.”

“Exactly.” Cloud pulled back a bit, suddenly looking a bit nervous. “How… how out of it were you earlier? You seemed mostly lucid, but… I just wanna make sure I didn’t do anything to make you uncomfortable.” A warm feeling took root in Sephiroth’s chest at those words.

“No… It wasn’t that bad. It just took my brain a while to catch up”, Sephiroth assured him. Cloud still didn’t look entirely convinced. “The sex wasn’t that bad either”, Sephiroth added. “We can do it again if you want to…” It had felt good in a way he really hadn’t expected. The act itself wasn’t necessarily something he found himself craving a repeat of, but instead, even now, Cloud’s soft words of encouragement and his promises to stop if it became too much sent shivers down his spine. He’d felt so loved, so taken care of, so completely safe with Cloud that he’d never wanted it to end.

“Again, so soon?!” Cloud sounded a bit taken aback. “Jeez… Not all of us have superhuman stamina, you know!”

“True enough…” Sephiroth shifted his wing, still not quite sure what to make of it. “But then again, I’m not human, am I…?” It was hard to deny it now, with this physical evidence right in front of him…

“Oh no, we’re not going down this road again. Don’t say that”, Cloud said firmly. “You’re human enough for me. Ask Vincent about your mom. Your real mom, not Jenova.”

“Vincent…?” Sephiroth questioned. He almost forgot how to breathe. His real mother…?

“Um, yeah. It’s a long story, but he’s this guy we found in the basement of the mansion… Hojo experimented on him too, and he knew your real mom. You should talk to him later, I’m sure you’re gonna like him”, Cloud explained, sounding almost uncharacteristically enthusiastic. “So yeah… Hojo lied to you. Your mom isn’t actually an alien monster. Just a normal human Shinra scientist. And you’re just a human too. Heavily enhanced by alien cells, yes, but still human.”

“Just a human”, Sephiroth repeated, pulling Cloud closer. How he’d yearned to hear those words… This was too much, all at once. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever felt this many emotions at the same time before. It made his head spin. “A normal human…” Not a monster. Not a weapon. He wanted to believe it so badly…

“Hey. You okay? You should probably lie down…” Sephiroth hadn’t even realised how dizzy he was until Cloud wriggled out of his grip and made him lie down on the bed. “I kinda dumped a lot of baggage on you all at once… Sorry”, Cloud said sheepishly, lying down next to him.

“It’s all right. Thank you for telling me”, Sephiroth murmured. He did feel overwhelmed, but strangely content, somehow. Yet, there was still something in the back of his mind that made him feel restless… “Where are we going to go from here?”

“Not back to Shinra, that’s for sure”, Cloud huffed. “We’ll figure that out later. Right now, you need to rest.” He shifted closer to Sephiroth, tucking his head under Sephiroth’s chin and wrapping his arms around Sephiroth. No point in arguing about it; he was too tired anyway, and it felt like cuddling with Cloud was probably what he needed more than anything right now.

“We’ll stay together, right…?” he asked, still feeling the need to assure himself one last time.

“Yeah. You’re not getting rid of me this time around”, Cloud replied with a laugh, sounding completely relaxed. It made Sephiroth feel so warm inside. What had he done to deserve this blissful feeling, to deserve Cloud’s affection…?

He loved Cloud. He trusted Cloud enough to be completely vulnerable around him. It made him feel less like a weapon, less like a monster. He needed to cling to that feeling, try to forget about what Hojo had spent years telling him, and allow himself to be human, because Cloud deserved better than having a monster for a boyfriend.

It was fascinating, really, how Cloud had affected him. He’d never really felt hope for the future before, had never afforded to allow himself that... but now, more than anything, he wanted to keep going forward, and somehow, with Cloud by his side, he actually felt like he could do it. It was an incredible realisation.

No matter what happened in the future, Sephiroth knew he would treasure this perfect, peaceful moment forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it. I feel like I should have some final words here because, at the risk of sounding completely cliché, I can't begin to describe how amazing it has been for me to post this fic. It's done wonders for my mental health and helped me regain my confidence in my own abilities. I wasn't in a very good place when I wrote this, and not when I started posting it either, but I'm doing a lot better now and I can't help feeling like this fic has something to do with that. So my deepest thanks go out to everyone who commented, left kudos, or even just read it and enjoyed it! You've all really, truly made a difference for me! <3
> 
> I wanted to leave things kind of open-ended, because in the end, this wasn't really a story about time travelling to save the world. It was a very personal story, about Cloud and about Sephiroth, about their relationship and their issues with making it work. So to leave things off like this, with their issues mostly worked out and the world open for them, seemed fitting, even though it would leave some loose ends untied...
> 
> ...That being said, I don't have that kind of self-control.
> 
> Yes, there's an entire sequel that I've been secretly working on this whole time. Yes, it's nearly finished as well. Yes, the posting of that begins... next week, maybe? You're not getting rid of me yet ;)
> 
> (Also pls come follow me on twitter [@ethereal_savior](https://twitter.com/ethereal_savior) and join me in yelling about how much I love Sephiroth)


End file.
